Redemption and Ruin
by BregoBeauty
Summary: The Force seeks balance. A scavenger from Jakku has become entangled with a deadly member of the First Order. Both wield the Force and both are torn between the Light and the Dark. She will be his redemption, but he will be her ruin. Picks up after the events of TFA.
1. Prologue

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Summary:** Luke Skywalker knows all about balance in the Force. He knows how one can be tempted to the Dark and also pulled back to the Light. He knows they aren't exclusive.

He watched his nephew, his sister's only child, be seduced by the Dark. He lost his students, all of them, to the machinations of Snoke. He failed Ben. He failed his sister.

But then he feels a disturbance in the Force. An awakening at the hands of his nephew. As bright as she is, Rey carries darkness in her the same as Ben still carries light.

He knows this girl is his nephew's only chance at redemption. He also knows that doing so will ruin her.

There cannot be Darkness without the Light. The Force seeks balance above all else.

 **Prologue**

He knew the girl was on her way before she even hit hyperspace. He had known for a long time what was to come.

Part of the knowledge came from being alone for more than a decade. Solitude had a way of opening one's mind. The rest came down to prophecy and the Force.

He had foreseen her arrival since the awakening. He had felt the disturbance in the Force. She had been awakened at the hands of his nephew. He knew exactly what she wanted before she set foot on his planet. He also knew his exile was at an end.

Luke Skywalker knew all about balance in the Force. He knew how one could be tempted to the Dark and also pulled back to the Light. He knew that Dark and Light weren't exclusive. Both sides could exist in a person.

This seemingly unremarkable girl would change the fate of the galaxy. A lost soul needed her help to find his way back home. Together, the scavenger and the wayward boy would balance the Force. For as bright as she shone, she still carried within herself darkness the same as Ben still carried light.

They had long been twisted together. Their fates were intertwined; linked by the Force. There was nothing he could do to prevent it. There was nothing he could do to separate them. There cannot be Darkness without the Light. The Force seeks balance above all else.

She would be his redemption and he would be her ruin.

 **Author's Notes:**

So I'm fairly new to the Star Wars fandom. I've tried to do a lot of research with the new canon novelizations of _The Force Awakens_ , but I have no experience with EU, so I'm sure I'll make mistakes. I just finished a rewatch of the original trilogy (hadn't seen them since I was a child) and a second viewing of TFA this past weekend, but I've been working on this story since December. My Luke will probably be a bit AU but the majority of the story is focused on Rey and Kylo Ren. Luke was just the necessary jumping off point.

Enjoy and on to the first chapter!


	2. Chapter One

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter One**

 _"These are your first steps."_

Their first encounter was wordless.

She stood before him, the last Jedi, on this lush, green planet and held out his lightsaber, her eyes begging in a way her lips could not. The Resistance needed him. She needed him. If he turned her away, Rey wasn't sure what she'd do.

She had traveled for several days on the Millennium Falcon to reach Ahch-To. Chewbacca had shared piloting duties on the journey, keeping her company in the silence. Neither needed words, not after what happened on Starkiller Base. Even R2-D2 kept mostly silent onboard, which she knew took patience on the part of the droid.

She shouldn't have worried. This was Luke Skywalker, the last Jedi. If anyone could help her, if anyone could see the turmoil in the galaxy, it was him.

He didn't turn her away.

He waved off the weapon after several long moments. Her arm slowly lowered the saber to her side, the hilt warming to her touch. She continued to stare at him, unwilling to speak first. She couldn't bear to hear him reject her. Not after General Organa entrusted her with this mission. She couldn't fail.

Finally, he spoke. "My sister sent you."

Rey nodded. "She needs your help."

He turned away from her. "I cannot ease the pain in her heart. I cannot save her son."

"It's the First Order. They are hunting you. They are hunting all of us. She needs you. We all do. Please..."

Luke glanced at her over his shoulder. "You are strong in the Force. Newly awakened?"

"Yes, that's they tell me."

"He told you. You fought him."

"If you mean Kylo Ren, yes, I fought him."

He looked down. "I sense him still. Entwined with your energy."

"How?"

It had been weeks since she last faced the masked monster on Starkiller Base. Since she left him wounded and bleeding in the snow. Since the last time she'd turned the blade on, when she nearly killed him. Even though he was part of the First Order, even though he'd tried to kill her, she couldn't kill him. He nearly killed Finn.

But she wasn't a killer. Even as the voice in head urged her to end him, she resisted. She let him live.

Rey could only pray that her decision wouldn't cost millions of lives.

"I sense a connection between you... a bond. Rare, even rarer now, but not as rare between Force-sensitives. No, it means nothing other than the Force between you is linked."

She frowned, "How did you...?"

"You are almost screaming your thoughts."

Rey took a step back. Had Kylo Ren known that when he probed her mind? Had he known what he was doing? Had he tried to link them? Had he known what she was?

" _I feel it too."_

"I'm sorry, I didn't…"

He nodded, almost sorrowful. "I cannot help you, Rey."

"Can't or won't?" she demanded, harsher than she anticipated.

She could still hear his voice in her head. Hear him begging her to join him. _"You need a teacher…"_

"I am no longer a teacher."

She felt it in her mind. The fear, the sorrow, the guilt. It rolled off him in waves. "You think you failed."

He looked at her with renewed interest. "I did fail. My students, young innocents, were killed because I was too weak to see the darkness in my own family."

"Kylo Ren," she breathed. The monster who was like her. Who understood her in ways no one else could. She had sensed it in their minds. How alike they were. Two sides of the same coin. Dark and light.

"He was still Ben then. Ben Solo."

Rey tried not to flinch at the name. She could see the nightmare at Starkiller Base as Han cried out, "Ben!" How he went after his own son, to help him, only to be rewarded with a lightsaber through his heart. He casually killed his own family. His own father.

The name Ben didn't suit such a creature of darkness.

"When did he change?" she asked, her voice trembling.

It seemed wrong to picture Kylo Ren as anything other than evil. A monster. But he had once been a boy. A boy whose betrayal destroyed the great man before her. A boy who drove the last Jedi into exile. A war hero who faced the Empire. It seemed unthinkable that he could be scared of one boy, so scared that he would rather go into hiding.

Perhaps he was afraid. Afraid of helping others. Afraid of making more people like Ren.

"Much earlier than I suspected. My family has always felt the pull of the Dark. My father was a Jedi once, only to fall. He became Darth Vader."

She knew the name. She had felt it when she accidentally probed Kylo Ren's mind. He had been afraid of falling short of Vader. His grandfather.

"Your nephew is gone."

"I know what he did to his father. I felt it. I all but felt my sister scream in agony. The Force works in mysterious ways, Rey," Luke said, softly, almost wistful. It was as if he knew something she didn't.

"Someone has to stop him."

"You carry hatred for him. Anger fills you. That is the path to the Dark, young one. Do not harbor such thoughts."

She shook her head. "Someone has to."

"The Dark and the Light are not absolute. As Dark as he may seem, there is still a sliver of good within him. He is conflicted, the same as you. Hatred is inside you. The Dark calls to you the same as to him. But you fight it. You had a chance to kill him and you put down your weapon. Why?"

"There wasn't time."

He inclined his head. "No, there was. You take no pleasure in death and destruction. Yet those thoughts, the ones of killing him, still fill your mind. Why, child?"

"He is a killer. You said yourself he murdered dozens of children."

Luke Skywalker inclined his head sadly, yet didn't expand on the incident that drove him into exile. On the massacre that killed Ben Solo and left behind Kylo Ren.

"Many of the First Order have killed more," he said softly.

"He killed his own father."

"And I nearly killed mine. Tell me, Rey, do I deserve to die for that?"

She paused. Han Solo had been cruelly murdered by his own son. Snuffed out in an instant because of the goodness in his soul. He was a good man.

"Your father was Darth Vader."

"He was also Anakin Skywalker. Just as Kylo Ren is still Ben Solo."

"He can't be."

"My nephew showed you kindness. Mercy, even. You cannot reconcile the two sides. You see, he is still as torn as you are. He's trying to find his place between the Dark and the Light."

"I am not torn!"

Luke shook his head sadly, turning away from her. "Your emotions betray you, Rey. You have much to learn."

"He offered to teach me," she said quietly. Kylo Ren had been right about one thing. She did need a teacher. Luke Skywalker would be her teacher. If he would have her for a student.

"He was one of my best students once."

"Will you teach me?" she pleaded, tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

"You have power, Rey," Luke said. "Raw, untapped potential. It grows stronger every day. The Force flows through you."

"Will you help me stop him?"

"Only if you can learn to let go of the hatred you harbor. It will grow and twist. The Dark will corrupt you from within if you let it."

"Teach me."

Silence fell between them again like a heavy veil. She felt her chest tighten in anticipation. She needed his help.

She felt him there, in the back of her mind. She could almost see that smile he hid behind the half-finished mask. He was the monster under the bed. The nightmare in her head. The one thing she feared most.

And he just sat there and smiled. "I see you, scavenger. I will find you," the voice in her head said. _His_ voice. His real voice, not the modulated one. "He can't save you."

"Please…" she whispered.

He turned and looked at her sadly. "It won't be easy. In the past, Jedi began their training early in life."

"I understand. Just give me a chance."

Luke stared at her again, as if he were weighing his options. She barely breathed. She needed his help. More than anything, she had to learn control of the Force. She had to learn how to keep Ren out of her head. She needed to stop him.

"We will begin at dawn."

"You will train me? Teach me how to use the Force?"

"As best I can, child. Now rest. You will need all your strength."

"As you wish." She bowed her head respectfully.

"Rest, young Rey. Make yourself at home," he said, gesturing to a small structure just further up the cliff from where they stood. "I will see to your companions myself."

"Thank you," she said, tears brimming once again.

"Don't thank me yet. We still have much work ahead of us."

 **Author's Notes:**

Now we get into the meat of the story! My chapters generally tend to run about 1,000 words and I think some chapters of this story will run closer to 2,000. I do try to update frequently but that can be derailed by my work schedule and health. With any luck there should be a new chapter on Friday or Saturday.

The next chapter will be more focused on Kylo Ren. There will also be some time jumps. All the italicized lines in this chapter were past thoughts/memories Rey had. The scavenger bit was happening in the moment.

Thanks for reading and please leave a review!


	3. Chapter Two

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Two**

Humiliation.

He had been bested by a girl. His wounds, no matter how severe, were no excuse for his weakness. Pain was strength for the Dark Side. Not weakness. Pain made him stronger. Pain led to anger and anger alone kept him going in the woods on Starkiller.

Everyone believed her to be a simple scavenger. How wrong they all were. He was the only one who knew better. He knew who she really was. Before she had been a simple scavenger. It took time to piece it together.

A lot had changed over the years. She was stronger than he remembered and completely untrained. She was ignorant of the Force and of the power that flowed through her.

Little Rey. His Rey. The one bright spot in his life.

She still beat him. She used his weakness to her advantage. He hadn't wanted to harm her. He hadn't wanted to kill her. He simply needed to prevent her escape. She started the fight. She attacked first. He only defended. He never attacked. Just like on Takodana.

Anger fueled their fight on Starkiller Base. He had sensed it. She wanted to kill him. She was susceptible to the Dark Side. She could be turned. The First Order would want her on their side or else they would want her dead. Snoke wouldn't risk having another Jedi conspiring with the Resistance. He would see her dead first. She would be hunted.

The trouble was that she had already refused his offer to teach her. She needed him, even if she had yet to see it. Rey was just as stubborn now as she had been then.

She would not come with him willingly. Not just yet.

The scavenger left him for dead in the snow as the base imploded around them. She left him marked by the Skywalker lightsaber, his family's lightsaber. It came to her instead of to him.

Ren had never been as grateful for Hux as he had that day. He suspected the man was only there on Snoke's orders, not out of any goodness or kindness in his heart, yet it mattered not in the grander scheme of things. Thanks to the good general, he made it off planet with his life such as it was.

Medical intervention saved him. The wounds from the bowcaster shot and the lightsaber to his shoulder were the worst. Bacta treatments also helped with the other minor wounds. He was put on bed rest due to the internal damage. The single quarrel nearly destroyed his liver and damaged several organs. He was lucky that there would be no permanent complications as long as he adhered to the medications and treatment plan.

He used the copious time in the med bay to plot and scheme. By now, the Resistance would have found and reached his uncle. Convincing the last Jedi to join them would be a challenge, but it was one he imagined his mother would ultimately win. Leia Organa had never taken 'no' for an answer from either her troops or her family. She had been more general than mother at times.

No matter her failings, Han Solo had been worse. He hadn't lied to the girl - his father would've disappointed her. The smuggler hero was outshined by his wife and left with little more to do than play holochess with a Wookie. His father had no idea what to do with a Force-sensitive son. He barely believed in the Force. He certainly had no idea how to control it or what to do about the voice in his only son's head.

No, Han Solo was not a great father. And that was before he abandoned him to his uncle's whims. The great Luke Skywalker. Last Jedi and war hero.

Ren had known early on he would never live up to his family's expectations. No child ever could. But the voice in his head understood. It brought him comfort. It showed him power. It showed him that he could create a new path that would separate him from the burden of his family. He could begin again. He could be someone else.

He set aside Ben and became Kylo Ren. He didn't doubt his choice often, not until the girl appeared on Jakku with the information he needed. Now he was weakened by the Light that flowed through her. It called to him, whispered for him to "come home, Ben".

Ben was weakness. Ben was human. Ben was dead. Only Kylo Ren remained.

Ren would capture the scavenger again. This time she would join him. No matter how long it took, she would see the Dark Side and embrace it like he had. Even if he had to kill her friends one-by-one.

She accused him of being a monster before. She had no idea what he was capable of.

His former master needed to die. It was the only way to protect her from the First Order. From himself.

She wasn't safe. Not anymore.

For now, he would rest. And dream of her.

On an island. On a planet full of green near the ocean.

* * *

Released from the med bay, yet still restricted from many activities, Kylo Ren made his way to the chamber he used to contact the Supreme Leader. His new helmet had been completed while he was recuperating. It wouldn't do for the rank and file of the First Order to see him without the mask. No one but the girl had seen his true face in a long time. He didn't count the man he once called father.

He knelt down carefully on the floor, mindful of his wounds.

"Rise, Kylo Ren," Snoke said.

He did as his master bade, slowly standing to his full height, careful not to betray a hint of discomfort. He couldn't afford to be weak in front of the Supreme Leader. Not after his failure with the girl.

"It is time to complete your training."

He didn't respond. He could sense the annoyance already from his master. The Supreme Leader was still angry about the loss of Starkiller and the girl. He felt it, heavy and dark, in the air.

"The girl… she will join us. If not, you will destroy her. This is to be your final test, Kylo Ren. If you fail me in this, you will cease to exist."

"I understand, Supreme Leader."

"Go. Search your mind. Find her. Bring her to me."

The hologram blinked out, leaving him alone in the darkness. He had anticipated such an order. Before the base imploded, he had been instructed to bring her before Snoke. His master's orders rarely changed without good reason.

He strode back to his rooms on the _Finalizer_ without hesitation. He would find her. The scavenger girl was closer to the Dark than she knew. He had felt it when they battled. The Darkness swirled inside her and threatened to swallow her whole. She nearly gave into it before.

He could sway her. He would.

And in doing so, it would accomplish what killing Han Solo had not. He would snuff out the last vestiges of the Light within himself. Seducing her to the Dark Side would silence Ben Solo.

It was Ben Solo who hesitated. It was Ben Solo who had compassion for the girl. He, Kylo Ren, had none for the girl. Admiration, perhaps, but certainly not compassion.

He would demonstrate his power and loyalty to the First Order and to his master. No one would stand in his way.

Certainly not an untrained Force-sensitive from a junkyard. No matter who she had been.

 **Author's Notes:**

Yes, he does know who she is. We're jumping back to Rey and her training in the next chapter. I couldn't make this chapter any longer at this point without giving too much away. Plus Ren is an angry bugger right now.

I hope to have another chapter up Saturday and if all goes well, another one on Sunday. I'm still battling a severe headache from a sinus infection but I do have all day off work tomorrow to sit down and write!

Because I'm a dork, I took one of my Kylo Ren and one of my Rey action figures to work today for Take Your Action Figure to Work Day (#AFWD2016). BB-8 tagged along as well. Their day was documented in photos and is up on my tumblr for viewing (tmcarper . tumblr . com). I'm also thinking about posting snippets of upcoming chapters on there (I hardly used to use it, but now I'm checking the Reylo tag all the time because I have no life but Star Wars now) so let me know if you'd like to see that!

I also might cross-post this story on AO3 over the weekend as well. It would be same author name and title.

Thanks for reading and please keep the reviews coming! They make me giddy. Anonymous reviews are accepted and I usually respond to them in the notes of the next chapter.


	4. Chapter Three

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Three**

Focus. Patience.

Learning how to use the Force was difficult and exhausting.

Luke pushed her to her limits and beyond. When she vented her frustrations, he nodded then repeated his earlier instructions. He didn't waste time or words if he could help it.

He never seemed overly impressed with her accomplishments either. If she managed to stack rocks, she hadn't stacked them high enough or used large enough rocks. Every time she thought she might earn the slightest praise, he pushed her harder and asked more of her.

Sometimes it worked. Sometimes she succeeded. The other times, she failed miserably. Luke never rubbed her face in her failures. He simply told her to try again, or depending on the time of day, to rest until they resumed training at dawn.

At night, she listened to Chewbacca tell stories of the past. There was something innately soothing about the Wookiee's presence. It calmed the voices in her head. It made _him_ quiet.

When she was with Luke, he was never far away. He taunted her, reviling in her failures, and hissing at her successes. He whispered how powerful she would be if she just gave in. Just once. All she had to do was let the Dark in.

"It would be easy… just give in to your anger. You hate me. You can't stop me like this and you know it. You can't save your friends," he whispered as she tried and failed once again to levitate a large packing cart from the _Falcon._

"Feel the Force, Rey. Feel it surround you," Luke instructed.

"He will never be proud of you. You can't please him."

" _Get out of my head!"_

She struggled, her hand shaking, but she managed to lift the crate a few inches off the ground. The voice in her head laughed, knowing as she did, that she'd allowed her anger at him to influence her abilities.

It made her stronger. More powerful.

And that terrified her.

She didn't want to be like him. She didn't want any of this. She wanted to be back on Jakku, where as hard as survival was, it was familiar. She wanted to find her family. She wanted to know who they were, who she was, and why they left. She wanted to find them. Even if they were dead.

" _They are never coming back."_

* * *

Luke rarely mentioned his nephew after their first day. If he, too, could hear the voice in her head, he never said so aloud.

As time went on, he only grew louder. After the first few weeks, she could barely sleep at night without him invading her mind. She fought the urge to sleep to avoid him, which only left her exhausted in her sessions with Luke. And that same weariness only let Ren deeper into her mind. He thrived on her weakness.

Occasionally, she saw glimpses of him. Twirling his lightstaber in lazy arcs one-handed. His new helmet sitting across the room from him as he stared at it, this one more polished and less cracked than the one that haunted her dreams. The cold and mechanical interior of the First Order ship he was on.

But more often, she felt him. The anger and hatred that flowed through his veins. The disappointment and barely contained rage. At her. At his family. At himself.

It was a vast pool of blackness and it clawed at her.

Rey heard him loud and clear one day in the midst of mediation practice. "I know where you hide, scavenger. The old man can't protect you. No one can. Go ahead, run. I will find you. Whether it's Ahch-To or another forsaken and forgotten planet, I will find you."

Her eyes flew open and she hit the ground face-first with a gasp, causing the old Jedi to open his eyes a crack. "Rey…"

"He's coming. He's coming here," she gasped, looking up at her mentor. It was not an empty taunt. It was smug and self-assured. He'd been healing from Starkiller these past few weeks, waiting. He'd been waiting for this; this moment. He'd used the link between them to locate her.

"What did you see, child?"

"He said Ahch-To. He knows I'm here. He knows I'm with you. He means to kill you."

The Jedi slowly unfolded himself and stood. He offered her a hand and pulled her up from the dirt. She made no move to brush the debris from her clothes as she stared at her master, her heart racing.

She heard him laugh in her head. Amused.

"Skywalker will live long enough to fail another apprentice," he promised.

"No, you don't touch him," she told him in her mind. "This is between you and me."

"I gave you a chance to end this once. You refused."

She closed her eyes for a moment.

" _It's just us now." A red lightsaber in the snow, burning as bright as the hatred inside the man who held it._

"Rey," Luke called, forcing her eyes to open. "He's in your mind right now, is he not?"

She nodded.

"You have the power to block him out. It is still your mind. You are still in control. Believe in yourself. Don't let your fear rule you."

"I can't."

"Go ahead. Try. We both know you're afraid to be alone. If you push me out, you will be all alone again. You might never get me back," he whispered.

"Try," Luke said softly.

"I can't, I'm sorry. I'm not… he's too strong."

There was a triumphant laugh in her head. And she felt the anger again. She felt it rising in her blood. The need to show him up. To prove she was stronger.

"Rey, concentrate. Clear your mind."

Her hands clenched into fists, her fingernails cutting into the skin of her palms. Soon enough she felt them break the skin, felt her own blood come to the surface. It did little to slow the flow of rage.

It came out in a surge of raw power, her hands flying open, throwing a burst of energy into the air as she screamed, "Get out of my head!"

He recoiled at that and she felt him stumble. She felt him step back, saw him wrench the helmet off his head, and saw a gloved hand clutch at the side of his head. She felt his pain and it pleased her.

Dimly, as if through a thick curtain, she heard Luke call for Chewbacca to ready the _Falcon_ , but she closed her eyes and felt the ground slip away under her feet.

* * *

She was deteriorating at a faster rate than he could have imagined.

He heard her in the night, heard her toss and turn and cry out. He felt the pain and fear; the worry. It consumed her.

The more she honed her abilities, the more power linked her to his nephew, and the stronger their connection grew. The boy who had been Ben was in her head more than out of it these days. He saw her stumble and fail. He saw the flashes of anger and glimpsed the quick movements of her head as she snapped to the side as if to yell at someone standing either beside her or behind her.

It worried Luke.

He wanted to save his nephew, but he didn't want to risk the bright young woman before him. She trusted him to train her. To protect her.

What the man called Kylo Ren had done to her fractured the defenses in her mind. It broke open and unleashed her connection to the Force.

It awoke a girl who believed the Jedi were a myth. A girl who was innocent in her ignorance. A girl who became a pawn in a game of power that dated back to the beginnings of time.

Luke knew enough about the Force to know as random as the circumstances around her awakening seemed, they were deliberate and part of a larger design. The Force craved balance above all else. It would manipulate her until it got what it needed.

Ben had been neutral at best before he turned. As a child, he never malignantly used his abilities. As he grew older, no one could deny the darker side of his Force use and the malicious edge that sharpened from nothing. Luke had been too late. It had all been too late when Ben arrived at the Academy.

He could never tell his sister no. She'd been overwhelmed with the Resistance and a troubled boy. Han, his old friend, never fully believed in the Force, not even when he saw clear evidence to the contrary. Not even when his own son exhibited control over a power that defied logic.

Ben's power sacred Han. He knew it. He wanted to be a good father, but he was afraid of his son. Of what he could do. What Han could never understand.

Leia knew it, too. It's why she begged him to take Ben, to help save her son from Snoke. Neither of them knew how deep the tendrils of power had gone until it was too late. Until it erupted in blood, smoke, and carnage. Until the Academy stood in ruins and Ben stood there splattered with blood.

No one could save Ben Solo then.

Now, a scavenger girl from Jakku was his only hope. She was the galaxy's only hope to balance the Force and save his nephew. Yet, with each passing day, he felt the Dark grow stronger within her.

The time had come to return to his sister. If Kylo Ren truly was on his way to Ahch-To, it was his responsibility to get Rey to the Resistance. She wasn't ready to face his nephew again. Not yet.

He used the Force to pick up the exhausted girl from the ground and carry her down the hill toward the waiting ship.

There was a battle coming that even the last Jedi couldn't stop. No one could.

 **Author's Notes:**

Luke's POV won't happen often. It will be primarily Rey and Kylo Ren, I promise. And we will finally see them interact together soon.

The connection between Rey and Kylo Ren is still very one-sided in his favor. He can see her and see what she's up to fairly easily, but he can usually choose what she sees where he is or when his guard is down (which is why she doesn't know any First Order business so far) she can slip in until he pushes her out. He likes to listen in – he's not doing much as he recovers.

And psst, if you're unsure about leaving a review, I do respond to all of them and I often drop little hints about what's to come. I love connecting with readers. And reviews encourage me to sit down and write! I'm still planning on another chapter for tomorrow. Going back to writing as soon as I post this!

I also started posting this on AO3 late last night.


	5. Chapter Four

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Four**

The explosion of rage. The sheer power she unleashed within the Force knocked him off balance.

"Get out of my head!" she screamed and he felt the power behind those words. He felt her power.

Kylo Ren caught himself and depressed the buttons to release his helmet. He used one hand to press against his temples, against the pain, as he dropped the helmet on the ground with a clank. The pain was excruciating. And exhilarating.

Then he felt her collapse, spent, and drained.

He staggered back, blinded by the sharp pain in his temples, and sat on the edge of his bed, his head in his gloved hands.

"Rey…" he breathed, using the name she had chosen for herself. A name that felt wrong on his lips. A name he once pulled from her head.

She hurt them both, lashing out like that. She shared this pain with him. He could barely tell where she ended and he began. The pain in his temples, assaulting him, played in stereo.

He took in a hissing breath and tried to center himself. She grew stronger with each passing day. Her mastery was limited, but sheer, raw power flowed through her. And when she let the Dark in, she was unstoppable.

He'd felt it in her on Starkiller. It had been a switch that flipped when they stood locked together on the edge of a cliff. She'd gone from this pure beacon of light that sung to him and called him to join her to a woman full of rage and hate. A hurricane powered by pain. Unrelenting and ruthless.

That was the girl who belonged at his side. The girl with whom he could rule the galaxy. Together, they wouldn't need his Master. Together, they would be Masters.

It was their destiny.

* * *

She woke in a narrow berth onboard the _Millennium Falcon_ with her head screaming in pain and her hands wrapped in cloth. She stared at her hands and noticed small dark spots of blood seeping through the layers. Her own blood.

Rey swung out of the bunk and stood up slowly and a bit unsteady. Her limbs were heavy. Her muscles ached, but her head won above all the other minor pains. A sharp pain in her temples reminded her of the interrogation chair.

"Did you really think you could get rid of me that easily, scavenger?" he whispered, faint and loud all at the same time. He was weakened, like her, at the moment.

On wobbly legs, she made her way to the front of the ship. She knew the _Falcon_ well. The way Chewbacca told it, Han would have wanted her to have the ship. She had refused the more than generous request, but Chewbacca still had her pilot the ship, even though he was just as capable a pilot as her.

The repairs while on the Resistance base coupled with the long journey to Ahch-To granted her with innate knowledge of the Corellian Fighter. She knew it blindfolded and inside and out. She could take it apart with one hand. It was home, much like the toppled AT-AT back on Jakku had been.

Chewie greeted her with a low roar from his usual seat in the co-pilot chair. She smiled at him, hearing the concerned request for her well-being in Shyriiwook.

"Hurts a bit, but thank you," she replied.

He shrugged and mumbled.

She felt the corners of her lips tug into a slight smile before she turned to the man seated in the pilot's chair. Luke glanced up from the controls to see her. "You must be wondering where we are," the Jedi said.

"Don't tell me," she said softly, feeling the stirring in the back of her mind.

"Somewhere safe."

She nodded, even though she heard laughter in her mind. "The General and her band of misfits can't protect you. They're weak. Powerless."

"What happened back there?" she asked. It was covered in a fine haze, whatever exactly led her to being here, on the _Falcon_ , traveling once more. She remembered training, but not the bandages on her hands.

"The Force," her mentor said simply. "You tapped into it rather violently while attempting to shut him out. He told you he knew where you were."

" _At night, desperate to sleep, you imagine an ocean. I can see it. I can see the island."_

She blinked the memory away, of the gloved hand close to her face, nearly close enough to stroke her cheek. At the careful demeanor that felt so wrong with the man she knew to be a monster.

She remembered now. She remembered her anger and fear as she tried so hard to push him away. As she tried to regain control of her own mind. Her hands—she had done that to herself while trying to leash her power.

"Rey," Luke called softly, breaking her focus and pulling her back to the present.

"Yes, Master?"

She felt him bristle in her mind at the word 'Master'.

"You should rest. We have a long journey still to come."

"If it's all the same, I would prefer not. I've slept long enough." She loosened her joints, rolling her sleep-stiffened shoulders.

"I know something that will help, child."

The Jedi strode across the ship to retrieve a small droid and a helmet. He handed her the helmet, the visor down to restrict the wearer's senses. She hesitated only a moment before pulling it on.

"You will need your saber," he said by way of instruction as he turned on the droid.

She unclipped the hilt from her belt. She was still adjusting to using the weapon instead of her own staff. With a quick flick, the long hilt powered on, a sizzling beam of light appearing at either end.

Her crystal bestowed a white beam, one that had surprised Luke after construction. Traditionally, he had explained to her, Jedi blades were green or blue, with rare exceptions. She had politely reminded him that she was not yet a Jedi and it caused the old man to smile in agreement.

Constructing her lightsaber was one of the few times that Ren left her head. She had felt his presence dimly, but he stayed quiet, possibly just observing her. Perhaps, he remembered his own days of assembling his own weapon, that crackling mess of a lightsaber he carried.

She reached out with the Force, her saber in a ready position, trying to determine what awaited her.

The training droid shot a blast at her, which she deflected with a strike. Her blade hummed and buzzed as she reached out with her senses to anticipate the next attack.

She moved with a fluidity and grace from years born from years of survival. Her staff had been her primary weapon back on Jakku. She used it for balance sometimes, used it to test the unstable sands, and used it for protection and leverage against opponents. It granted her a reach she didn't have with her arms and the weight was more substantial than a simple fist would be.

Her lightsaber reflected the staff she once used. The design even mimicked the sturdy weapon she used to rely on. She was still adjusting to the weight and heft of the saber.

Chewie roared encouragement as she continued to practice and sharpen her skills. She blocked out the pain in her head, the stinging from her healing palms; everything except the task before her.

* * *

When the shuttle landed, he was the first one to step off. A group of Stormtroopers flanked him, but he paid them no mind as he touched the ground of the island with his booted foot.

She had been here. He knew it. He recognized the island from her dreams. From the memories he'd ripped from her head.

As he climbed the stone steps to the top, he felt the old memories from her mind. She'd climbed these same stones, a mixture of fear and determination powering her up to the top. He could see her climbing them, see her holding out a lightsaber as she fought to keep from trembling before his old master.

This was the place. This is where she had been hiding from him while he recovered.

Ren had been too late. He'd given her too much of a warning. Part of him had hoped she would've held her ground to face him, and part of him wasn't surprised she'd fled. That was his uncle's influence. When faced with trouble, Skywalker had a tendency to flee like the coward he was.

 _Night. A temple in ruins, the air thick with smoke and death._

 _A man in robes, the hood pulled over his head, obscuring his face. A voice crying out,_ _"Why?"_

 _A blood spattered figure in dark clothes, saying,_ _"Why, you failed, uncle."_

The past between them no longer mattered. What did matter was the girl. He needed to find her. He needed her. The pain in his head had become a dull ache and he could feel her still, weak and sleeping, but still very much alive.

His scavenger. His Rey.

He reached the top of the island. He could see the temple, mostly ruins at this point, but brimming with power. The Light reached out for him and he saw her, cross-legged in the grass as she tried to mediate. Saw her dance in the rain. Saw her stack rocks. Rey, Rey, Rey.

He felt her presence on this island, but she was gone. All he had was the imprint of her—the memories. The flashes from their bond.

Kylo Ren found what he wanted once he stepped into the living quarters. His uncle had packed in a hurry, leaving most items behind. One of them, leaning up against a wall, was a staff crafted lovingly from salvage.

He called it to his hand with the Force.

After an experimental twirl, he smiled to himself and headed back toward the shuttle. Then he used the Force to pull the temple down, brick by brick into rumble. He crushed it with his anger.

He had failed again. She had eluded his grasp.

His weakness was her strength.

He felt her stirring to consciousness. She was on the _Millennium Falcon_. They were in flight. Heading somewhere his uncle deemed safe.

The General. They were going to the Resistance.

With his free hand clenched, he boarded the shuttle and in tearse commands, ordered the crew to return to the _Finalizer_. In his other hand, a staff twirled.

Her staff.

* * *

When it was time to prepare for landing on D'Qar, Rey herself sat at the controls of the _Falcon_ , feeling more like herself after time with the training droid and meditation intermixed with sleep over the journey. He had been uncharacteristically quiet on the ship.

She brought the ship in as directed. By the time they were opening the exterior doors, a small group crossed the base to meet them. She had expected half the base to greet the great Jedi hero. She was glad for the lack of a large crowd. She still wasn't used to being surrounded by so many people, especially not after the amount of time spent in solitude with Luke and Chewie. R2-D2 had kept his distance from her, usually staying near the ship and not the top of the island where the temple resided.

Leia Organa led the small gathering of high-ranking officials and old friends. She pulled her brother into her arms, neither sibling speaking to the other for a moment, after Luke disembarked.

Rey glanced over at her co-pilot for guidance, only for the Wookie to shrug and mutter in Shyriiwook.

BB-8 rolled out from behind the gathered people, beeping happily at her arrival. She smiled at the little droid then, glad to see a familiar and friendly face. "Hello to you, too."

He bumped into her leg, practically purring.

Rey found herself patting his head with one hand as she checked his antenna with the other. "How do you keep bending this? Hmm? I am going to have a serious talk with Poe about how he's treating you."

The droid beeped and booped frantically like a child pleading with a parent. She sighed loudly, listening. "I was only kidding, Beebee-Ate. I know he takes good care of you."

The droid murmured his own suspicions in a low tone.

"Well, where is he anyways? Oh, with Finn? Good, I do hate for him to be alone."

BB-8 beeped and whistled excitedly.

"He's awake? Where?"

The droid responded, but before she could ask him for directions, Luke approached.

"Come now. We have much to discuss," the Jedi said.

As much as she wanted to beg off and check on Finn, she knew better than to refuse. Besides, Finn had Poe with him. Finn was awake now. He'd healed from his wounds. So much had changed while she'd been gone.

"Go on... back to Poe," she said to the droid, who acted hurt.

He nearly whined, his head dipped low.

"Later," she promised the droid, who responded and slowly rolled away.

Luke gestured for her to follow him. "Is that your droid?"

"No, he belongs to a friend."

"Few people would concern themselves with the feelings of a droid."

"Beebee-Ate is no ordinary droid. He's a valued member of the Resistance and a friend."

A slight smile crossed the old man's face. "Fewer still understand droidspeak."

"It's not that hard."

"Follow me," the Jedi said, leaving the landing area in quick strides. He moved with little hesitation, which made her wonder how much time he had spent on this base with the Resistance in the past. Before a boy named Ben betrayed him. Before Ben became Kylo Ren.

The thought of his old name woke the voice in her head. She felt him then, felt the anger at that name.

" _Your son is gone. He was weak and foolish, like his father."_

"There is no Ben," he said in her head. "Ben is as dead as Han Solo."

She felt the familiar stab of pain in her chest, the moment of panic when she'd seen the red saber extend through Han's back. When she'd seen his body fall, a great man felled by his own son.

She felt the anger then. He had no right to kill his father. Han had only been trying to help him. He believed in the man who was once his son and tried to save him. To help him.

He laughed.

Rey tried to ignore him as she followed the Jedi through the base to a control center filled with at least a dozen people. She recognized the room from before she left for Ahch-To.

Leia was there as well. The general beckoned them to join her at a console. Luke stood at his sister's side.

"The First Order is attempting to rebuild in the wake of the destruction of their base. They are amassing forces in several key locations," Leia said, gesturing to the console. "We need to take action. Will you help us?"

"You want me to fight?" she asked.

"I want you on the ground. I want you to help us infiltrate and gather information. Poe will lead the pilots. Your friend, Finn, will join you on the ground."

"I'm not sure I'm ready…" Rey glanced to Luke for assistance, for guidance.

His face betrayed no emotion. "We will begin with smaller targets first. Fledging operations."

"What if I refuse?"

"You are always welcome here, Rey," Leia said, in a soft, motherly tone. "And if you still wish, we can take you back to Jakku. You are not obligated to join us or fight with us. It is your decision."

She mulled it over in her mind. A choice.

With him in her head, it didn't feel much like a choice. If she left the Resistance, he would find her on Jakku. Stars, he would probably find her on the base as well. He had grown up with the Resistance. He worked for the First Order. He probably knew exactly where their bases were.

Fear settled in.

"I feel it, too," he whispered, that old familiar line pulling her back to the interrogation room on Starkiller. To when she had no choices. To when she was a prisoner. His prisoner.

She couldn't risk it. She couldn't go back to that life. She wouldn't live in fear.

"I want to help," she said simply. "I want to stop the First Order."

 **Author's Notes:**

I believe someone asked for longer chapters? Savor it, my dears, because this is the week from hell for me and I honestly don't know when you'll get the next chapter. Maybe Wednesday?

There most likely won't be a post this Thursday-Sunday since I work late Thursday and then I'm out of town Friday through mid-to-late day Sunday. Next week I should be back to frequent posts. In the meantime, what'd you all think of Rey's saber and who thinks Ren knows exactly where the Resistance is?

Also, five is my lucky number and there's a very good chance for a loooong chapter and some Reylo occupying the same (physical) space next chapter. Just sayin'…


	6. Chapter Five

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Five**

After a prolonged meeting with General Leia Organa, Rey was released to rest up before the morning debriefing. Her already sore head hurt even more by the time she stumbled into the rec area and was greeted by the enthusiastic beeping of BB-8.

She managed a smile for the droid.

"Hello again, Beebee-Ate."

"Rey!" another voice called, familiar and comforting. The speaker appeared at the edge of her vision. It took him a moment to cross the distance between them and pull her into a hug.

Had it been anyone else, she would've protested. But it wasn't. It was simply Finn.

"Traitor…" Ren hissed in her head, anger rising at the joy she felt.

She ignored him, instead snuggling into the warmth and comfort that Finn provided. Her friend.

"Beebee-Ate said you were here, but I couldn't find you. I was wondering if I was ever going to see you again. Poe told me that you found Luke Skywalker?" Finn gave her another squeeze then took a step back and let her go.

"Yeah. And you… you're all better now!"

She could still see him lying in the snow, his back carved up by Ren's lightsaber. Hurt and near death because he tried to help her. Because he came back for her.

"That's what they tell me. Are you okay?" His hand touched her arm.

Blackness. Boiling rage. Fury. She could see him clenching his fists, hear the leather of his gloves creaking, as he sought to gain control.

"You won't ruin this," she hissed in her head. She'd waited so long for Finn to wake.

"It's… complicated," she said to Finn, smiling at him. "Is there somewhere I could rest? My head hurts…"

"Of course…" He glanced over his shoulder to another man. "Poe, Rey's gonna bunk with us."

"The more the merrier," the pilot said with genuine warmth.

There was a flash in her head then, similar to when she first touched the lightsaber at Maz's castle. Three people tangled together in a small bed. Finn with an arm around her, his lips pressed against hers, while Poe helped her out of her robes.

Just like that, it was gone. And all she felt was hatred. And one single thought played on a loop. "Mine."

A shiver raced down her spine as Finn led her out to the barracks. He chattered happily as they walked, but she couldn't concentrate on his words. It was like a veil had been cast over him. All she felt was him.

She heard him turn on his saber, heard the distinctive sound of it powering on, and felt the power as he sliced it into a wall. Over and over, slashing and stabbing and hacking. A loud, "Noooooo!" roared through her head.

She reached up to touch her temples, cringing at the vile hatred. At the turmoil coursing through him.

"Rey?" Finn looked at her, concerned etched into his face. "Are you okay?"

His breath came in raspy pants, filtered by the mask he wore. The anger, which had begun to subside, came back at Finn's voice.

"Mine," he repeated.

"I just… I need to lie down," she said, holding her head.

"We're here." He guided her into the cramped space, filled with bunks. She sat on the low bunk he led her to, curling under the covers with his help, her legs tucked up toward her chest, the pain in her head blinding.

Warm. Safe. It felt good here with her friends.

She heard the lightsaber power down. His breathing was still ragged from exertion, but he didn't seem as enraged.

"Rest. I'll check on you in a bit," Finn said, heading toward the door.

Rey wanted to tell him to stay, not to leave her alone with him, but she was too tired to speak. She just wanted the pain to stop.

* * *

The traitor. She'd hugged him.

How the defective stormtrooper lived baffled him. His strike on Starkiller was meant to maim, hurt, kill. Yet, he breathed, walked, and touched her.

This other man touched his Rey and she didn't flinch or pull away. In fact, she seemed to welcome his touch, judging by the warm, happy thoughts that filled her. The Light sang in those moments.

 _A small hand tugged at his robes. He glanced down, glaring at the owner. Most of the other students avoided him. He heard the whispers through the Academy. Whispers about him, especially since he was the nephew of the Great Luke Skywalker, the Last Jedi. How his parents had abandoned him there because he was unstable. How he was_ _'troubled'. Like they had any idea of what he was capable of. Of how strong he was._

 _Hazel eyes glanced up at him and a smile crossed the face of a young girl. Unlike the other younglings, she wasn_ _'t afraid of him. She never had been._

 _He softened in that moment, letting go of his annoyance._

" _Skipping lessons again, Kira?" he chastised her._

 _She blinked those warm eyes at him again._ _"Sana pulled my hair again and Master Thane didn't say anything."_

 _He sighed._ _"Well, you know… we could always play a trick on Sana. Will you help me?"_

 _She nodded, watching him with wide eyes._ _"Yes, Master Ben."_

 _He laughed._ _"I'm not a master yet."_

" _But you will be. Will you be my teacher?"_

" _One day, Kira. One day."_

He pushed the memory away. It didn't do to dwell on the past, especially not those days. There was too much conflict there. He'd been torn between two masters. Two destinies.

No such conflict existed now. He only served the Supreme Leader, not the weak old man that was Luke Skywalker. In truth, he only wanted the map in order to finally snuff out the last true threat to the First Order. To finally prove to his former master how strong he was.

He would find his scavenger. And she would take her place at his side. Rey. His Rey.

And he would strike down any obstacle in his path, starting with the traitor she called friend.

* * *

 _"Come back!"_

 _Her chest hurt. Her throat hurt from screaming, but she couldn't stop, even as the ship hit hyperspace and vanished from view. Even as she dissolved into tears, she kept begging, pleading, for him to return. She didn't want to be alone._

She woke in a sweat, crying out.

"Rey," Finn called, his voice rough from lack of use. "You ok?"

"Yes, no… I don't…"

He came into view as the bunk above her stirred. "You need me to get help?" Poe's sleepy voice called.

"No… it… just a nightmare," she said. "I'm fine."

"You don't look fine," Finn said. He edged into the bunk with her, putting an arm around her.

"It's nothing. Not compared to what happened to you." She let her hand trace down his back, which was covered by a shirt, but she could still feel the edges of the scar tissue.

"My back still aches but I'm alive."

She nodded sadly. "It's my fault you were hurt. He was coming after me. You got in the way..."

"Who? Kylo Ren?"

"Yes." She still had nightmares of him. Of the interrogation room on Starkiller Base. Of him poking around in her mind and shuffling through her thoughts. It disturbed her.

" _You know I can take whatever I want."_

"I don't blame you, I blame him."

"He was after me, not you. If you hadn't defended me, he would've left you alone."

Finn shook his head. "I know him, Rey. If I hadn't... what he would've done to you? He's the Master of the Knights of Ren for a reason. He's feared and revered among the First Order for a reason. He's dangerous."

"He's right," Poe said quietly, still in his bunk overhead. "They aren't known for their hospitality toward prisoners. Him in particular. He can crawl inside your mind... tear it apart..."

She felt him prying into her memories, flicking through them, searching and seeing all of her at once. The way he spat her pain in her face. Her loneliness. The way he continued to do so, both awake and asleep.

"I know. I'm glad you're alive, Finn."

The ex-trooper smiled. "I'm glad you're safe."

"You too."

"Get some sleep. I'll sit with you."

She wanted to protest, but she knew she needed the rest. She could feel him stirring again, drawn in by her interaction with her friends. The undercurrent of rage.

She nodded, snuggling back into the bunk, an arm wrapped around her. Safe. Secure.

"I will kill the traitor first," the voice said, his real voice, not the filtered one. "See how safe you feel then, scavenger."

Rey shivered despite the warmth of the bed and the body heat from Finn. "No," she told the voice in her head. "I will kill you first."

"We'll see."

* * *

He knew where she was. As he shuffled through her sleeping mind, even though she'd tried to hide information from him, from herself, he saw enough. Even though it required research of various outposts, he found one that matched what he'd seen in her head.

"Captain Phasma, prepare a small detachment. The Resistance is planning an attack," he said to the chrome-plated Stormtrooper.

She nodded and left the command room to follow his orders.

Hux, on the other hand, looked up at him.

"What attack?" the ginger man demanded. "Where did you get this information?"

He turned away, not bothering to respond.

"Ren!"

By then, he was exiting the room and he knew the general wouldn't leave to follow him. No matter how curious he might be, Hux would never shirk his duty.

* * *

BB-8 huddled around her legs as they prepared to leave D'Qar for a small First Order outpost. She'd tried to keep from knowing specifics as best she could just in case he was listening. Even now, hours from attack, she kept her mind a jumble.

Finn and Poe sat together, the pilot already in his orange flight suit. Poe would be leading the airstrike with half a dozen other pilots. One of these days, she hoped she could fly with him.

She saw them lean into each other and smiled. Leaving Finn behind to train with Luke had been a tough decision. She'd trusted Poe to watch over him as best he could, and he'd clearly done that and more. There was a connection between them that ran deeper than her friendship with Finn.

"Take care of him, will you?" Poe asked.

Rey smiled. "Only if you take care of this little guy." She patted BB-8's dome and he beeped happily, the purring sound that followed only making her smile wider.

"Deal," he said and they shook on it while Finn shook his head.

"Be good, Beebee-Ate. No heroics," she told the droid, who beeped, "Who, me?"

She walked away from her friends, giving Finn a moment to say good-bye. She headed toward the landing shuttle that would take her and a small band planetside.

Her saber was clipped to her belt, her hand resting on the hilt as she faced her Master. Luke lowered his hood to rest his steely blue eyes on her.

"Rey, I know this must seem a lot to ask of you…"

"No, they need to be stopped. I can help. It's what we've been training for."

"The training was to use the Force. You have to control your anger before it controls you. What happened on Ahch-To cannot happen again. Do not give into the hate. You do not need their power."

"But all I feel is the anger, Master."

He stirred in her mind, his lips snarled at that word. At 'Master'. He hated hearing her say it to Luke. She didn't understand why it threatened him so. Both Luke and Finn seemed to enrage him by their mere presence.

"That is his influence. Fight it, child. Or it will consume you."

She thought of the swirling blackness that surrounded Ren at all hours. How insidious the hate was. Anger and fear mixed together.

" _So afraid…"_

"I will."

"Good. May the Force be with you, Rey."

* * *

"The girl is mine," he hissed, his voice altered by the helmet, harsh and electronic.

"Is that wise?" Phasma asked.

He buried the urge to put her in her place. He had not forgotten the fateful day on Starkiller Base. It haunted him every day. He certainly didn't need his second in command second guessing his orders.

"The girl is mine. No one else is to touch her. Is that clear?"

No one else spoke.

Ren stepped away from the cluster of troops and disembarked the shuttle. He separated from them, allowing Phasma and her Stormtroopers to take on the Resistance. He cared not for his mother's loyal footsoliders. He had one person his mind. One goal. The scavenger from Jakku.

He reached out with the Force, lightsaber already in hand at his side, not yet ignited. He felt for her presence, her unmistakable light tinged now with his darkness.

It wasn't hard to pinpoint her.

She'd felt him arrive. She abandoned her mission to draw his attention. He saw her, running again. She always tried to run from him.

Her grey clothes looked good. His mother's work, no doubt. He was pleased that she had shunned the traditional Jedi robes. It was a simple tunic and jacket paired with pants and short boots. He imagined his uncle was none too pleased with her resistance. It suited her.

Similar to her old desert garb. Familiar and strange at the same time.

Ren followed her flight. He didn't understand her compulsion to flee. She had been a skilled fighter for an abandoned girl left in the desert. Largely untrained, but brimming with potential and talent. On a better day, she never would have defeated him. Not without a lot more work.

Then again, she had some training before being left on that sand pit junkyard. He had seen it in her mind. He doubted she even knew the connection between them. Or the walls in her own mind.

He had broken them, fractured them with the Force. He caused the awakening. She had been blocked from the Force, from her powers, for too long. Her memories walled up and hidden within the corners of her own mind.

He would help her remember.

He felt her fear. It sang to him.

"Rey..." He called out, savoring the feel of her name on his lips. He hated the way the mask distorted it.

Of course, that wasn't her name. But it was the name she knew.

She flicked on a lightsaber. White light crackled to life. His uncle had guided her to construct her own weapon. He remembered her deep concentration for several days, but he had never seen it this way. White, if he remembered correctly, meant unaffiliated. Neither light nor dark. It fit her, this scavenger. One day, the blade she wielded would be as red as his own.

"I don't want to fight you," she said.

"You still wish to kill me."

"You tried to kill my friends."

He waited to hear her say it first. To hear the accusation about the one he did kill. His own father. The test he failed to pass.

"All you had to do was come with me. My offer still stands. Let me be your teacher. Let me show you everything the Force has to offer."

He kept his saber in his hand at his side, making no move to ignite it.

"No! I will never join the Dark Side!"

He held out his free hand. "Join me and this stops. The needless destruction. Or you and I can stand here and watch the world burn." Already, the sounds of battle were growing louder. The Resistance against the First Order. The clash of two opposing forces, the Resistance woefully outmatched, outnumbered, and outgunned by the extra reinforcements he'd brought. He could sense the tension and worry rolling in waves off Rey. Her compassion for others was a weakness.

Her concern for _Finn._ The traitor.

"No..." She raised the double-ended lightsaber, taking a defensive stance.

He turned his blade on, the surge of power as it thrummed to life comforting. He swung the saber in a lazy arc, loosening up his stiff shoulder. "Last chance. When you lose, I will execute any and all survivors."

"I won't lose," she said and he felt the Force push at him. Her. She was using it against him.

A smile crossed his lips underneath the mask. She was strong. She always had been.

Blades crossed and sparks flew. And so the battle began.

He fell into the role of primary aggressor, allowing her to remain on the defensive. Then, it changed. He felt the anger flow from her and through the Force as people around them died. Her traitorous friends. Hatred blinded her and fueled her at the same time. She took the lead, pushing him to defend her wild attacks.

Raw, unfocused energy powered her. He let her exhaust herself. He let her try and hit him, blocking the onslaught of attacks.

"My only regret is not slicing deep enough to kill the traitor you call 'friend'," he taunted, nearly wiping her feet out from under her with a strike. She scrambled to keep her footing, losing ground to him.

She screamed in wordless frustration.

His saber nearly seared her arm.

"Get out of my head!"

He laughed, the sound eerily distorted by his mask. "We are connected, you and I. And I have no intention of letting go."

She lashed out again in a wild frenzy of attacks, almost sobbing. He deflected the majority of the blows with only one slipping through to burn his leg. He gritted his teeth and allowed the pain to surge through and power him.

Pain was weakness for the Light. Pain was power for the Dark. Fuel for the fire.

He still held back. He didn't want to hurt her. Not badly. Not yet. He needed her alive.

She seemed to sense his reluctance. Rey attacked again, brutal and swift, driving him back. He felt her through the Force, trying to push him off balance.

It almost worked.

A rush of pleasure filled him. He couldn't wait to teach her to fight. One day, he wouldn't have to hold back. One day, she would be just as strong.

She faltered, tiring. His old master hadn't pushed her to train with the lightsaber. To drill over and over again. She was unused to the weapon's weight and prolonged use.

He ignored the voice in his head suggesting that he hurry up and finish it, finish her, and pulled back. He did zap her arm to wake her up again. She seemed startled by the burn.

"Use it. Use the pain," he suggested.

He saw her shake her head, to fight the anger burning inside.

She lunged forward again and he beat her back, almost driving her into a corner. He could see her arms shaking from the weight of the saber and the strain of their fight.

"It will be painless," he soothed.

"No!"

She rushed him, nearly impaling his shoulder with a wild swing. He countered, but they were nearly locked together, face-to-face. He could reach out and touch her if he wanted.

He reached for the Force at the same point she screamed in pain.

A blaster bolt dug into her shoulder and she was falling toward him.

He flung her saber harmlessly into the ground as he switched his own off before reaching out to catch her. Those eyes burned through him, filled with disgust. He reached for the Force, putting her to sleep as he picked her up. It was Takodana all over again as he scooped her light frame into his arms. Her blood, warm and wet, stained his robes.

He stared accusingly through the clearing to where the offending bolt had come from. Captain Phasma stood there, armor streaked with blood, pistol in hand.

"The girl was mine," he spat.

"We're overrun. It's time to go."

He glared at her, wanting nothing more than to drive his saber through her. But right now he had more pressing concerns.

Ren tightened his grip on the bundle in his arms as he called both sabers with the Force, stowing them inside his robes.

"Later," he growled, turning for the ship.

He had more important matters to attend to.

 **Author's Notes:**

I got woken up by a blender two hours before my alarm, so I actually got this chapter finished early. Win-win for you guys! And, yes, I do post snippets while writing on my tumblr. Since I work until late tonight and have an early morning on Tuesday, I really doubt I'll post another chapter until Wednesday. Until then, enjoy the reunion!

And yeah, Stormpilot is kinda implied. I'm of the opinion that while Finn might want more from Rey, she only sees him as a friend. Not that Jedistormpilot isn't adorable fluff – it is! – that's just how it works in this story.

Show of hands, who was surprised that neither Rey nor Ren actually won the fight?

Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter Six

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Six**

Pain and anguish. He felt it through the Force. He felt them meet, Light and Dark, and felt the emotions rush between them as they clashed. As their sabers locked again and again, evenly matched.

He felt the darkness bleed from his nephew to his pupil. Felt her turn to it for strength.

He knew then that the girl would be lost to him. She would take the darkness from Kylo Ren while he leeched the light from her. They would balance each other, as he had foreseen.

He could no longer help them. He couldn't save her any more than he could save Ben. Their fate belonged to the Force now. And to each other.

* * *

He held her the entire ride back to the _Finalizer_.

As soon as the shuttle door closed, a Stormtrooper approached him. "Sir…" he said, reaching out for Rey, his gloved hands nearly touching her.

The hand not supporting the majority of the unconscious girl's weight shot out and the man shot up, his toes dragging on the floor as he gasped aloud. The air around him compressed, choking him through the Force.

"Stay away from the girl," he snarled, fury rising behind his eyes.

"If you kill my men, Ren, we will have a problem," Phasma told him as she approached.

"You're lucky I didn't kill you for disobeying a direct order," he growled, turning his head to look at her, still holding the 'trooper. "The girl was off-limits."

"I made a tactical decision."

"You damaged a valuable resource."

" _Mine. My Rey."_

His teeth were bared beneath the mask. He tightened his hold on the Force and the 'trooper's neck snapped with an audible crack. Almost immediately, the rest of the squad on the transport took a step back from Ren and their fallen comrade.

Only Captain Phasma held her ground. "Kylo Ren, my men have nothing to do with my mistake. You will cease this or I will report you to—"

"To whom, Phasma? The Supreme Leader? I suspect he won't care for how you treated the girl. The orders were for her to be captured and delivered without harm. A blaster bolt defies those orders, does it not?"

He felt her tighten her jaw from a few feet away. He lowered his hand, shifting his precious bundle. His Rey. So ferocious in battle, like a wild animal. So innocent in sleep, like the little girl he remembered in his dreams.

"No one is to touch her. No one. Or you will face me."

The Stormtroopers nodded understanding as Phasma lowered her head in deference.

"Now, she requires medical attention. Captain, fetch the batca strips."

She hurried to retrieve the required supplies as he let his hand brush her cheek. Her blood melded into the dark fabric he wore, not that he minded. It wasn't the first time he'd been drenched in another's blood. Today certainly wouldn't be the last.

None of that mattered now. He had his prize. Injured as she was, Rey was his once more. His to protect. His to worship. His Rey.

He just hoped he could convince her to join him. If she refused…

 _A crimson saber plunged through her chest as she fell into his arms, her hazel eyes filled with pain and her mouth open in shock._

" _I'm sorry… so sorry…" he said, tears in his eyes._

His Master's wrath was too terrible to consider. He needed her. He had to bring her to the Dark. The Supreme Leader would not allow another Force-sensitive to remain on the side of the Light.

* * *

The first thing she noticed was the chill.

Starships were notoriously chilly on the inside thanks to space travel and the vast emptiness of the interior. The _Falcon_ had been cozy for a ship, but she recognized the artificial chill. Goosebumps appeared on her arms, even underneath her wraps. Her clothing wasn't suitable for this environment.

A dull ache emanated from near her shoulder. She glanced down to see the area bandaged. It had been a blaster bolt, if she remembered correctly. It reminded her of the training saber she'd used with Luke a few times. The burn was similar.

Rey went to sit up, only to find herself restricted once again, this time by metal binders encircling her wrists.

" _Where am I?"_

" _You're my guest," the man in the mask said after a moment's pause._

" _Where are the others?"_

" _You mean the traitors, murderers, and thieves you call friends? You'll be relieved to hear that I have no idea."_

She shifted into a sitting position, her hands locked together before her. Whatever she lay on was soft, like a bed of some sort. She twisted her head to get a sense of her surroundings.

Cold, sterile. Definitely a First Order ship.

It reminded her of the old Star Destroyers she used to scavenge through in search of salvage. This ship followed a similar design as the Imperial ones wrecked on Jakku. She got to her feet, intending to inspect her surroundings for some sort of escape or a weapon.

A door whoosed open to her side and she heard heavy foot treads. She froze in place, as if it would make her invisible. The steps grew closer and she recognized the mechanical breathing. Ren.

"Don't be afraid," he said.

" _I feel it too."_

She shivered at the memory. Of the man behind the mask. Of another room in another time and another place.

" _I can take whatever I want."_

"I have nothing to tell you," she said, braver than she felt.

"If I wanted information, I would have it already. You forget that I can see into your mind."

"What did you do to me?"

He crossed in front of her, his head tilted to the side, the mask still in place. "Do to you?"

"Why are you still in my head?'

He stepped closer, towering over her. "My dear, sweet Rey, I will never be out of your head. We're bound, you and I."

Shaking her head, she stepped back. "No."

"From the moment I entered your mind, a link formed. It's only grown stronger. It will continue to do so."

"I want it gone."

"The only way it goes is if we die."

"Then I will kill you."

He laughed, harsh and mechanical thanks to the mask. "Killing me could very well make it worse, not better."

"Release me and we'll find out."

"No, I don't think I will. Not today." He stepped away, turning his back to her. She felt her own anger then. Anger at being trapped both physically and mentally. At his air of superiority.

"You can't just keep me here."

"You are a prisoner of the First Order. You will remain in my custody until the Supreme Leader decides your fate."

"No." She stalked across the room to get back in front of him. "You can't…"

"Rey, it's decided."

She glared at him, suddenly hating the way she couldn't see him. She had no idea if he was serious or joking. She had no way to read the voice. She'd become accustom to his face during their first duel on Starkiller. The mask seemed wrong; inhuman given how far he was lodged in her mind.

"Take off the mask."

His head tilted again.

"Take it off… Ben."

This time, the anger came from him. A sheer loathing for the name his parents gave him.

" _Ben, come back! Ben!" a girl screamed, distraught._

"You may call me Kylo Ren, scavenger. There is no 'Ben'." Even modulated, his voice was strained.

"Take off the mask… Ren."

"I don't take orders from prisoners."

She closed the distance between them, her head craned up to look at him. "We're in each other's minds. I'm more than just a prisoner and you know it."

"You're a spy for the Resistance. Normally, that's cause for immediate termination. However, given your affinity for the Force, the Supreme Leader will meet with you and decide your fate."

"And you'll carry out the sentence?" she spat with venom. "Like a loyal solider to your master? If he tells you to kill me, will you ask how or will you just run me through the heart like you did your father?"

His hand shot forward and she felt the air around her throat tighten. She gasped, eying him. It was the Force. He was manipulating it out of habit, not malice. It was a reflex, like using her staff.

Almost as abruptly as it began, it ended. He spun away from her, his breathing ragged again. She sucked in deep lungfuls of air as she heard him wrench off the helmet. She could see his dark hair, but not his face.

His breathing matched her own in that moment, further proof of the bond between them. A bond _he_ made. A connection he forged against her will.

Rey circled him again, looking up into his face. She could see the scar slashed across his cheek, just as raw and angry as the day on Starkiller. The lightsaber had just missed his eye, leaving it undamaged.

With her hands still in binders, she reached out to touch the mark she left. A mark fueled by anger and hatred. A symbol of the darkness that possessed her that day in the snow.

He didn't flinch or pull away. He simply let her fingers stroke the scar she made. A scar that was never treated. He'd left that mark on purpose.

Because he failed. She could see that now. It was a reminder of his weakness. His compassion. He'd held back on Starkiller. It wasn't just his wounds that ensured her victory over him.

Then, like a jolt, jumbled bits and pieces in her head.

" _You need a teacher! I can show you the ways of the Force!"_

 _An uncoordinated and awkward boy with big ears and short cropped dark hair held out a hand._ _"I'll teach you," he said, a smile softening his sad features._

" _Come back!" a little girl screamed at a ship as she stood in the sand._

" _It is you," the man before her said, a sense of wonder in his voice._

" _No matter what, I need you to stay here," the boy said, crouching low, darkness surrounding him._

" _Please don't leave!" the girl begged, afraid, as she clutched his robes._

 _He laughed, sunlight all around him._ _"I'm not a master yet."_

" _But you will be. Will you be my teacher?"_

" _One day, Kira. One day."_

" _Who are you?" the man asked, his voice filtered through a mask._

" _Ben! Ben!" the girl cried joyfully, tugging on his robes to get his attention._

 _He shot her a scowl, but swung her onto his back all the same._ _"No pulling my hair this time."_

" _How I do steer then?"_

" _You don't steer me. I'm not a ship, Kira."_

 _Her little hands found his ears._ _"This?" she asked with an experimental tug._

" _Ow, no, no, Kira…"_

" _I feel it too," the man said._

She ripped her hand away as if she'd been burned. "What was that?"

He stared at her. "You know what it is… who you really are."

Rey frowned. "What are you saying?"

"Takodana wasn't the first time we met."

Her blood ran cold. "The boy… was you. Before… but I… we never…"

"Are you certain?"

His face, so young and pained. So human. So familiar.

A boy with big ears in beige robes. Jedi robes, like the ones worn by Luke Skywalker. Always so alone; so angry at the world. At his family.

Abandoned. Alone.

A little girl with hazel eyes, bright and inquisitive, sitting on his lap. She shone with light. When he was around her, he felt happy. She drove out the darkness in his mind. The fear. She pulled on his braid with a chubby hand, barely three.

His little shadow. The only youngling who didn't fear him. She pulled on his ears, not to be mean, never to be mean, but simply because they were there and she had never seen ears like that.

The pain when he left her alone in the dark.

"No, it's not true." She reached up to press her hands against her head. "It's not real. None of it is real. That's not me."

He went to say more when a communicator at his belt buzzed. He turned his back to her again, reaching for the helmet. Only when he was back behind the mask again did he answer the communicator.

"Yes?" he snarled, his annoyance showing.

She couldn't hear the other side of the conversation.

"I will be there." He replaced the communicator on his belt, glancing at her over his shoulder. "Stay here. I will return shortly."

Then, just as abruptly as he'd arrived, he was gone.

 **Author's Notes:**

Okay, so it looks like I might be able to get another chapter up either late Thursday/early Friday before I leave. Since I updated today, I don't know if you'll also get a Wednesday chapter. It depends how much writing I get done tonight and what I have to do after work tomorrow.

Thoughts? Happy? Sad? Surprised?

Thanks for reading!


	8. Chapter Seven

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Seven**

He never felt more like a kept pet on a leash than when he was summoned. She was in distress and pain. He belonged with her, not catering to his Master's whims.

He knew better than to resist a summons. He'd tried before.

 _Horrible pain, clawing, scratching, tearing, ripping him apart from inside his head. Screaming until his throat was hoarse, his nails digging into his scalp as he tried to make it stop._

He knew better. No one could win against his Master. No matter where he went, Snoke could and would find him. Soon it would be the same for her. They would both belong to the Supreme Leader.

He'd tried so hard to protect her. To hide her away. He locked those memories away; buried them deep.

If only the Resistance hadn't sent Dameron. If Dameron hadn't brought the droid. If the droid hadn't found the girl… his scavenger, all grown. A beautiful desert flower with a steely resolve. If only…

But, as he bowed to his Master, he knew it had been beyond his control. Sooner or later, the girl would have been found. She was too powerful to stay hidden forever. He'd failed her.

"Kylo Ren, have you located the girl?"

"Yes," he said through the mask.

"She was injured during capture?"

He stood up to his full height, his head still bowed a bit. "Yes, Master. Captain Phasma discharged her blaster and struck the girl in the shoulder. The wound has been treated and she's resting."

"And the Captain?"

"She's been dealt with."

"Good, good," the hologram said, pleased. "I sense you are conflicted about the girl. You still have compassion for her."

 _A crimson lightsaber run through her chest. Her blood on his hands._

" _Ben…" she coughed, her hand trying to touch his cheek._

"Yes," he said, not bothering to deny it. To deny his weakness; his attachment.

"Use it. Turn her to the Dark. Or you will feel her blood, my young apprentice."

"Yes, Master."

"Go now."

Ren stalked from the audience chamber at a brutal pace, striking back toward his quarters. When he first arrived on board, Hux had argued that the girl belonged in a cell. He won the right to keep his Rey with him. Stormtroopers were woefully unsuited to keeping a Force-sensitive captive.

Phasma had agreed with him, even though he knew it killed her to admit it. He won. She was his responsibility. His. His prisoner. His Rey. No one else would touch her.

If they did, he'd simply destroy them.

* * *

 _"You're a monster."_

She tried to reconcile these new images... these memories she pulled from his head. His memories. Of a young, awkward boy and a little girl. A boy named Ben and a girl he called Kira. A girl he said was her.

" _No matter what, I need you to stay here," the boy said, crouching low, darkness surrounding him._

" _Please don't leave!" the girl begged, afraid, as she clutched his robes._

But she doesn't remember this. These are his memories. His thoughts. His turmoil and pain she felt in the dark as the girl begged him to stay. The girl he cared for like a sister. Who he protected. A little nobody who might one day be somebody.

" _Ben! Ben!" the girl cried joyfully, tugging on his robes to get his attention._

 _He shot her a scowl, but swung her onto his back all the same._ _"No pulling my hair this time."_

" _How I do steer then?"_

" _You don't steer me. I'm not a ship, Kira."_

 _Her little hands found his ears._ _"This?" she asked with an experimental tug._

" _Ow, no, no, Kira…"_

His little ray of sunshine. He couldn't help but smile when he saw her, no matter how stormy his emotions. She is the Light. She is safe. She trusts him. He protects her. Guards her.

Something terrible is coming and his first thought is to protect this piece of light. Of life. To protect the girl. To hide her away somewhere safe until it's over.

But the boy... Ben. It's not Ben who comes back for the girl. It's Kylo Ren. And he's covered in blood.

 _She_ _'s crying in the dirt, alive but unharmed. Relief rushes through him in that moment. Then fear._

 _He paused, hesitating, before he scooped her up. He smoothed back her hair and she cried into his neck and shoulder, her hot tears soaking into the blood and grit staining the beige tunic._

 _He should kill her now. Save her the pain. The loneliness._

 _But he looked down at this girl, at the bright, blinding Light inside her and he couldn_ _'t do it. He couldn't kill her._

 _Choking back tears, he put a hand on her cheek. He pushed her to sleep and she dropped limply against his chest, tears still rolling down her cheek and onto his hand, mixing with the blood._

Rey curled up on the bed, her stomach in knots. She pressed her restrained hands against her abdomen.

She wanted out of his memories. Out of his head. She wanted to go home.

She felt a push in her head. Him. And it told her to sleep.

He sent her a familiar dream. Of an ocean. And an island.

* * *

She was asleep when he returned to his quarters. He'd felt her distress through the bond and urged her to sleep using that familiar dream. Of the island where he'd gone to find her. Where she had trained with his uncle.

He'd felt her relax then.

Now, back in his room, curled up on his bed, lay Rey. Her hair was still in those three knobs she preferred and her wrists held by the binders. She breathed deeply, evenly. Fast asleep.

Ren removed his helmet and set it down on a shelf. He kept his private quarters clean and free of debris. His grandfather's mask was in a private study he used for mediation practice. His bedroom was stark - just a bed, a few empty shelves, and his clothes.

And now her.

He moved closer to her, watching the slow inhalation and exhalation, and how her chest rose and fell with each. His dark eyes raked her body, examining her.

Her slender wrists were discolored around the binders. Her skin bruised and raw. Injured.

With a quick movement of his hand, the binders came undone. He cast the restraints away, tossing them to the side carefully, trying not to wake her. They dropped to the floor, open and useless.

He reached up, slowly undoing the bindings keeping her hair up. He stroked the silken threads softly and smoothed them down her neck.

He'd done it many times before, a long time ago, when he was still Ben Solo. He helped her undo the buns, helped her fix them in the morning, and sometimes he just stroked her hair to soothe her. His Rey.

Ren liked the name she chose for herself. It reminded him of what she was to him. A brilliant, shinning light. A ray of light. She beckoned him and drove out the darkness.

She made a small sound, curling up in on herself. Cold. She was cold.

He pulled his scarf off, gently pulling it over her head and around her neck. She shifted a bit, turning her face to press her nose against the fabric. Her nose twitched, but she stayed asleep.

The scarf wouldn't be enough to keep her warm. He could feel the chill in her body. She needed more.

He yanked back the covers of his bed, pulling them over her, wrapping her, rather than attempting to place her under them. He didn't want to wake her.

She was still in agony. He felt that. He felt the distress in her mind.

He reached his hand out toward her head. Toward her mind.

"Don't be afraid. You're not alone anymore," he whispered in her head.

She strained her head a moment, yet remained asleep.

Kylo Ren lowered his hand, suddenly feeling the strain of the day. Of fighting her. Protecting her. The worry of losing her again.

He reclined on the bed beside her. Rey lay wrapped up in his covers directly to his side. His hands were still covered by his leather gloves, not touching her, even though he wanted to. He wanted to reach out and hold the girl, to tell her everything would be all right. That she was safe.

But that would be a lie.

 **Author's Notes:**

Guys, I've been listening to the novelization on audio in my car and OMG BB-8 noises! Like there's actual sound effects and BB-8 squeals and beeps. I almost drove into a ditch the first time I heard BB-8 beeping. (And for the record, I have the book too, it's just buried in a stack and the audiobook was on a cart at work – my day job is a librarian – so it came home with me and I started it on Monday.)

Whew, I almost didn't think I'd get this chapter done tonight. Trying to find the right last piece was torture. Hope you guys liked it – I'm going to try and get midway through the next chapter tonight so I can hopefully get it finished either before work or immediately after on Thursday. I still have to pack for my trip at some point… There's about a 75% chance I'll get another chapter up before I leave this weekend.


	9. Chapter Eight

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Eight**

His neck felt stiff.

Half-asleep, Ren went to rub it only to find his hands restricted. He blinked his eyes, awareness settling in, and sat up. He remembered the events of the previous day well, which accounted for his stiff neck, but not his cuffed hands.

Binders. Rey.

The girl stood before him, still wearing his scarf. It dwarfed her, but she looked mildly warm. She would need warmer clothes for her new life.

"I see you made yourself at home," he said coolly.

"This is not my home."

"It will be. You belong here, not with Skywalker. You belong on the Dark Side. You feel the anger, the hate… you don't belong to the Light."

"I belong to no one," she snarled, her hair still loose. She hadn't been awake long. He could still see an indentation on her cheek from the folds of his sheets.

Right now, she looked furious. He felt the rage roll off her in waves. He could barely keep a smile from his face. "Tell me, Rey, how did you plan to escape from a Star Destroyer?"

"You will let me leave."

His lips curled into a smirk. "Mind tricks won't work on me. Besides, the last pilot to try and escape from this particular ship ended up wrecked on Jakku… in the Goazon Badlands."

He saw her face flicker at the thought of her friends. The pilot and the traitor. He leashed his own anger, trying to focus on her. She would never see them again, not unless she was the one running them through with a saber.

"You will let me go free. No pursuit on a ship of my choosing."

"Never."

"I won't stay here with you."

"Even if you leave, I will find you. There's nowhere in the galaxy you can run where I can't find you. If you stay… no one else needs to know where your Rebel friends hide."

"You don't know where the base is or you would've destroyed it already."

He smiled at her, at her naivety after all this time. "The Resistance is hiding on D'Qar. I recognized the base in your mind, as much as you tried to hide it."

Fear flashed across her face. Like him, she wasn't good at hiding her emotions. Even without the bond, he would feel them. With the bond, he both felt it and saw it.

"You… monster."

He stood up, his hands fairly relaxed in the binders before him. She held her ground before him. "This is war, in case you've forgotten. Destroying their base would be a huge coup for the First Order. Now, their fate is in your hands. Stay and they live. Try and run and the might of the First Order will crush your friends before you manage to reach them."

He felt the darkness in her stir moments before she launched himself at him in anger. He hit the bed hard on his back as she crashed into his chest, her fists punching and hitting him.

Ferocious and protective. And afraid, so very afraid, for her friends.

But not of him. Never of him. Not anymore.

He let her pummel him for a moment before using his weight against her. He seized a moment of weakness and flipped them, pinning her to the bed beneath them. She clawed at his face then, snarling.

Rey kicked and writhed underneath him. He felt a stirring and a longing then. A need for her that he'd done his best to keep buried. Not for the girl she once was. No, it was for the woman she'd become. This woman who tested him at every turn and who fought to protect her friends. Passionate and protective.

He raised his restrained his hands then, pressing the binders up against her neck as he pressed his full weight against her, trapping her underneath. He ignored the momentary twinges of pain from her attacks.

"No! No! No!" she screamed hoarsely, her body flexing and straining as he compressed her windpipe.

" _Ben! No!" a little girl screamed in horror. Kira._

"You have a choice, Rey. Your freedom or theirs. Which is it?"

His hands cupped her cheeks as he held her there, seeing the strain across her features and feeling her restricted breathing.

He felt it through the bond. Her hatred was at herself. At her weakness. Because she wasn't strong enough to beat him. That even with his hands restrained and cut off from the Force, he still beat her.

"Rey…" he said softly. "I don't want to hurt you. Don't make me hurt you."

"Then let me go!"

"He won't let you go. If I let you go… he'll cripple us," he said sadly.

 _A crimson lightsaber run through her. His hand on the hilt._

By the look on her face, the disbelief, he knew she saw it too.

"You!"

"I don't want to kill you. If you run, I will kill you. The Supreme Leader will have you executed. So I ask you again, Rey, which is it? Your momentary freedom or theirs?"

He let up some of the pressure on her throat, making sure she could speak. She was too stunned to fight him much.

"Supreme Leader?"

"My Master," he said. "The true power behind the First Order."

He lets her in then. Lets her see the man who gave him power. Who taught him how to truly, fully wield the Force. The man who freed him from his family.

" _The girl… she will join us. If not, you will destroy her. This is to be your final test, Kylo Ren. If you fail me in this, you will cease to exist."_

" _I understand, Supreme Leader."_

" _Go. Search your mind. Find her. Bring her to me."_

But that's not what he wanted her to see. He wanted her to see power. Not… subjugation.

But she's loose now, running through his mind. Picking through his memories.

* * *

Ren's mind is a dark place.

He wanted her to see Snoke, but judging by his revulsion at the particular memory, he feels about his master the same way she regarded Unkar Plutt.

So she searches through his mind, wanting more, needing more.

And she feels a pain in her chest at one she only saw from a distance.

" _Han Solo, I've been waiting for this day a long time."_

 _The father who left him. Who turned his back on him. Who left him to Snoke and Luke. Who never understood; never tried to._

" _Take off that mask. You don't need it. Not with me."_

" _What do you think you'll see if I take it off?"_

" _The face of my son."_

" _Your son is gone," he growled. Ben Solo was dead. He'd killed him a long time ago. He was Kylo Ren. If this man needed confirmation of that, then fine. "He was weak and foolish, like his father. So I destroyed him."_

 _He reached up and took off the mask. And he watched his father study him. He tried to keep his face impassive._

" _That's what Snoke wants you to believe. It's not true. My son is still alive. I'm looking at him right now."_

 _He wanted to step back now. To put back on the mask. He wasn_ _'t strong enough for this. Not this. Not this man finally doing what he'd dreamed of since he was a child._

" _No," he said, stronger than he felt. "The Supreme Leader is wise. He knows you for what you really are, Han Solo."_

 _Instead of backing away, his father came closer._ _"Snoke's using you for your power. You know it's true."_

 _He shook his head, feeling conflicted in a way he hadn_ _'t before. Torn. He wanted to trust this man, but his Master… he had to please his Master. His Master needed him. His Master gave him power._

" _It's too late." His father could never help him. No one could._

" _No, it's not. Leave here with me. Come home. Your mother misses you."_

 _His mother. The great General Leia Organa. Who chose politics over her son. Who sent him away. Who handed him off the weak-willed Jedi she called brother. She was the one who left him to Snoke. And his father let her._

 _But the part of him, the part that was still Ben buried deep inside missed her. He remembered the hugs, the sweet little stories she told him at night when Snoke threatened his mind. How she promised to always love him and protect him, no matter what._

" _I'm being torn apart," he said, his voice betraying the pain he felt inside. "I want… I want to be free of this pain. I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help?"_

 _Will you help me stop him? Can I really come home?_

" _Yes. Anything," his father said, and he felt the sincerity behind those words._

 _He unclipped his lightsaber, the one he_ _'d crafted himself after fleeing his uncle. He held it out. A symbol of the Dark Side. Of all the dark deeds he'd performed. All the lives he'd taken._

 _But there was a dark voice in his head, taunting him. Telling him that the Light was weak. That his father was weak. That Han Solo couldn_ _'t save him. No one could save him._

 _But his father reached out, his hand on the saber._

 _The voice grew stronger. And it threatened the girl. It threatened to destroy her the same way it twisted him. He knew what he had to do._

" _Thank you," he said to his father, just before he ignited the saber._

 _Pain and confusion on the man_ _'s face as the light erupted through his chest. Then a hand, warm and filled with love and forgiveness, touched his face._

Rey backed out of his head immediately. This… none of this fits with the monster she knows. The monster who supposedly killed his own father out of cold blood. Not a man who was once a sacred little boy who killed to protect her.

"Why?" she begged. "Why me? Why do you care about me?"

He looked startled at her question. "You weren't supposed to see that."

"Why me, Ren? Why are you the one who kills me? Why does he use me against you?"

He let go of her throat, sitting up, his hands still encased in the binders. She pulled herself up, one hand rubbed her sore throat as she stared into those dark eyes of his. Dark and sad.

"Because… you're the only one who survived. You are my weakness, Rey."

She frowned, then remembered the bloody boy picking up the little girl. The girl he called Kira.

The girl that was her.

"I don't remember you."

"I know. That's my fault. I tried… I wanted to protect you. There's walls in your mind, Rey. They're protecting you from the past. Keeping you from your memories. From the pain. From what I did."

"Take them down!"

"I can't. They're fractured, but I can't remove them."

"If you made them, you can undo them!" she begged.

His voice is quieter now. "I can't… because I didn't make them."

 **Author's Notes:**

I crashed early last night with only a few hundred words written, but then I got a sales phone call this morning very early, so guess what folks? I woke up early and pissed. Perfect mood for this chapter. Thanks dealership, but you can pry my Jeep outta my cold, dead hands. I don't want a new one – not unless you plan on giving me a million dollars and three free vehicles of my choice. Then we can talk.

I know, it's on the short side (and I killed Han again and made you all cry, sorry…), and it's a bit of a huge cliffie but the next few chapters are going to be beasts.

Guest – Thank you so much! I hope you continue to enjoy it. I'm having so much fun writing this story.


	10. Chapter Nine

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Nine**

"We have to find her!" Finn shouted.

Leia shot the ex-stormtrooper a look. "Settle down, Finn. Shouting won't solve anything. Relax."

"How can I? Last time he took her… he did something to her mind. He might've done more if she hadn't gotten free. If we hadn't helped her."

"I understand your concern. However, we can't be sure of where Rey was taken. Not yet. We are listening for any chatter about her location and we will do our best to bring her home, but you have to understand that we might not be able to save her. It may be too late."

"We can't just let her die, General," Poe said, having been mostly silent. "She's a member of the Resistance."

"I know and I'm sorry."

Finn shook his head. "This isn't right. We should be looking for her. We need to find her."

"It's dangerous. Far too dangerous to undertake at this juncture. I'm sorry, Finn… Poe. We can't launch a rescue operation until we at least know where she is being held," Leia said sadly.

"She'll be with Ren," Finn said sternly. "He took her. Twice now."

She tried not to react at the mention of her son. It was an open secret, but one that she tried to play close to her vest. Not everyone needed to know that the boy who'd been her son was the hated Kylo Ren of the First Order. Most of the long-time members of the Resistance already knew about her son. The younger generation didn't necessarily and that was how she preferred it.

"Once we locate him, then we can discuss a rescue operation. Until then, it is too risky. What we need to do is concentrate on the small bases and disrupting the First Order. With any luck, we will get news of her location or his," Leia said. "I'm sorry, Finn. I wish there was more we could do."

"I understand," is all he said.

* * *

"Who did? Who did this?"

He saw the tears in her eyes. Felt the pain ripple through her.

"There's only one other person could've done it," he said softly.

"Who?"

"Skywalker."

She shook her head. "No. He couldn't. He would've…"

"When I came back for you, you were gone. I tried to find you…"

 _"Kira!" He ran through the smoky ruins, heading for where he'd hidden her sleeping body. He couldn't risk carrying the unconscious girl with him as he arranged for transport off world._

 _She was gone. Her small, beige-clothed form was missing form where he'd tucked her out of sight._

 _"Kira!" he screamed. She couldn't or rather shouldn't have woken up, not yet. He'd only been gone mere moments to ready the ship for their flight. Not long enough for her to override his Force-induced slumber. Unless he'd miscalculated the use. "Kira!"_

 _He couldn't lose her. Not now. Not his ray of light. Not his Kira._

 _"Kira! Please!"_

 _Then the pressure in his mind, the voice. He had to go. Had to leave. It increased, fingernails clawing through his skull, reminding him of promises made. Allegiances he pledged._

 _"Kira! I'll come back for you!" he shouted, the pain worsening, the grip tightening, like a noose around his neck. "I'll find you!"_

"But you were gone. I couldn't find you," he said. "I tried…"

"You should've tried harder."

He hung his head in regret. "I know."

She punched him in the chest. "You did this. You're the reason I was alone. You did this!"

He made no move to defend himself. He had no defense. He was the reason she was alone on Jakku. His role in the massacre at the Academy directly led to her abandonment on the wasteland of a planet she called home for the last fourteen years of her life. He abandoned her and lost her.

"I know."

"That's all you can say? 'I know'? Not you're sorry or anything, just you 'know'? That's it?"

"Tell what you'd like me to say. What would help you? What magic words could I say—what could anyone say—that would make things okay?" He stared at her, his eyes meeting her own. "Tell me, Rey."

She shook her head frowning. "You're either sorry or you're not. It's that sim—"

"It's not and you know it." He took a step closer, his head bent down to see her better. "Even if I say sorry, even if it's sincere, you and I both know you won't accept it. You won't believe it. Why? Because you still don't believe me. You don't remember."

Rey, his beautiful, strong Rey, shook her head. "You're right, I don't. I don't trust you. I don't believe you. And I don't remember you."

"You can change that," he said softly. "Use the Force. Raise your hand and enter my head. I won't fight you. I will help you remember."

She sneered at him, darkness surrounding her. "Like you helped me relive your father's murder? No, thank you."

He reached forward, gripping one of her wrists with one of his bound hands. She went to pull free and he tightened his grip on her delicate wrist. Slender and feminine. While she was tall for a woman, she still felt small, breakable even, compared to himself.

"You want to know who you are. Who your family was. Why you ended up on Jakku. I can help you."

"You're desperate for me to stay," she said, anger evident in her voice. "These answers come at a price."

He looked at her sadly. He'd paid the price a million times before. Over and over again. Losing her, time and again, in both memories and dreams. No other loss ever struck him quite the same way. He never let anyone else close to him after her. Not that many in the First Order tried.

He covered himself up, head to toe, with not an inch of skin on display when fully dressed. With the helmet to conceal his features and mask his emotions, he looked every bit the monster she accused him of being. Not a trace of Ben Solo remained. No human. No one who could be hurt. With the mask, he was only Kylo Ren, apprentice of the Supreme Leader. Merciless. Powerful.

"You or them. It's simple," he said curtly.

Rey shook her head. "How do I know you won't kill them regardless?"

He glared at her. "You don't, but maybe this will help."

He closed his eyes, seeing it vividly. The day he first met the youngling. He'd been training with Snoke secretly, just off the beaten path at the Academy. He'd been talking in his mind at the time, before she broke his concentration.

" _Hi," said a little girl at his feet, her brown hair done in three little buns, her clothes the same as other younglings._

 _He glared down at the young girl as an older padawan rushed over, calling out, "Kira, no… don't bother him!"_

 _The girl, perhaps three, didn't run to her companion. She didn't heed the warning. She just looked up at him. "You sad. Why you sad?"_

 _He made a face, intending to scare her. It usually sent the other younglings away screaming. She didn't move from where she appeared rooted, almost at his feet._

" _Kira!" the other padawn, a Twi'lek, called again. This one was careful to stay far away. "C'mon, Master Luke is waiting!"_

" _Why you sad?" the little girl repeated, ignoring her companion. She didn't seem to notice the fear inherent in her helper's voice._

" _If I tell you, will you go away?" he inquired._

 _She nodded, her hazel eyes bright, her buns bouncing a bit from the movement._

" _Kira, please… we need to go," the other padawan begged. "Leave Ben alone. Master Luke said we're not to disturb him!"_

 _He recognized the older girl from around the Academy, but not the one at his feet. The younger student, without the braid or other mark, such as the Twi'Lek girl wore, signifying her rank, had to be a newly arrived youngling. She didn't look familiar. She was also exceedingly young. And so full of Light it hurt to look at her._

" _He's sad!" the girl called Kira yelled back, undeterred. She'd been promised answers and, as a result, dug her little heels in. He admired that._

 _He sighed loudly, sensing this Kira wasn't going to leave. Even using the threat of his uncle waiting wasn't enough for her to hurry along. She didn't seem the slightest bit afraid of him, unlike most of other padawans and younglings. The other students gave him a wide berth. It was partly because of his uncle and partly because of the rumors._

" _You miss your mommy?" Kira asked._

 _He resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He still couldn't believe she hadn't run away screaming from him like the others. "Sometimes," he said, hoping it would placate her. It didn't._

" _I miss mommy." There was a sad look on her face, as if she might be trying to remember her mother._

" _It gets easier," he told her softly. Though, in his case, it had been much easier, given that his own mother tossed him aside instead of helping him. He tried not to think of his mother or his father. Or the supreme disappointment they both were._

 _The girl tugged on his robes, breaking into his thoughts. "Tell you secret?"_

 _He eyed her. What he really wanted was for her to go away. But she motioned for him to lean down toward her. Reluctantly, with an exaggerated eye roll, he did as she bade. "Sure."_

" _You has big…" She pulled on her ears, scrunching her face up in thought as she tried to remember the word, and frowning when she couldn't._

" _Ears?" he supplied and she nodded excitedly._

" _You has big ears, Ben!"_

" _That's not a secret," he grumbled, moving to straighten up. She pulled on the front of his robes before he could, which forced him to eye her again. "Yes?"_

" _You come?"_

" _Come where?"_

" _See Aster Uke!"_

" _You mean Master Luke?" he tried with a raised eyebrow. She nodded._

" _Aster Uke!"_

 _He couldn't resist a laugh. It startled the padawan waiting for the youngling. The little girl before him seemed delighted._

" _Okay, I'll take you to see Master Luke."_

" _Yay!" she declared, clambering onto him without hesitation. He froze, unused to being touched. Not even his uncle liked to touch him. Then again, Luke Skywalker had always been standoffish. This girl didn't seem to notice his hesitation as she practically crawled up his neck._

" _What are you doing?" he demanded of her, half wanting to rip her off him._

" _Ride!" She put an arm around her his neck._

" _I'm not—" he started to grumble, but he felt the Light inside her reaching out to him. She was a ray of sunshine, of Light, calling to him. It scared the voice in his head. It pushed him out. She was too bright._

 _Suddenly, he knew that spending time with this girl would mean less time with the voice. With the urge to do bad things, wrong things, that hurt people. Less time with the anger._

 _She curled around him, hanging in such a manner he thought she might fall. He stayed half-crouched to the ground as he used his hands to rearrange her. When he was younger, his father sometimes let him sit on his shoulders. He situated the girl in a similar fashion, her legs around the back of his neck, his hands on her feet to steady her. She curled her fists around his short hair and he instinctively winced._

" _Go, Ben!" she encouraged him, then let out a squeal of delight as he stood up to his full height and took a step forward._

" _Don't pull. Gentle," he said sternly._

" _Yes, Aster Ben!"_

 _He shook his head slightly, careful not to hurt her. This girl was something else. But ever since she came bouncing over, he'd felt the voice in his mind quiet. She swam in the Light and he wanted nothing more than to stay here with her. To have the peace in his own head._

" _Hang on… Kira."_

She jerked her hand free of his grip violently. "What the hell was that?" she demanded.

"How we met."

Rey stumbled back from him, shaking her head. "No… that's not real. That's not me. I'm not that girl."

"Search my mind if you don't trust me."

"No."

"You have to choose. I'm giving you a chance to make an informed choice. Take it."

" _You need a teacher! I can show you the ways of the Force!"_

"I won't choose. I won't. You'll have to kill me." She held herself up tall, proud, but brimming with anger and hate. The darkness ate away at her, leaving him nearly glowing in the light, a reversal that hadn't occurred in decades.

"No, no, I think if your choice is that, you have to watch your friends perish first. And then you will be kept alive to suffer. You can't escape that easily."

"I won't let you hurt them."

"Then you know what you have to do," Ren said simply. "Extend your hand. Enter my mind. I won't fight you."

"No."

He tried to keep calm. He tried not to picture her dead by his own hand. The punishment for disobeying the Supreme Leader. An execution of an enemy of the First Order. A woman he had… compassion for. A woman who was his only weakness.

"Do it, Rey. Or I press this button here and you'll be escorted to a cell. If that happens, you will face the Supreme Leader immediately and he will order your death and theirs once he pulls the location from your mind." He let his index finger brush a beacon on his belt, not dissimilar to the tracker that saved his life on Starkiller Base.

She raised a shaking hand from her waist, hesitating. "You wouldn't…"

"The entire Resistance. Gone. I'll tell them to make sure the traitor suffers."

"No!"

Just like that, she raised her hand and plunged into his mind with a vengeance.

 **Author's Notes:**

Whew, so I didn't have as much writing time as I hoped while away (only about twenty minutes either night, some of which were spent transcribing from OneNote to the non-cell data tablet with keyboard). Since I only had limited cell data on my phone and no WiFi, I couldn't post any excerpts this time.

The next chapter is going to be flashback heavy and fairly lengthy (2-3,000 words) so I imagine that coupled with my work schedule means the next update will be Tuesday evening. Then I should resume fairly regular (daily or every other day) posting.

Thanks for your patience while I was away!

What pieces of their past are you guys most curious about? What do you think Rey will find in his mind? Do you think she'll chose to stay? Who thinks he's bluffing about a transmitter?


	11. Chapter Ten

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Ten**

She lifted her hand and felt herself slip into his mind She felt him stiffen at first, his mind instinctively trying to protect itself from her intrusion. But aside from the initial resistance, he truly had opened himself to her.

Rey remembered what it felt like to have him inside her mind before. How sacred she'd been. Helpless.

She pushed those thoughts aside and tried to concentrate. As far as he was concerned, she was a girl named Kira. And Master Luke had known her before she set foot on Ahch-To.

But who left her on Jakku? Why? And where were her parents?

She pushed further into his mind, wincing at glimpses of his parents at the thought of family. Of a younger, less world weary and still alive Han Solo helping his son learn to walk, then to fly. Of bone-crushing hugs from the furry uncle that was as much a part of his family as his blood relatives. Leia, even when stressed and tired, still tucked him into bed at night until the day she put him on a ship with his uncle even as he begged to stay.

Blinking back a tear—his? Or her own?—she kept going, searching for her own answers. To their shared past.

She heard a voice she recognized as her own.

" _Ben! Ben!"_

 _A small girl in beige robes, normally clean, but today caked in mud and dirt, ran toward him, tears in her eyes._

 _The figure in his mind retreated as she approached and he crouched down out of habit as Kira flung herself into his arms. She wasn_ _'t overly affectionate with anyone but him. He'd watched her with the other younglings before. She was friendly for the most part, but often withdrew into her own little world._

 _He frowned, a part of him angry at whatever or whoever made her cry, just at seeing her in pain._ _"What happened?"_

 _Sniffling, she said in a rush,_ _"Sana pushed me in a puddle and the others laughed. She said I belonged there and shouldn't get up…"_

 _He held her tight in his arms, feeling the pain and hurt in waves from her._

" _They said I'm trash… that I'll never be a Jedi. That I'll never be any good…"_

" _They're wrong," he said confidently. "You'll be stronger than all of them. I feel it. And one day… when you're older, you'll prove it."_

" _And you'll teach me? When I'm older?"_

 _He nodded._ _"You'll be my apprentice. Just you."_

" _Sana won't like that." Kira looked worried._

 _A smirk crossed his lips._ _"She won't get a choice. Master Luke told me I can pick my own apprentices one day. And I already picked you."_

 _He rubbed her back, feeling the tension ease._ _"You're sad again, Ben. Why are you sad?" she asked quietly._

" _I miss my family… like you."_

" _But Master Luke is your family."_

 _He felt the anger again. Luke was blood, but being here was punishment. It would always be punishment. One that his own parents brought upon him. He didn_ _'t miss them as much as he missed what used to be._

" _Now I have you," he said with a smile. "We'll be each other's family."_

 _She didn_ _'t seem convinced, but nodded. "Don't be sad, Ben."_

" _I can't be around you. You're like a little ray of sunshine. The other younglings are just jealous."_

" _A ray?"_

" _Yes," he said. "A small beam of light. That's what you are for me. A ray of light in the dark."_

" _But it's daylight!" she said, her face twisted up in confusion._

" _You'll understand one day."_

Rey recoiled from the memory. Her name? Her parents hadn't named her 'Rey'. He had. Indirectly, he was responsible for her name.

She wanted out, but she couldn't. Not yet. There were more answers to be found in his mind. More pieces of herself she had to reclaim. She had to understand what she was to him. Why he wanted her to stay. Why he was so afraid.

She fell into another one. A darker one.

 _He knew what he had to do._

 _It was time. There was no turning back. If he even tried, it would only be worse. Snoke was coming for him. To train him. So he could reach his full potential._

 _Even so, he risked the pain and wrath for one last act of defiance._

 _He hurried to the younglings_ _' quarters. He found his way to the room where little Kira slept. He scooped the still sleeping girl out of her bed._

 _She stirred, limbs dull from sleep._ _"Ben?" she whispered softly, her voice rough._

" _Ssh, sleep. You're dreaming."_

 _She burrowed her face against his robes, snuggling into him. She had no idea what he was about to do. What he would do. She could never know. He didn_ _'t want her to know._

 _He didn_ _'t to do this, but the voice in his head did. It was a test of loyalty._

 _But he wouldn_ _'t hurt his little ray of light. He hurried to a hiding spot he'd discovered while exploring one day. It was a tight and cramped natural structure similar to a cave. It hurt to try and squeeze his lean frame inside. But soon it would be the only safe place._

 _She whimpered, waking up more._ _"Ben… no…"_

" _You need to get inside. We're playing a game."_

 _He set her down, pushing her to climb through the narrow opening. Reluctantly, she did so, but lacking much of the enthusiasm she usually had when it came to exploration._

" _I don't wanna."_

" _I know, but you have to."_

" _Why?"_

 _He ignored the question as he got her settled in. "No matter what, I need you to stay here."_

 _"But it's dark!"_

 _"The darkness is only in your mind."_

 _"Please don't leave! Ben, don_ _'t leave!"_

 _Indecision gnawed at his gut. He felt the pain coming off her in waves. The hurt. The loneliness._

 _"I'll be back. Promise."_

 _She withdrew from him, this little shining beacon of light. She was so bright and good that it hurt._

 _He wanted to spare her the pain and agony. He knew what he must do, but he couldn't subject her to it. She's not the youngest of them, not anymore, but he has a soft spot for her. He has to protect her like a brother protected their sister._

 _She was his Kira and he_ _'d fight to the death to protect her. No harm would come to her or there would be hell to pay._

Compassion. Weakness. For her, or the girl she once was. Was this the night that ruined Luke Skywalker? The night that Ben Solo was lost to the Dark Side?

She had to know. To know more about what happened that night.

She felt a barrier then. She felt more than heard him say no. He didn't want her to see that night. Not yet. He was afraid she wasn't ready for it. That it would hurt her.

Rey pressed against the barrier, but then she felt another tug. Stronger. Darker. It was the presence in his mind. The other voice in his head.

It had a name. Supreme Leader Snoke. And it oozed evil.

* * *

She wanted to know more about the massacre. Remembering that night—their last night together—would do more harm than good at this stage. He didn't want to hurt her any more than strictly necessary at this moment. He needed her to trust him.

If Rey wouldn't listen to him, she would die. And he would have to live with the knowledge and the guilt. He couldn't do that.

He'd spared her before. He just needed her to trust him. To work with him instead of against him.

" _I perceive the problem. It isn't her strength that is making you fail. It's your weakness."_

They had a common enemy, whether she believed it or not. Snoke could destroy the galaxy given enough time and resources.

He'd seen it. He'd seen his master's plans. Seen his excitement at the destruction of the Hosnian system. And his disappointment at the loss of Starkiller Base before he could destroy the Ileenium system.

He thought back to before, to when Rey was first his captive. When he first learned of his master's plan.

" _We were able to track their reconnaissance ship back to the Ileenium system. We are coordinating with our own reconnaissance craft in the area in order to lock down the specific location of their base," Hux said, pleased with his report and eager to be praised._

" _We do not need it. Prepare the weapon. Destroy their system," the hologram that was the Supreme Leader said._

 _He didn_ _'t pay attention to Hux's response. He was too busy in his own mind. He'd watched the destruction of the Hosnian system. He'd felt the ripple through the Force as millions of lives blinked out in agony. Innocent lives, meant as sacrifice for this test of their weapon._

 _And now it would happen again. And his mother and her people would be part of it. She would die. He wouldn_ _'t be able to save her. To save any of them. Not without the information in the girl's head. There would be no survivors—no hope. This act of violence would cripple the Resistance and kill millions of innocent lives throughout the system._

 _All of this because the droid was in his father's hands. Because he failed._

" _As soon as the weapon is fully charged, I want the entire Ileenium system destroyed," his master ordered._

" _I can get the map from the girl. I just need your guidance," Ren said, pleading._

" _And you promised me when it came to destroying the Resistance you wouldn't fail me. General, prepare the weapon."_

" _Yes, Supreme Leader!" Hux hurried off, eager to play with his shiny new toy. Happy for praise, like the lap dog he was._

 _He felt the pain in his mind. His Master._

" _Kylo Ren. It appears that a reminder is in order. So I will show you the dark side. Bring the girl to me."_

 _He froze. Not her. She wasn_ _'t ready. She was only being to test her power. She would be destroyed—ripped apart by his master. She wasn't ready._

 _He felt the nails scratching in his mind, daring him to defy him. Snoke knew the girl meant something to him. He knew that the boy he_ _'d once been had cared for a Force-sensitive girl—a girl who had never been accounted for._

 _Rey, bleeding out at his hands, his saber humming. Her life extinguished at his hands, the way it was meant to be all those years ago._

 _He hadn_ _'t known at first that this Rey was the same girl he'd lost. Once he'd entered her mind, he knew. He knew for sure it was his Kira._

 _He had a choice to make—his mother or the girl. Sacrificing the girl to his master might stop the destruction of an entire system. But it would destroy the only person who had ever seen past the exterior mask._

 _He shouldn_ _'t care about either. Emotion was weakness. Sentimentality was for the weak. He was stronger than that. He had to be._

 _But he couldn_ _'t look at her or think about her without remembering the little girl who looked at him with curious hazel eyes, asking him why he was so sad._

" _Yes, Master," he said reluctantly as the claws in his head dug in, threatening to rip her apart. To take her away from him._

Ren felt her repulsion in his mind. The turmoil. She hadn't been expecting Snoke or even a taste of the pain his master brought upon him.

He eased into a different memory, still painful, but in a different way.

" _Ben!"_

 _He glanced up from his meditation to see his uncle. The Jedi Master looked furious._

" _Yes, Uncle?" he called, not willing to use the formal title of respect. There was no one else around to hear them._

" _The youngling. Kira. You should keep your distance from her."_

" _Why do you care?"_

" _She is in my charge. I won't have you corrupting her, Ben. She hurt another student today."_

" _Sana? She had it coming." He used the Force to flick a rock lazily._

" _What have you done?"_

" _You're blind, Uncle. I taught Kira to protect herself. Sana has been bullying her since she got here. So have others. She deserved it."_

" _Someone might have died!"_

 _He whipped his head up to look at the older man._ _"But they didn't, now, did they?"_

" _You were lucky this time. Next time…"_

" _Perhaps you should worry less about me and more about protecting your precious students from each other. We both know I'm a lost cause." He threw another, larger rock with the Force, feeling a bit destructive._

She took control from him then, jerking him out of his foul mood and back into the present.

* * *

Ren stared at her as she lowered her hand, shaking a bit. "What was that?" she breathed.

"Which part?"

"All of it."

She felt as if she'd just spent three days in the sun of Jakku with no food or water. Probing Ren's mind, even without his supposed resistance, was exhausting.

"Just a tiny bit of the life we shared. I can tell you more… show you more. Everything I have… everything I know can be yours, if you'll just trust me. Join me. Stay here with me."

She shook her head instinctively. "No."

"Trust me, Kira. Or do you prefer Rey?"

" _You're like a little ray of sunshine."_

"Yes… no… I don't know."

He took a step forward, his head bent toward her. His emotions were written plainly on his face.

"Stay here," he begged softly. "Help me."

She stared at him, seeing a glimpse of the boy he'd been. A sad boy that her younger self befriended. Who cared deeply for the girl she'd been.

But the woman she was wouldn't be so easily swayed. She'd seen what he was capable of. He wasn't the boy anymore. He was a man with blood on his hands.

At the same time, she sensed the honesty. The pain. He needed her.

With a wave of her hand, she released the binders. They fell with a clatter from his wrists. He looked down, startled, but made no move either toward her or to harm her.

"I will stay… with one request."

"Anything," he said without hesitation and she felt his sincerity.

"I don't trust you. Even if I trusted you, I don't trust your master. I'm willing to stay if—and only if—you let me reach out to the base. I just want to give them a chance to evacuate. That's all."

He was quiet a moment. "One short transmission. I will do my best to keep it encrypted, but I can't promise it will be. If I agree to this… you have to stay. If you even try to run, I will hunt down your friends one-by-one and you'll watch them suffer. Do you understand?"

Rey bristled at the threat. But she knew that the man in front of her only understood pain. It's all he knew. Pain and fear.

Fighting back tears, she nodded. "I understand."

He reached a hand out, his glove touching her cheek, his thumb stroking the skin gently. "Then we have a deal?"

"Yes… yes, I will stay."

 **Author's Notes:**

Whew, what a pain this chapter was. It could've easily been twice as long with lots more flashbacks. But I know you guys were eager to move forward, so onward we go! Yes, there's still more past pieces to come. We will also see more of Ben/Luke and Kylo Ren/Snoke to better understand the difference between his two masters. Rey will also come face-to-face with Snoke sooner or later, as much as Ren tries to put it off.

She still doesn't trust him, but seeing his concern for Leia upset her balance. She hasn't been expecting any of this from him.

I was planning to post this on my lunch today, but I had an allergic reaction to a different medication my doctor put me on, so I'm home and I get to start the next chapter now between naps. If all goes well, I should have another short chapter for you guys tomorrow night or Thursday morning. There should also be a Friday night post. Mondays and Thursdays are pretty much the only nights I can't write so if I haven't posted in the morning, it's unlikely there will be a post that day.

Enjoy! Let me know what you think about Rey's choice!


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Eleven**

Regret sank in almost immediately after the agreement left her lips. Trusting him could very well get her friends killed. He was no longer restrained. He could easily make her his prisoner and deny her request.

He could do anything he wanted to her. He was stronger than her, physically. He could overpower her eventually, no matter how hard she fought. He'd already proven that once today when he overpowered her while cuffed in binders. She had to trust him. She had to trust his word and his memories.

The boy he had been cared for the girl she'd been. She was his weakness and he wanted to protect her, even as outside forces begged him to destroy her. That's what his memories showed.

But Rey wasn't sure. She didn't know if she could trust the devil that was Kylo Ren. The monster.

His hand dropped from her cheek and she resisted the urge to step back from his dark-eyed gaze.

"You want to warn the Resistance," he said softly. "I assume you know the proper frequency to raise them. Come with me."

"Come where?"

"I do not keep communication equipment in my private quarters. I know of a little used console. You will remain at my side. Do not speak to anyone or try to run. If you do, I will be forced to give the location of the base on D'Qar to the First Order."

Rey stared at him. "You would betray your own mother to keep me in line?" she tested.

"The General is resourceful."

"She would be taken captive, if not killed, by your men. On your order."

He cocked his head to look at her. "She chose this life. She knows the risks."

"She is still your mother! I've seen inside your head, Ben! You still care about her."

His eyes narrowed and she felt a surge of anger through the bond. "What you saw was the past. If I have to choose between saving the mother who abandoned me and you… I will choose you, Rey. I will choose you every time."

"If you truly cared for me the way you say, you would let me go. Let me be with my friends," she tried, her voice even while her mind twisted, trying to understand the man before her.

He shook his head simply at the suggestion. "I can't."

Pain shot through the bond, hitting them both. A sensation almost like nails clawing her scalp, as if talons were squeezing into her brain.

Rey doubled over, crying out. A gloved hand grabbed one of her hands, clutching it. He was beside her, his free hand gripping the side of his head in pain as well. He was crippled by it, too, but not as badly. Not if he could still reach out to comfort her. He was used to the pain, she realized with horror.

This was a routine for him.

The idea sickened her, even as she struggled to breathe and not scream.

"Bring me the girl, Kylo Ren," an insidious voice echoed in his head. Or was it her own? She couldn't tell where he began and where she ended anymore.

The claw increased for a brief moment then the pain subsided as quickly as it came.

Rey stayed in a kneeling position on the cool duracrete floor, panting from exertion. His hand flexed around hers, reassuring and warm. They didn't need to speak.

This was Snoke, she knew. The other voice in his head. The one he called Master now.

" _Yes, I understand, Master Snoke," he said quietly, speaking to the air._

She felt the urge to run. To flee. Damn the Resistance, she had to get away from here. Away from the pain. Before it returned—before he returned.

A hand squeezed her own, calling her back. "Rey," his voice was soft, if not weary.

"I can't do this. I can't stay here."

"I'll protect you."

"You? You can't even protect yourself!"

She watched him close his eyes for a long moment. He looked old. Tired. Sad.

" _Why you sad, Ben?" she asked, perching up on a tall rock beside the older apprentice. He was hunched over, his tall form slumped almost down to her size._

 _He regarded her carefully, almost warily._ _"Bad dreams, Kira," he said in that same soft, tired voice._

" _Of what?"_

" _You wouldn't understand."_

 _She wrapped her short arms around him as best she could._ _"Don't be sad, Ben. I'll protect you."_

The older man, the Ben who was Kylo Ren, looked over at her, still crouched on the floor with her. He still held her hand and neither one made any move to break the connection. "Trust me," he said weakly.

"Come with me."

He shook his head. "I can't. You know it. That's just a taste of his power. There's nowhere in the galaxy I can go where he can't find me."

Those words echoed something he'd said to her earlier. About tracking _her_ down.

It was in that moment she realized he was just as much a prisoner as she was. Perhaps even more so. He'd lost all hope. All Light. He'd surrendered to the darkness and to his fate. He'd sworn off his past and sworn an allegiance to the malevolent figure that was Supreme Leader Snoke. He was a slave to his Master. The same as she'd relied on Plutt for portions, Ren relied on Snoke to not live in agony.

"Let me help you…" she offered.

"You should run. While you still can."

"I can't run. We both know that."

 _His lightsaber run through her chest, his hand on the hilt, and her blood on his hands. Tears in his eyes as he begged forgiveness. A sick mockery of what happened to Han._

That was their fate if she tried to run. He would be forced to kill her.

"You could kill him," the voice she recognized from his mind whispered to her, inside her head. "It would be so easy. He probably wouldn't even resist you, scavenger."

He squeezed her hand. "Rey…"

"Did you…?"

"I heard him."

"I can't… I won't…" she said, shaking her head. She wasn't a killer. She wouldn't kill him. Not like this. Not at the behest of his master.

" _Ben!"_

" _Careful!" he called, reaching out a hand to grab her arm just as she slipped on the slick rock in her bare feet. She let out a scream, but found herself level with the rock. He wasn't griping her with his hands, but he was right there._

 _She hovered a moment before he caught her with his real hands._

"You would be safe from me. I couldn't hurt you."

" _You still want to kill me."_

"No, I won't do it. I won't kill you," Rey said, shaking her head.

"You should. I've hurt so many people."

She stared at him, at the man she wanted badly to believe was a monster despite the evidence to the contrary. She should hate him. She should kill him.

But she didn't see Kylo Ren beside her. She didn't see Ren holding her hand. She only saw a sad, sacred Ben. A grown-up version of the boy. A prisoner of the First Order. A prisoner of Snoke himself.

Snoke was the true enemy. Ren was merely a pawn. Helpless to save himself, but desperate to save her from his fate.

"That night... When you woke me and hid me. Why did you do that? What were you trying to save me from?"

"Snoke," he said softly, weary. "Snoke wanted the Jedi gone. Eradicated. He made me help. He threatened you. He knew I cared about you."

She didn't speak, letting him tell their story. Their past.

"I was afraid he'd make me kill you. So I hid you. I wanted you safe. I didn't think about what to do after. What to do next. I just knew you had to be safe. That once the killing started... you would be safe. That you would survive."

 _"Ben! Ben!" she screamed, stumbling through the dead. The blood. The night chill cut right through her nightclothes. Pain, so much pain. She felt it. It had woken her up from sleep, woken her up in the small hiding place she once found with him._

 _She had to find him._

 _"Ben!" she screamed in anguish, tears in her eyes. "Come back! Ben!"_

 _Don't leave me._

She jumped a bit at the memory. It was her own memory. Her own fears. That he might be dead. That he might have left her.

"Rey?" He squeezed her hand, staring at her worriedly.

"I'm fine. Just... just tell me what happened."

"Only a handful survived. No Force-sensitives except you, myself, and Skywalker. A few helpers were badly wounded. The students were slaughtered, many in their beds. A few tried to fight back, but they were overwhelmed."

"How many people did you kill?"

"You don't want to know the answer," he said quickly, unwilling to meet her eyes. He wanted his mask back. She could feel it.

"I do. Tell me."

His dark eyes, full of pain and sadness, looked at her. "Seven. I killed seven students. Over fifty died that night."

She felt a wave of relief. While he had killed, he wasn't the sole killer. He wasn't completely gone. There was still hope. And the part of her that was that little girl wanted to save him.

"If you only killed seven... who killed the rest?"

"Snoke's forces. Stormtroopers mostly. But I was blamed for it. Snoke used me to find the location of the temple. He made me give it to him."

"How?"

He hung his head. She felt the fear from him through the bond. "He hurt you, Rey. He made _me_ hurt you."

"Show me."

He closed his eyes and she felt him in her mind. "You won't like it," his voice said in her head, the voice so similar to the boy he'd been.

"I have to know," she pressed.

"Are you sure?"

She grabbed his other hand, still siting awkwardly on the floor with him. "Yes. I have to know. Please… help me remember."

He looked at her, more lost boy than man, and let her into his head. There was no need to raise her hand to enter his mind. There was a well-worn path between their minds. Using her hand was a superfluous gesture with him.

 _Kira, bright, shinning and full of Light, waited for him. She smiled warmly, running up to him. He felt his lips turn into a smile in response, bending down toward her. She threw her arms around him, hugging him._

" _Ben!"_

 _He breathed in the warmth and Light from her. The sheer joy she felt when he was around. He_ _'d tried to distance himself from her, but it hurt._

 _Not as much as the pain in his mind. He let out a choked yell, startling the girl. He let go of her, taking a step back. Snoke had never before made his presence known around her. He usually stayed far away from the girl._

" _Ben!" she called, her voice was full of concern and worry. Fear._

 _He motioned for her to stay back, unable to speak as the pain hit again, stronger this time. Urging him to kill, maim, hurt, destroy the Light before him._

" _No!" he let out, choking on the words as the air seemed to suffocate him. As he flailed around in his own mind, fighting for control._

 _Then he saw his hand whip out, saw it, not feeling it, and heard Kira scream. He watched her hit a tree with a sickening crack and something inside him broke._

" _No!" he screamed, breaking free. Anger hummed through his veins and he lunged for her. He scooped up the small girl, cradling her unconscious form. "No, Kira…" he breathed, stroking her hair, willing her to breathe. To live._

 _The voice in his head was pleased. The voice in his head wanted the girl dead. He wanted her gone. She was Light. She was weakness. He belonged to the voice. The voice controlled him._

Rey pulled him back, pulled them both back, away from the pain and misery. She felt the pain from him, the anguish fresh from the old memory.

She squeezed his hand this time. "I'm right here. I won't leave you… Ben," she whispered.

She felt the rush of anger and uncertainty at the old name.

"Don't…"

"It's still your name."

"No…" He pulled his hand from hers as he stood up. "There's no Ben. Not anymore."

Rey felt the sadness then. He missed those days. When he'd still been Ben. When she had been there to take away the pain and darkness from his mind.

"What do I call you then?" she asked softly, still on the floor.

"Ren. Kylo Ren."

An unspoken 'Master' hung between them. A longing.

 _Her, on her knees, staring up at him, waiting instructions from the impassive mask._

 _His hands on her wrists, pinning her to a soft surface as his lips attacked her, hungry for more. To take. To claim._ _"Mine," he growled into her ear._

 _Dark eyes watching her as she stripped off a black tunic. Her hands trembling, not in fear, but desire._

 _Her name on his lips, like a prayer._ _"Rey…"_

 _An inhuman screech of pain._ _"Rey!"_

 _Her body crumpled at his feet, bloody and motionless. Her eyes open and unseeing. He let out a wordless, pained scream before falling to his knees beside her. He scooped her up and into his arms._

" _Rey… Rey… Wake up. You have to… Rey!"_

 _Tears, hot and fat, rolled down his cheeks as he rocked her limp body, warmth leaving it. He continued to speak, begging her to come back. To wake up._

" _Rey!"_

 _Ren was being torn in two. Not by the Light and the Dark. No, it was because part of him, the part that belonged to her, died. He felt it blacken and die. And the loss of her_ _… it was part of him. He no longer felt her in his mind. She was gone, dead, leaving an empty hole where she'd once been._

 _His ray of Light, gone._

" _Rey!"_

She looked at him, fear flooding her. Snoke.

 **Author's Notes:**

Well, that's certainly not how I thought this chapter was going to play out… but I like it. Yes, believe it or not, he's still holding back more about the night at the Academy. But Rey will remember that herself eventually.

The last piece was mostly dreams… and then one really bad nightmare. That little piece is brought to you by the events of my morning. (I'm home sick, mind you.) Basically, waiting to call out at a certain time, so I'm up and I hear my mom screaming, "She's hit!" and I go running downstairs thinking it's a person or a pet that's hit and it turns out some asshole speeding through our narrow residential street (going at least 40 in a 25) hit and killed our pet duck and didn't even slow down. He kept right on going.

Now, you're thinking, pet duck? What?

Lemme explain. I live by the water. Ducks are common here. Last year, a mama duck wandered into our backyard and laid eggs. They hatched in our backyard and we took care of them for several weeks. My dad built them an inground pool when they got too big for their water dish. (The pool was a very large plastic storage tub that he buried in mulch and filled with water.) We bought extra cracked corn and duck food and feed them several times a day. Mama duck was named "Baby" and one day she was ready to make the trip to the water. So we escorted them back down the road and watched them jump in the real water. And then we continued to come to the water twice a day for several weeks to feed the ducks. Baby knew her name and appeared when called for food. This continued until one day they didn't come when called. The numbers did dwindle (went from eight to six then maybe to four I believe, I would have to look at pictures and count) once they went into the wild.

So today, Baby came back looking to lay eggs. My dad was talking to her in the yard earlier, trying to convince her not to use the backyard this year (we have dogs) and she was hanging in the front yard with her mate.

Then a speeding asshole in a truck hit and killed her. She died instantly, thankfully, but her mate screamed his head off and kept nudging her, trying to get her to wake up. There is no sadder sound in the world than a duck quacking for his mate, screaming for them. Which led me right into Reylo hell, imagining Kylo losing Rey, seeing her dead beside him—alive one instant and dead the next—and screaming at her, screaming in pain.

So now that we're all crying, I'm going back to bed. Should have a new chapter up on Thursday.

Marina Mihawk – I went to reply to your review and you have PM turned off, so here's my response! Thank you so much! I hope you continue to enjoy the rest of the story.


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Twelve**

It was a nightmare. A reoccurring one. One he'd seen a dozen different ways that all ended with her dead or dying. Always by his hand.

It was his Master. Snoke liked to exert his influence over him and remind him of his place. Remind him how powerless he truly was. Snoke was in control. He held all the power.

Sickened by the dream, he looked at her.

Her fear was written plainly on her face. But she wasn't afraid of him. No, it was Snoke. She knew this was Snoke planting this images. She knew that his master was evil.

"We can't leave, Rey. He'll never let us leave," he said softly. "Don't you see?"

"Help me then. Warn the Resistance. Fight him."

"There's no time. He wants to see you." Pain shot across his skull. "Now."

His Master was merely toying with them. He knew it. Snoke was showing off, showing his power, and how easily he could ruin them. All it took was a bit of pain.

Rey couldn't take the pain. Not like he could. It would cripple her. Ruin her.

"Please… just one moment. On the way."

He hesitated, wanting to say no, but he wouldn't renege on a promise made to her. To anyone else, yes. But not to her. Never to her. Ren picked up his helmet. "One quick message. Remember, stay with me. Talk to no one. Don't try to run. Please…"

She nodded, getting up slowly as he eased the mask into place. "I won't. I won't leave you."

" _Ben! Wait!"_

He wanted to take her hand, but instead closed his hand into a fist. It wouldn't do to show compassion or special treatment to his prisoner out in the open. As it was, she was marked as his. She still wore her hair loose and his cloak for warmth around her shoulders. She didn't even seem to realize that it was his. He knew the weight of the fabric would keep her warm on base until he made other arrangements.

No one would bother the Master of the Knights of Ren and his captive, not when he was being summoned by the Supreme Leader. No one questioned his authority except for Hux, and the ginger bastard would be busy in a control room at this time of day.

"Keep up," he ordered, his voice filtered and mechanized by the mask. He felt her flinch internally at the harshness. She detested the mask. He could feel it through the bond.

He opened the door with a whoosh and strode into the corridor. The inside of the _Finalizer_ was dark, bare, and minimalistic. Efficient, but not cozy.

Not home. Not like the Resistance bases he'd grown up on. While they chose rundown or abandoned locations with haphazard sources of equipment, it had always been warm and homey. Not for the First Order. Sleek, new, and state-of-the-art won over comfort.

Kylo Ren let her to a small communications array down the hall. He patched in to the communications, tweaked a few settings, and turned to the girl on his heels.

"You'll have about thirty seconds before the encryption weakens. Make it count."

She nodded, entering the correct sequence to initiate contact with his mother's people. She picked up the communicator and spoke clearly to whoever might be listening in the other system, "This is Rey. The location of Alpha One is compromised. The First Order is planning an attack. Alpha One is compromised. I'm sorry, General."

She ended the communication and played with the settings, hoping to erase their tracks.

"Let's go," he said, leading the way deeper into the ship. Further away from his chambers.

She wasn't ready to face his Master, he knew. She was strong, but few could hold up to Snoke. "You should clear your mind," he suggested as they walked, moving at a brisk pace.

The claws threatened to scratch again. Snoke was losing his limited patience.

 _Rey gasping for air, nothing at her throat but her own hand._

He increased their pace, Rey jogging to keep up. "What will he do?"

"I don't know."

And it made him afraid.

They reached the audience chamber. The hologram would already be waiting for them. He paused, turning to face her, wanting to comfort her, but knowing it was futile.

"Don't fight him. He thrives on pain and suffering. He may try to see in your mind. Let him."

" _Don't go!"_

" _Why?" he asked the sleepy-eyed girl._

" _I'm scared."_

" _Of what?"_

" _Of the monster."_

 _He straightened up from his place at the end of the girl_ _'s bed. "What monster?"_

" _The one in my head. He's scary, Ben. I don't like him. He wants me to do bad things."_

"I'm afraid," the woman before him said.

"Me too," he admitted sadly. "I won't leave you. I'll be right there."

He turned to her quickly, his hand touching her cheek. She closed her eyes for a brief moment and his thumb stroked the bare skin. He longed to touch her without the gloves.

 _Rey, panting beneath him, her skin flushed. A name on her lips. His name._

He shook the dream away to focus on the girl before him. "I won't let him hurt you."

Her hazel eyes looked at him. "You promise?"

He nodded carefully with the helmet still in place. "Yes."

"I'm ready," she breathed.

Ren let his hand trace her cheekbone, cupping her chin, before he let it drop to his side.

Together they strode into the audience chamber. He felt his hands ball into fists at his side. He missed the comforting weight of his lightsaber at his side. He would retrieve it later, once he knew Rey wouldn't run.

Once he felt confident she wouldn't turn the saber against him.

"The scavenger from Jakku, I presume," the holo that was Supreme Leader Snoke said. He felt Rey tense at his side and sent her reassurement through the bond.

Even being in his mind hadn't prepared her for the scared visage of his Master.

"Yes, Master. I have brought her to you, as promised."

"And I see no restraints. How did you manage that, my apprentice? Last we spoke, there was some difficult extracting her."

"She knows the power of the First Order and your might is more than she can escape."

"You lie, Kylo Ren. She has seen into your mind. Don't deny it. I see the connection between you two. I have felt it. This bond… an unfortunate side effect of your time together, is it not? Of your past weakness."

He didn't speak, stunned at the assessment.

Rey, however, did. "The bond started after Takodana. It was an accident. And it grows stronger every day."

"Yes, yes, it does," Snoke mused. "Together you share memories. Thoughts, feelings, emotions. So focused on your past. Of before, yes?"

He felt pressure in his mind. Pain. Snoke. Searching his mind. Hunting for something.

"Yes," Rey said, her voice soft, subjugated.

" _Don't be afraid."_

"You were once a student of Skywalker's. You longed for a young apprentice to train you in the ways of the Force. Well, girl, you have your wish."

Ren glanced up, confused. "Master?"

"Kylo Ren, you will train the girl. You will corrupt the Light that still hides inside her. Teach her the power of the Dark Side. Fail me in this and you know what will come to pass."

" _Fight him!" Rey screamed. "Ben!"_

 _The saber thrust through her chest, his name still on her lips._

 _Her body, cold and limp, in his arms as he caught her._

" _Rey!"_

"I understand, Master," he said, his voice uneven even through the filters of his helmet.

"You have already failed me with her before. Defy me again, and it is not you who will suffer, my apprentice. It is her. If you cannot mold her, shape her into a warrior for the Dark, then she has no place here."

He felt the panic in her chest; the constrained breathing. The fear.

"I will die first," he whispered in her head.

She settled a bit, but was still on edge.

"You are dismissed," Snoke ordered just before the holo blinked out, leaving them in near total darkness.

He ripped the helmet off. "Rey…"

She turned to him, trembling.

He let the mask clatter to the ground carelessly as he pulled her slight body to him. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight. Shielding her. Enveloping her in darkness.

"You're safe. I'm here," he whispered into the top of her head. "I'm here, Rey."

She didn't resist his touch. She didn't recoil. She relaxed in his arms, her head snuggled against his chest.

 _Kira, her head tucked under his chin as she slept, her chest rising and falling in nice, even breaths. He stroked her loose hair absently._

 _A small annoyance he_ _'d grown accustom to._

 _She_ _'d had a nightmare. Instead of running to another student or adult, she'd run to him again. She'd crawled up into his bed and tucked herself almost up his neck, curling up like a cat._

 _He_ _'d been powerless to resist her. Especially when the small voice told him she was scared of a monster in her head._

 _A monster he was familiar with._

 _Ever since, she crawled into bed with him, not asking permission, not waking him. He_ _'d feel the warmth of the Light and know she was there. The darkness in him should have scared her away. It should repulse her._

 _Instead, he pulled her close and tucked the blankets around her. She slept awkwardly on his chest, her head just below his own, sometimes with her little arms locked around his neck._

"I'm here," he repeated as the tears started to fall and sobs wracked her body.

 **Author's Notes:**

And… Snoke's an asshole. Big shock, right? And yes, Snoke tried to get in her head and influence her as a child. It failed, which is part of why Snoke ordered the Academy attack. He sensed she was eroding his control of Ben. She was a threat to him. She still is. Snoke would gladly kill her.

In the next few chapters, we will check in with the Resistance, see some training, and Rey will begin to remember more. We're also getting closer to actual Reylo interaction. We've been slow burning a long time now. Rey will also encounter General Hux.

I just want to say thanks again to everyone who's still reading. A special thanks to the reviewers as well for sending positive thoughts and connecting with me. You guys rock.

I post one to two excerpts for each chapter on my Tumblr ( .com) before posting (usually while writing it). I also try and post reminders of new chapters there, too.


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Thirteen**

"General, we received a message of great importance!"

Leia looked up from her work to see one of the analysts running in with a datapad.

"Yes?" she inquired.

"We received a communication of unknown origin. Whoever sent it had knowledge of our codes and location. It's short."

"Play it."

A few taps on the pad and a static-filled voice filtered through a comms device. A voice Leia recognized immediately.

"This is Rey. The location of Alpha One is compromised. The First Order is planning an attack. Alpha One is compromised. I'm sorry, General," the young girl said.

The message was code. Wherever the girl was, she didn't feel able to speak freely.

"General, what does this mean?" the analyst before her asked.

"It means we need to begin evacuation procedures. The girl who sent this was taken captive by the First Order. I want to know where that communication came from before we leave base."

"Yes, ma'am!"

As the alarms began to sound, Leia reached out, searching for her brother. "Luke… I need you."

* * *

They returned to his quarters in a fog. Rey followed him, trusting him to get her back to their room. It seemed odd to think of it as their space, but after their encounter with Snoke, she knew it would be a long time before she could even consider leaving. Plus, she knew that she wouldn't abandon him to Snoke. They were bound together. She couldn't leave him.

He would always find her. Until Snoke made him kill her.

And the man, beast, whatever he was wanted her gone. She felt the hatred and loathing from his voice. The sheer disgust as he tried to probe her mind.

She was still full of the Light and it terrified his Master.

Exhausted, Rey made her way to the bed, the big comfortable bed. The sheets were still rumpled from the night before and she curled up into them.

"Rest," she heard him say in his real voice. She liked his real voice. It was soothing. Comforting, like the boy had been.

She shifted on the bed to watch him across the room. He ran his hand through his hair. A nervous habit. She knew it.

 _A hand passing over shortly-shorn hair. A singular braid the only length._

 _She watched him across the table as she ate._ _"Ben?"_

" _Hmm?" he said distractedly._

" _Why you do that?"_

" _Do what?" he asked._

 _She mimicked passing a hand through her buns._ _"That."_

 _He frowned._ _"I don't know. I didn't know I was doing it."_

" _You sad?"_

 _He shot her a smile._ _"Not today, Kira. Not today."_

A thrill rushed through her body. A memory. An actual memory! She was being to remember her own past. To remember him.

He wore a smile too. He had felt it through the bond. They didn't need words. Not for this.

"Sleep," he said softly as she shifted on the bed. She stared at him as her eyes began to burn. He was the last thing she saw before she fell asleep.

* * *

A soft hand brushed her cheek. Warm and large.

"Rey."

Lips pressed against hers. His lips.

A shiver ran down her spine. Delight. Anticipation.

Her body responded to him, skin against skin, as he shifted between her legs. He kissed her again, softly, slowly, as one hand palmed a breast and the other reached between her legs.

She wanted this. Wanted him. Desire. Lust. She craved him, only him. And she wanted him deep inside her.

"Rey," he breathed again, his lips trailing down her throat. She hummed happily at the sensations his touch brought. Of the changes to her body he caused.

Then he was inside her. Moving. One leg wrapped around his waist, her hips moving to meet him. Her body taking and wanting. It was a whirl of sensations and pleasure. Her hands touched his chest, muscled and scared, before locking around his neck.

"Rey," he said, like a prayer.

Tension built inside her. Her release was close. So close. She dug her nails into his back, her hips moving faster, urging him, begging him.

Then it hit, hard and fast. She gasped, crying his name. "Ben!"

* * *

Her eyes flew open.

Rey's breathing quickened as she tried to make sense of her surroundings. In the dim lighting, she vaguely recognized the cool interior of the ship she'd been taken captive on. Then piece-by-piece she remembered just where on the ship she was. Private quarters belonging to Kylo Ren. More specifically, his bed.

And even more specifically, she realized slowly, on top of him.

At some point, he'd climbed into bed, mostly clothed as far as she could tell. And she'd found her way to him and now sat with a leg hooked over his and an arm thrown across his chest. She wanted to be far, far away from him, but she didn't want to wake him or draw attention to their entanglement. Slowly, very slowly, she tried to extract herself from a top him.

But she froze when his breathing changed and she felt something dig into her leg. Rey took a quick breath, her eyes held closed for a long moment.

"I can feel you there, Rey," he said softly, his voice heavy from sleep.

" _Kira, what are you doing?" his sleepy voice asked._

" _Bad dream…" she mumbled, climbing into his narrow bed._

 _He tensed at first when she touched him, trying to fit beside him. He sighed, pulling her onto his chest. She settled her head against him like a pillow and her little arms wound around his neck. He relaxed a bit, breathing more even._

" _Comfy?"_

" _Warm."_

" _Sleep, Kira. You're safe. No more bad dreams, okay?"_

" _Mhmm," she mumbled, drifting off. Safe. Warm. Ben._

"Rey?"

She scrabbled off him, scooting back to the other side of the bed.

"I saw it, too. The… dream." He sat up slowly, tucking the covers around his waist, in an attempt to cover himself in more layers. He was… embarrassed. She could feel it through the bond. He'd reacted to the dream, just… just like she had.

"What does… what… was that? That never happened." She pulled her knees up to her chest, curling up in a tight ball.

"It wasn't me. I promise. The dream was yours. I just… fell into it."

"But… how? I… and when did we… the memory, just now?"

He sighed. "You had nightmares. When they hit, you'd come to me. Climb into bed with me. You said it made the monster go away. That it was safe. So, whenever you had a bad dream, you stayed with me."

"How often?"

He was quiet for a moment. "Almost every night for a while. Gradually, it got better."

She nodded, still tucked up tight. She wanted to put distance between them, but she was tired. And the bed was soft and warm. Even with the blankets around his waist, she could barely see any skin. He wore a long sleeve shirt, covering everything except his hands and neck. It made her wonder about the scars she noticed in her dream. Were they real or imagined? And why was he always covered? Cloaked in black, head-to-toe. The Ben in her head wasn't like that.

The Ben she was beginning to remember was normal. No gloves. No black. Beige or tan robes—Jedi robes. No mask.

She'd seen that Ben before without a tunic. Sometimes he seemed pained by human contact, but he didn't isolate himself completely. Not like the man beside her.

This man wanted to run and hide, too. He wanted his mask. His gloves. He hated what he felt for her. How much he wanted to touch her.

"You're afraid," she whispered.

No hesitation. "Yes."

"That you'll hurt me. Again."

"I'm not strong enough."

 _A sharp stinging. Pain._

 _She let out a loud cry, holding her knee where she lay in the dirt._

" _Kira?"_

 _She looked up at him, tears stinging her eyes. "It hurts!"_

" _I'm so sorry, kid." He crouched down beside her. "Let me see."_

"I won't let it happen. I won't let you kill me."

"He's stronger than you know, Rey. We would lose."

She lowered her legs and sat up straight. "You have to train me. Together, we could do it. We could stop him. For good."

He eyed her strangely, clearly understanding her line of thought. Her wild plan to stop Snoke. "He'd kill us for even thinking about it."

"Train me. Help me."

"It's suicide."

"If you don't train me, I'm dead anyways. You heard him. You have to train me."

"Not to kill him."

"To protect me, then. From you."

 _A lightsaber hummed to life. She knew it by the distinct sound._

" _Ben, no! Fight him!"_

 _He advanced and she knew then that it wasn't Ben. He wasn't in control. This was Snoke, using him, manipulating him._

Pain, through the bond. The nightmare seemed to hurt him more than it hurt her. And she was the one who ended up run through.

She reached a hand across the bed tentatively. "Please… teach me the ways of the Force. I want you to be my teacher. Not because it's what he wants. Because it's how it should be. How it was supposed to be."

" _Ben, look!" she squealed, a small, smooth pebble floating above her palm._

 _A look of pride on his face as he beamed down at her. "I knew you could do it, kid. You'll be a Jedi before you know it."_

" _You'll teach me? I wanna be just like you!"_

" _Oh? And what am I?"_

" _The most powerful Jedi beside Master Luke!"_

 _He blushed, his cheeks bright pink and bordering on red. "Kira…"_

" _Master Ben?"_

" _I'm not your master, kid."_

" _Soon!" she declared in a triumphant voice._

They stared at each other in the mostly dark room. Her hand was still between them, waiting. For something. Some reaction. Good or bad. Anything. Just a hint.

But all she felt was conflict from him. He was torn between the past and the present. Who they'd once been and who they were now. What his Master wanted and what he wanted. How best to protect her.

"Please… Ren."

She wanted to say Ben. She wanted to call him by his real name. By the name she knew. She wanted the boy he'd been. The boy she remembered. Not the monster of a man he'd become.

He reached his hand across the bed, touching hers tentatively. "I will show you everything I know. I will help you. It won't be easy. I won't lie. You have a lot to learn."

"When do we start?"

"In the morning. Rest, Rey," he said, pulling away.

As he turned away from her, she felt the fear from him. Fear that he'd hurt her. That he'd fail. That he couldn't sway her to the Dark Side. Fear that he would lose her again.

She wanted to say something, but she didn't know what to do. She didn't want to belong to the Dark Side. She wanted to be on the Light, with her friends and the Resistance. Rey didn't want this—any of this. But she also wasn't going to leave him here. Snoke would only hurt him to hurt her. He'd use the bond against them.

No matter what she thought of him, the girl she'd been wouldn't let that happen. Their connection went deeper than the bond.

"I won't leave you," she whispered, turning away from him, their backs facing each other. "I won't run. No matter what."

"We'll see," was his glum reply.

 **Author's Notes:**

I know, I'm cruel. Good thing it's the weekend and I only work a short shift on Sunday.

Rey's very much at war with herself. The part that remembers him really does trust him, while the rational part of her knows he's bad. And Kylo Ren's due for another temper tantrum soon.

This was a difficult chapter to write so I hope you guys like it! I hope to have a monster chapter for Saturday.


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Fourteen**

To think that he once would've jumped at the chance to train her and now he wanted nothing more than to keep her away from him. Away from Snoke. Safe.

He knew any moves he made would be reported to Snoke. Hux and slime he commanded would be all too eager to rat him out should he try to remove her from the ship. If he made an unauthorized departure, Snoke would know.

Ren could only hope Snoke didn't know about Rey's communication to the Resistance. He should regret aiding the enemy, he knew, but he didn't. It was worth it to make her happy. He would turn traitor to protect her. He knew it deep in his bones. There was nothing he wouldn't do for her. All she had to do was ask.

Which is why they were walking through the _Finalizer_ , Rey in a loose black shirt of his belted over her pants with his cape around her shoulders. He needed to arrange additional clothing for her. Warm clothing, judging by her slight shivers even with his cape wrapped around her.

"You're quiet today," she said as they walked, turning every so often into other corridors. They passed a few groups of stormtroopers on patrol occasionally, who tensed up at the sight of him. The 'troopers knew better than to address him or question the girl at his side.

"I'm saving my energy. You should do the same."

"I don't want to do this either. To learn the Dark Side? This is exactly what Master Luke warned me about."

He felt the familiar hatred at his uncle's name. At the title she addressed him with.

" _Ben, this has to stop. You are an apprentice. She is a padawan. She should be focusing on her studies and you on yours. Instead, she shuns her peers to chase after you!"_

" _And?"_

" _You think I don't see the Dark in you, Ben? It's growing stronger. You're letting it in. You should be fighting it. I won't let you teach the girl. You'll corrupt her. That last stunt you pulled? That was the Dark Side. There's no place here for that."_

" _I never hurt her."_

" _You will. One day. You need to stay away from Kira. If you can't… then I'm afraid, you can't stay here."_

" _You'd throw me, out, Uncle?"_

 _Luke stared down at him._ _"Here you will address me as Master Luke, apprentice. You have lost the right to call me uncle."_

A hand on his arm drew attention to his clenched fists. He slowly unclenched and felt himself relax. Rey.

"Why did he want us apart?" she asked softly. They stood in the middle of a hallway, her hand still touching him.

She was worried. She cared about him. It wasn't just about answers. He could feel it.

"I hurt someone. I thought I was protecting you."

"Were you?"

"Yes."

"Why was he scared?"

"Because he knew I belonged to the Dark. He wanted you for the Light," he said, his voice modulated by the helmet. "He was afraid of this."

"You won't hurt me."

"The Dark Side will change you, Rey. It will corrupt you. Twist you. There's no coming back from it. From what you will do. From what I've done."

"I know," she said softly. "I still want you to teach me. I trust you."

"You shouldn't trust me. You should be afraid." _Of me._

"Ahh, there you are, Ren," a smug voice called. He felt Rey tense, her hand slipping from his arm to her side. In case she had to defend herself. To defend him.

"Hux."

"Who is this creature?" The ginger-haired man appraised her, up and down, his eyes lingering a bit too much.

He clenched his teeth and he felt her unease. He wanted to wring the other man's neck.

"My apprentice. You should stay away from her."

"This is the feral creature from Jakku? The girl who destroyed my base?" Hux raised his hand as if he might touch her and Rey recoiled.

Ren threw his hand out and Hux slammed back into the wall. The general seemed surprised. But not afraid.

"No one touches her."

* * *

Hatred filled the man at her side. Blinding, boiling hatred. He was disgusted by this man, not just because of his current actions. No, this anger went back a long time.

They were rivals. This man wore a uniform. He was part of the First Order. High ranking, most likely.

"You can't keep a pet," the man said. "Especially not that girl. A Force-sensitive? Not on my ship. Not again."

"Supreme Leader disagrees. She's here to train."

" _Mine."_

She stepped closer. Ren held the other man there with ease. The anger continued. Stronger now. He wanted to kill this man. Wanted to crush him.

The other man. Hux. That was the name Ren used. He scoffed. "The Supreme Leader has already expressed his concerns about your personal interests. There's no way he'd allow you to keep her. Not after what she did."

"You will stay away from her."

"You are letting your personal interests get the better of you. The girl is using you. She belongs in a holding cell."

Kylo Ren tightened his grip, sliding him up the wall.

"I'm here to train with my Master, not that it is any of your business," Rey said. She could feel Ren losing control. His anger was getting the better of him. She knew if he killed this man, there would be trouble. And he wanted to. Badly.

She felt him smile at that. At her calling him 'Master'. It relaxed him.

"Put your pet on a leash, Ren."

The relaxation was gone. What had been a simple hold turned into a choke.

Rey put a hand on his outstretched arm. "Ren, no… no, he wants this. Don't… don't let him win."

The mask turned toward her.

"You have to let him go. I know. I know. But you have to. It doesn't matter what he thinks. I don't care."

" _Mine."_

She gripped his arm, squeezing. "Ren, please. Don't. Look at me. Listen to me. Don't. Not for me. He didn't hurt me."

"He wants to. I see inside his mind…"

"He can't hurt me. He can't."

His grip loosened a bit and she heard the other man take a deep breath, coughing a bit. He was still pinned to the wall and Ren was still in turmoil. He still wanted to hurt him.

"Look at me. Look at me," she begged, softly.

The head turned more toward her. He was listening. He didn't like it, but he was listening.

"It's okay. Let him go. It's okay. I'm safe. See? I'm right here. He can't hurt me. He can't."

She wished he wasn't wearing the mask. She wanted to see his face. To help him realize it was okay. That she was okay. She wanted to touch his face, to reassure him.

"He wants to."

She felt the fear through the bond. The quick barrage of images, each one worse than the other. Torture. Pain. Death.

She closed her eyes, concentrating on a memory. Not one she liked, but one meant to soothe him. One from last night. Of her, sleeping wrapped up with him. Safe.

His hand dropped, as did Hux. She loosened her grip on his arm and his hand brushed her cheek. "Rey…" he said, his breathing irregular even with the modulator.

"I'm right here. I'm safe. He can't hurt me."

"We'll see about that," the other man said. She felt Ren tense, immediately on the defensive. She grabbed his hand, holding it tight.

"I suggest you keep walking while you still can," Rey said. "If you have a problem with the Supreme Leader's orders, you should take it up with him."

"You think you're safe here, desert rat? That he can protect you? You are very wrong, girl."

She heard Ren hiss beneath the helmet and squeezed his hand. "Next time, I will let him kill you. Leave us."

Hux curled his upper lip at him. "You will pay. Both of you. One day."

With a last look, the other man stormed away and she felt Ren's hand drop.

She let go, turning to face him. "He wasn't going to hurt me."

"He wanted to. He wanted to hurt you, Rey. For what happened to Starkiller. To hurt me."

"But he didn't. I know you want to protect me, but you can't just attack people."

 _Crack!_

 _The stormtrooper dropped, his neck broken. His squadmates stepped back in unison, away from the body. Away from him._

She took a step back. He'd killed. Recently. For her.

" _Mine."_

"What did you do?"

"He touched you. He tried to take you from me."

She shook her head, trembling. "I need to go. I need to leave—"

Rey turned to run and his arms ensnared her around the waist. He held her tight as she slapped at his arms and kicked at his legs.

"Let me go!" she screamed.

"I can't."

"You're a monster!"

"I know."

She clawed at his arms, feeling trapped. Suffocated. She had to get away from him. Before he hurt someone else. She had to leave. Why wouldn't he let her leave?

"Let go!"

"No, Rey."

"Please!"

He pulled her tighter, the chin of his helmet resting on top of her head. "No, Rey. I can't."

She screamed out in frustration, drawing the attention of two passing stormtroopers. But as soon as they saw who she was fighting, they turned back the way they'd come.

"Please… Ben… please… let me go…"

He tensed at the name. "I can't. I can't."

 _A lightsaber. Red and buzzing._

" _Fight him! Ben!"_

 _Pain, horrible, terrible pain as the red blade passed through her chest. His name fell from her lips._ _"Ben…"_

She put her hands on his. "You're hurting me."

He loosened his grip. "Don't leave."

" _Come back! Ben!"_

"I won't leave," she whispered, calming down. "I won't leave you."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

He released her and she took a step away from him. She took a deep breath before turning to face him. To look at that damn mask. She hated that mask.

His fingers reached up and unlatched it. He took the helmet off and held it in his hands. His pain was written clearly upon his face.

The face of a tortured man who had once been the boy.

She reached up to touch him, to touch the scar she'd made. He flinched at her touch, his eyes still dark and wary.

"I won't leave," she whispered again. "I won't… Master."

He bowed his head then, his eyes closed. He seemed to relax, to calm, at her touch. It settled him. The anger she felt through their bond seemed to retreat from her.

"Rey…"

"I… I didn't mean it. I just…"

"You're afraid."

"Yes."

"Of me."

She shook her head. "Of what you're capable of."

"That's why I'm training you. If I try to hurt you, I want you to kill me."

Rey paused, feeling the sincerity both in his voice and his mind. He really meant it. He would rather die than hurt her.

"I won't do it."

 _A red lightsaber._

She blinked away the dream. "I won't do it," she said firmly. "You won't hurt me."

"We'll see."

With that, he replaced his helmet and started walking again in long, swift strides. She watched him go a moment before jogging to catch up.

* * *

The practice room he'd chosen was mostly empty of both equipment and hazards. There were no weapons here. Not real ones.

"What are we doing?" she asked.

He picked up two staffs. "I'm going to attack you," he said, tossing one at her. She caught it without looking at the object. "And you're going to stop me."

"How?"

"However you can," he said through the helmet. He wanted to limit the distractions.

With that, he attacked.

Rey brought up her own staff to block him a split second before he'd have struck her face. The weight was different from her own, but he had a feeling she would be very capable with the practice staff.

And she was. She blocked his attacks well. But she was still on the defensive. She wasn't attacking.

So he gave her a push. With the Force.

She took a step back to correct herself and he whacked her hard on the side. It would bruise later. He knew that from experience. He felt the shock through the bond.

He swung again, hitting her on the arm this time.

Rey went from shock to rage. He felt the anger and smiled. She hid the darkness within herself well, but it was always just there, just under the surface. He just had to coax it out.

She attacked now. Not hesitating. Just like at Starkiller. She was wild. Untrained, but powerful. Devious. And furious.

He pushed her again with the Force and she screamed at him.

Blow after blow, she drove him back. Stronger. Faster.

He felt the Dark in her. She was using it for power. He doubted she even realized it.

He pushed again and this time, she raised one hand and pushed back. And Ren found himself flying back into a padded wall.

A bit winded and stunned, he stood there a moment, a moment that she used to bring her staff up to his neck.

She looked feral for a lack of a better word in this moment. Just like she had before, when she knocked him down and slashed his face with the saber. His scavenger. Beautiful and deadly.

"Well?" she asked, her breathing heavy.

He pushed her staff down with his hand. "Not bad for a first time. Let's go again. I expect you to disarm me this time."

* * *

Five hours later, he released her from a chokehold. They were both dripping in sweat and panting from exertion.

Ren reached up and undid his helmet. It hit the mat beside them with a muffled thud as he ran his hand through sweat-soaked hair.

Rey had tossed his cape off after the first hour, no longer needing the warmth, but he continued to wear his full outfit, gloves and all. She didn't know how he could stand it.

"Practice," he said.

She ran the back of her hand across her brow, grateful that she'd tied her hair up in the three buns she was accustomed to that morning.

 _Hands in her hair. Fingers fussing with her hair and fumbling. Pulling and snarling the strands._

 _She giggled._

" _What's so funny?" he asked._

" _It's easy!"_

" _No, this… this is not easy. Not even slightly."_

" _I teach you!" She squirmed out of his lap and turned to face him. She ran her hands over her own hair, gathering the top part. "Tie it, Ben."_

 _The boy before her rolled his dark eyes but complied. And he did it again twice more._

" _See? Easy!" she declared as he mumbled something under his breath. Something bad._

"Of all the things that happened, you remember that?" he said, shaking his head at her.

"You used to help me with my hair?"

"I got quite good at it. Eventually."

She smiled.

"What?"

"Nothing, it just… it seems so silly."

"And you climbing me like a monkey doesn't?"

"Did I do that often?"

He nodded, his eyes tinged with sadness. "You did, kid."

"Kid?"

"I called you that… sometimes."

"Why?"

"It was a term of endearment." He stood up, turning away from her. She reached into his mind tentatively and found why the name bothered him.

" _Nice work, kid. You'll be flying solo one day."_

 _A Wookiee roared in the background._

" _What? I know it's a bad joke. Laugh it up, fuzzball."_

His father. Han Solo had once called him 'kid'. And Ben Solo once called her 'kid' as well.

She felt a tightness in her chest. Felt the regret through the bond. A boy who didn't mean to kill his father. Who didn't want to kill his father. But who felt he had no choice.

" _Supreme Leader—"_

 _Pain lanced through his body. Everywhere and nowhere at the same time. He fell to his knees, biting through his lip to hold back a scream of pain._

" _You have failed me again, Kylo Ren. You leave yourself open to the Light."_

" _Supreme Leader—"_

 _Another shock of pain._

" _The Light is weakness. It diminishes your power. Your sentiments for family make you useless."_

" _Supreme—"_

 _Another one. Longer and stronger. He felt tears in his eyes._

" _You will kill Han Solo. This sentiment weakens you. It is time to let go of your foolishness."_

" _Master—"_

 _The next blast left him tasting his own blood as it streamed down his nose and into his mouth._

Rey saw the pain on his face. The tension in his body as he stood with his fists clenched. She stood in front of him, hating to see him like this. It reminded her of the sad boy in her head.

She touched his cheek and he gripped her wrist with his hand. For a moment, she thought he was going to push her away. Instead, tears slid down his cheek toward her hand and he was crying, softly and slowly.

Before her, he crumbled to his knees, his head pressed against her stomach. She stroked his hair, shocked by the display of emotion. Of the Light.

Ben Solo still lived. She knew it now.

 **Author's Notes:**

So this wasn't the Hux and Rey meeting I originally envisioned. But I think it fits pretty well. Hux is probably the only person on the _Finalizer_ that Ren is not allowed to kill and I think the ginger knows it.

Real life had to interfere today so this is kinda late (but doesn't really count as your Sunday chapter, I promise) since I lost two hours helping my mom pick up the dogs from grooming (Yorkies don't shed but man, does their hair grow fast. Pig lost about five pounds in hair from getting clipped short.) and then I had to be an adult and match socks and do some cleaning in my room. Bare minimum since I could no longer find two matching shoes and also because I'm still recovering from my allergic reaction. It'll take about three weeks for my stomach to heal enough that I stop having random attacks of pain from eating. And honestly, I wouldn't blame Ben Solo for turning to the Dark Side to avoid having to clean his room.

Friendly reminder that the next chapter is a multiple of five… which means anything goes. But there should be something good happening.

DarthWinterSoldier – Why, thank you! I would be honored if anything similar to this happened in Episode VIII. Honestly.


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Fifteen**

It became a routine. They're spar, sometimes with practice weapons, and sometimes solely with fists and the Force. It varied from day to day. He pushed her hard, but she knew he was still holding back.

Occasionally, while in the middle of a fight, she'd hit a memory. Usually it was her own. Sometimes she slipped back into his mind, stealing his own.

She didn't remember the night the Academy fell. She still didn't remember how she ended up on Jakku. Rey wasn't sure she really wanted to. She liked the memories of her and Ben.

 _Ben, making a funny face at her, trying to make her laugh while eating. She ended up snorting blue milk out her nose, which burned, but the smile on his face was worth it._

 _Ben, tucking in her bed one night after a nightmare had woken her up._

 _Ben, singing a song to her when she was sick._

 _Ben, teaching her the Force. Just a small rock, but he_ _'d been pleased, so proud of her._

 _Ben, giving her a ride on his shoulders._

 _Ben, so sad. But not sad anymore when she hugged him. He always liked her hugs._

 _Ben, arguing with Master Luke._

 _Ben, fixing her hair with ease now._

 _Ben, patching up a scratch._

 _Ben, staring at her, shaking his head._

 _Ben. Ben. Ben Solo. Her Ben._

"What are you thinking about?" he asked her, twirling a practice saber in his right hand.

"Nothing in particular."

He nodded, his helmet in a corner. More and more, he'd been practicing without the mask in place. More and more she saw Ben underneath the mask that was Kylo Ren.

"Ready?"

She called her practice saber to her hand through the Force, still feeling a slight thrill as it obeyed. She saw his lips twist upward into a quick smile.

"Ready."

He attacked immediately.

Rey alternated between the saber in her hand and the Force. He did the same, pulling little tricks to try and unbalance her. To mess with her focus.

And she returned the favor.

He zapped her on the arm with his lightsaber, so she stabbed him in the leg with hers in retaliation. Their black robes swirled as they moved in circles, attacking and defending in nearly the same motions. They were well-matched.

It took them longer to declare victories now. Her endurance had increased over the days turned into weeks. Their bouts went longer and longer. Sometimes, they even ended in a drawl, both of them too exhausted to move further.

But not today.

Just when she thought she had him, he turned the tables on her and threw her saber out of her hand using the Force. She went to call it back, only to hit the mat hard. Briefly winded, she moved to get up, only to find him straddling her hips and using his weight to hold her down. His saber hummed, the blade almost at her throat. He was waiting to zap her.

She threw his saber away with the Force as hard as she could.

Before he could counter with his own hands, she leaned up. And quickly kissed him on the lips.

He was startled, so much so that she easily flipped him onto his back. She went to call her saber back, eager to declare victory, when his hands fisted into the fabric of her robes and pulled her back down.

It was her turn to be caught off-guard as he kissed her. She didn't fight back as he rolled them across the mat, pinning her under him again.

This kiss wasn't a peck. It wasn't light or sweet. It was possessive and bruising. Demanding. Powerful.

Just like the man.

* * *

This wasn't the first time he'd had her pinned beneath him and vulnerable. However, it was the first time he kissed her. His Rey.

The first kiss had been a pleasant shock. The second one, well, he just couldn't help himself.

Ren didn't have experience with this. He acted on instinct. On emotion. He wanted this girl. So bad that it physically hurt him.

The painful proof was between them, pressing against her stomach. But she didn't pull away from him; didn't push him away.

He put one hand on the side of her neck, his other on the curve of her hip. She made a sound in her throat that sounded like a moan.

He kissed her again, deeper, full of need.

She opened her mouth and he claimed it.

Pleasure filled the bond. Excitement. Anticipation. She liked this. Liked him. Wanted more. He barely stifled a groan as her hips wiggled against him and his painfully hard erection.

Her hands were in his hair, pulling him down to her. Taking. Wanting. Needing more.

The door opened with a whoosh, but neither of them paid it any attention until the waiting stormtrooper cleared his throat uneasily.

He felt Rey stiffen beneath him. Annoyed, he turned his head to look over. "Yes?"

"Sir, the Supreme Leader wishes to speak to you."

He felt the anger rise up in his veins.

"Just give us a moment," Rey said.

"The orders are only for Kylo Ren," the trooper said.

She pulled herself into more of a sitting position beneath him. "Regardless, we need a moment. You're dismissed."

The 'trooper seemed taken aback. He clearly didn't realize who Rey was. "Sir…"

"Your message was delivered. Return to your post. Now. And you will forget what you saw," he ordered, pushing into the weaker man's mind for the last command.

"Yes, sir."

The trooper left and he turned his attention to the girl before him again. Her face was flushed.

He touched her cheek. "Rey."

"Should I stay here?" she asked. "In this room?"

"No. It's not safe."

She raised her eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"The training areas at this end of the ship… there's all sorts of people who are here. I don't want someone stumbling in here… hurting you."

 _Rey, broken and in pain, lying crumpled on the floor, her lip swollen and her nose broken. Her robes torn._

He recoiled at the thought. At Snoke.

"I can protect myself."

"It'll be safer if I escort you back."

He retrieved his helmet and replaced it. Rey stayed on the mat, sitting up. "I think I can find my way back."

"I don't want you walking the ship alone. Not just yet. Please."

She got to her feet. "I understand."

Her hand found his and he relaxed a bit.

* * *

She stalked toward the figure kneeling in the darkened room. Chaos surrounded them, but she only had eyes for him.

The mask was gone and a bare face looked at her. Bisected with an angry red slash, it was a face she knew as well as her own. A face she'd held. The face of her lover.

He was wounded, bleeding from a wound to the abdomen. His lightsaber was on the ground, just away from his hand. He looked defeated.

"Rey…" he said softly.

She stepped closer, throwing his saber away from him with the Force. She held a blade in her own hand, ignited in a fiery red. A simple, elegant lightsaber.

A figure nearby laughed. "How the tables have turned, my apprentice."

She moved closer and he made no move to defend himself. He just stared at her. He looked sad; defeated.

"I forgive you," he said.

"No, you don't."

"I do. I forgive you, Rey. This is Snoke, not you. You know it."

"No, I'm just stronger than you ever were." She raised the saber, placing it near his neck. "Any last words… Ben?" She spat the name like a curse.

"I still love you."

She twisted her hand, driving the blade into his heart.

* * *

"Your progress with the girl is slow," Snoke said.

"It takes time to replace the Light."

"Not this long. I have half-a-mind to have the General take over her training. At least I know he wouldn't be waylaid by compassion."

He clenched his hands at the very thought. "I just need more time, Supreme Leader. I will make her a warrior for the Dark Side. She will join us in the fight against the Resistance. She just needs time."

"You have two weeks before the General steps in. Use them wisely."

The hologram blinked out and he hurried back to his quarters. Two weeks? That was a nearly impossible request. Even so, he would never let her fall into Hux's hands. He'd kill the man first, damn the consequences.

He stepped into their room and noticed her lying splayed across the bed, fast asleep.

"Ben, no… Ben…" she whimpered.

Concerned, he reached out through the bond and he recognized her pain. She was trapped in a nightmare.

He shook her shoulder, trying to rouse her. "Rey… Rey!"

She came awake with a start, slapping him hard across what should've been a face, but instead was his helmet. He heard a crack as bones in her hand broke.

Rey bolted up, clutching her hand, her eyes wet with tears.

"It was a dream," he soothed. "It wasn't real. Snoke…"

He pulled her into his arms, pulling her against his chest. She tensed and he tried to soothe her with his touch, not his words. Getting the helmet off would be too difficult in the moment.

"You're dead…" she whispered. "You're dead and I killed you…"

"I'm right here," he said, wincing at the harshness of his own voice through the mask. "I'm here, Rey."

He took her good hand and placed it over his heart. She was hesitant, but he felt her relax. Felt her breathe. Felt the tension ease as she felt his heartbeat. The reassurance that he was alive.

"Ren?" she called, tilting her head to look up at him.

"I'm still here."

"I don't want to kill you."

"I know."

"I don't want you to die."

"I know."

He stroked her hair. She leaned against him, her head pressed forward against his shoulders, her hand still on his heart.

"It won't happen. It's just a dream. A nightmare."

"It's a warning. He knows. He knows I want to kill him."

He sighed heavily. Two weeks. He had two weeks to save her. Two weeks until she belonged to Hux. Two weeks until he might have to kill her. Or until they both failed.

 **Author's Notes:**

I know, I know, not the longest chapter, but hey… a real kiss finally! Depending on how much I get written tonight, you might get a chapter Monday, but realistically, it will be a Tuesday update. I was up until 3am working on this chapter last night then got my ass kicked at work today on five hours' sleep.


	17. Chapter Sixteen

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Sixteen**

Rey stared at her freshly bandaged hand and the newly set bones. She'd broken five of them according to the doctor and the medidroid who had attended her. Five of them all from cracking her hand on his helmet.

All because of a nightmare.

The pain medication made her hazy and it was only thanks to Ren's strong grip on her arm that she made it back to their rooms without falling. He helped her to the bed and under the covers.

"You saw it too," she mumbled, her words a bit slurred.

"Yes." He undid the helmet and set it down. He crossed the room in two easy strides. "I saw it."

She snuggled further under the covers, still protective of her injured hand. Even with the medication blurring the edges of her perception, she knew to guard it.

"How was…?" She didn't know what to call his meeting with Snoke.

"Not good," he admitted, slowly pulling his gloves off his hands. He threw them aside.

"What happened?"

"I… we have two weeks, Rey. If you're not Dark by then… Hux takes over your training."

She frowned. "Hux? No… there has to… he's not Force-sensitive!"

"It's a test. Supreme Leader thinks if my tactics don't work, Hux will be able to physically turn you into a solider. And if I try to save you, he'll know I'm a traitor to the cause. That being around you made me weak."

She felt anger then. Her own anger, not his for once. She was used to his emotions bleeding through the bond. She was used to sharing them. But this time, the worst of it was her own anger. He was more tinged with worry and sadness. Guilt, even.

"He can't take you away from me. We're stronger together. I won't… I can't work with Hux. I won't train with anyone else."

"Rey…"

"I won't let him!"

She clenched her injured hand without realizing it.

"We might not have a choice."

"I won't let him!" She opened her hand and his helmet crashed across the room. "I won't let him," she said quieter, the anger fading away, just a bit.

He was there beside her, pulling her against him for comfort. He undid the buns carefully, stroking her hair. She closed her eyes at the touch, savoring it for a long moment.

"I won't lose you, Rey. We'll find a way. You just have to let the Dark in. Control it before it controls you."

"I'm not strong enough," she whispered, the anger nearly gone now. Replaced by fear. The fear of him being taken away from her. Of never seeing him again.

" _Ben! Come back!"_

"I'll help you. But you're going to have to use your pain. Let it strengthen you. It won't be pleasant. I won't lie to you. And it can no longer be just me. You have to learn to defend yourself against others."

"Who?"

"'Troopers. We can get a bunch of them. We have to push your limits. You won't like it."

She touched his face. "I trust you."

" _Don't leave me."_

"It will hurt."

 _Ben, kneeling before her, surrendering. An unfamiliar saber in her hand that plunged into his heart._

"Not as much as losing you."

His lips found hers. Gentle, soothing.

"I won't let anyone take you from me again, Rey," he whispered. "Not Snoke. Not Hux. No one."

She knew he meant it. He'd die for her. She was the one person who meant something to him. She was his weakness, and he hers. Snoke knew this. Snoke wanted to break them.

"Ren…"

"You should rest."

He moved to get up and she grabbed his arm with her good arm. "Stay."

She didn't say she was scared. That the last time she'd fallen asleep she'd been treated to a vision of his death. That she'd been afraid, so very afraid. She didn't have to. He could feel it all. The apprehension. The fear.

He lay back on the bed and pulled her on to his chest, her head resting there, her body tucked up to him, as he played with her loose hair. She closed her eyes and suddenly she was that young girl again and he was the boy.

" _I won't let the monster get you."_

" _What if he hurts you?" she asked through tears, her hands curled up into his shirt, clinging to him._

" _He won't. I'm a Jedi, Kira. I'll protect you."_

" _Promise?"_

" _Always. No one will hurt you. No monsters. I'll keep you safe."_

* * *

He woke to her limbs entwined with his own, Rey snuggled in closer than she'd been in a while. It wasn't uncommon for her to curl up toward him in sleep. His little desert scavenger got cold at night.

But this time was different. Her good hand was wound into the fabric of his overcoat, deliberately clinging to him. Keeping him trapped there. She was still deeply asleep, drugged.

Ren felt nothing but extreme calm and contentment in these little moments. He felt the most like his old self in these quiet moments, these moments inbetween sleep and wakefulness, these moments that were just the two of them. Rey, snuggled up against him, safe and happy. She slept best when tucked up close. She might start on her own side, but not long after she fell asleep, she made her way over to him.

Just like the little girl used to crawl into his bed after a nightmare, Rey slept tangled up beside him, sometimes barely touching him and other times with her head on his chest and her limbs wrapped around him. Clinging to him like a life-line.

He could stay like that for hours, listening to her breathe and watching her sleep. Knowing that she was safe. Knowing that she no longer had to be alone.

One-by-one, he pried her fingers off and her face twitched. He kissed the hand and put it around his pillow. Her fingers closed again, but she still seemed uneasy. She was on the verge of waking up. He didn't have much time.

He hurried to a door he hadn't opened in some time. In the darkened room, his private meditation chamber, he retrieved two weapons. One he clipped to his belt. The other he carried in his bare hand.

Rey's saberstaff.

He stepped back into the room to find a bewildered Rey sitting upright in the bed, her breathing tight. "Ren… I thought…" She was on the verge of tears.

"No, I'm here. I didn't leave. I thought you were still sleeping. Ssh," he kneeled beside her on the bed, touching her cheek with his bare hand.

"I woke up and you were gone…"

"I'm right here."

"Where did you go?" The 'why did you leave me?' came through the bond.

"To get this. It's time you had a weapon again." He set the saber on the bed, causing her to look down at the hilt she'd created. "Your weapon."

She didn't touch it for a long moment. He felt the apprehension through the bond. She hadn't touched her lightsaber since their battle; not since she fully belonged to the Light.

Her good hand closed around it. "Are you sure?" 'That I won't hurt you?' she asked through the bond.

"I want you to have it. So you can protect yourself." A long pause. "Even from me."

He knew she wouldn't want to use it. She wouldn't want to kill him. 'You might have to hurt me. It's okay if you do,' he said in her head.

She tensed at the unpleasant thought.

"Rey, if you have to, I want you to do it. I want you to kill me."

"If I kill you, I'll be alone," she said softly and he saw the tears threaten again in her expressive hazel eyes.

"You won't be alone."

"I won't let him take you from me. I won't let anyone take you away."

Safe. She felt safe with him. He could feel it. Home. There was something about being around him that made Rey feel at home.

"Then you have to learn to fight. Not just against me. You need your saber. This is real, now. Life and death. You have to be willing to kill. No remorse. Not for them. You need to think about me. Use me as an anchor."

"For what?" She looked confused.

"The Dark Side is rooted in emotions. Anger. Fear. You have to channel that for your power. Use the fear of being alone. Use the fear of losing me. Let it power you. Make you stronger, faster, better."

He didn't want her to follow his path. Not now. He would do it to save her. He would teach her in order to protect her from Snoke. From himself.

And most importantly, from Hux.

"I'm not a killer."

"I know," he said sadly. "I know, Rey. But in order to survive—for us both to survive—you have to. You have to make the tough decisions. Use your anger. Forget logic. Forget the calm. Think about what you went through on Jakku. What you suffered without me."

He saw her grip tighten on the hilt. He felt the loneliness in her mind. The despair.

Abandonment. No family. She waited for her family to come back. For someone to come back.

" _Ben! Come back! Ben!"_

A terrified little girl trapped on a planet full of sand and forced to work to avoid starving. An asset to scavengers because of her size. Forced into dangerous, small, and unstable compartments of downed star ships. A girl who learned how to survive. A girl who learned how to fly despite being afraid to leave. Afraid to miss someone who might come back. She kept the same hairstyle for fourteen years in case they didn't recognize her.

That was Rey. His Rey. She was closer to the Dark Side than he imagined. Because of a junk boss. Blobfish, that's what she called him in her head. Unkar Plutt was his given name. He disgusted her. Kept her enslaved. Without him, she starved.

He knew this was a good test for her. Plutt would be a test. Snoke wouldn't be happy to let them off the _Finalizer_ , let alone allow them to Rey's home planet. But no, it had to be on Jakku. It had to be where it all began. He had two weeks.

"Ren…" she whispered.

He looked at her again. "Don't worry. I won't leave you. We're together now. You and I."

"I'm afraid."

"I won't let you do this alone, Rey. I will be with you no matter what. I'm always in your head."

She reached up and touched the side of his face, the unscared side. "I don't think I can do this. I don't think I can be Dark."

He closed his eyes and called up a memory. One he hadn't wanted to share with her. Not like this. He let her in and felt her hesitate at the darkness.

 **Author's Notes:**

I thought this chapter would be more of a monster, but I ran out of time. Real life is kicking my butt right now and the lack of sleep is making me miserable (just regular health issues, exacerbated by my lingering sinus infection) so chapters might be on the shorter side for the next week or so, but they should still be regular. The Wednesday one will be on the short side – got plans after work so it cuts into my writing time – but Thursday's should be closer to 2,000-2,500.


	18. Chapter Seventeen

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Seventeen**

 _He knew what he had to do._

 _It was time. There was no turning back. If he even tried, it would only be worse. Snoke was coming for him. To train him. So he could reach his full potential._

 _Even so, he risked the pain and wrath for one last act of defiance._

 _He hurried to the younglings_ _' quarters. He found his way to the room where little Kira slept. He scooped the still sleeping girl out of her bed._

 _She stirred, limbs dull from sleep._ _"Ben?" she whispered softly, her voice rough._

" _Ssh, sleep. You're dreaming."_

 _She burrowed her face against his robes snuggling into him. She had no idea what he was about to do. What he would do. She could never know. He didn_ _'t want her to know._

 _He didn_ _'t want to do this, but the voice in his head did. It was a test of loyalty._

 _But he wouldn_ _'t hurt his little ray of light. He hurried to a hiding spot he'd discovered while exploring one day. It was a tight and cramped natural structure similar to a cave. It hurt to try and squeeze his lean frame inside. But soon it would be the only safe place._

 _She whimpered, waking up more._ _"Ben… no…"_

" _You need to get inside. We're playing a game."_

 _He set her down, pushing her to climb through the narrow opening. Reluctantly, she did so, but lacking much of the enthusiasm she usually had when it came to exploring._

" _I don't wanna."_

" _I know, but you have to."_

" _Why?"_

 _He ignored the question as he got her settled in._ _"No matter what, I need you to stay here."_

" _But it's dark!"_

" _The darkness is only in your mind."_

" _Please don't leave! Ben, don't leave!"_

 _Indecision gnawed at his gut. He felt the pain coming off her in waves. The hurt. The loneliness._

" _I'll be back. Promise."_

 _She withdrew from him, this little shining bacon of light. She was so bright and good that it hurt._

 _He wanted to spare her the pain and agony. He knew what he must do, but he couldn_ _'t subject her to it. She's not the youngest of them, not anymore, but he has a soft spot for her. He had to protect her like a brother protected their sister._

 _She was his Kira and he_ _'d fight to the death to protect her. No harm would come to her or there would be hell to pay._

" _No matter what, I need you to stay here." He crouched low, darkness surrounding them both in the tight space._

" _Please don't leave!" she begged, fear rolling off her, as she clutched his robes._

" _I have to, Kira. I'll come back. I'll come right back!"_

" _No, Ben! Don't go!"_

 _He pried her fingers off his clothes as she screamed._

" _It's not safe! You need to stay here. I'll be right back."_

" _No! Don't go! Don't leave!" the hysterical girl cried, hot tears rolling down her cheeks. He could feel the fear from her._

" _I have to go fight the monster, Kira. You have to stay here. No matter what, you have to stay here. I'll come back for you!"_

" _Ben… No…"_

" _You'll be safe here. I'll be right back for you. I promise."_

" _Don't leave!"_

 _He picked her up, hugged her tight. She was so full of Light. So bright. He had to save her. He had to do this._

 _If he didn_ _'t, she would die._

" _Kira, it's going to be okay. Remember the song? Hmm? The one I taught you? Just keep singing it. I'll be right back. I promise."_

" _Ben, no!"_

 _He pulled off his outer robe and wrapped her in it._ _"I'll be right back. Just stay here."_

" _Ben…"_

 _He stroked her hair, feeling the pull. The claws in his skull. It was time. He knew what he had to do._

" _I'll come back."_

 _She curled up tightly, wrapped up in his oversized robe, shaking and afraid. He wanted to stay. He wanted to stay with her, with the Light. He didn_ _'t want to do this. But he had to._

 _He stroked her hair once, twice, then climbed back out the way he_ _'d come. He heard her singing softly, hesitantly, but she stayed put._

 _Ben unbelted the lightsaber at his side. It had once belonged to his uncle, and before him, his grandfather. It was the Skywalker lightsaber, a beautiful blue beam that he_ _'d only been granted recently. One day, he would make his own saber. Until then, his master's blade was his own._

 _He heard the shuttles landing. Heard the sound of boots on the ground. Snoke_ _'s forces._

 _He approached the temple, watching as the white-armored Stormtroopers moved through the darkness, teams separating to go into various dorms._

" _Kill them. Kill them all, my apprentice. Only then will you be truly powerful. Only then can you escape your family. Escape this pain," the voice in his head hissed._

 _He ignited the blade as screams tore through the night. He felt death ripple through the Force and it made him queasy. He didn_ _'t want this. Not like this._

 _He saw it in his head. Kira screaming as he threw her into a tree. How he_ _'d been powerless to stop himself. Unable to control himself. His master had shown him a future worse than this one._

 _A future where he killed the youngling. Because of what she was. Weakness and Light. He never became her teacher. He killed her first, because he couldn_ _'t control his powers._

 _Kira, falling from a cliff screaming his name. Kira, a branch impaling her chest from being thrown back. Kira, crushed under a pile of rocks. Kira, a lightsaber run through her stomach. Her death always at his hands. He was too weak to protect her from himself._

 _That_ _'s why he had to do this. He had to destroy the Jedi, like his Master asked, in order to learn control. In order to protect her. His Master promised to help him._

 _Ben entered the padawan dorms, following the_ _'troopers. He heard the cries for help dimly, but all he could think about was Kira. About her screaming for him._

 _He killed one of the padawans who tried to run past him. A boy close to his own age. Cut him down without a thought. Each death hurt a bit less through the Force, though nothing could compare to the pain in his head. To his Master. Demanding blood. Commanding him to kill._

 _Or he_ _'d kill the girl._

 _Another student tried to fight him, a girl, wielding her own lightsaber. He couldn_ _'t help but see Kira in her. He had a killing blow, but didn't take it._

 _A blaster bolt to the chest finished her._

 _So much death and blood. He followed the path of destruction toward the younglings_ _' quarters, where he'd been not even an hour before. He passed Kira's empty bed, a tightness in his chest, before he found the youngling he wanted._

 _She tormented his Kira. His little bright ray of sunshine who never hurt anyone. This girl was no Jedi. She deserved death._

 _Sana looked up at him with cold eyes and a sneer._ _"Where's your pet, Ben?"_

 _His free hand clenched into a fist._ _"She's not a pet."_

" _She'll never be a Jedi."_

" _Neither will you." He slashed at her, over and over again, letting the rage consume him. "You'll never hurt her again!"_

 _Panting, he backed away from the body and headed for the temple. The archives. Where his uncle would be._

 _Along the way, he killed. Slashed at already injured students crying out for help, for mercy. He silenced their cries with the only mercy he could give—his saber._

 _Blood stained his clothes. Blood of his uncle_ _'s students. He walked among the bodies, feeling for his old master. His students were here, screaming and crying and dying, and where was the old man? Hiding like the coward he was._

 _Then he heard a scream. One he recognized._

 _Ben turned back the way he_ _'d come and saw a 'trooper aim his weapon at a small girl clutching a robe around her._

" _Ben!"_

 _Without a thought, he sunk his saber through the man_ _'s chest and watched him crumple. He let the anger and rage consume him. No one touched her. No one hurt her. No one. His. His Kira. His to protect._

 _She was crying in the dirt, alive, but unharmed. Relief rushed through him in that moment. Then fear._

" _Ben…"_

 _He paused, hesitating, before he scooped her up, his lightsaber extinguished. He smoothed back her hair and she cried into his neck and shoulder, her hot tears soaking into the blood and grit straining the beige tunic._

 _He should kill her now. Save her the pain. The loneliness._

 _But he looked down at this girl, at the bright, blinding Light inside her and he couldn_ _'t do it. He couldn't kill her. Not after everything he'd done. He couldn't do it._

 _Choking back tears, he put a hand on her cheek. He pushed her to sleep and she dropped limply against his chest, tears still rolling down her cheek and onto his hand, mixing with the blood._

 _He carried her, his overrobe still wrapped around her. He found a safe spot and tucked her limp body there. He tucked her in tighter with his robe, covering her. Protecting her._

 _With a lump in his throat, he headed back into the bleak night. The temple was in ruins, the Stormtroopers doing their best to bring the stone down. The air was thick with smoke and death. So much death. So much pain in the Force._

 _A man in robes, the hood pulled over his head, obscuring his face stood by the temple. His voice, broken with pain, cried out,_ _"Why?"_

 _He stood before his former master, his clothes dark with drying blood, his saber clenched in his hand._ _"Why, you failed, uncle."_

" _What have you done, Ben? What have you done?!"_

" _What I had to. What was necessary."_

 _The old man before him shook his head._ _"There's no coming back from this. From what you've done…"_

" _I know."_

" _Where's the girl, Ben? Where is Kira?"_

" _Dead. Like the others. A sentimental weakness I no longer have use for," he spat, knowing the lie was all he had to protect her. No one could know she lived. No one._

 _He turned to leave. There was a ship waiting for him. For Kira. He just had to get it ready to fly. The one thing his good-for-nothing smuggler father had taught him. Before he abandoned him._

" _Don't you walk away from me!"_

" _We both know you won't kill me. You can't stop me. You're too weak, Skywalker. You always have been."_

" _Ben!" the old man called, but he paid no attention. He kept walking and the Jedi made no move to follow him. Skywalker just stayed in the ruins. Weak, old fool._

 _The anger stayed. It fueled him. The Light was weakness. There was no calm; no peace. It was a lie._

 _The Dark had power. The power he needed to save her. To protect her. Pain made him stronger._

 _His hands flew over controls, preparing the small craft for them. For her._

 _"Kira!" He ran through the smoky ruins, heading for where he'd hidden her sleeping body._

 _She was gone. Her small, beige-clothed form was missing from where he'd tucked her out of sight._

 _"Kira!" he screamed. She couldn't or rather shouldn't have woken up, not yet. He'd only been gone mere moments to ready the ship for their flight. Not long enough for her to override his Force-induced slumber. Unless he'd miscalculated the use. "Kira!"_

 _He couldn't lose her. Not now. Not his ray of light. Not his Kira._

 _"Kira! Please!"_

 _Then the pressure in his mind, the voice. He had to go. Had to leave. It increased, fingernails clawing through his skull, reminding him of promises made. Allegiances he pledged._

 _"Kira! I'll come back for you!" he shouted, the pain worsening, the grip tightening, like a noose around his neck. "I'll find you!"_

"No, no, no, no…" Rey said, her voice bringing him back to reality and away from the painful memory.

He waited for her to pull away from him. To hit him. To scream. Anything.

"This… it was all because of me?"

Her lip trembled, tears close to falling. He touched her face, stroking the skin with his thumb. "Yes. I would do anything for you. To protect you. To save you. I turned to the Dark Side because I didn't know what else to do."

"Why me?"

"I don't know. I don't know," he breathed softly. "I never wanted this. This attachment. I never wanted to care. But you… I never stood a chance."

"This is my fault. You did terrible things because of me."

He shook his head. "No, this was my choice. Not yours. Mine."

"There's still Light in you," she whispered. "It's not gone. Not completely.'

He ignored it. He knew. He had felt in creeping back in. Killing Han was supposed to stop it. To end it. To kill off the last part that had been Ben Solo. The last of weakness. Instead, it backfired. And that was without counting her.

He felt the Light creep from her into him, just as he knew the Dark bleed from him into her. It was why she wasn't completely Dark. The bond made them share. She drew upon his Dark and he pulled from her Light.

A delicate balance. One that would continue to shift and change. That was what frightened his Master. Snoke feared the bond. He feared the girl.

And he should. He'd lost her once before. He wouldn't lose her again.

"You have to use the pain and the fear. Draw from me. Take from me. Rey… you have to. It's the only way."

She bumped her forehead against his, her eyes closed. "What happens after two weeks?"

"I don't know."

"What happens if I pass the test?"

"I don't know."

 **Author's Notes:**

This turned out longer than I originally expected, which is good news for you guys, because I don't know when the next chapter will be up. It might not be until Friday/Saturday.

I'm having a PTSD-related mini-breakdown so last night was full of nightmares and no sleep and I kept jumping at work today (it all started because I thought I was followed by the guy who destroyed my life – it's highly unlikely that it WAS him, but being tailed to my work by a guy matching his description and wearing what appeared to be a blonde, female wig, driving a similar truck to his old one? Little too close for comfort since I basically work in the middle of nowhere). So I'm exhausted and cranky, even though I just want to sit and write. I will probably get some of the next chapter written tonight, but I work Thursday night… so Friday post is more likely.

In the meantime, get on Tumblr and look at the pretty HQ gifs. They're soooo pretty.


	19. Chapter Eighteen

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Eighteen**

"Supreme Leader." Hux bowed slightly in deference to his superior.

"General. Tell me of Kylo Ren and the girl."

"They keep to themselves. However, it appears he is in love with the girl. Stormtroopers have noted he often has her hand in his. He also gets defensive when approached, almost as if he's shielding her."

"As I suspected. You will be pleased to know I have issued an ultimatum. If the girl is not sufficiently Dark within two weeks, she is yours."

Hux felt his jaw drop a bit. "Sir?"

"You will take command of her training and mold her by any means necessary. You will destroy the bond between them. It's dangerous, the link between them. Much too dangerous."

"Are you suggesting...?"

"The girl will befall a tragic accident. You will try to save her, but it will be too late."

"And what of Ren?" the general asked.

"Should he try and save her, he will be dealt with accordingly. The girl is your sole concern."

* * *

The pain in her hand was nothing compared to the pain she felt in her heart. The pain at knowing she caused Ben to turn to the Dark Side. That she was the reason behind Kylo Ren.

And knowing now that Jakku shouldn't have happened. That she wasn't meant to be alone. Ben had wanted her. He wanted to come back for her. He hadn't left her. He tried to protect her.

Now she had to protect him. Protect them both. He was right; she had to embrace the Dark Side. It was the only way to save them both.

Rey would save them both.

She had to save them. For the boy who once gave up everything to save a girl.

 _He was talking to himself again. To air. He looked so sad, so hurt, so lonely._

 _She crawled closer, watching him. She knew it was wrong to spy on him, but she couldn_ _'t help it. Ben was always quiet; withdrawn._

" _Yes, Master," she heard him say before lowering his head. She frowned from her hiding spot. Master Luke wasn't nearby. He was teaching in the temple. She knew because she'd snuck away to find Ben._

 _He turned, his shoulders hunched._ _"Kid, I know you're there," he said._

 _She shuffled out slowly and watched him sigh. He looked tired now._

" _Who you talking to?"_

" _No one."_

 _She frowned._ _"Is Master Luke in your head?"_

" _Why would you ask that?"_

" _You said 'Master'."_

" _You misheard me," he said, sitting down on a rock. "Don't worry so much, Kira."_

" _You're sad again."_

" _Don't worry about me. Why aren't you in your lesson?"_

" _Meditation is no fun."_

 _He ruffled her hair._ _"Patience. You can meditate. It's easy. I'll show you."_

" _Okay, Master Ben!" she said happily, sitting crossed-legged in the dirt before him. He shook his head, but she saw the slight smile._

The sad boy was now the worried man sitting before her. The boy who sold his soul to the Dark Side.

She touched the face of the man, still seeing the boy in him. She would always see Ben when she looked at Kylo Ren, the same as he still saw Kira when he looked at her. He was both Ben and Ren.

"We'll find a way, won't we? To stay together? Even on the Dark Side?" she asked him quietly.

He put his hand over hers. "I spent fourteen years believing you were dead. That you were lost to me. I felt you die through the Force that night. I blamed myself. My weakness.

"Then, I had dreams of a girl surrounded by sand, all alone, but I never saw her face. I never saw you. Then they tell me that a girl on Jakku has been seen with the droid we needed. And I knew the girl in my dreams was real. But it was on Takodana that I knew…I suspected it was you. That you were alive, somehow, you were alive."

"You felt me die?"

"There was a great disturbance in the Force while I was leaving. I suspect it has to do with the barrier in your mind."

"It's still there. I don't remember much before you."

A smile twitched across his face. "You'll remember. In time."

"I'm more worried about losing you."

He took her hand off his face and kissed the palm. "I won't lose you, Rey. I'll train you. We still have time. You just have to embrace the Dark Side."

"I will," she said softly, "for you. For us. Not for Snoke."

* * *

He barely saw her flinch once she started. Unlike his lightsaber, hers balanced better with two hands. While steps had been taken to promote rapid healing, she still had five broken bones in her dominant hand.

He'd offered her his saber and she waved it off in favor of her own.

Ren watched her channel the pain into power. She used her fear of losing him and she was glorious.

The 'troopers he'd requested attacked her in varying numbers and different formations, requiring her to constantly change her tactics. What worked for one squad rarely worked for the next. And she adapted.

A few of the 'troopers carried blasters, but most carried the anti-riot batons. The batons were designed to deflect sabers, which meant Rey had to focus on disarming her opponent.

She could flick away blaster bolts with ease now, taking direction from him and picking up the skill almost immediately. Only one bolt singed her dark robes.

He saw her use the Force to rip a weapon from one 'trooper's hand while using her saber against another. Outnumbered, but not overpowered, she beat back the group of 'troopers, her teeth bared.

All he could feel from her in these moments was sheer darkness. Consuming.

Then he saw her saber slash through armor. And he knew, he knew in that moment, that he'd pushed her too far. She'd gone too far. She was like him now.

The Dark outweighed the Light inside her.

She would belong to the Dark Side soon. There was no doubt in his mind. She would kill Plutt, gut him easily, and feel nothing. No remorse. She wouldn't feel the turmoil he felt for killing Han Solo.

Rey was stronger than him. On the Dark Side, she'd be unstoppable. Together, they could overthrow Snoke.

He took the dangerous thought and buried it deep.

* * *

While Rey scrubbed the blood from her hands, he went to the audience chamber.

"Supreme Leader, I know how to prove her loyalty… how to completely sway her to the Dark," he said, kneeling before his master.

"Tell me, Kylo Ren."

"Her life on Jakku was full of pain and loneliness. One creature kept her chained. He starved her, forced her to fight to survive, and kept her prisoner on that planet. I want her to kill Unkar Plutt."

His Master tilted his head, considering it.

"You want me to allow you both to land on her former planet as a test?"

"I want to let her anger and hatred from the past fourteen years overwhelm her. This is the best place to push her."

"And for you to run."

"Supreme Leader, that is not my intention. I understand if you deny my request—"

"Kylo Ren, in twelve days you, the girl, and a force of my choosing will go to Jakku. Should either of you attempt to run, you will be executed. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Master."

"You cannot save her from the Dark Side. If you try, the girl will die. Do not test me. You will not win."

He nodded. "I understand."

"Good. Twelve days."

* * *

Warm. Safe. Ben.

Rey burrowed deeper, rubbing her head against his chest. She heard a contented sigh from him.

Happy.

Then all hell broke loose.

Hands were on her wrists as binders cut into the soft skin, ripping her from the bed and him.

"Ren!" she screamed, kicking and fighting as the 'troopers pulled her away. She reached for the Force, throwing one of the men across the room. She heard a neck snap as they tried to get the other cuff on. As they tried to contain her.

He woke up, startled and bewildered. "Rey!"

More hands held him back, officers struggling to subdue him enough to put binders on. She continued to kick her legs at her captors and use her free hand to call the Force. To fight for their freedom.

A jolt of electricity to her lower back interrupted her focus long enough for the binders to click closed, her wrists effectively secured behind her back. Her connection to the Force muted.

"No! You can't take me!" she screamed, still struggling. "Ren! Ren! You can't do this!"

Hux stepped into the fray with a sneer as she was dragged toward the open bedroom door. Four 'troopers held Ren on the other side of the room, his chest bare except for the scars that littered his pale skin and his hands in binders. His eyes were dark with hatred, his jaw clenched.

"You!" She lunged at Hux, only to be pulled back by a fistful of hair.

"Let her go!" Ren yelled. "You can't do this... Not yet."

"The Supreme Leader's orders have changed. The girl is in my custody now. You are not to interfere," the ginger-haired man said in what could only be called a triumphant tone.

 **Author's Notes:**

Not my favorite chapter. It was a pain in the ass to write. I'm going to be gone most of the day – I need to get out of town and out of my own head (had another PTSD meltdown that I was being followed again) – but rest assured there should be a good size chapter on Saturday night. I'm just going for a day trip to my old stomping grounds to see a friend. I just won't be back until late and have to work in the morning, so no staying up till 2 am writing.

I feel bad about the cliffie, but only a bit. Now, what do you think? Do you think Hux is really taking Rey? Do you think it's a nightmare? Perhaps Snoke playing with their minds? Hmm?


	20. Chapter Nineteen

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Nineteen**

 _The Night Before_

Nothing. No despair. No pain. No calm. No peace. Just… nothing.

She watched the water run clear, the red blood turning a pink hue before disappearing completely down the drain of the refresher. Still Rey felt nothing for the life she'd taken.

It was a matter of survival now. Just like back on Jakku. She was a survivor. They would survive this. Together.

She dressed in clean robes, dark like the stain that was surely on her soul. She didn't care. Not about the clothes and not about the blood on her hands. As long it wasn't Kylo Ren's blood, she could handle it. She would handle it.

Rey wound a fresh strip around her damaged hand. The broken bones were healing remarkably fast, despite the long hours she spent training. Focusing on Ren helped her ignore the wound. She wasn't about to let a minor inconvenience derail them. Not when they were so close to a goal. Not when they were running out of time.

The door opened and he stalked in. She felt his mood without meaning to. There was a familiar hiss and then a clunk as he set down the helmet.

Gloved fingers ran through her wet hair, detangling the strands. Playing and twisting them. "Rey," he breathed softly.

"What did he say?"

"We leave for Jakku in twelve days to kill Unkar Plutt. If either of us try to run…"

"We die."

She turned to face him and saw those sad eyes. She wrapped her good arm around the back of his neck, pulling him down toward her.

"That won't happen."

She leaned up, closing the gap between them. Lips met lips and she felt him hesitate at first before returning her affections with a vengeance. His teeth sucked at her bottom lip, threatening to bite, and she didn't mind. In fact, a thrill raced up her spine at the thought.

She had marked him before. Her fingers traced the scar across his face. He'd never marked her. Never hurt her.

" _Mine. My Rey."_

Her fingers curled into the folds of his overcoat, pulling him closer. He wore so many layers. So much fabric.

He responded, guiding her back to the bed. He turned her around, falling back onto the soft bed himself before tugging her down. She found herself straddling his hips.

His gloved hand stroking her cheek. She turned her head, using her teeth to peel the leather off. She wanted to feel his skin against her own.

"Ren," she breathed, trembling as his bare hand pushed her robe off her shoulders, revealing the tunic underneath. Her clothing was more reminiscent of their former Master's than of her own.

"You're so beautiful."

She felt a blush creep across her cheeks as she undid the wide belt around his waist. As it fell open, she pushed his overcoat off, feeling his fingers unbelting her own robe. The chilled air cut through her tunic, but Rey didn't notice.

She brushed the suspenders off his shoulders with the Force, feeling impatient. So many layers. So much between them.

He laughed, pulling her closer, using her tunic. His lips claimed hers as his bare hand slipped up her back under the shirt.

Rey felt her hips grind against him involuntarily.

He groaned then, rolling them across the bed to put her back on the bed. He pinned her wrists up near the pillows as he yanked her top off, leaving her naked from the waist up except for a band across her breasts.

"Rey," he breathed, like a prayer, his eyes roving, no longer sad. It was as if he were memorizing the way she looked underneath him. As if he'd never seen anything nearly as fascinating in his entire life.

There was an aching between her legs. She wanted him. Needed him.

"Ren."

He kissed down her throat and she moaned, her hips rising to brush against him. Against the bulge in his trousers. He stifled a groan, his teeth grazing her skin.

She knew what he needed. She could feel it across the bond. It was overwhelming, the connection between them.

She palmed him through his pants and he stiffened above her. "Rey…"

"Let me."

* * *

He looked down at those hazel eyes. So innocent, his scavenger. And here he was going to ruin her.

He'd corrupted her already. She was part of the Dark now. It grew in her with every passing moment. There was still Light in her, lurking under the surface. But she was more like him now than she'd ever been before.

She wanted him. She trusted him. He felt the need plainly. And he wanted to bury himself inside her. To take until she couldn't give anymore. To make her scream his name. To look down at her, spent and exhausted, knowing that no matter what, no one else would ever share what they did.

He would ruin her for other men. The bond would see to that. They would be further entwined.

It would hurt her. And she was a bit nervous, but not scared. Not of him.

But her hand, that small, tentative hand, as she touched him, still separated by clothes, drove him crazy. His Rey. Curious little scavenger. The little girl who spied on him, who pulled his robes and his ears.

"Rey," he breathed as she undid his pants.

She glanced up at him. "Kylo."

"Rey… stars, Rey…"

Her little hand found him and he thought he was going to black out from pleasure right then. From her hand. His Rey.

He kissed her then, feeling something he hadn't in a long time. Peace. Calm.

Rey.

He groaned into her neck. He undid the tie of her pants, pulling them down over her hips as she continued to touch him. She lifted them, helping him. They didn't need words—the bond between them did the talking for them.

An unspoken need.

He peeled his shirt off which caused her to pause. Her hands touched his chest, her fingers ghosting old, healed wounds. The saber burn on his shoulder. The mark left from the bowcaster. Older, much older scars. Snoke and his training.

She touched each one, wondering through the bond about the cause, which he supplied as best he could. When she heard Snoke, he felt her tense, and felt the anger in her.

"Rey," he said, touching her face.

She locked eyes with him and the anger faded. He kissed her again, pressing her back into the bed, moving closer to her. He nudged her legs further apart as he slipped out of his trousers and undergarments.

His scavenger. His Rey.

"So beautiful," he breathed, touching her face, her pert breasts. She shifted under him, tension building between her legs. She needed him. Wanted him.

He captured her lips again.

Her nails on his back, digging, scratching, as he eased inside her. The sudden shock of pain as her body stretched to accommodate him. The change in her breathing. Her gasps.

He knew to move slow even though his body wanted more. He wanted more. Hard. Fast. Rough. Her screaming, moaning, writhing. But not now. Not yet. There'd be time for that. Later.

Her hips moved with him, finding an easy rhythm. She made little sounds under him, her body begging for more. He obliged, pushing deeper inside her with each thrust.

He wouldn't last long, not even at this slow pace. Not with Rey.

He found the nub between her legs, the center of her tension, and rubbed furiously. Rey bucked her hips in response, demanding more.

"Ren!"

She clamped down on him, losing herself to a wave of pleasure. Starry-eyed, he lost a bit of control, his hands on her hips as he drove himself into her at a dizzying pace. She cried out his name again, her body tensing against his as his own release hit.

He buried his face against her neck, screaming her name, "Rey, Rey, Rey!" as he spilled inside her, buried deep.

Her fingers curled into his hair, dragging his face up to hers, those eyes, her beautiful eyes, wet with tears as her body trembled. Overwhelmed.

He hovered over her, his body shaking as well. Sensations and pleasure. Sore. Sated. Sleepy. Happy.

Ren picked her up. Rey locked her arms around his neck, her legs around his waist. "Ren…" she breathed.

He carried the exhausted girl into the 'fresher. He cleaned them both up and kissed the bruises his hands left on her hips. She leaned on him heavily, her fingers playing with his hair idly when he was within reach.

He tugged a loose tunic over her and carried her back to bed. She was mostly asleep, the bond between them humming with happy thoughts. Pleasure. Peace. Calm. Love.

Ren tucked her in before pulling on a pair of pants. He wanted more. He craved more. She wanted more, too. He could feel it.

But he knew she hurt. She was sore and overwhelmed. Her body needed time to adjust.

He kissed her cheek as she curled up against him, her eyes already closed. He put an arm around her, pulling her close. She fit against him perfectly, his Rey.

Beautiful and his.

No one would ever take her away from him. He'd kill them first.

 **Author's Notes:**

What, you thought I'd pick up where I left off? Nah, I'm saving that for this weekend's beast of a chapter. Does this chapter make up for the cliffie? Just a little bit? Maybe?

Interesting news I learned today on my trip is that my bestie is also a Reylo shipper. Hahaha! And she's going to be reading the story (it's an open-ish secret that I write fanfic among my friends and co-workers) so now she can harass me about updates as well. Thanks again for all the reviews and for continuing to read! You guys rock! (I also thought about pushing this till chapter twenty and picking up with Hux-interruptus, but decided nah, you guys needed a reward.)


	21. Chapter Twenty

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Twenty**

Terror gripped her. She was that scared little girl left on Jakku. That lonely girl screaming and begging for someone to come back. Screaming for him, even though she didn't know it.

She wouldn't lose him. Not again. No one would take him from her.

"No! No! REN!" she screamed as the gathered 'troopers dragged her toward the door. One held her by her hair, keeping her from headbutting or biting. Dragging her like a wild creature.

"Let her go!" he bellowed, pulling against the men holding him back. Straining to get to her. "You lie!"

The general stopped, standing between them. "The Supreme Leader knows of your weakness, Ren."

"What weakness?" he spat.

"Your love for the girl," Hux said simply. "Not just compassion. Love. Love has made you weak. It will infect her. The Supreme Leader will decide your fate."

Love. Was it possible? Could he love her? The woman she was now, not the girl she used to be. The woman giving in to the pull of the Dark even as she still felt the call of the Light? Could he ever love her?

What did love even feel like it? She had no frame of reference for love. No memories of a family. No one but him. No one else who cared. Could affection be love?

She felt the answer through the bond. The quiet, pained response. Yes. Yes, it could. Love had many forms.

She saw flashes. Han Solo and Leia Organa in happier moments. Romance. Leia singing to Ben. Family. Han letting Chewie watch the young Ben, growling playfully at him when he pulled too hard on the Wookiee's fur, never intending to harm the boy. So much warmth and caring. Family. Love.

Ben comforting her after a nightmare. Protecting her. Ren kissing her. Loving her.

"Let me go or I swear I will kill you all!" she screamed.

" _Ben! No! Come back!"_

Hux looked amused. "Take the girl to her cell. Leave the restraints on," he ordered.

"If she doesn't kill you, I will," Ren said in a chilling voice, his anger barely restrained. "If you hurt her, I will make sure you feel it tenfold before I kill you. You rathtar-fucking, Hutt-sucking slime—"

Another jolt of electricity pried a scream from her lips. It was a riot baton. She recognized it from training. The weapon pressed against her stomach and sent shocks rolling through her body.

"Rey! You son of a rancor, Hux! Rey!"

Fear and worry shot through the bond. His pain at seeing her hurt. She fought for breath, wanting to reassure him, to soothe him, but the baton hit her again.

Rey dropped to her knees, the 'troopers shoving her forward. Hux stepped closer and she caught an inappropriate thought from his head. The general liked seeing her on her knees before him. He liked seeing her this. He wanted—

Her hands curled into fists, drawing blood as she reached for the Force. A scream, powered by anger and fueled by hate, tore from her lips. She felt the room shudder like a landing ship. And then she felt the binders holding her captive shatter.

Her hand flew up wanting to grab, squeeze, choke, kill the man between them. The Force wanted to obey, but there was a sudden, sharp pain in her head and it was gone.

All she heard was the sound of Ren calling her name as she hit the floor.

* * *

The power Rey unleashed rippled like a shockwave. Pure power, the likes of which he'd never felt before. The binders were meant to dampen the link to the Force. They could be overcome, but it took skill and concentration. Power.

And Rey… she destroyed hers.

"Rey!"

The butt of a blaster pistol sent her sprawling to the floor. The blow would keep her down but not for long. She was strong in the Force. Hux had woken the Dark Side in her with a vengeance.

He concentrated on his own binders. On the innate flaws. He had to get to her. Before they hurt her again. Before Hux took her from him.

"Take the girl to an interrogation room. Have her sedated. Heavily. I will inform the Supreme Leader," Hux ordered as a Stormtrooper nudged her side with his boot, not so much nudging as kicking the unconscious girl.

"Rey!" he shouted again. "Get away from her!"

He clenched his hands into fists.

"You have no power here, Ren. Not anymore. You'll be lucky if the Supreme Leader doesn't have you executed for your treasonous thoughts."

He tapped into the anger, fear, and sadness between them. Their combined strengths. Their shared ability. He wasn't going to lose her. Not to Hux. Not to anyone.

The binders on his wrists snapped open and his hand flew out, sending the nearby 'troopers flying. He heard bones break and felt pleased. Very pleased.

He stalked forward, shoving Hux against a wall and away from his Rey. The general choked as the air around his neck tightened.

"She's mine. No one touches her."

He bent down to check her, to touch her face, and he felt the blood. On her head from the pistol. Running from her nose. The blast of power she'd used was too much for her. It hurt her.

"You're dead, Ren. You'll never make it off this ship alive. Neither of you."

Ren clenched his hand slightly, exerting more pressure on the other man's windpipe.

"You won't take her from me."

He was too focused, too angry in the moment. He didn't see the blaster until it was too late. Until the bolt pierced his side and he lost his grip on the Force.

Hux regained his composure easily.

Ren touched his side, seeing his own blood coat his hand. The anger welled new in his veins and he reached out for his saber. It was almost to his hand, almost there, when a baton touched his spine and he fell to his knees beside her.

He tried to call the Force again but felt his grip slipping, his control gone, his body weak in the face of the overwhelming pain. Hers and his mixed.

The baton pressed down again and again and he felt blackness at the edge of his vision as a new set of binders were fitted around his wrists.

He looked at her, at his Rey, his last conscious thought of her.

* * *

Hux hurried into the chamber. The Supreme Leader was already waiting. He bowed to the hologram stiffly, his throat still sore from the Force-choking at Ren's hand. His uniform hid the worst of the bruising.

"Supreme Leader, the girl… she's stronger than anticipated. I'm not sure we can hold both her and Ren."

"Keep her drugged and secured. They must be kept separated at all costs. The key to swaying her is Kylo Ren. Her feelings for him can be manipulated to serve us. She will do anything to protect him and he to save her. It's quaint. Foolish sentimentality."

"Sir, she destroyed her binders and killed several of my men. So did Ren. They're dangerous."

"They are stronger together. They feed off each other's emotions, General. That is how the girl broke free. She used the Dark Side, she used his powers and her own. They must be kept apart."

"And her training?"

"She will prove her loyalty on Jakku in two days' time. If she fails, Kylo Ren will kill her. The girl is too dangerous to keep alive if she can't be controlled. Without her, Ren can be controlled."

"Sir, shouldn't we just kill Ren? If she's more powerful—"

"No," the hologram snapped. "I have invested many resources in him. Kylo Ren is to be kept alive. Maim the girl if you must, but Ren lives."

He felt his lip twitch in disgust. The girl, scavenger though she was, would be preferable to Ren.

"What about reconditioning?" the general suggested.

A slow smile broke across the scared face. "Why, that might be the perfect answer, general. I will consider it. In the meantime, keep them apart. Inform the girl of my orders. When she refuses to cooperate, hurt Kylo Ren. Use the bond against them."

"With pleasure, Supreme Leader."

* * *

Her head hurt.

Rey slowly opened her eyes, expecting a soft bed. Expecting a warm body beside her. Ren.

There was only cold durasteel clamped around her arms and legs, restraining her in a familiar manner. An interrogation bench.

"Ren?" she called hoarsely. "Kylo?"

No response from his voice, but she felt a groggy stirring through the bond. Felt him inside her head. His concern for her.

"Rey… Rey, are you hurt?" he asked in her head.

She felt tears stream down her cheeks. Relief. He was alive.

"I don't know… I don't… where are you? Where are you?"

" _Don't leave me!"_

"Still on the ship. We're both still here. I can feel you. They're trying to keep us apart, but we're both still here. I'm still here, Rey. I'm not leaving you."

"Don't leave me, Ren… please don't leave me…"

"I'm right here. I won't leave you. I'm right here," he said in her head and she barely choked back a sob.

She felt a pain, not just mental anguish, but real physical pain. "They hurt you. You're hurt…" she said, feeling her anger rise. How dare they touch him. How dare they hurt him. How dare they. _"Mine."_

"It's nothing," he soothed, but she still bristled at the thought. At his pain.

"They hurt you!" I'll kill them.

 _His hand against her cheek. His lips on hers. Him pulling her close, into his arms._

"I'm okay, Rey. I'm okay."

No, it wasn't okay. Deep down she knew this wasn't right. He was hurt and it was because of her. Because he wanted to protect her. Because he loved her. Her teacher. Her protector. Her Ren. Hers.

She felt him smile at the thought. He liked the idea. He liked being hers.

"Mine. My Rey," he said back and she smiled despite their circumstances. Despite the pain. They belonged to each other. Master and apprentice. Dark and Light. Good and bad. They were too much alike.

The door to her cell opened and a single man strode in. The general came into view slowly, a sinister smile on his face.

"Good, you're awake," he said and she felt Ren tense in her head. Hatred. Fear. Hurt her and I'll fucking kill you.

"You will let us go," she demanded, straining to push the thought, to put the power of the Force behind her words. The man before her didn't seemed fazed.

"No, scavenger. You are a prisoner of the First Order. You will remain such until a time comes that you prove your allegiance. If you fail, Ren will oversee your execution."

 _A red saber humming. Pain in her chest. His name on her lips._

"Never. He won't kill me. We'll kill _you_."

"I thought you might say that." He thumbed a communicator in his hand. "Now."

Pain, unbearable pain flashed through her head. She heard him scream.

Torture. They were hurting him.

Rey struggled against her bonds. "Stop it! Stop it! Don't…"

The general stepped closer, clearly pleased, but still the pain didn't stop. She felt his body tense against wave after wave. His back, his side, his stomach. Pain, so much pain. Her fault. It was her fault.

"Stop," she begged, even as she heard a faint, "Rey, no," in her mind.

Hux considered her for a long moment, a moment that felt like minutes, like hours, as Ren yelled again in pain.

"Don't hurt him… please don't hurt him…"

He hit the communicator again. "Stop."

The intensity disappeared. Ren panted in her head, "No, Rey, no… don't… I can take it…"

But he couldn't. He was already hurt. They would only hurt him more. Possibly kill him. Hurt him to hurt her. She couldn't let it continue.

He touched her cheek, smiling at her tears, the touch a sick mockery of every gentle caress from Ren. Leather gloves against her skin. Her stomach twisted into knots and bile filled her mouth.

"What is it about him, scavenger? What is it that binds you together? Hmm?"

She spit in his face. "Don't. Touch. Me."

His hand left her cheek to wipe off her saliva. She felt triumphant for a brief moment until he pressed the communicator again and issued a command.

The pain began again. A baton pressed against a gaping wound in his side. She could almost see it in her mind.

"Stop! Stop! Stop it, you're killing him!" she screamed, pulling against the restraints keeping her back. Keeping her away from him.

Rey tasted blood in her mouth. His? Hers? She couldn't tell. She just wanted the pain to stop.

"If it stops, will you behave like a civilized girl instead of a beast?" he asked, a smirk on his lips.

"No… Don't…" a whispered, barely coherent thought from Ren in her head.

"Yes," she said, crying. "Just stop… stop hurting him…"

"If I do, you'll behave?"

"I'll do anything you want, just make it stop! Stop hurting him!"

"Rey, no!"

Hux thumbed the communicator again. "Stop. Keep the prisoner alive."

Rey sagged against her bonds. "I'm sorry, I just… I couldn't…" she begged in her head.

"I know," he panted back, exhausted.

She trembled at the hand on her skin. "Tell your lover not to worry. I won't defile you. I like my women willing," he breathed against her neck and she shuddered at the thought.

Wounded as he was, she felt Ren turned defensive. "Mine," he hissed through bared teeth in her head.

She closed her eyes, her body still trembling in fear, trying to think of anything else. Anywhere else.

 _Ren, moving inside her, his hands gripping her hips. A delicious kind of pain as he marked her skin with his hands._

 _Her nails scratched his back, pulling him closer. Needing more. Needing him._

"I'm not yours," she said, her tone icy. "I will never be yours."

"We'll see… Rey. First, you have to survive your test."

"I want to see him."

"This is not a negotiation. You have no power here, scavenger."

"I want to see him," she repeated. "I need to see him."

"That is not an option."

"He will be there on Jakku or I won't cooperate."

"Then you will die," Hux said.

"If I die, we both do. You can't break the bond between us," she said confidently.

But it was the ginger's turn to smile. "If I can't break the bond, I will break you. You will forget you ever knew Kylo Ren. You will be reconditioned."

Fear from Ren. He knew that word. It was a bad word. Painful. Worse than what happened to her. Worse than losing her memory. She would lose herself. Her freewill.

"I doubt that bond will work well when you are at separate ends of the galaxy," Hux mused.

"What will it take? What do you want from me?"

"Your loyalty, girl. To me. To the First Order. In two days' we will arrive on Jakku. You will kill Unkar Plutt or be destroyed, mind, body, and soul."

"And Kylo Ren?" she asked, his voice quiet in her mind. Hurt. Tired. Worried.

"Behave and you can say your good-byes."

She lowered her head. "Don't hurt him anymore. Please."

That mocking caress again. "Good girl. Two days. Your choice."

 **Author's Notes:**

I'm taking some liberties with binders. I'm sure they're meant to be unbreakable, but I doubt the First Order worried too much about restraining Force-sensitives and both Rey and Ren are powerful individuals under severe distress at the moment. So in my head, it's possible.

How much do you hate Snoke and Hux after this?

I hope you enjoyed this dark beast of a chapter. No worries, there's still lots of story to come. We might be about halfway through or even less. I've begun to stray from my initial outline a bit. I blame Hux for this. The next chapter will either be Jakku or some memories or a mixture. I'm not sure yet.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? In need of therapy after seeing Kylo Ren being tortured? (I know I do…)

Thanks for hanging in there, guys! I'm away most of tomorrow and honestly, I need to sleep too, so I wouldn't count on a Sunday chapter for sure. There's a chance but it all depends.

2die4u – Thank you so much! Oooh, I wish I could say, but I can't… I will say that I love this couple and I hate putting them through all this pain, but it is Star Wars, so anything could happen and I have about five possible endings ranging from happy to cutmyheartoutwithalightsaberwhydon'tyou. J


	22. Chapter Twenty-one

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Twenty-One**

Being back on Hoth, without Han at her side, felt wrong. They had rebuilt the base there decades ago. It was rarely used due to the challenges of the location.

At the moment, it was a temporary base of operations since the evacuation of D'Qar. She had scouts looking for a more permanent base elsewhere.

Leia sighed, glancing over at her brother. Before she could speak, an aide hurried into the room.

"General, we've located the origin of the message," the human male said. "The one from the girl."

"Yes? Where?"

"A First Order ship. The _Finalizer_. It is under the command of a General Hux. We have reason to believe that Kylo Ren is onboard as well. Reports from the ground attack show he was there when Rey was abducted."

"Send me all the information you have. And keep an ear out for any information on the whereabouts and movements of that star ship! I want to be notified immediately if you learn anything else about the ship, Rey, or Kylo Ren."

"Yes, General!"

The aide hurried off and Leia sank into a chair, her head in her hands. Luke put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Where did we go wrong?" she asked quietly, feeling each and every one of her years.

"Ben is not completely gone. He is not lost for good. I used to believe he was."

"There's still Light in him. I feel it grow stronger every day. But there's still so much anger and hatred in him. And Han…"

"What happened is not your fault. It is not my fault. This was Snoke. He did this. He manipulated Ben. We just didn't know how far it had gone. That's all. And the girl… Rey… she's the key to bringing him home, Leia," he said softly.

"But at what cost?"

"The Force wants balance. It requires them both. The Dark and the Light. They are both. He brings out the Dark in her and she brings out the Light in him. It's been that way since the beginning…"

"What are you saying, Luke?"

"Rey was once one of my students, the same as Ben. She went by a different name then. Kira."

"Kira?" Leia felt a tightness in her chest, remembering old stories from the Academy, from before the massacre. Of the occasional holo from her son, all sad eyes and big ears, but who brightened at the mention of a name. Kira. A girl.

"For two years, Kira followed Ben around. She was the only student he tolerated. They grew close and he became her protector."

Leia smiled at that thought. Of her son caring for a little girl, one who was probably lonely. She had never liked how young the Jedi began training. It seemed barbaric to separate children from their parents. It was part of why her and Han tried to keep Ben. It was part of why he started so late at the Academy. She couldn't let go of her son. Until they had to. Even then, she hated herself for giving up on him.

"How did she end up on Jakku, Luke? How did she survive?"

"Ben, Leia. Ben is the reason she's alive. He hid her before the slaughter. I found her after… she was in so much pain…"

She straightened up in her chair, uneasy. "Luke, what did you do?"

"She kept screaming for him. Yelling for him to come back. She was distraught and not just because of the deaths. Kira believed in and trusted Ben. I tried to keep them apart. I was afraid of his influence on her."

"Luke…"

"I eased her pain," he said softly, sadly, lost in the past. "I made her forget. I locked off her memories; walled them off in her head. I sent her with an ally to Jakku."

Her brother didn't need to say it. She could feel it. Luke wanted to protect the girl. To protect her from Ben. He thought she needed to be kept from her son.

Before she could ask more questions, pain rippled through her. Through the Force. A great, terrible pain. Agony. Ben. Her son was hurt. Hurting.

She looked at her brother, who felt it the same as she did. Being torn apart. Separated.

Ben and the girl. Separated. So much pain. Like when Han…

"He's still alive, Leia. They're both still alive," Luke said as the pain subsided. "Just in pain."

"What's happening? What did we feel?"

"They're afraid. Someone is separating them. Ben is hurt and she's sharing his pain. She's trying to protect him. What we felt, that was her. Her pain, her fear."

"We need to find them. Now."

* * *

Rey.

It was the one clear thought in his head. The one clear thought through the pain. The new scars.

Hux wanted to hurt Rey. Wanted to take her away from him. He wasn't going to lose her. He wasn't in any shape to protect her, not at this moment, but he wasn't going to lose her.

She was in his head then. "Ren… Ren… how bad are you hurt? What did they do?"

"I've had worse. I'm okay." He thought of her, of them, how they'd been hours ago. Safe. Warm. Together.

She softened a bit, but there was still concern. "How bad?"

"Blaster wound. Batons. A few punches. I'll live."

"What can I do? How do I save you?"

He closed his eyes, so tired, so very tired. Weak.

"They won't kill me, Rey. Even if Hux wants to… it has to come from Snoke. Snoke won't allow it. Not yet."

"Ren… I can't lose you…"

"You won't." He missed her. Rey. His Rey. So scared. In so much pain.

"What do we do?"

"Rest. Heal."

"I can't just… you need help. You're bleeding!"

"I'll heal. It's nothing. I've had worse."

 _Snoke, in his head, clawing at his brain. Jagged arcs of lightening hitting his skin, burning him. Branding him._

Rey pulled him away, away from the pain.

 _Warm. Sand. Jakku._

 _A toppled AT-AT. Home. It was good to be home. Warm. Safe._

He sighed. "Rey…"

"I won't leave you. I'll find a way. I won't lose you."

 _A little girl, tugging on his robes, her hair in three buns. Those curious hazel eyes._

" _Why so sad, Ben?"_

" _It's nothing."_

 _A hug from those little arms. The youngest and smallest of the younglings. Ostracized by her peers. Just like him. So alone. But so full of Light._

" _I'm scared."_

" _I won't let the monster get you. You're safe here."_

 _Kira curled up against his chest, her eyes closed. The one bright spot in his life. His only defense against Snoke._

 _The only person who saw him as Ben. Not as Skywalker_ _'s nephew. Not as a troubled boy. Just Ben._

" _Will you teach me?"_

" _One day."_

 _Rey, her hand on his face, on his scar. Her lips on his. Her body beneath his._

 _Ferocious in the training room. Powerful and graceful. The delight in her eyes when she learned a new skill._

 _Her snuggling in beside him, her head on his chest as they slept, just like they had as kids. His Rey._

She relaxed. He could feel it through the bond. She was still on the edge, still worried, but calmer in the moment. Rey was scared. So afraid of being alone again. So afraid of losing him.

"You won't lose me. We'll get through this."

"What if I fail? What if I can't…"

"You won't," he whispered in her head. "I'll help you, no matter where I am. No matter what they do, I'll be with you, Rey. Just draw on me. Use my power. Use my fear, my anger. Take whatever you need from me. I'll help you."

"I need you. I need you…"

"I know. It's okay to be afraid, but we're stronger than Hux. Than anything they throw at us. You know why?"

"No," she said in a small voice.

"Because we're together. It's you and me, kid."

She smiled at the silly, old nickname. "I'm tired, Ren."

"I know. Sleep. I'll be right here."

"I don't want to be alone."

"You won't be."

He sang to her in their heads, the old song that Leia Organa used to sing to Ben Solo as a little boy. A song that Ben sang to the girl. A song that even after all these years reminded him of happier times. When Snoke wasn't inside his head.

He felt her fall into an uneasy sleep and he wasn't far behind.

 **Author's Notes:**

Just a little bit of calm before the storm. We're going to Jakku soon and it won't be a pleasant trip for anyone. And Luke is deliberately keeping Rey's parentage secret. Leia would've asked if she hadn't felt Ben.

There should be a new chapter on Tuesday, if only to keep me from freaking about my Wednesday morning job interview (promotion, possible branch switch – second time going through the process). There would've been two chapters today if I could stay home, but my other night shift co-worker is on vacation so even though I'm in severe pain and should be in bed, I have to go pretend to be human for nine hours. No worries, guys, I'm a professional chronic illness suffer – it sucks, but also worked a full day shift on Saturday when I couldn't eat. Lots of coping strategies, pain killers, and pain patches today. So I'll be plotting and planning and scheming to distract myself.

Thanks for reading!


	23. Chapter Twenty-two

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Twenty-two**

He slept a lot as his body tried to heal. Rey did her best not to bother him, but she hated being alone in her head. Hux didn't come by to gloat and other than droids coming into inject her with nutrients and check her vitals, she was kept isolated. The 'troopers feared her, as they should.

Not that she had much connection with the Force. Being restrained with multiple sets of binders only made it harder to reach out for the power. Being exhausted and away from Ren only made it worse.

His reassurances helped, but only so much.

She knew he lived simply because she could feel him. He'd been gravely injured to reach her. To control her. His wounds were left untreated and judging by his scrambled thoughts, he was likely fighting an infection.

He fell into a mixture of memories and dreams. They were jumbled and flipped back and forth between their shared past, his past with his family, his life in the First Order, and their recent past.

" _Ben!" Han yelled. "What did you do to the_ Falcon _?!_ _"_

" _I was helping Uncle Chewie," a young Ben, maybe six, said, his eyes innocent and his ears sticking out farther than Rey had ever seen._

 _His father growled a curse under his breath._

" _Kira, careful!" an older Ben called._

 _The little girl smiled at him and continued to climb the rock pile before jumping toward a nearby tree branch._

 _Ben, dressed in all black, his fists clenched. His leather gloves creaked as he stood before his Master. No longer Ben, he was now Kylo Ren, his clothes a precursor to the ones he wore now. Similar, but not the same. They resembled the First Order uniforms more than anything._

" _You will train with the Knights. You will join them, my apprentice. One day you might just be their Master."_

 _He watched her sleep, curled up beside him in his bed. Sleeping so peacefully, looking so young, so much like the girl he lost. He stroked her loose hair and she made a little sound in her sleep like a purr. She rubbed her head against his hand, almost nuzzling him._

 _He felt a smile then. Felt the Light in her calling out to him. His Rey._

" _Kira!" The smoke stung his eyes. He couldn't find her. He needed to find her. He couldn't leave without her. Pain, sharp and unrelenting, claws in his skull. Snoke._

 _Crying, he ran to his mother. He grabbed her by the leg and she picked him up after a moment._ _"Ben, baby, what's wrong? What are you doing awake?"_

" _He's in my head, mommy. The monster. It hurts. Make him stop…"_

" _There's no monsters, Ben. No one can hurt you," she said, holding him close, comforting him as he cried into her arms. "You're safe here."_

" _C'mere, kid," his father said, taking him from his mother. "I got you. Let's go slay some monsters."_

 _Rey, looking down at him, straddling him on the training room floor. Her cheeks flushed from exertion, her face and hair damp from sweat. Still so incredibly beautiful, even like this._

 _Little Ben screwed up his face as he tried to growl. Beside him, Chewbacca ruffled his hair approvingly at his attempts to communicate in Shyriiwook._

" _It's hard, Uncle Chewie!"_

 _The Wookiee responded in his native tongue knowingly._

 _Pain. The blaster bolt slipped through his grasp and struck him in the chest. He stumbled back._

" _Again!" a cold voice ordered as his hand came back covered in his own blood._

 _He gritted his teeth and raised his hand again, prepared to defend. To get it right this time._

" _Who are you?" he asked the voice in his head, watching from a hiding spot as his parents argued again. His dad wanted to leave for something and his mom was furious. She was always mad at him lately._

" _A friend," the voice said. "I can help you."_

" _How?"_

" _I can help make you strong."_

 _Rey, her saberstaff in hand. A beautifully crafted weapon that was perfect for the scavenger._ _"I don't want to fight you."_

" _You still wish to kill me."_

" _You tried to kill my friends."_

 _A pause._ _"All you had to do was come with me. My offer still stands. Let me be your teacher. Let me show you everything the Force has to offer."_

 _He held the hilt of his own saber, not yet powering it on. He didn_ _'t want to start a fight with her._

" _No! I will never join the Dark Side!"_

" _Ben, will you be my teacher?"_

" _One day, Kira."_

" _Train me. Help me," Rey begged._

" _It's suicide."_

" _Master Ben?" Kira, little and curious, looked up at him._

" _I'm not your master, kid."_

" _Soon!"_

 _Rey offering a hand._ _"Please… teach me the ways of the Force. I want you to be my teacher. Not because it's what he wants. Because it's how it should be. How it was supposed to be."_

" _What have you done?!" his uncle cried._

" _No one will hurt her now."_

" _Ben, you crippled her! What were you thinking? I can practically feel the Dark in you. This is too far. I'm sorry, but you can't stay. And you need to be far away from the girl."_

" _I did what no one else had the courage to do!" he shouted back, furious. "I protected Kira!"_

Ren was getting worse instead of better. His thoughts grew darker, more twisted, and less nostalgic.

He saw her dying. Over and over again on a loop. Different ways, different times, and different places. The only commonality was that he was always the one to kill her. The final blow was always his.

She tried to wake him, to interject herself into his head, but it wasn't working. She wasn't strong enough. And it killed her to feel his pain and be helpless.

The door to her cell open and before her was Hux and a group of Stormtroopers with their blasters pointed at her.

"It's time, scavenger. What is your decision?"

"I'll do it… just let me see Ren. Please… let me see him."

The general considered this a moment. "I thought you might ask about him. If you cooperate, you may have two minutes with him before we leave. Ren will be staying here and I will have men watching him. Should you try anything on Jakku, retribution will be swift."

Tears leaked down her cheeks. He couldn't take further pain. She knew that. They were being kept apart, knowing they were leverage. Knowing that one wouldn't leave without the other. Knowing that Ren was in no shape to fight back. Knowing that she'd do anything to spare him further distress.

"I will… I will do it."

"Good. Escort her to the refresher. She reeks."

* * *

Dressed in a fresh outfit from her wardrobe that had been brought to the refresher in the detention level, Rey followed Hux and two 'troopers. Another four were behind her, blasters aimed at her back. Her hands were in binders again, but she didn't care. She was going to see him.

Hux opened the door to his cell and she hesitated, waiting for a command before rushing to him. She wanted to see him badly. She needed to see him. The last forty-eight hours had been worse than feeling his torture through the bond.

The general smiled at her. "Two minutes. Don't try anything stupid."

She rushed into the darkened room then.

Ren lay on the floor of the cell, his hands in binders as well. He was still only wearing the pants he'd fallen asleep in, his chest and feet bare. She knelt on the cold durasteel beside him and raised her bound hands to his face.

"Ren, oh, Ren…"

Slowly, his eyes cracked open a sliver. Her name was on his cracked, dry lips. Dry blood matted his dark hair and she could see easily a dozen fresh wounds on his pale skin, not including the bolt burn on his side. That was by far the worst, the skin an angry, puckers red, raw and gaping. Infected, just as she feared.

His face was hot despite the chill of the cell and his lack of clothes. He was sick, so sick, trying to fight. His body exhausted.

"Ssh, it's okay. Just be quiet. It's okay." Her thumb stroked the scar on his cheek. "I'm here. I'm here. It's going to be okay. I'm going to get you out of this. I swear."

He looked up at her, worried. "Rey, no…"

Tears fell down her cheeks and she didn't care. She didn't care who saw. She didn't care about showing weakness. "I have to. I know what I have to do. I won't let them take you from me. I'm doing this for us. I'll find a way back to you. This isn't goodbye."

"Rey…"

Trembling, she pressed a kiss to his forehead, then his lips. "I love you, Ren. I won't lose you. I can't lose you. Not again."

"My Rey…" he whispered hoarsely.

She smiled. "Yes, I'm yours. I'll always be yours. Stay with me, Ren. Stay with me. I need you."

In her head, slightly stronger. "Use it, Rey. The pain. For me. Use it. I won't leave you. No matter what."

"I know."

"I'm yours," he breathed, his eyes closing again as he fell into the darkness of his own mind again.

She gathered herself slowly. She knew what she had to do. And she would do it for him.

* * *

Jakku was hotter than she remembered. But she ignored it, focusing instead on Kylo Ren. On his pain, her anguish; their loss. The agony of being torn apart.

A life spent alone on Jakku because she'd been taken from him. Stolen from him. They were supposed to be together, Master and Apprentice. The Force wanted them together. They were stronger together. She needed him. And he needed her.

She was furious by the time she reached the shack she used to visit daily. The place where Unkar Plutt decided her fate. Where his eyes roved over her, taking her apart and making her sick.

The Blobfish seemed surprised to see her. She didn't know if it was because of her new black garb or the contingent of Stormtroopers following her, or simply because he couldn't believe she'd had the nerve to come back after stealing from him. She didn't know and she didn't care.

"Plutt, just who I was looking for. We need to have a word."

"Rey, what a _pleasant_ surprise," her former master, the creature who used to control her fate, who decided if she ate, said.

"Come out or I will rip this building apart," she said coolly.

He eyed her and the 'troopers before listening. It took a long moment, but she used it to gather her anger. Around them, the other scavengers beat a hasty retreat. No one wanted to be in the middle of this. No one would defend Plutt. Even his hired thugs had made themselves scarce.

"Come to pay me for my ship, Rey?" he inquired.

"It was never your ship. It was returned to it's rightful owner. Perhaps you know him. The smuggler, Han Solo?"

She saw recognition creep over his face. "That so?"

"It is. But I'm not here about the ship, Plutt. I'm here to settle a different debt."

He narrowed his eyes. "Yes?"

"You stole from me all those years I worked for you. Undercut me on portions. Starved me. Let others steal from me. Used me as a slave."

"And?"

"Judgment has been passed. The First Order has decided you're to pay for your crimes. Not just against me, but against any number of citizens of this world. Your regin of terror is over. You'll never decide anyone's fate again."

"And you think you can defeat me, Rey? You're just a girl."

She thought of the lonely nights, where her empty stomach gnawed at her. At the injuries, the threats of others, the inherent danger of surviving on the sandpit of a planet. The place she was in because she'd been taken away. Separated from Ren.

"I was never just a girl."

She flicked her weapon on, felt the power buzz through the saberstaff. Through the weapon she made with her own hands.

"Who did you steal that from?"

"No one."

The Blobfish laughed at her. "As if you could make such a weapon, Rey, my girl. No, no, you stole that from someone. A Jedi's weapon, that is. I tell you what… I'll give you two hundred portions for it. I'm feeling generous today."

She called on the anger. On the fear. On the loneliness. Ren, hurt because of her. The little girl in the sand all alone. Being torn away from him. So much hurt. So much pain.

"You don't have the guts, girl," he laughed as she advanced.

She moved fast, slashing at his arm. At the hand that used to push her a measly quarter portion. He howled in pain, shrinking back.

She attacked again, hacking and slashing. She lost herself in the memories. Of the little girl. Alone. Afraid. Hungry. The girl who had to learn to defend herself. The girl who couldn't trust anyone. Who had to work to avoid starving. The girl who belonged to the slug before her.

He lay crumpled in a heap, bleeding, gasping, and wheezing. Then he laughed. At her.

Rey raised a hand, her teeth bared. So much pain. So much fear. Alone, so terribly alone.

She let out a scream of anger, frustration, and hate. Power flowed from her fingers and lightening sprang from her hand. It sizzled, striking flesh, crackling, burning, killing.

She screamed again, tears flowing down her cheeks for the girl she'd been, for the innocence she'd lost, for the man she loved. So much hurt. So much pain.

She fell to her knees in the sand, exhausted. Before her was the blackened corpse of Unkar Plutt.

Kneeling in the hot sand, she looked up at the impassive face of the man beside her. "I want Ren. Now," she said, her voice stronger than her quivering body.

Hux appraised the dead body before her. "I believe you have earned that much. Congratulations, Rey. You have passed your first test. Welcome to the First Order."

 **Author's Notes:**

So, my co-workers are awesome and managed to find a way to cover me so I could come home and rest. Needless to say my fingers hit the laptop keys furiously and well, you guys are getting a second chapter today.

We'll get a slight relief from the darkness in the next chapter when Rey is finally reunited with him for more than a moment. When I originally outlined this chapter in my head, Ren was with her on Jakku. As the plot twisted, I realized there was no way in hell Snoke or Hux would allow him to be planetside with her. So my next twist had to be post-poned and you'll just have to wait and see… it'll happen in a few chapters.


	24. Chapter Twenty-three

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Twenty-three**

"Where's Kylo Ren? You promised I could see him..." Rey swayed a bit as they reentered the main hallways of the _Finalizer_. She was exhausted and drained. She just wanted to see him. To know he was okay.

"In due time. The Supreme Leader has summoned you."

"No, I want to see Ren first!"

Hux halted mid-stride. "If you think for a moment that your juvenile display will help your cause, it won't. Angering me will only cause him pain. Do you want that?"

She stared at him. "No. I want to see him."

"Soon. It won't do to make the Supreme Leader wait. Come. Now."

Hanging her head, Rey followed the general through several corridors and a lift to reach the audience chambers for Snoke. She cringed inwardly at the appearance of the beast.

"The scavenger. That was a most impressive display of talent on Jakku. My apprentice has taught you well."

"I passed your test. Even after you changed the rules. I want to see Ren."

"Impertinent, I see. I will teach you respect!"

She felt a hand pushing, crushing, forcing her to kneel. She couldn't fight it. She wasn't strong enough. Gritting her teeth, she tried to call on her anger to slow it down, but she was weak. Tired from using her abilities. Worn out from the strain of the past two days.

Rey found herself on her knees, bowing to him. He laughed.

"Kylo Ren resisted at first, too. Your 'Master' in more than just the Force, is he not? His compassion for you is his undoing. His love for you..." Snoke shook his head. "I will tolerate your scandalous liaisons at the moment. Just remember, Rey of Jakku, that your loyalty is to the First Order and to me. Forget that and you will be both suffer."

"I... I understand."

"Good. A reward is in order. You may return to Kylo Ren. There is still much for you to learn about the Dark Side. Embrace it. Embrace your power."

The hologram disappeared and the pressure on her eased.

* * *

The door opened to their old room and her heart swelled in relief.

"Ren!"

Rey rushed into the room, throwing her arms around the man sitting on the floor, his back against the bed. He opened his eyes slowly at her touch.

"Rey? You're dead… I… killed you."

She held his face in her hands, shaking her head. "No, no, I'm right here. You didn't hurt me. I'm right here."

"Rey…"

He looked worse. His head was burning up.

"Hold on." She hurried into the refresher and pulled open cabinets. He had to keep medical supplies in his room. He seemed the type. Judging by his old wounds, he was used to caring for himself. Sure enough she found bacta paches and strips plus some medicines that looked like they might fight infection.

She wet a washcloth in cold water and hurried back to him. She wanted to get him into the 'fresher, but she wasn't strong enough to drag his limp body into it and help him clean up.

She brushed the cloth across his forehead, wiping at the crusty blood. He groaned a bit, but didn't fight her.

Rey focused on the blaster wound. She wiped it first, trying to scrub some of the dry blood from his skin. He tensed and she murmured to him as she covered it in bacta patches.

She continued to wipe the wounds, patching them one at a time. She rinsed out the cloth several times, always hurrying back to him. He seemed more conscious as time went on. Finally, after the last wound was covered, she held the soaked cloth to his head to combat the fever. He shifted, his head in her lap. She stroked his hair with her free hand.

"You're an angel, Rey."

"I'm right here. I won't leave you."

"I didn't mean to kill you. It's my fault. I'm sorry, Rey. So sorry," he mumbled, his eyes closed.

She slipped into his head through the bond and she saw it.

 _Snoke was too strong. Too powerful. He was too weak, too full of Light._

 _He didn_ _'t want to ignite the saber but he heard it thrum to life. Saw the familiar red glow, but instead of reassurance all he felt was panic._

 _Rey before him, frozen in place, her eyes full of tears._ _"Ben, no. Fight him! Ben!"_

 _The saber slid into her heart in one thrust. Her eyes widened at the pain and she took her final breath. His name fell from her lips._

 _He extinguished the saber and caught her, Snoke gone. He fell to his knees, holding her body. He pulled her into his arms, crying._

" _Rey, please… wake up… Rey! I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't… Rey… Rey!"_

 _He lay there, rocking her body._

Rey pulled back, feeling tears in her eyes. His? Hers? She didn't know.

"I'm right here, Ren. Look at me. Open your eyes. Please, for me… I need you to look at me."

"You're not real. Let me go, Rey. Let me die… I killed you…"

"No," she growled. "You don't get to do that. Come back to me! Ren, look at me!"

" _Daddy, look!"_

 _A child, one with Rey_ _'s curious eyes, floated a heavy rock toward him. There was a wide smile on the girl's face._

" _Careful!" Rey called, not far away, her hair in her usual three buns._

" _Mommy, look!"_

 _Rey_ _'s smile matched their daughter's own. "I see, sweetheart, I see it."_

 _Then he saw her take a blast bolt to the chest as their daughter screamed and the rock exploded into dust._

He groaned, his dark eyes slowly opening. "Rey, you're dead…"

She shook her head. "No, no, I'm not. I went to Jakku. I went. Plutt's dead. He's dead."

She closed her eyes, picturing it. Picturing his blackened corpse. What she did to protect him. To save him. She pushed it toward his head. Pushed her way into his mind, begging him to see it. To see her. To know it was really her and not a fever dream.

"My Rey."

"I'm here. I'm still yours." She took his hand and placed it on her heart. "Feel that? It's me. I'm here. I'm real."

" _It was never real. None of it," Hux spat, beckoning Rey with his finger. She went toward him without hesitation. "Right, love?"_

 _Her hand pushed into the ginger_ _'s hair. "Right. I never cared for you. It was all a lie, Ren. Who could love a monster like you?"_

"Rey… no…"

"Yes, it's me. I'm here, Ren. Come back to me."

She rested her lips against his forehead, silent tears rolling down her cheeks. She hadn't gone through everything on Jakku and the past two days to lose him now. Not like this. Not to an infection.

"Stay with me, Ren…" she muttered against his face. "Come back to me. Don't you dare leave me here."

" _Rey!" he screamed, a warning._

 _She turned, a moment too late, too late to stop the blast of lightening as it hit her in the chest. As Snoke raised his hand against her._

 _She collapsed to her knees._

 _Then a_ _'trooper put a blaster to her head and pulled the trigger._

" _NO!"_

"My Rey, mine. I'm sorry. So sorry."

"I'm here."

"It's my fault. I wasn't strong enough to save you."

"You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't. I'm here. I'm here. Please…" her voice broke. "Ben, don't leave me. Please don't leave me."

" _Ben…"_

 _Her hands on his face. His blood pumping out._

" _Stay with me! Don't you die… you can't die," she begged._

" _Rey…"_

" _No! Fight, Ben! Fight for me! For us!"_

She put a hand on the blaster wound. "Don't leave me, Ben. Don't leave me again. Don't leave me," she begged.

"I can't do this without you," she said in his head.

" _You can't do this!" Rey screamed, straining against the 'troopers, her hands trapped in binders._

" _No! Don't you—" his curse dissolved into a shout of pain as a baton pressed against him._

" _My dear girl, you have a choice. Your child or your lover. Which is it?" Snoke said. Hux stood beside their leader, a small bundle in his arms. A screaming bundle. His child. Rey's child._

" _You can't do this! You can't!" Rey sobbed._

" _Choose or I will choose for you."_

" _Rey… do it," he panted. "Kill me. Save him. Don't let it happen again. Don't."_

" _No, Ren, no…" Tears streamed down her face as she shook her head. "No…"_

" _Do it, Rey. I forgive you."_

 _A red saber was pressed into her bound hands, a blaster at her head. Shaking, she powered it on._

" _Ren…"_

" _I know. I know. I forgive you. Save him."_

 _The beam tore through him and her trembling lips touched his cheek._ _"I'm so sorry, Ren," she whispered._

" _Rey."_

She kept one hand on the wound, and held his hand on her heart with the other, hunched over his head in her lap. Tears streamed down her face openly. The bond was filled with darkness and misery, regret and guilt. Dark, painful dreams. He couldn't hear her. He couldn't see her. He was lost to the fever. Gone. Her Ren was gone. Ben was gone.

Weaker. Hurt. He could die. He might very well die.

Then she'd be alone again. All alone. So alone.

The little girl alone in the sand. She didn't want to be her again. She didn't want to be alone. She wanted Ren. She needed him.

"Please, please… come back… Ben, don't leave me…"

She closed her eyes.

" _Ben."_

 _He kissed her, touching her cheek. So beautiful._ _"Hmm?"_

" _I love you."_

" _I know."_

" _I always have."_

 _He smiled._ _"My padawan."_

" _My teacher."_

" _Luke says we're corrupting the younglings. That the Jedi of old forbade personal attachment. That we provide an unrealistic view of the future."_

" _My uncle is just jealous," he said, kissing her again, pressing her against the cream sheets. The room was filled with soft, warm sunlight. "And I'd much rather corrupt you."_

" _You already have, Ben Solo. You already have."_

A hand touched her cheek, wiping her tears.

She looked down and saw his eyes staring back. "Rey…" he breathed.

Hope. Could it be…?

"Don't cry… I hate it when you cry," he said softly, his thumb brushing away the tears. "Rey… My Rey…"

"Ren?"

"I'm here. I won't leave you. I won't leave you again. I won't." He sat up next to her slowly, his other hand taking hers. "Do you trust me, Rey?"

"Yes, always."

"Will you help me?"

"Anything."

He took a deep breath. "We're going to kill Snoke. Together."

 **Author's Notes:**

Whew, new chapter by the skin of my teeth! None of these were memories this time, all dreams of the future or the past. Fever dreams essentially.

I have a job interview in the morning, so depending on how wornout I am, I will try to write and update tomorrow night. I'm really trying to go to sleep early tonight and not stay up writing, but, meh.

Thanks again for the reviews and for continuing to read this story! I think we're about halfway now through the story. Yeah, maybe a little more than half. What? You thought killing Snoke would be easy? Nah. And we're going to get darker again, believe it or not.


	25. Chapter Twenty-four

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Twenty-four**

"We intercepted a communication between a shuttle and the _Finalizer_."

"And?" Leia demanded, looking up from a console.

"The girl was spotted on Jakku. She was escorted by a legion of Stormtroopers to Nima Outpost. There was a confrontation with a junkboss. Preliminary reports indicate that the girl killed him with lightening. From her fingers."

Luke looked up as well. "Force lightening? That's a Dark Side skill. Rare."

"How would she learn it?" Leia asked her brother.

He ignored her. "Where is Kylo Ren?"

"He was not seen on Jakku," the analyst said. "I'm sorry I don't have more information."

"It's okay. Thank you," Leia said, turning to look at Luke. "Where would she have learned Force lightening?"

"It's not a skill he ever used," her brother said. "No one has used it in over thirty years. The last person I know of was the Emperor."

She saw her brother's unease. She knew he'd faced the Emperor when he faced their father. She knew he suffered to bring down the Empire. He never talked much about what happened and she never pried.

"Luke, this girl… who is she?"

" A very powerful Force-sensitive from a strong bloodline."

"General!" Finn called, hurrying over. He'd clearly run across the base, a small orange-and-white droid nipping at his heels. "Is it true? About Rey?"

"What have you heard?" she asked the young man as the droid beeped furiously. Poe Dameron's BB unit had taken a liking to the girl as well. Rey was well liked in general on base.

"She's been seen. She's alive?"

She nodded solemnly. "She is still alive, Finn. She was seen on Jakku."

"Jakku? Why does everyone keep going back to Jakku?!" Finn looked disgusted.

"Son, we will get her back," Luke said, smiling at the former 'trooper. "We will find a way. You just should prepare yourself. She may not be the same girl you remember."

"She's Rey—I have to believe she's okay. She's strong, but Kylo Ren, sir… I'm afraid he's stronger."

Leia closed her eyes a moment. Finn had every right to hate her son. So did Poe. She understood that the two young men saw Ben as the enemy. He was the enemy. But he was still her lost, little boy.

And there was Light in him. She knew it. A mother knew these things. And the Light was getting stronger everyday. It was because of Rey.

"I know. And I know you want to do something. The best thing we can do right now is wait for information. We will get Rey back when the time is right," Luke insisted.

The droid beeped curiously and sadly at the same time. Leia touched his dome. "I'm sure she misses you, too, BeeBee-Ate," she told the droid.

"Respectfully, I can't just stand here and wait for news. We should be doing something—anything!" Finn protested. "She's my friend and she's one of us! How can we just leave her to that monster?"

Leia tried to keep the pain from showing on her face. Yes, Ben had made mistakes. Yes, he'd hurt and killed people. He'd done terrible things with the First Order, but he would always be her son. She wanted to protect him. She had failed him.

But she knew, she could feel it through the Force, that Ben would never hurt the girl. He cared for her more than anyone else. He would never hurt her.

"Rey wouldn't want you to risk your life on a suicide mission to rescue her. She wouldn't want any lives risked for hers. We have to respect that," Luke said calmly. "We will rescue her once we have more information."

"I can help! Please… let me help you. I know the Order."

Her brother looked to her and she nodded. "He does. We could use any help we can gather at this point."

"Anything! Just… I want to find Rey."

Leia looked at his hopeful face. The fire and the fear.

"What can you tell us about the _Finalizer_?"

* * *

"How?"

He touched her cheek. "I don't know, but we have to. Together, we can do it."

"You're hurt." The worry in her voice, the concern, the fear, ate at him. He wasn't used to anyone caring about him. Not anymore.

"It will take planning and training. We will only get one chance—I can't lose you, Rey."

"You won't." She smiled at him. "I'm here. Always."

He sighed, leaning against the bed for support. "I'm dangerous, Rey. Snoke—"

"I know. I saw it, too. I saw everything. It was dreams… it doesn't mean—"

He took her hand. Soft and warm. She'd killed with these hands. She'd brought pain. She'd cut him open with those hands. They were so similar, his Rey and himself.

"Snoke is afraid of you. Of your powers. It's why he changed the test. He wanted you to fail. He's afraid of your influence on me."

"My influence?"

"The Light, Rey. He's afraid you'll bring me back to the Light."

She shook her head. "But how? I don't… I wouldn't know where to… how to…"

"It's still in you." He could feel it. The soft tug. The warmth. Home. Family. Rey. Ben.

Then the guilt. For what he'd done. What he would could to do. All the pain and suffering he would cause. The lives lost.

"I can't be… I killed, Ren. I tortured Plutt and I… I enjoyed it."

The pain on her face ate at him. He pulled her against him, trying not to wince when she brushed the blaster wound. "He deserved it, Rey. What he did to you? He deserved it and worse."

"But I like it."

"If it was anyone else, you wouldn't have enjoyed it, Rey. If it was a fellow scavenger, a friend, you wouldn't have taken pleasure in it. It's not who you are. Remember that."

"Why?"

"Killing Snoke will require using the Dark Side. He's too powerful. If he suspects we're plotting against him… he'll kill you, Rey."

"I won't lose you. I can't."

He thought briefly of the dreams, the nightmares that teased him of a future he knew he'd never have, of a life with her and a child. Their child.

A child that Snoke would take and corrupt the same way he once had done to Ben Solo. A child who would be forced to grow up on the Dark Side. A child stolen from loving parents who happened to be cursed with the Force. An innocent life.

"We'll find a way, Rey. I'm not sure how, but we will."

He kissed her cheek and wrapped his arms around her. She curled into the embrace.

"I hate this. I hate being afraid."

"I know. I know. I never wanted this for you. Never."

"You didn't fail me," she breathed. "No matter what you think. I will do whatever is necessary to be with you. I won't lose you again, Ren. I won't let anyone take you away from me."

" _No! Get away from him! No!" Rey screamed, fighting, slashing, killing as she tried to get to him. "REN!"_

 _His saber, gone, his hand shaking as he tried to call the Force. To use it._

" _REN! NO!"_

 _He couldn_ _'t stop the advancing line of troops, blasters raised and aimed._

 _Rey_ _'s agonized screams drowned out the sound of blaster fire as he embraced his fate._

"I know. I know."

He would do the same for would gladly lay down his life to save her. To protect her. From himself. From Snoke. From Hux. From any threat.

Ren scooped her up carefully, wincing whenever he bent or moved the wrong way. Rey clung to him as he laid her down in their bed.

He crawled in beside her. "I don't want to think about losing you. I want to savor being with you. I missed you."

Rey curled up beside him. Her hand touched his forehead. "Your fever… it's mostly gone."

"Mhmm." It felt so good to have his Rey back. To have her in his arms. He didn't need anything else in this moment except her. And just like that, her tucked beside him on top the covers, Ren drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

 **Author's Notes:**

Agh, this story is killing me! What is sleep? I totally quadrupled the Leia stuff at/after midnight last night before turning off my laptop (there was going to be a piece in the last chapter but I pushed it to this one) and then I switched to writing pieces on my phone (fun fact, last chapter's Rey vs Snoke Monster scene was written on my phone during my lunch hour because I was too lazy to use my tablet).

Good news is that next chapter is a multiple of five so big things…

If you left a review to this chapter and I haven't responded yet – I will in the morning after I get up, I swear. My eyes were closing as I finished up this scene. Next chapter will probably be Friday night – today was a mess. I had to stay late at work, then my relapse fought back with a vengeance that left me throwing up, and that's all after my interview this morning. Anyways, I couldn't leave you guys hanging without a new chapter!


	26. Chapter Twenty-five

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Twenty-five**

Rey smiled when she woke up. Ren was beside her, flat on his back, with one arm curled around her waist. He was covered in bacta patches on his bare chest, but alive and breathing.

She moved closer, sighing against his chest. Her robes smelt faintly of smoke and charred flesh, but she didn't care. She liked being in his arms. It made her feel safe. Loved.

His face twitched and his grip on her tightened.

"Rey..." he murmured.

"Ren," she said, planting a quick kiss on his chest where her head lay.

"You're here."

"Mhmm. Where else would I be?"

Dead, the bond said. Dead or gone. Snoke.

She cringed at the thought. "Did you mean what you said last night? About killing him?"

"Every word." He looked at her with his dark eyes, the hand not holding her running through her hair.

"How? I mean, do you even know where he is?"

"When the time is right, we'll worry about that. He's strong, Rey. Strong enough he'll have us both on our knees if we're not careful."

A shudder ran through her as she remembered being in the audience chamber and being pushed down. Forced to bow down to the man or the monster that was the Supreme Leader. She didn't know how a hologram could use the Force long distance.

"He's old and powerful, Rey. To go against him now would be suicide."

She nodded her head against his chest, content to just lie here with him and listen to him breathe and feel the rumbling in his chest as he spoke. She had gone so many years without human contact.

Being with him, touching him, felt so right. It was as if he were her missing piece. Two halves of a whole. The Dark and the Light.

"Rey, we can do this. We can stop him. But you won't like it. I don't want to do this either… I don't want you to be like me."

She sat up, looking down at him. At his sad eyes. Guilt. He felt guilty for her being here. For her going Dark, slowly, and surely.

"I don't care. I won't lose you. If you have to go darker, then I'll go with you. I lost you once before. I can't lose you again, Ren. I won't. Not as long as I still have breath in my body."

He rested his hand against her cheek and she leaned into it.

"We won't be welcomed back to the Light."

"I don't care. Not as long as I have you. You're my family, Ren. You're all I have."

He pulled her down to him, kissing her lips. She closed her eyes and returned the kiss, soft and slow. Consuming, like her feelings for him. Like the fear and the anger.

She knew she shouldn't love this man. She knew she should hate him for what he'd done to her and to others. For the lives he'd taken. For the lives he would take. She should hate him. But she couldn't. He was just a boy led astray because he cared for her. A scared little boy desperate to save a girl.

Rey loved him. She needed him. She couldn't lose him.

 _A rare, warm smile when he saw her. Ben swung her onto his back and she grabbed his hair in her fists. He was so tall it was like climbing a mountain._

 _The disapproving look on their Master_ _'s face. The whispered and hushed voices of Master and apprentice later. An indignant Ben arguing with his uncle over her where they thought she couldn't hear._

" _I told you to stay away from the girl before, Ben!"_

" _Why? You always tell me I should interact with others. And now that I am, you don't want me to?"_

" _Not that girl, Ben. Kira is different."_

" _Different how?"_

" _One day, you'll understand. Until then, stay away from her."_

" _Why, Uncle Luke? Why?"_

" _She deserves better than you."_

She opened her eyes, looking down at him. At his sad eyes. She touched his cheek, his hand still on hers, his other hand on her hip, steadying her as she straddled him now, bending forward at the waist to stay close to him.

"He never told me, Rey," he said softly. "I don't know who your parents were. I don't know where you come from. All I know is that you were a little girl, three years old if you were even that, when you arrived. When Skywalker brought you there. He went and retrieved you personally. I don't know if they're alive or dead."

She nodded. "I don't remember them."

"You will one day."

"If I don't?"

"We'll see Skywalker again some day. He'll tell us one way or another."

The pain of thinking of her Master — their old Master — was less than it had been. She rarely thought of Luke Skywalker and his teachings now. She'd accepted Ren so thoroughly as her Master that it seemed wrong.

She still held a soft spot for the old Jedi. A feeling that Ren didn't seem to share. Sentimentality for the weak old man wasn't a part of him. There was no love lost there.

Failure. Disappointment. Weak. Those were all feelings associated with Skywalker in his head.

What he thought of his mother was more complex. Leia was two different people to Ren. Mother and General. He missed the one he called mother, the one who sang to him when he was ill and comforted him when he was scared. He missed her and resented her for abandoning him. The General he loathed. Enemy. That's who she was. Nothing more.

"Can we just…" She closed her eyes, trying to find the words.

"Stop talking?" he offered, both hands now on her hips. She could feel him beneath her—hard and wanting—and she had for several moments now.

She nodded.

He undid the belt keeping her mussed robes in place. She pushed the thick fabric off her shoulders to reveal her plain black tunic. For once she wore more layers than he did.

"You won't hurt me," he whispered, taking the thought from her head without her realizing she'd wondered about his injuries. Yesterday he'd been in the throes of a fever and she'd been afraid of him dying. Now here he was, looking so much like the Ren she knew and loved.

Love. She knew she loved him. She had since before she knew the word to attach to the emotion.

She trembled a bit. The last time they'd done this, she'd been cruelly torn from his arms.

"I'm here," he breathed. "I'm right here, Rey. It's okay."

She nodded, unable to speak.

He tugged on the tunic, pulling her closer in order to steal a kiss. Quick and demanding. And oddly reassuring. Confident.

This was the Ren who protected her. The Ren who drilled her in the training room. Protector. Teacher. Master. Lover.

He yanked the tunic over her head in a motion she felt sure had the pull of the Force behind it. She didn't care. She ached deep inside, her body remembering how it felt, how good it could feel to have him inside her.

She wanted, no, needed. She needed him.

Rey lifted her hips, shifting her weight to her knees to help him remove his trousers. Her fingers fumbled a bit, earning a slight chuckle from him.

As she worked on his pants, he worked on hers, trying to edge them over her hips. He growled in frustration just before she heard fabric rip in his hands.

She wanted to protest at the waste of material, to yell at him, but his mouth claimed hers and she lost her train of thought.

Rey found herself on her back, torn pants removed, and Ren hovering over her. He had one hand between her legs and the other cupping her breast through the fabric band binding them.

She reached up, helping him unwind the fabric as he sank a finger inside her. She let out a sound that was part surprise and part pleasure. His breathing tightened as he stared at her, completely naked and sprawled beneath him.

"Rey…" he said, her name a prayer as it fell from his lips.

His erection pressed against her stomach and a wave of pleasure rolled through her. She closed her eyes, trying to catch her breath already.

He shifted above her and she felt the tension through the bond. He was in incredible pain.

She put a hand on his chest. "Lie down. Let me…" she said softly.

He hesitated a moment, almost confused, but after she pictured it in her mind—him on his back, her straddling him again—he carefully shifted on the bed.

The pain reduced and she sighed in relief. She didn't want to hurt him. Not when this simple act between them could feel so good. He'd suffered enough for her.

Without words, he helped her settle atop him. He supported her easily as she lowered herself onto his erection. As he slipped inside her, inch by inch. She felt herself stretching to accommodate his size. It still seemed strange how it didn't seem to hurt. The first time, yes, there had been pain, but his feelings, his pleasure had surged through the bond, helping erase her own discomfort.

Rey sat astride him, not moving, just listening to his breathing for a moment before she started to move. The rhythm was very different this time. He kept his hands on her hips, helping her and steadying her at the same time.

Up and down. Slow. Careful.

"You won't hurt me," he breathed.

She bit her lip, shifting a bit, and moving a bit faster. He groaned and she felt the pleasure. He closed his eyes and she couldn't help but smile. She could do this to him. She could make him happy. Even if only for a short time.

Rey lost herself in the sensations. In the pleasure. In him. She felt tension in herself and she felt the smallest hints of relief every so often. She felt his hand press between them, felt his thumb stroke something at the center of the tension and she saw stars.

She let out a loud cry. His name.

Rey felt the mattress behind her back. Felt Ren's weight above her. Felt the world tilt as he switched with her, suddenly driving into her deeper, harder, faster.

She moaned, losing herself, her hips moving in sync with him. Meeting him thrust for thrust. Wanting more of him. Needing more.

She wrapped an arm around his neck, pulling him closer as her body strained to reach him. To take him deeper.

"Rey," he gasped, his body jerking and she felt a rush of warmth between her legs. Felt him relax as he found his relief.

And then his hand and she screamed his name again, her inner walls clamping down hard as the tension in her body hit a crescendo and pleasure swarmed her. Her own, not just his.

He stayed buried inside her, kissing her on the mouth, taking from her. She felt his tongue in her mouth, the feel different, but not unpleasant.

He kissed her neck next as she breathed, "Kylo."

"My Rey… my sweet Rey," he said into her neck, kissing the skin there again.

She stroked his face, touching the scar. "Mine."

She could feel him smile. "Always."

He withdrew from her and rested on his back beside her, one hand stroking a line from her breast to her hip as she turned onto her side to face him.

"You're hurt."

"It was worth it." He smiled at her. "The best kind of pain."

* * *

They barely left his bed for three days. Food was occasionally delivered by droid, but there was no need to leave the room. He grew stronger with every passing minute. He was healing, but he didn't have any ambition.

Not when he had her.

They were making up for lost time. For the years stolen from them. From the affection that was denied—to him by Snoke, to her by the hell planet she lived on—in the form of touches, caresses, and kisses to the intimacy that they shared. To those sweet, fleeting moments where he found himself deep inside her. Moments he'd never shared with anyone else.

They stayed intertwined both asleep and awake. A hand here, a leg there, Rey's head on his chest. He still liked to watch her sleep.

Ren knew their time together would end soon. He knew this was a short-lived reprieve, a mercy almost, from Snoke. A reward in a twisted way. As soon as he healed more, they would be thrust back into training. He would have to corrupt Rey or risk losing her.

She was strong. Stronger than he was. If anyone could survive the Dark Side, it would be her. She might have a chance. She might be able to return to the Light after it was all over. Rey could be forgiven.

He pulled the covers tighter over them both, Rey curled against his chest in her usual spot. Part of his left leg stuck out from underneath the blankets, but he didn't care. Rey was a little furnace, keeping him warm.

Then there was pain in his head. Sharp, insistent pain. Nails clawing at his skull. Snoke.

"Kylo Ren. Come to me. Leave the girl."

Rey stirred in his arms, looking at him with sleepy eyes. "Ren?"

The pain shot deeper, as if his Master were squeezing his brain in his hand. He let out a quick yelp and it eased.

She was touching his face. "Ren?"

"Snoke. He wants to see me. Just me."

He felt her muscles tense.

"It's fine. I'll be gone a short time. You can use it. Practice with the Force. Work on control. Calling and manipulating objects with precision," he suggested.

"I don't want you to leave."

"I don't want to go either." He kissed her nose. "But I have to."

She nodded, her forehead pressed against his.

He kissed her lips. "I'll come right back. I promise."

* * *

The room felt wrong without Ren's presence. Empty and cold. After cleaning up in the 'fresher, Rey found a clean set of robes and his scarf. He'd left it behind, draped across the end of the bed. She pulled it over her head and pressed the fabric against her nose. It smelled of him. It was comforting. Familiar.

The door to their room whooshed open and she reached for her saber out of habit. Whoever was outside wasn't Ren. He was further away, distracted, as he dealt with Snoke.

There was no comforting hilt at her side. Her lightsaber had been taken back by Hux upon her return from Jakku. Ren didn't have his either. It was the First Order's way of maintaining control. As if two Force-sensitives needed weapons to cause havoc.

The open door revealed the last man she wanted to see. General Hux himself strode into the room, looking rather pleased with himself.

Rey held herself up straight and tall, eying him coolly. "Hux, what do I owe this… displeasure to?" she asked.

He shot her a hard look. "I see your Master is off attending to the Supreme Leader."

She tried to maintain her calm, but her patience was wearing thin already. "And?"

"You did well on Jakku. Supreme Leader is pleased. However, you remain stubborn and opinionated. You're nearly as pig-headed as Ren. Despite all that, I would like to offer you a chance to serve at my side. To be a true part of the First Order, not merely some whipping boy for the Supreme Leader. You would be a part of my command, serving alongside me, and helping us defeat the rebels."

"What makes you think I would ever consider working with you?"

"I think you will do anything to ensure Ren's continued health and well-being. He seemed a bit sore and stiff this morning. Not his usual self. It would be a shame if he suffe—"

Rey threw up her hand and tossed him back against the wall without a thought. It was a reflex born of her need to protect him. To protect herself. She held him there, not choking him or hurting him, simply keeping him still.

"You were saying, Hux?" she asked, a slight smile on her face, as the anger and rage and fear rolled through her veins. She still remembered his pain clearly. Too clearly. The anguish of being torn away from him. No, she wouldn't allow it. No one would harm Ren again. Not because of her.

"You belong to the First Order, girl. You and Ren survive only on Leader Snoke's orders. Ally yourself with me and I can help ensure both your survival and his."

"I don't believe you."

"You really should. Snoke doesn't need two unstable apprentices. He needs one. When you outlive your usefulness, one of you will die."

Fury. She knew he was right—Snoke couldn't be trusted. The monster would turn on them—turn on Ren. Even Han Solo had seen it. He'd confronted Ren about it before his death.

She didn't like Hux. She didn't trust the slimy bastard to not turn on them. She'd seen a glimpse of his mind—his intentions toward her—before. She didn't like it.

"What do you want?" she asked, slowly releasing him.

Hux kept his cool as he straightened his jacket, brushing off invisible lint and dust. "You, at my side, working with me. I'm sure the Supreme Leader will still require you to work with Ren from time-to-time, but I plan to increase your usefulness. You will give me information about the Resistance. Names, locations, plans, and equipment. Misbehave and you will be separated from him. Cooperate and you two can continue to live together and train occasionally."

The idea of being taken from Ren—being separated—stung. "I can't be away from him."

"You will have to, but only during the day. At night, you two will share quarters. You'll still require training in the Force and combat. You'll earn more freedom and time with him. Earn loyalty and trust among the Order."

Hux was the devil and she knew it. Snoke might be the leader, but Hux was the power behind the throne. He ran the day-to-day operations. He was an extension of Snoke.

"What assurances do I have that you won't hurt Ren? That you won't separate us?"

"As long as you obey, there's no reason for either." He stepped closer and she held her ground. "Join me, Rey, and I will protect you."

"But will you protect Ren?" she asked.

"As best I can."

"I won't leave him."

"We'll see."

He held out a gloved hand. "Do we have a deal, Rey?"

She wanted to ask Kylo Ren, but he was distracted through the bond. Distressed, even, by something that was happening with Snoke. She couldn't quite get a feel for it—he was blocking her out.

She thought again about how much it hurt to be taken from him. It was like she was being torn in half. No, she would do anything to prevent that from happening. To save him pain.

"Yes," she said shakily, a knot forming in her stomach.

Hux took her hand, shaking it firmly. "Good. Tomorrow. I want you on the bridge with me at 0600. Just you, Rey. I imagine Ren will have other duties to attend to."

"0600," she repeated.

He turned to leave, not bothering to hide the smile on his face.

"Hux, when will we get our sabers back?"

He stopped. "As soon as I give clearance."

"When will that be?"

"It will depend on your behavior," he said, glancing over his shoulder as he opened the door. "Remember, 0600, Rey. Don't be late."

"I won't."

 **Author's Notes:**

Beast chapter! I'm not sure if there will be another beast chapter tomorrow or not – I do know we will find out about Snoke and Ren's meeting. Originally both parts would be in one chapter, but this worked out better I think.

I didn't hear about the job yet. They told us we'd know for sure by Monday, so at this point, I'm assuming I'll get the email saying "thanks, but no thanks". I'm not a math person but it was twenty-four people competing for four openings. We got to say which location we would prefer and I picked three of the four options (one is a solid hour away from me WITHOUT traffic so that was unreasonable). Better to hedge my bets, I thought. So there's a chance but it's probably very slim unless they haven't bothered to do notification calls at all yet.

I have seven shots of Novocain at the dentist today in order for them to fix/fill three teeth. Depending how I feel tomorrow and how much sleep I get, plus how much stuff around the house I need to do (my laundry pile is going to grow legs soon if I don't tackle it) depends on the size of the next chapter and when I will get it up tomorrow.

So enjoy the Reylo in this chapter, guys! Don't get super used to it – we all know Rey's alliance with Hux is going to blow up eventually. Slimy bastard can't be trusted. But hmm, what could Snoke want with Ren? Why would he block her out? Hmmm…

Thanks for reading!

Lleblanc3 – Thank you so much! You have no idea what that means to me! Awww! There's still plenty more heartbreak to come and darkness. And more flashbacks. More everything really. Thanks so much and enjoy!


	27. Chapter Twenty-six

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Twenty-six**

He bowed stiffly to his Master, keeping the pain he still felt to himself. It wouldn't do to show weakness to the man before him. Snoke would only punish him or Rey.

"The girl did better than expected on Jakku," Snoke said. "She has a talent for the Dark Side. When pushed, she does incredible things."

"Force lightening," he said through his helmet. It felt strange to wear the mask now. Before Rey, he never minded it. He'd gotten used to being without it when he was with her. He hated the modulator now. It was almost mechanical, not human.

"Yes, quiet remarkable. You yourself have never used such a power."

"She's strong in the Force."

"And that much stronger when you are involved, it seems. The bond between you… it only grows. Stronger and more powerful. Your little scavenger is tied to you, Kylo Ren. What you feel, she feels. When you bleed, she feels it. It binds you together."

"Yes."

"She fears losing you. That is how she called up Force lightening. Her feelings for you…that is what drives her. She will do anything to spare you. To save you."

He curled his fists tighter. He walled off the connection between them as best he could. He didn't like where this was going. He didn't like the insinuations.

"You feel the same need to protect her. I can feel it. She is your weakness. She has always been your weakness. Ever since you met her, the girl has been your undoing. Why is that? Who is she to you? Who is the scavenger?"

Snoke wanted inside his head. His Master wanted answers. Answers he didn't have. Answers that even if he knew, he wouldn't share. He'd protect her. He always had.

"Just a girl. One of many."

"You pushed everyone else away. Everyone but the girl. You tried to hide her from me. Why?" Snoke hissed.

He held onto his fear. Losing Rey would break him. He couldn't do it again. Not again.

 _He_ _'d barely hit hyperspace, the coordinates for the rendezvous already in place, even as he wanted to go back for her. But he felt the nails in his skull. His Master's grip. A warning._

 _He felt it. More than the deaths of the Jedi. This struck him deep. He felt the pain in his very soul._

" _NO!" he shouted in the ship, no one else on board to hear his screams. No one else to feel his anguish. "KIRA!"_

 _The Light, the beautiful, shining Light. His Kira. The youngling who would become his padawan. Gone._

 _He felt it, through the Force. Felt her die. Felt the Force tear. Darkness overwhelming Light._

" _No, no, no!" He hit his fist against a wall again and again. Blood streamed down his knuckles and he didn't care. He couldn't feel it. All he felt was the loss. Kira, gone. Destroyed. Lost._

 _His fault. He should_ _'ve fought harder. He should've been stronger. He never should've put her down. He did this. This was his fault._

 _Gone. Alone. He was all alone._

He wouldn't lose her again. No matter what.

The hologram laughed. "You fear losing her. Why her, Kylo Ren? What is it about the girl?"

" _One day, you'll understand. Until then, stay away from her."_

" _Why, Uncle Luke? Why?"_

" _She deserves better than you."_

 _It stung, like an insult. He was a gifted Force sensitive, the only child of a Princess-turned-General and an ex-smuggler who happened to be a fantastic pilot. He was far from ordinary._

" _You'll be the death of her, Ben. You have to stay away from the girl."_

" _I'd never hurt her!" The very thought repulsed him. He would sooner hurt himself than harm her._

" _It's been foreseen. In so many ways. You have to stay away from her. Kira is important."_

" _I won't hurt her! Why can't you believe me? Why don't you trust me, Uncle?"_

 _Luke Skywalker looked at him with sadness in his blue eyes._ _"Because I know what you'll become. The Dark is growing in you. You will corrupt her. She will die at your hands. She belongs to the Light."_

" _I never hurt her!"_

" _You will. You are not in control, are you?"_

" _I swear on my life, I'd never hurt her! I'd never hurt Kira!"_

" _The Light inside her calls to you, Ben. But she can't save you. You will destroy her."_

It was an old argument they'd had before. Over and over. His uncle never wanted him around her. But Skywalker always danced around the reason why. Why was she important? Why was he drawn to her? Why was she drawn to him?

"Interesting," his Master said. "All of Skywalker's fears have come to pass except one."

 _A red lightsaber in his hand. Rey begging him to fight. Her blood on his hands. His saber in her heart._

"I won't kill her."

"We shall see, Kylo Ren. For now, I have summoned the Knights of Ren. You will resume command of them and continue training with the girl."

"The Knights?"

"We will need them in order to take down the Resistance. It will require all our assets in one place if we are to succeed. The girl has passed her first test. There will be more to come. And you will have to confront your past. Your family. Skywalker has to be stopped."

"I can defeat him."

"You will need the girl's help."

Rey wouldn't kill Skywalker. She wasn't Dark enough for that. She still cared for him and her friends and the Resistance. Even to save him, he wasn't sure she could do it. He didn't want her to do it.

"She is not ready yet, Supreme Leader. She's not strong enough. We need time."

"You will have time, Kylo Ren. And responsibilities. Train your Knights. Prepare for battle. Train the girl. Encourage her use of the Dark Side or I will have Hux encourage her for you."

He kept his fists clenched at his side even as the anger threatened to boil over. He wanted to hurt his Master. He wanted to unleash the Force on the unsuspecting hologram. To protect her. To save her.

"That won't be necessary, Supreme Leader. Rey is my apprentice."

"For the time being. Your first test as a unit will be soon. A Resistance hideout. Fail and the girl dies."

"Yes, Master."

He bowed his head as respectfully as he could manage with the rage coursing inside. As soon as the hologram disappeared, he let out a scream of rage and released the Force with devastating consequences.

As hunks of duracrete collapsed around him, he thought of her. His Rey.

There was nothing he wouldn't do for her. Nothing. He would find a way to save her. He would find a way to get her far away from Snoke. From the Knights.

The Knights of Ren belonged to the Dark Side. They were cruel and crude. He didn't want them near Rey. Unlike the rest of the First Order, they didn't fear him. They barely respected him. Most of the time they trained on their own with little guidance from him. They rarely worked as a group. There was no need for all seven of them to be in one place. It was overkill.

And now the six other knights were on the _Finalizer_. They were here and all he could think about was Rey. About protecting her from them. From his own men. And Hux. That slimy general would use whatever he had to mess with Rey.

And Snoke would kill her for the slightest misstep.

If he couldn't use Rey, Snoke would have her killed. He would be forced to kill her. Her blood would be on his hands. He couldn't live with that. He couldn't live with hurting her.

Ren closed his eyes for a moment. He couldn't forget the dreams of Rey. Of their child. A child that Snoke would tear from them and twist and manipulate.

No one should have to live with Snoke in their head. No one. He did his best to shield Rey from his Master, but if she had a child… Snoke would kill one of them. Maybe both.

A child born of Light and Dark. A perfect weapon.

He had to find a way to get Rey away from Snoke. A way to stop their Master. A way to kill him. But first, they needed to be stronger. It would take them both to kill Snoke.

Even then, they might need help.

A plan began to take shape in his head. A daring plan that, should it fail, would led to execution for them both. For everyone who assisted them.

But Ren would save her. He would find a way to keep her safe from Snoke. Even if he couldn't be with her. Even if he didn't survive—he would save her.

He turned for their quarters, slowly opening the connection again as he locked away his plans. From Snoke and from Rey. It was suicide, what he wanted to do. A happily ever after wasn't in the cards for them. This wasn't a fairy tale.

All he had to do was save her. Rescue her. Keep her safe from Snoke, Hux, and the Knights.

"Where are you?" Rey whispered in his mind.

"Almost back."

"Where'd you go? I couldn't…"

"Snoke blocked us," he lied in his head. It was easier than telling her the truth. Than telling her of the danger. Of the plans Snoke undoubtedly had for them.

"Are you hurt?"

"No." Yes.

"Ren…"

"I'm fine. You'll see."

He opened the door and stepped into their rooms. Rey glanced up, relief breaking across her face. He felt her eyes searching for signs of damage. Of wounds.

"You're sad again," she said out loud, crossing the room toward him. "What happened?"

He undid the helmet, letting it clunk on the floor. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling his Rey toward him. She was real. This was real. This is what he was fighting for. For her. For this girl. It had always been her. Since the beginning.

The one good thing in his life.

"The Knights of Ren are here."

"Who?"

"An elite team of Dark Siders. I'm the Master of the Knights, Rey. But they're dangerous—unhinged. Snoke brought them here for a reason. I fear it's to kill you."

She touched his face, tilting it down to her. "We are stronger together. I won't lose you. You won't lose me. We'll pass this test, I swear."

"How do you know?"

Her eyes looked down and away from him. "Because while you were gone, Hux was here. He made a deal, Ren, a good deal."

He stiffened, afraid of what she would say. Afraid that Hux would take her. That she would—

"Ssh," she said, stroking his cheek. "No, it's nothing like that. It's a business arrangement. I will work alongside him and train with you. He's trying to make me valuable to the Order. To give Snoke a reason to let me live."

He shook his head. "I don't like this. I don't trust him."

"He threatened you, Kylo. He threatened you. What was I supposed to do? You're still hurt. I couldn't…"

He pulled her tighter, crushing her to his chest. "I can't lose you, Rey. I can't… not to Snoke, not to Hux… not to anyone."

"Ren…" she whispered.

He closed his eyes and let her into his mind. Let her see just a glimpse of the plan. Just a glimpse. Of how he would save her.

 **Author's Notes:**

Sorry about the delay! I got super busy cleaning and doing laundry and didn't even sit down to write until after 10pm last night. This chapter required lots of stopping, thinking, and adding before it was just right. Next update should be Tuesday, maybe, depending on how distracted I am by the DVD/Blu-ray release. (My dad doesn't know it yet but he's going on a Target run to get me a copy while I'm at work Tuesday.)

My writing pace might slow a bit to every other day regularly – I had to get back on my meds and sometimes it interferes with my creativity. Right now I'm at the stage where it's making me twitchy so I didn't sleep last night. In the long run, it's a good thing, I just don't know how it'll affect updates. So just FYI.


	28. Chapter Twenty-seven

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Twenty-seven**

It was dangerous, what he proposed. Almost too dangerous. And it would put them both in great harm.

But they had contacted the Resistance once. They had reached out to General Leia. It wasn't completely impossible to contact them again. To reach out for help. It would be getting off the _Finalizer_ and meeting a rendezvous that their plan hinged on.

They had to remain together. If they were separated, Snoke's forces would torment whoever remained.

"Could we really hide?" she asked him in his mind.

"Not for long. He can find me if he really wants to. He'll want to. But we can lure him out of hiding. We could take him on, face-to-face."

That idea appealed to her. Freedom. Freedom from Snoke. From the First Order. Free to be with him. To be together. To have the life that had been torn from them before.

"You need to heal first."

"And you need to reach out. Maintain contact with the Resistance. We need allies now more than ever."

"I will." She stroked his scar. "We will stop him."

She would save him. She would find a way.

She felt the pain and darkness in his mind.

 _A young boy, clutching his head in pain, at the voice that was inside his head._

 _Terrified and screaming at night. Different faces, different people he loved trying to comfort him. Sometimes it helped, sometimes it didn_ _'t. The voice didn't want to leave him alone._

 _The voice knew everything about him. The voice said he was a friend. And Ben didn_ _'t have many friends. There weren't many other children on the Resistance bases that he knew. Most of them stayed away. He was the child of two generals. His mother was a princess of a destroyed planet. He was royalty. People feared him._

 _It started with a broken glass. He_ _'d reached for his glass of blue milk and pulled it so hard and fast that it hit a wall and broke. His father yelled, "Ben!" in that stern voice he did so well._

 _It was the Force. His friend told him about it. Told him about different things he could do. How to use it. His father told him to stop. Told him that he didn_ _'t need that mumbo jumbo. His father didn't understand—couldn't understand._

 _His mother was like him. So was Uncle Luke. The impassive hooked figure he barely remembered from rare childhood visits. His mother wanted him to work with his uncle. He didn_ _'t want to go._

 _His friend made his head hurt. His friend pushed him and he hurt another child. It was a mistake, a simple mistake, but it was one mistake too many. He was gone and his mother was trying to be stoic but his father was already gone. And then he was at the Academy and he was odd. Too old. Too well-trained, but not trained enough. Too powerful._

 _Ben didn_ _'t fit in. But he had his friend. Even when he was mean, his friend was always there. His friend didn't leave him alone much until the girl._

 _He didn_ _'t like the girl. The girl scared his friend. Snoke left when the girl was around. The girl was pure Light._

 _His friend wasn_ _'t a friend anymore. It wanted him to hurt people. To hurt the girl. He didn't want to._

 _The pain was unbearable. It tore him apart from the inside, splitting his skull. He broke all the fingers on his hand once while trying to make it stop. And that was before the voice made suggestions and pushed him. He got burned by a fire once, unable to lift his hand out even as his body screamed. The training saber that he held to his side long enough for the low-powered beam to leave a six-inch scar._

Rey held her shaking hand to his face. "He won't hurt you. He won't hurt you anymore. We'll stop him. We'll end this. I promise."

He cupped her face in his gloved hands, the leather palms warm. She leaned into the touch. "It won't be easy."

"Neither was turning to the Dark Side for you. We can stop him. Together."

He hung his head, almost in shame. "This my fault."

"No, don't… don't think like that. We'll stop him together. We'll defeat him together."

"What if I'm not strong enough?" he said softly.

"Then you'll take from me. Use me. Take from me," she said, smiling, echoing his own training. "Take my strength. I know we can do this. I believe in us."

"You're too good."

"If you think you can push me away, Ren, think again. I'm not leaving you." She turned her face to press a kiss to his hand. "You and me. We're in this together."

He brought his head down and rested against hers, forehead to forehead, sighing heavily. "Rey…"

She ran a hand through his hair. "I won't leave you. We'll stop him. One way or another, we'll stop him. We'll end this. I believe in us."

" _Ben! Look!"_

 _She held up a rock with the Force, the rock over her own head. It was the biggest one she_ _'d lifted since Ben taught her the trick. She wasn't supposed to be learning the Force, not like this, not yet._

 _He was holding his side slightly when he approached. The pain disappeared from his face as he saw her. As he saw what she could do._ _"Kira, that's… how did you get so good?"_

" _You're a good teacher! Better than Master Luke!"_

 _She set the rock down, but it was a little too hard and the rock cracked in the middle. She winced._

" _It's okay. You'll learn control eventually."_

" _You'll teach me, right, Ben?"_

 _He nodded._ _"Of course I will, kid."_

"See? We can do this," she said quietly. "We can do this together. Together we can stop him."

He nodded, rubbing his forehead against hers. She tugged on his hair, bringing him closer. She kissed him on the lips and felt him relax. "We will get through this. Together."

* * *

Detaching herself from Ren was difficult. She'd woken up in his arms, his head pressed against her chest. They were splayed sideways in the bed with Ren's feet nearly falling off the far end. She ran her fingers through his hair, watching him sleep for several moments.

She didn't want to get up. She didn't want to leave him. She didn't want to go see Hux. She wanted to stay like this, wrapped up together. She lived for the quiet moments between them. Just being together. The silence. It was peaceful.

A quick glance at the time reminded her she was running out of it. Rey tried unclasp his arms from around her waist, only for him to tighten his grip reflexively.

"Ren, you have to let me go," she said softly, stroking his hair.

"Stay."

"Ren…"

"Stay," he mumbled, rubbing his head against her, nuzzling her. His eyes were shut tight and he sounded half-asleep.

"I'll come back. You have work to do, too. Ren, please…"

She tried again to pry his fingers off and he growled against her. His breath tickled her bare skin.

"Stay…"

"I can't…"

His head titled up, his eyes still sleepy. "I don't want you to do this."

"I don't want to either, but it's for the best. It's only for a few hours. Then it's just me and you."

He grumbled again, slowly loosening his grip. She started to pull away, only for him to pull her back and demand a kiss. Shaking her head at him, she complied and he finally released her.

Ren stayed in bed, tangled up in the sheets, half-asleep and half-watching her as she got ready to leave. As Rey pulled on robe and did her belt, he came over and silently fixed her hair for her. Even after all the years, he remembered how to do the three buns she preferred.

She stood still, careful not to jerk her head as he fixed them slowly. When he finished, his hand resting on the back of her neck, she turned to face him.

Ren looked down at her. "Something's missing," he muttered.

She frowned, letting her hands brush over her clothes. Tunic, robe, belt, pants, boots… she didn't understand until he was pulling his scarf around her neck. She breathed in and relaxed.

"Won't you get cold?" she asked, fingering the fabric.

"I'll be working with the Knights. Training. You need it more," he said.

She tried not to stare at the mostly naked man before her. He'd pulled on pants, but it did little to distract her. She really did want to still be curled up in bed with him. These moment like this reminded her of who he'd been. It reminded her of Ben. Ben fixing her hair. Ben keeping her safe from bad dreams. Ben wrapping her in his overrobe when she got cold.

"You sure?"

"It looks better on you," he said with a smile.

She felt the thought through the bond. "Mine." By wearing his scarf, which everyone in the First Order would associate with Ren, he was marking her. It left no doubt that she belonged to Ren. It was a warning for others to stay away.

She found she liked it. She didn't care if others knew about the connection between them. She liked being his. And he was hers. They were bound together by the Force.

"You do realize you're probably never getting this back…" She played with the fabric. Heavy and warm. It reminded her of his embrace.

"As long as I get you, I'm fine with that."

She kissed his cheek. "You always have me. Don't worry."

He groaned, pulling her back by her arm as she tried to leave. She turned toward him again and his lips were on hers, hungry and desperate. Like a dying man searching for air. She wound her arms around his neck, pulling him closer.

When he finally pulled away, she felt a great loss, an ache. She really didn't want to go. She didn't want to leave him.

"You're going to be late," he said quietly.

"Be careful today." She touched the still-healing blaster wound on his side.

"I will if you will."

"I'm always careful," Rey said with a smile as she moved toward the door. This time, he didn't stop her. He watched her go, his eyes sad.

She glanced at him one more time before turning away from their rooms. He was still watching her, his hands clenched into fists.

"I'll come back," she said through the bond.

"If he hurts you, I'll kill him," was his response, anger just underneath the surface.

"He won't."

She hurried through the star ship, remembering Ren's directions from earlier. He'd shown her the route in his mind before and even now he was guiding her through the bond. Right to the devil's door.

Rey took a deep breath and reached for calm. She reached for Ren, for a good memory of them together, safe and warm, and then stepped through the open door.

 **Author's Notes:**

Whew, I managed to get this done early! Next chapter will deal with Hux. A cute little Reylo moment got a bit out of hand. Since tomorrow is release day for TFA, I don't know how much writing I'll get done. I'm more or less going to stare at all the pretty and rewatch it when I get home. There will be a Wednesday update though!

If I haven't replied to your comment or reviews yet – I will tomorrow – I'm trying to post this and go right to sleep!


	29. Chapter Twenty-eight

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Twenty-eight**

Rey stepped into ordered chaos. There were more people in the large room than she had seen on the entire ship the length of her stay. Dozens of uniformed men and women were seated at various stations, checking readouts, some wearing headsets, and others still were walking around.  
Viewports filled with transparisteel looked out onto space. It was vast and dark and she felt drawn to it. For years she'd dreamed about flying and exploring the galaxy. She'd dreamed of seeing the stars up close.  
Now it was all happening and she felt more out of control than ever. She wasn't flying. She wasn't free. She was a prisoner on this ship, a prisoner of the First Order, and she wasn't free to leave or to fly. Space was no better than Jakku.  
Except for here, aboard the Finalizer, she had Ren.  
She ran her fingers over the hem of his scarf and calmed herself.  
"You're late, scavenger," Hux snapped from his place on a dais.  
"Only by a moment."  
"Late is late. No more mistakes today."  
Annoyed, she approached him. "Apologies. I forget how big this ship is."  
She saw a flicker of a smile on his lips. "You will have to learn."  
He clenched his hands behind his back and strode away. Reluctantly, she followed him.  
"What am I supposed to do here anyways?"  
"You will help us root out and crush the Resistance. If you don't, you both suffer."  
Ren. He was threatening to hurt Ren again.  
"I don't know where they are."  
"No, but you will help us find them. You will help me and I'll help you. Make yourself useful somewhere besides Ren's bed."  
She bristled at the insinuation.  
"We will start slowly. We have intercepted some communications. You will review them with me and tell me which are genuine."  
"What if I'm wrong?"  
"Then you will be separated until you get one right," Hux said simply.  
"You can't—"  
"The Supreme Leader has given me the authority to use whatever methods I deem necessary to bring down the Resistance. Ren is no longer in charge of your training."  
She clenched her hands into fists at her sides.  
"If you harm him, I won't help you."  
"You won't have a choice." The general sneered at her. "There are six Knights of Ren eager to take his place, girl. Six. The Supreme Leader cannot control them all…"  
Ren was in danger. She knew it then. The slimy bastard before her had a plan, a sick, underhanded way of taking control from Ren. A way of removing him. A way to avoid getting his hands dirty.  
Hux wanted to take him away from her. She felt the hatred growing inside her like a sickness. Only it no longer felt wrong. It felt good to let it in. To let it power her.  
She opened her right hand, slowly lifting it, prepared to throw him against a wall.  
Almost immediately, half a dozen blasters were trained on her. Hux stood, impassive, as he watched her.  
"Almost as reckless as your master, I see," he said.  
"You won't hurt him."  
"You will learn to behave, scavenger scum. Or I will treat you like the beast you are."  
Her lip curled into a snarl. "What did you do? What have you done to him?"  
"Nothing. Yet."  
She held her hand steady, feeling for him in her mind, for the connection that bound them. To get a sense of him.  
He was distant, far away on the ship. He was distracted, focused. His vision was affected by his mask. It felt strange to him to wear it. It was disorienting. His side hurt. He was in pain, his body not yet healed. Not yet ready to do what he demanded of it.  
A flurry of attacks against another masked figure, a man nearly twice his size in bulk. They both had practice sabers. Or at least, what seemed to be practice sabers.  
Until one touched his wounded side and burned right through the layers of fabric. He groaned, wanting badly to tend to the wound. Warm blood dampened layers of cloth and dripped onto the floor even as the wound cauterized itself from the heat of the saber.  
Rey felt the pain and uncertainty. She felt him block the next attack, felt him strain to hold the other man back. He was weakening.  
"You're lying!" she shouted at Hux.  
With a quick gesture, she flung him against the wall. Almost instantly, six blasters launched bolts in her direction. Without even turning away from Hux, she stopped the bolts in midair with her other hand.  
"You feel something, don't you? Good," Hux sneered.  
"Call it off or every ounce of pain I feel will be revisited on you."  
"What makes you think I have any authority over one of Ren's Knights?"  
She couldn't think straight. She was in two places at once—fighting for her life with Ren and here standing before Hux. She knew not to trust Hux. He'd manipulated her into this situation. He'd separated them.  
Pain again, harsh, burning. A slash across his arm. Ren was weakening. She half expected to see her own arm burned. The Knight wasn't using a practice saber. It was real. Ren was in danger. He could die. She felt him call on the Force, but he was tired, so tired. Drained.  
With a flick of her wrist, she sent the bolts hovering in mid-air back in the direction they came from. Six 'troopers fell down, dead. Rey didn't flinch. Neither did Hux.  
Everyone around them had stopped work to watch the power struggle. No one rushed to his aid. No, they were soldiers. They were waiting for a word. A command.  
Ren shouted in pain in her head. He needed her. He needed her. She pulled Hux forward through the Force before slamming him back against the wall. He slumped to the floor as she released him.  
Rey ran from the room. She ran down the halls, twisting and turning for the training areas. She felt for him through the bond, screaming at him to hold on, to keep fighting. He was fading, she could tell. His movements unsteady and unsure. He was hurt and she had to save him.  
The training room door opened and she saw Ren, his back against a wall and a saber near his throat, his own practice saber doing little to protect him.  
"NO!" Rey shouted, calling the Force, her full anger and rage channeled into her desperation. Her fear. Alone, all alone. She couldn't lose him.  
The other man, a Knight, glanced over at her, his helmet obscuring his face. He only stared at her a moment, moving to press his saber closer, to kill, when the Force sent him flying.  
Rey stalked closer, her body trembling with rage. She tightened her hand in the air slightly and the Force closed around the man's throat, eager to do her will. To hurt the man who hurt him. Who hurt them.  
This man wanted to kill Kylo. To hurt him. To take him away from her. To leave her all alone.  
"Rey…" the mechanical voice said, weak and tinged with agony. Pain. Hurt.  
She grit her teeth and the Force did her will, choking the Knight for several long, terrible moments until he suffocated, clawing at invisible hands around his neck.  
She dropped the body and went to Ren. He put a hand on her shoulder, leaning against her.  
"I'm here…" she said. "I'm here."  
"Rey…"  
It was in that moment she noticed the dark stain blooming around his neck. Felt the pain slice through her.  
"No, no, no!"  
"It's okay… I'm okay…" He struggled to get the helmet off and she helped. The saber had burned through the protective collar around his throat. The raw wound was on his right side, slashing downward across his throat toward his collarbone.

She pressed a hand against the burn. The lightsaber had cauterized the slash, sealing it, and keeping him from bleeding out. Had the slash been deeper, saber or not, he'd be dead.

He'd come so close to dying. She'd been so close to losing him again. To losing him for good.

"Ren…"

"I'm here, Rey," he said and she leaned her head against his chest and listened to his heartbeat. He swayed a bit on his feet, but held her tight against him. "I'm still here."

 **Author's Notes:**

It's been an insane week and I'm so sorry about the delay in updating! There should be another chapter Friday or Saturday. I did get the job which starts April 18th – I have training off and on for two weeks before I start working my new "normal" schedule. When I'm in training, I spend a lot of time on the road driving between locations and it's frankly exhausting. So we'll have to see how that affects updates.

I really hope this chapter makes sense. I have a terrible sinus headache that's only gotten worse compared to when I wrote most of the chapter. I just wanted to get this up before bed. I will respond to reviews and comments from last chapter tomorrow.


	30. Chapter Twenty-nine

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Twenty-nine**

He felt the severe distress from her through the bond. The idea of losing him petrified her. Knowing he was in pain and hurting had woken the Dark Side within her. She'd reacted purely on instinct to defend him. To save him.

Kylo Ren felt her relax in his arms as she listened to his heart. He could feel the exhaustion beginning to settle in. Her stamina with the Force was impressive, but she had used a lot in a short time. He could see her display with Hux in her head. How she'd stopped and controlled half a dozen blaster bolts at once and then unleashed them against the 'troopers.

The raw power Rey had continued to amaze him. She was truly remarkable.

He sank onto the floor with her cradled against his chest.

"Rey," he said softly.

"I thought I lost you. I thought…"

"You didn't. You saved me."

"Who was that?"

"One of the Knights… my Knights…"

"Why was he trying to kill you?"

He thought back. He'd almost expected a betrayal of some kind. He'd never thought it would come so soon. He should've considered the possibility. All possibilities, really.

"I'm the Master of the Knights of Ren. I earned that title. In order to become Master, one has to defeat the current Master."

She looked up at him. "They're trying to overthrow you?"

"We're trained to avoid weakness. To avoid attachment. Our loyalty is to Snoke and the Dark Side. To each other."

"Then why… why kill you?"

"Because of you," he said softly, remembering the Knight's words. The harsh vulgarities and insults he spewed regarding her. The moment when he knew it was a trap. When he knew he was meant to die in a "training accident".

Rey was his downfall. His weakness. The other Knights knew it and they hated him for it. They would stop at nothing to get rid of her. To get rid of him. To take over.

"Me?"

"You're my weakness, Rey. And as a leader, I can't have a weakness. This was just the first attempt."

"Then I'll stay with you. We'll fight them. Together, we can do this. Together, we can stop them."

He looked at her, this strong woman that the little girl he used to know became. This warrior filled with the Dark and the Light. Rey, his Rey.

He could see the hope in her eyes. He could feel it. She believed in him, in them. That they could triumph. That they could win. That they could be together.

And it gave him hope.

"Separate them," a cold voice ordered. Hux.

Rey immediately tensed against him. He felt the hate grow inside her. She raised a hand, the Force already responding to her, waiting for instructions.

"Stay away from us!" she hissed.

A group of Stormtroopers entered the room with blasters raised. She didn't back down. He felt the darkness grow within her.

Weak and in pain, he used it and raised his hand as well. They'd never worked together before. Not against a common enemy.

Rey locked her free hand with his and they stood up slowly. He felt warmth and strength from her. He could feel the fear of loss, too. She was so afraid of losing him. So scared.

"I said, separate them!" Hux snapped.

The blasters fired, each going off at a different time. It was child's play to flick the bolts away harmlessly. This was nothing more than a training exercise.

Then Rey upped the game by throwing a 'trooper so violently that the sound of his neck snapping echoed in the room.

He used the Force to choke one while Rey threw a blaster so hard it shattered uselessly against a wall. The 'troopers seemed to hesitate, yet they kept coming. They still tried to reach them.

Pain. Anger. Fear.

She was tiring, he could feel it. She was exhausted. Drained.

He used the Force to pull a blaster to his hand and shot two incoming 'troopers in the chest. They went down hard, forcing the next wave to stop a moment.

At least another dozen soldiers were waiting just outside the room. He could see the gleaming white suits. Just waiting for a word. For a signal. Hux stood to the side, his face nearly as violent as his hair. He was positively quaking with fury.

"Kill him!" Hux ordered and all the blasters shifted focus.

Rey screamed, "No!"

And there she was, blocking him as best she could, her hands raised out as she called on the Force to protect him. To save him. Through the bond, he glimpsed Jakku and loneliness.

There was a blast of power from her that sent the advancing troops stumbling back. "Stay away from him!" she snarled, choking a nearby 'trooper with the Force.

"She's just a girl! Stop her and kill him!" Hux spat.

Rey took out three advancing officers with a powerful Force push that sent them flying much like a bowcaster shot.

Ren got off a few more shots with his stolen blaster, using the Force to deflect bolts aimed at him and Rey. She still tried to protect him, keeping herself sandwiched between the incoming troopers and him. She was ferocious, using the Force like he'd never seen her before.

It was the Dark Side. Kill. Hurt. Maim. Protect. She didn't care how, just as long as he lived. He could feel it through the bond. She would do anything and everything to save him.

More Stormtroopers arrived. And this time, a few carried riot batons. He could remember the pain clearly. How it felt to have one pressed against the wound in his side. How it felt to suffer in order to protect her. How he failed.

And now, Hux's orders to kill him. He wanted Rey alive. Hux wanted her alive.

A bolt slipped through his grasp and struck Rey. She screamed, faltering and he was there, an arm around her waist as he pulled her back from the incoming troops. Ren let loose a blast of power to shove them off-balance and backward. Heads and weapons clink-clunked together as several hit the ground.

Rey in his arms, bleeding, hurt.

"Don't touch him! Don't!" she screamed, still using one hand to push their attackers back. "Stay away from us!"

"We can't win," he said in her head and felt her shudder. She knew it already. The odds were against them. They were cornered. Hux had an army at his command and that wasn't including the Knights. They had no weapons except for the Force and a stolen blaster. No sabers. Nothing. They were both wounded and tired. They wouldn't last much longer.

"They'll kill you!" she worried in his mind and he sighed.

"Bargain."

He could see the pieces sliding into place in her mind. Hux wanted her alive. Snoke wanted him alive. They needed time. Time to heal. Time to reach the Resistance.

"General Hux!" Rey called.

"Scavenger."

"Swear to me that you won't hurt Ren. Swear to me that he doesn't get hurt and this ends. Swear it on your life and this ends!"

She threw another 'trooper to make her point.

"And if I don't?"

"I keep killing anyone who tries to hurt him."

"No."

"I will surrender myself to you if he is unharmed. I will obey if you can prove that he remains safe."

Hux stepped closer, a pair of binders in his hand. "Show me. Prove to me that you can obey."

"Rey, no," he breathed as she lowered her hands from a defensive position to just before her waist.

She stepped away from him and he tried to grab her on instinct, to protect her. Blasters snapped up to attention, all trained on him. All ready to kill him at a moment's notice.

Hux snapped the binders closed on her wrists. "Kneel, scavenger."

Rey dropped to her knees, her head bowed. He could see the smug look on the general's face. Every part of him itched to stop this. To stop Hux. To save Rey. It felt wrong to be helpless. This was wrong. It was all wrong.

"Good girl," Hux said to her before glancing up. "Restrain Ren. Keep him alive. You, girl, follow me."

He snapped his fingers and Rey scrambled to follow him, risking a quick glance over her shoulder.

His heart was in his throat as two 'troopers placed him in binders. He only had eyes for Rey. For the girl who was being taken from him. Who sacrificed herself to save him.

"Rey!" he called after her, the pain almost unbearable.

"I'll find you, Ren!" she said, glancing back at him again. "I'll find you!"

"Rey!"

* * *

The audience chamber was dim and dark. Rey followed Hux, stopping alongside him, her hands still in binders. She hadn't fought or tried to escape. Not since she left Ren. She could feel his agitation through the bond, but he wasn't hurt. Not any more than he already was.

"General Hux, why have you brought the girl?"

"For judgment, Supreme Leader. The girl turned on me and executed several Stormtroopers before assaulting me. She is a traitor to the First Order."

"What do you have to say for yourself, scavenger?" Snoke asked, eying her.

"I did it to save Ren. One of the Knights attacked him. He was hurt. They wouldn't let me leave. I did it to save Kylo Ren. And I'd do it again."

Snoke looked displeased. "Where is Kylo Ren, General?"

"In a cell at present. He helped the girl murder two dozen Stormtroopers."

"Bring him to me."

"Supreme Leader—"

"I told you before that Kylo Ren was to be kept alive at all costs. It seems the girl has done your job for you."

Rey felt a bit of relief wash over her.

"Yes, Supreme Leader." Hux pressed a commlink on his wrist. "Bring me Kylo Ren."

Snoke looked pleased. "How did you kill the Stormtroopers, girl?"

"Using the Force."

"Tell me."

Rey hesitated a moment. "The first group had blasters. I turned the bolts on them. Killed them."

The hologram nodded.

"I killed the Knight myself. Broke his neck. He hurt Ren. He was going to kill him. I couldn't… I couldn't let that happen."

Loss. It drowned her. She couldn't lose Ren. Not again. She wasn't willing to lose him. No matter what happened, she wasn't going to lose him. She'd fight. She'd protect him.

"General Hux, is this true?" Snoke demanded.

"The Knight was already dead when I arrived. For all I know, the girl attacked Ren of her own volition."

Rage threatened to overcome her and she buried it. Hux could lie all he liked, but she knew the truth. Hux tried to kill Ren. He wanted to used the Knights to kill him. And Rey had stopped it this time.

The door to the chamber opened and it took every ounce of willpower she possessed to not run to Ren as he walked in, his hands in binders as well. He moved slowly, clearly hurt, and she could see the angry slash across his throat.

His wounds hadn't been treated. Anger boiled inside her.

"Kylo Ren, your apprentice alleges that she killed to save you from an attempt on your life," Snoke said.

"That is correct, Supreme Leader. Roze Ren brought a modified lightsaber into a training session with the sole intent of killing me. Rey recognized the danger through the bond. Any deaths or injures she caused are a direct result of Roze Ren's attack. She was trying to protect me."

Snoke glanced down, focusing on her again. Rey tried not to squirm under his stare, but the hologram unnerved her.

"Have you anything else to say in your defense, Rey of Jakku, before I pass judgment?"

"Everything I did was to save Kylo Ren. To protect him. The 'troopers wanted to separate us. I was afraid of another attack. I would do anything to protect him. To save him. I would do it all again and worse for him."

The smile looked unnatural and wrong on the man's face. "You speak the truth. The Dark Side is strong within you. I can sense it. Yes, it is very strong. Release them both, General."

"Sir?" Hux stuttered, looking flabbergasted.

"Kylo Ren and the girl did nothing wrong. She went to her master's aid, as she should. He was injured and she defended him. She is strong with the Dark Side, General. A valuable ally. And they should be treated as such, not prisoners. Release their bonds."

Hux stood there for a long moment before releasing Ren's binders. With a quick gesture, Ren unlatched her binders from a few feet away. The cuffs clacked on stone as they dropped harmlessly from her wrists.

She wasted no time running to him, her hand touching his cheek and then the burn on his neck. She heard what sounded like a chuckled from the hologram.

"Keep them together, General. I want to see what this pair will do together."

The hologram blinked out, leaving them mostly in darkness. Rey didn't care. She had Ren again. He was standing here, right in front of her, alive and breathing.

"Rey," he whispered.

"Ren."

She rested her head against his chest, listening to his heart beat a strong rhythm. He put an arm around her, pulling her close to him.

"You did it," he said softly.

"No, all I did was save you." And make a powerful enemy. Hux would not take pity on her again. No, he would just be craftier the next time he tried to kill Ren. She just destroyed any goodwill she might have earned from the general.

They had to get off this ship. The sooner, the better.

 **Author's Notes:**

I apologize for the lack of updates. I've been off my game this week between work, being ill, and changing meds. For the time being, I'm going to shoot for three new chapters a week instead of every day/every other day. At least for the next week or so. If that changes, I'll let you guys know.

This chapter was also tricky to write and I'd rather hold off a day or two than post a so-so chapter. You guys deserve the best. Thank you so much for the reviews, PMs, comments, favorites, follows, etc. You are amazing. You have no idea what it means to me to see those emails.

DtK – Thank you! So glad you're enjoying it!


	31. Chapter Thirty

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Thirty**

When they returned to his room, they found two sabers lying on the bed. Their sabers. Rey and Ren both immediately clipped them to their belts out of habit.

Rey helped him clean and bandage the new injuries. They didn't really speak. They didn't need to.

Still mostly clothed, Ren lay back on the bed.

She could see his eyes closing. They were both wornout from their day. From the ordeal with Hux and the fighting. The new injuries and the old. More physical scars for Ren. More mental scars for her.

Rey knew she should be upset about the lives she took. She should care. She should feel sorrow. But she didn't. She felt nothing.

All that mattered was him. He was alive. She had saved him. The other lives didn't matter. Not like Ren did.

She would do anything to protect him. And he would do the same for her.

She climbed onto the bed. She saw his eyelids flutter a bit as he felt her weight. He closed them and put an arm around her.

Rey placed her head on his chest, listening to his heart, steady and strong, her arms and legs half-draped and half-locked around him. Protecting him. Anyone who wanted to hurt him would have to kill her first.

He unclipped his saber from his belt, the hilt in his hand. Ready to defend her.

She closed her eyes and fell into an uneasy sleep filled with nightmares of pain and loss.

* * *

Waking up to Rey draped across him seemed like a dream after everything. He'd come so close to losing her for good. To losing his own life.

And then the threat of separation. Hux. The farce of a punishment before his Master.

But Rey was here. Safe and warm. She was still deeply asleep, her eyes shut tight and her breathing matching his own. The hood of his cloak covered her hair.

 _Kira, wearing his comically large overrobe, tripping over the hem, the sleeves alone down to her knees. She smiled up at him and he melted._

" _Look, Ben! I'm a Jedi, too!"_

" _You… hmm, that's not right." He frowned._

 _Her smile fell._

 _He bent down and pulled the hood over her head._ _"Now, that's right. Hello, Jedi Kira."_

 _The girl erupted in giggles underneath the hood, her head dwarfed by the brown cloak. He couldn_ _'t help but grin himself._

Rey. His Rey.

Now that they were together again, he knew it was time to move forward. Snoke still wanted to test them. He had to get her away from the First Order. She needed to get back to the Resistance. She would be safe from Snoke with his mother and uncle. They would protect her as much as the pilot and traitor she befriended would.

He needed her safe.

Ren had a general idea of Snoke's location. If Rey could make it to the Resistance, it would draw out his Master. Then the Resistance could destroy him and the First Order.

His plan wasn't perfect, but it would save her. It had to save Rey from Snoke. Just thinking about her blood on his hands made him ill.

If he didn't get her away, Snoke would destroy her. The Dark Side would corrupt her. He loved her far too much to let that happen.

Kylo Ren would die a thousand times over to save her. To protect her from the smallest of pains. To keep Rey safe, he would do anything. Even give her up.

The Resistance would never accept him. He would be a prisoner if he wasn't killed on sight. They would never trust him. Not even his mother had the power to protect him and forgive his crimes. No one did.

If he saved Rey, he could atone for his sins. Saving her might not erase all his past deeds, but it was a start. She could stop Snoke. She could save the galaxy. She had to.

* * *

Despite their various injuries, they were back in a training room that day with their sabers. It was just them. Just the two of them, sparring and fighting and pushing each other to their limits.

Rey was careful not to hit his wounded side and he avoided her blaster wound. No one else would resist the urge to strike a weakness.

They fought through the pain and the exhaustion. They had to. They needed to be stronger, better, faster.

The length of her saberstaff helped her against his long arms. He had incredible reach thanks to his height, but she had speed and agility on her side.

She would need the hand-to-hand skills against the remaining Knights of Ren. In the back of her mind, she knew it wouldn't be long before they tried to come after Ren again. They would keep trying to kill their Master until one of them succeeded or they all died.

After a few rounds, she found herself on the floor, her saber out of reach, and Ren's body pinning her down. He had one hand on her throat and the other on her hip.

He'd left the mask behind today, giving her an unobstructed view of his face.

She gripped his overcoat with both hands and yanked him closer. Lips against lips. His hand traveled down her neck to cup her breast through her clothes. A moan escaped her lips.

Ren nudged her knees apart. She could feel his hard length pressed against her even through the layers of their clothes as his hips ground into hers out of instinct more than anything.

" _Mine."_

She shivered, a wonderful tension settling into her body.

He pulled her tunic off. She'd shed the robe she kept belted over it earlier. He'd only taken off his gloves and the collar he normally wore to protect his neck.

She could see the new scar now as his Adam's apple bobbed a bit. As he looked down at her.

Rey leaned up, kissing him as she pushed his overcoat off, his hands struggling to unbuckle the belt. She still didn't understand the purpose of all the layers of dark, heavy fabric he wore. It just kept her from his skin. From him.

With Ren's help, she got him stripped down to his undershirt and pants. He stole a kiss before clambering to his feet. She wrapped her arms and legs around him as he picked her up.

She trusted him completely. Body, mind, and soul.

He unwrapped her arms as he backed her against the wall. Slowly, she unlocked her legs, standing there, her chest heaving in anticipation. She wanted him. Needed him.

He held her hands together, pinned up on the wall over her head and she didn't mind. She didn't care because it was him. It was Ren. Her Ren.

" _Mine."_

His lips on hers, his body pressed against hers.

His hands undid the tie of her pants and slid them down her legs. She felt her legs quake as he pressed a kiss to her inner thigh. Her hand gripped his hair as she took a deep breath.

"Stars, Ren…"

Ren drew himself back up to his full height. She didn't move, barely breathing, as he undid his trousers.

"Kylo…"

He closed the gap between them, his hands pressing her up the wall and holding her. She wrapped a leg around him as he slipped inside her.

She locked her arms around his neck, clinging to him tightly as he moved in and out. Gasping and moaning, totally and completely overwhelmed by him, by this, by them together.

"Rey."

His breath against her neck. Her hips rocked against him as she moved with him.

Pleasure.

She dug her nails into his back as the tension coiled up inside her again. He grunted in response and shoved her back against the wall harder. He gripped her hip hard and she knew there would be bruises in the shape of his fingers.

A shiver ran through her at the idea of being marked by him, even temporarily.

" _Mine. My Rey."_

"Ren!" she gasped, tilting her head back.

His mouth against her throat, kissing, sucking, then a flash of pain. His teeth.

Her nails scratched across his shoulders, drawing blood, as her body clenched around him. It felt good, the mixture of pleasure and a hint of pain. It felt real. It felt right.

She wanted more.

He repeated the kiss on the other side, then again further down. Her body hummed, right on the edge, so close to release as the tension reached it's peak.

"Kylo… Kylo…" she breathed, her voice nearly hoarse.

She came undone with the slightest touch of his hand.

Rey sagged against him, her limbs heavy as she rode out her orgasm. He kissed her lips, still moving inside her, albeit at a slightly faster pace now. She clung to him, both legs around his waist, her overwhelmed and overstimulated body still craving more. Craving him.

He came inside her with her name on his lips. She kissed his shoulder, murmuring his name over and over.

* * *

Hux found himself grateful for the extra security feeds that been installed in the training rooms that day. On a monitor he watched Ren undress the scavenger. He'd been keeping an eye on them throughout their session, but once Ren peeled off her tunic, he forgot his other duties.

He focused the camera in on her. Her tan had faded for the most part, but her skin was still darker than Ren's. Sun-kissed. She looked small and fragile underneath Ren. Delicate. Breakable.

Small, pert breasts with soft curves in all the right places. Beautiful.

Ren pinned her to the wall and he could see her face. See the longing and the pleasure flash across it. For Ren of all people. It disgusted him.

The Force-sensitive never showed much interest in girls or women. Not until the scavenger appeared. He didn't deserve a creature like Rey. A woman who could be tamed. A challenge.

She looked perfect with her wrists pinned to the wall and her body naked. He wanted her. Craved her.

To feel her soft skin. To feel her pulse quicken as he held her wrists down. To trace the curves of her body before he spread her legs. Before he took her. Buried himself deep inside her. He would make her scream his name and beg. For him to stop. For more. It didn't really matter. He wanted to hear her say his name in that breathy voice she used with Ren.

He'd take her. Again and again. Over and over. Hard and rough. He'd teach her many things; things Ren would never even dream of.

The girl would be his. One day, she would be his.

He studied her face as he stroked himself. He could see her, writhing and moaning underneath him. Feel her body tense. Hear her breath quicken.

Rey. He groaned her name as he found his release. He'd have the scavenger. One way or another, he'd take her from Ren.

 **Author's Notes:**

Thanks for hanging in there! I hope to get more frequent updates next week – which seems silly since I'll be house and dog sitting during my first week at my new job. I think I might be insane. Only time will tell.

Fun fact – they were supposed to have sex on the floor according to my notes, but oh, no Kylo Ren had to be a show-off…

And yes, Dark!Rey likes a little pain with her pleasure.

How much of a creeper is Hux? Scale of 1 to 10, 10 being super creepy…


	32. Chapter Thirty-one

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Thirty-one**

After hours spent strategizing with her brother, Finn, and Poe, Leia retreated to her private quarters. The ex-Stormtrooper knew a lot about the Star Destroyer known as the _Finalizer_. A ship that her son seemed to reside on. Finn didn't know that each time he said "Kylo Ren" with a grimace on his face, a piece of her died.

She still wanted her son back. More than anything, she wanted Ben home with her. Bringing him back couldn't save Han, but Ben was a part of him—a part of them. Their son. Han lost his life trying to save him.

The girl could save him. If even a small part of him cared about Rey, perhaps Ben could follow her back to the Light.

He could be saved.

She had hope for him. She would continue to hope for Ben's redemption. That he might one day be able to come home.

Luke entered her rooms. "Leia, there's been a communication from the _Finalizer_."

She glanced up, still tired, but suddenly more energized. "What is it?"

"It's for you." He held out a holopad.

She took it and a hologram played a short message. Two figures, one tall and broad, the other shorter and petite. She knew them, even as the taller figure stayed to the side.

Rey and her son.

Tears were in her eyes as she traced the figure of her son. Ben. She hadn't seen him in almost fifteen long years. He was a grown man now, taller than she remembered, but still her son. He still reminded her of Han.

"General Organa, I hope this message finds you well. The First Order is planning to move against the Resistance soon. We will send you what we can. However, I must humbly ask for asylum for both myself and Kylo Ren. I will contact you again once we know more. May the Force be with you," Rey said and just before the hologram blinked out, Leia saw Rey reach for her son's hand.

"Ben… she found Ben," Leia said, looking up at her brother. He nodded solemnly.

"I fear she is lost to the Dark Side, much like he was. I feel so much anger and fear from her through the Force. However I sense the Light in him. It's stronger now. And he wants to protect her. He wants to save her."

"Who is she, Luke?"

"She can save Ben. Her love for him will save him from the Dark Side. But doing so will destroy her. She will be lost to the Light."

"Have you…?"

"I have foreseen her turn to the Dark Side. And his return to the Light."

"She will save him then. She will save my son."

"At a great cost, Leia. What is to come will test them both. He will not be the same boy he once was."

She nodded her understanding, replaying the holo to stare at her son again. At the man he'd become, even as he tried to hide in shadow. As he stood beside the woman he loved.

Rey, the girl with no one, from Jakku. The woman who loved her son. Who loved him enough to go to the Dark Side.

"But he will come back. Ben can be saved. And with his help, we can destroy the First Order."

* * *

After a trip to the refresher, Rey climbed into bed. Ren was already in his usual spot, flat on his back. She crawled over and pressed her head against his chest.

One hand tangled in her damp hair, stroking it.

She murmured happily, turning to put an arm around him, her face against his chest. She kissed the bare skin, finding a scar. He groaned.

"Rey…"

She moved her head, kissing him again, this time finding the old bowcaster wound. She kissed the scar gently and his hand closed on her hair in a fist.

"Rey."

"Do you want me to stop?" she said in a low voice, her lips almost scraping his skin.

"No, don't. I just…"

She turned on her back, looking up at him. "What is it?"

"It's nothing. Nothing." He played with her hair again, running his hand through the strands, curling some around his fingers. She sighed happily, leaning into his hand.

"Ren…"

"I love you, Rey. Sleep. We'll talk in the morning."

She rubbed her head against his chest in agreement, finding his free hand with one of hers, and interlacing their fingers.

* * *

She threaded her fingers through his as he initiated the communication. They wouldn't have long to speak with the General, but hopefully it would be the first of many communications. A way for them to escape.

As a holo appeared of the General, Rey squeezed his hand.

She knew seeing his mother was difficult. She could feel the turmoil through the bond. He missed her, but he was afraid of her, of her rejection, because of what he'd done. Of who he'd become.

"I'm here. We're safe," she said through the bond and felt him relax a bit.

"Rey, it's good to see you," General Organa said.

"And you as well, General. We don't have much time."

"The asylum you seek will be granted. For you both." Leia Organa glanced at Ren and she felt his eyes go downward. Rey squeezed his hand again.

"We won't have much time to warn you. The First Order is pushing forward toward something big. I know they will use us. Test us."

Ren squeezed her hand now. "You won't lose me," he said through the bond.

"We will aid you however we can," Leia insisted. "All you have to do is ask."

"Thank you, General."

"We will see you both soon."

She smiled at the hologram. "Thank you again."

"Take care of my son, Rey," was all Leia said as the hologram blinked out, leaving them alone in the communications room.

Ren hesitated a moment before reaching for the controls, to mask their tracks, and to protect the Resistance.

"Ren…" she said softly.

"It's fine."

"She still loves you."

"I killed my father. I crossed a line. There's no coming back from that. I belong to the Dark Side."

She saw his hands turn into fists. "That's not true. You can be forgiven. You just have to forgive yourself first. What happened to Han…"

"You mean what I did to him."

She touched his cheek, turning his face toward her. "Stop thinking like that, Ren. Please… she loves you, like I do. She cares about you. No matter what she is still your mother. You're still her son."

" _You're a monster."_

He flinched. "You shouldn't love me."

"I don't care. I don't care if you're Ben Solo or Kylo Ren. I love you. Nothing you do or have done will change that. I will always love you."

"Loving me kills you."

 _A red lightsaber in his hand. Pain in her chest. His name on her lips._

"Then I will die to protect you," she said. "I trust you. I love you. You're worthy of this."

He shook his head, one hand cupping hers, pressing it against his cheek. "I don't deserve this. I don't deserve love. I don't deserve you."

"Yes, you do."

She kissed him on the lips, pouring all of her love into the bond. How she felt about him. How being without him—even imagining life without him—tore her apart. How much she needed him.

Dark or Light didn't matter, not as long as he was with her. Not as long as they were together. She would follow him anywhere. She was a part of him. They were bound together and she wouldn't have it any other way. She loved him.

 _A little girl with tears in her eyes, climbing into bed with him. He held her and soothed her, protecting her from the monsters._

 _The joy and pride in his eyes when she showed off a skill he_ _'d taught her._

 _The life they_ _'d had together torn apart by blood and Snoke. Her screaming for him to come back, hurt and alone, and not understanding._

Rey couldn't help but love him. She'd never stood a chance. Not even as a young girl.

And she couldn't regret it. She wouldn't. No matter what happened.

 **Author's Notes:**

Sorry for the delay – personal life got a bit busy! I'm switching job positions (first day of the new one is this Monday) and I had to pack and move for the next eight days for house and pet sitting. So I'm now settled in and mostly unpacked. I had a minor relapse so I'll be mostly resting today, but hopefully I can start another chapter later today. We've got some big, exciting stuff coming up that I'm very much looking forward to sharing with you guys.

Thanks again for reading and reviewing!

DtK – Yay! Thank you! Hope you loved the little Reylo fluff in the last chapter. I'm going up and down health wise, but hopefully the good days will start to outweigh the bad ones. Thank you again!

Guest – Yay, thank you, thank you! I do try and update a lot, but sometimes life gets in the way. Reylo is my OTP for Star Wars for sure! So glad you're enjoying it!


	33. Chapter Thirty-two

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Thirty-two**

"Supreme Leader?"

Hux stood before the impressive hologram in the private chamber. It was his first trip back to see Snoke after the debacle regarding the girl and Ren.

"General, what news do you have of Kylo Ren and the girl?"

"There's not much to report. They keep to themselves for the most part. If they aren't training, they are in his rooms."

"I take it you have seen what they do behind closed doors?" Smoke inquired.

Hux nodded, and a brief flash of Rey, naked and screaming Ren's name, filled his mind.

"Yes, sir."

"You want the girl."

"Yes."

"I want the bond between them destroyed. It weakens Kylo Ren and makes him susceptible to the Light."

"What would you like me to do?"

"Separate them."

"The girl won't leave him. The attack by the Knight has only made her more feral."

"I need her powers. I need her alive to control Kylo Ren. But she does not need to be with him," Snoke said passively.

"Perhaps the girl should stay with me. No contact with Ren unless they are working together. Complete separation."

"And to ensure her compliance? As you said yourself, she is wild."

"The bond between them. Perhaps it is time to use it to our advantage. Make it painful to be together. When they're together, hurt them both. Torture them. Recondition them both."

Snoke leaned forward, almost as if he were intrigued. "Reconditioning?"

"Primarily for the girl. Like you said, Ren is valuable. The girl has yet to prove her worth. Perhaps without her feelings for him she would be a useful warrior for you. An asset rather than a distraction. With her removed, Ren would no longer be tempted by the Light."

He drummed his long, spindly fingers in thought on the arms of his throne. Snoke nodded slightly. "General, that is a valid idea. The bond between them limits their powers. It tempts him to the Light. His love for her will be our undoing. The girl is too powerful to go free. Began the preparations for reconditioning. I will execute one final test for them. After that, the girl is yours."

"Yes, sir."

* * *

Bonded together. A team.

He'd brought Stormtroopers into their sessions once again. Instead of Ren watching her fight, he joined her. He worked with her, guiding her through the bond, protecting her as she protected him. They worked together as a fluid unit, blocking what the other couldn't.

A combination of the Force and lightsabers made them nearly unstoppable.

He loved watching Rey work and fighting alongside her, seeing what she would do moments before she did it thanks to the Force, only intensified it. She was only getting stronger, both physically and through the Force.

He could feel her reaching for the Dark more. It made him queasy.

He could hardly look at her without seeing the girl she'd been. Kira, the little padawan, who looked up to him and who he tried to protect. The beacon of shinning Light who followed him around.

He was destroying her. Corrupting her.

Ren knew that she could still be saved, but only if he acted quickly. He had to get her back to the Resistance—back to his uncle. He might have his own issues with Skywalker, but the old Jedi could help her. He cared more about helping her than his feud with his uncle.

He loved Rey. He had to save her.

With a blast of the Force, she killed a 'trooper.

He felt the shock through the Force as his life ended. The little flick of death. It seemed painful now, a bit more than a slight annoyance that it used to it be. Taking a life used to fill him with power.

Feeling Rey kill was weakness. Pain. Light. It hurt. He was no longer numb. Not to death.

Rey was taking the Dark from him. She was leaving him alone in the Light. And he didn't want to be alone in the Light. He really wanted her with him. Either in the Dark or the Light or even somewhere in between. As long as she was with him.

Another 'trooper fired at him and Rey used her lightsaber to deflect the bolt aimed for his chest. She shot her hand out with the Force and sent four Stormtroopers flying backward. They crashed over themselves, blasters falling and firing off at random. Rey blocked each and every shot with ease. Her swings were strong, filled with power and skill.

She had her teeth bared when her face turned toward him. He could feel the fear and hate through the bond.

" _Mine."_

He closed the gap between them and touched her hand, his gloved one closing over her bare one. He saw the wild look in her eyes - the animalistic stare that looked out of place on her beautiful face - fade at his touch. He saw the Rey he knew take the place of the creature she became while fighting.

"Ren."

"You did well, Rey. Very well."

Her hand squeezed his. "Did I?"

He nodded solemnly, knowing that she could only see the helmet bobbing. He'd started wearing his mask again during training as practice for what was to come. For the inevitable battle against the Resistance. The battle that would save Rey from the Dark.

He would protect her. He would save her. His Rey.

* * *

After training, Rey was always clingy. After they peeled off sweat-soaked clothes and climbed into the 'fresher together, she would wind herself around him. He never minded.

Ren had been starved for touch and affection for nearly fifteen years. While at the Academy, Rey was the only person who dared touch him. She was the only one who cared aside from his parents. His parents who left him with his uncle. Who abandoned him in his time of need.

But Rey had also been alone. No family. No friends.

They needed attention. Affection. Love. What they once had and lost. What was stolen from them by Snoke.

 _Kira, in tears, holding her arm at an odd angle when he returned from the edges of the Academy. From a lesson with his friend. She was curled up on his bed and shaking._

" _What happened?" he demanded, the anger rising in him as Snoke retreated from the Light. From her._

 _She sniffled, those little hazel eyes finding him._

" _Sana… it was Sana, wasn't it? I'll wring her neck, that little—"_

" _Ben, no…" Kira's voice was full of pain. It broke him, tore him apart into small pieces, and then set what remained aflame._

" _She hurt you! She deserves it!"_

 _A dark plan took shape in his mind. At the edges of his mind, Snoke whispered his agreement, his encouragement. This girl hurt her. Hurt the very creature he cared about more than himself. Sana hurt Kira, little innocent Kira, his Kira. No one hurt his Kira. No more._

" _Ben."_

 _She looked up at him, her eyes sad. Pained. Pleading._

 _He took her mangled arm in his hands and concentrated. Shaping, mending, fixing. He could see her, whole and happy, in his mind. Her arm straight, not crooked in the middle the way it was now. Perfect. Whole._

" _Ben!" she whimpered, curling her body against him as the bones knit. He held her still, murmuring to her, one hand holding her steady against his body as he put his other hand on the break._

 _When it was done, she broke down in tears again and he pulled her against his chest._

" _You're safe. I won't let her hurt you again. She'll pay for this. I promise. I'll protect you."_

 _He failed. He failed this girl who trusted him. She trusted him and he_ _'d failed her miserably._

 _What if it hadn_ _'t been just her arm? What if she'd broken her neck? Been paralyzed or killed? What if he'd lost the Light for good? The Light inside her that whispered to him, that soothed him, that drove Snoke away. The Light that brought him peace._

 _He couldn_ _'t lose her. He wouldn't lose her. He'd lose himself without her._

Years had been riped from them. Moments of comfort. Moments of joy. All of it, taken. Stolen by a monster.

" _You're a monster!"_

Rey once called him a monster. She meant it then. And she hadn't been wrong. He'd been more monster than man when he attacked Finn in the forest of Starkiller Base. Consumed by the Dark Side and fear. Fear for his mother. Fear of what Rey could do. Of what Snoke would do to her.

So many lives at risk. He'd felt the pain of loss when the Hosian system died. He couldn't go through that again, not while knowing his mother would be affected along with all her loyal soldiers. People he used to know. People he used to care about.

Ben Solo loved his mother. Ben Solo loved his father. Ben Solo never wanted to hurt anyone. Ben Solo had Kira.

Then he lost her and Ben Solo disappeared until there was only Kylo Ren. And Kylo Ren belonged to the Supreme Leader.

He wanted to be Ben Solo again. He wanted his family back. He wanted Rey. He wanted peace. He was so sick of fighting. He was sick of Snoke. He wanted these small moments. The feel of Rey pressed against him, her limbs wound with his own.

They lay twisted together under the sheets, her head on his chest and her eyes closed. His fingers toyed with her hair, twirling strands on his finger, watching it curl.

He didn't need words. The bond hummed with satisfaction and joy. Happy. Love. Safe.

Rey.

Ren kissed the top of her head and felt her snuggle in closer. Skin pressed against skin. No clothes. No boundaries. Nothing between them.

Sleepy and stated. Happy. Safe. His.

" _Mine."_

He fell into an easy sleep, listening to Rey's steady breathing on his chest, his arms tucked around her and one of her legs hooked over his waist.

Safe. Together.

He would enjoy these last few moments. He'd already lost too many.

 _Rey. A child with her eyes._

 _Small and already full of power. Full of the Light, so much that it almost hurt to look at her. His daughter. Rey_ _'s daughter._

 _Hope. They called her Hope._

 _She was safe and loved. She wouldn_ _'t have to grow up afraid. She wouldn't have Snoke in her head. She would learn the Force from her parents. Parents who understood what it was like. Who knew how it felt._

 _A child of the Dark and Light. A balance. But so Light. So much like her mother._

" _Daddy!" she cried, those eyes, Rey's eyes lighting up as she grinned widely, her arms open and begging for a hug._

 _He scooped her up and she curled into his neck the way her mother once had._

 _Lips pressed against the side of his neck and slender arms wound around him from behind. Rey. His Rey._

" _Ben," she breathed as their daughter sighed happily. Safe. Loved. Whole._

A shrieking alarm jolted him awake and Rey and the girl disappeared, leaving him with a hole in his heart and a lump in his throat as the real, flesh and blood Rey stirred in his arms.

Those eyes, those beautiful eyes, looked at him in fear.

 **Author's Notes:**

It's been a crappy few days for me personally health-wise. I hope I'm on an upswing but we'll see. I'm hoping to update again on Friday or Saturday – a nice long chapter. We're building to something very exciting, I promise!

Thoughts about what that alarm might be? Hmm?

This chapter might have been longer except I had to get a tetanus shot today while at the doctor so my right arm is very sore and I'm grumpy (wasn't planning on a shot today). I'm ambidextrous so it's always a 50/50 shot as to which arm will hurt worse when it comes to shots (I take after my grandfather, who was also ambidextrous) even though I lean toward right handed. It was very useful in school because I'd switch hands during essays to give one hand a rest over the other. Silly author fact of the week. Also I nearly lost a fight to a wasp while feeding three dogs today. Still haven't figured out how it ended up in the house. (The wasp, not the dogs.)

DtK – Thank you! Sorry it's taking so long to update. It's going to get even better (I hope). I've still got lots of stuff up my metaphorically sleeves.


	34. Chapter Thirty-three

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Thirty-three**

There were several different types of alarms on the _Finalizer_. The staff often ran drills based on them. He was used to the various tones, all of them fairly annoying, but rarely regarded them at all. But this one, this was battle-ready one. This was a call to arms.

Something had changed. Not the Resistance. They weren't storming the ship or anything like that. No, this would be for a launching party. A battle on the ground. Or in the sky. This was preparation. All hands on deck.

"Ren?"

"We need to get dressed, Rey. It might be time."

Time to warn the Resistance. To arrange safe passage. Time to save her from the growing darkness inside.

She nodded, moving with a bit more speed as she untangled from him and the sheets. He felt her loss almost instantly. The warmth. Her touch. Love. Rey.

He pulled on his clothes out of habit more than anything. His fingers and hands knew how to dress himself without much thought. It was mechanical. Beside him he could hear Rey grumbling. She wasn't really awake yet. Not fully. She'd grown used to lowering her guard since Jakku.

She fumbled with her belt and he steadied her shaking hands with his own, his gloves already on. Inch by inch his skin disappeared, cloaking him in blackness and protection. All he had left was his helmet as he helped her cinch her belt over her dark robes. The outfit of a dark Jedi.

He heard her sigh, her hands dropping to her sides.

 _"Don't be afraid. I feel it, too."_

"I'm right here. I'm not leaving you," he said softly. He stroked her cheek and felt her lean into the caress.

"We'll get through this."

"Together," he swore before grabbing his saber and mask. He held it—the final piece of armor. The last piece that separated him from people. From who he'd been. No more Ben Solo. No more of the Ren that Rey loved. This was Kylo Ren. This was the killer. The persona who belonged to Snoke and the Dark Side.

She grabbed him, kissing him on the lips hard as he lifted the helmet. He closed his eyes and kissed her back, savoring it, before he put the mask in place.

He reached for her hand and she gave him it, her saber at her side. Together, linked by the bond and their joined hands, they headed out of his rooms and into the main hallway of the ship.

They moved in sync to the main command center, as the alarms dictated. Rey increased her strides to keep pace with his long legs easily.

Stormtroopers and other staff ran past them, but no one seemed to panic. It was very methodical and orderly. Trained and drilled. Honed under the leadership of Hux and Phasma. No, this was how the First Order worked. This is what it looked like when things went according to plan.

Unlike the day that the traitor escaped with the pilot.

No, this was planned. This was a planned maneuver. A planned attack.

With any luck, they could gather information and warn the Resistance. They could make their own escape.

Rey squeezed his hand as they entered the command center where Hux strutted about giving orders to the assembled troops. He ignored them for a long moment before addressing them—a power play no doubt.

"Ren, you and the scavenger will go on the command shuttle to ground with Phasma. Kill any and everyone you encounter. It is the Supreme Leader's orders. It's a small rebellion in a remote village. I'm sure you're capable of handling it," Hux ordered.

Rey tensed. He could feel it in her grip and through the bond.

"Fail and she dies, Ren," Hux said coolly. "You leave in four minutes."

Neither of them responded. They just turned away, retreating the way they came. Even as Rey began to worry internally, they projected an air of calm, heading for the shuttle. For a battle they wouldn't be able to back down from.

"You need to reach out to them," Ren said over the bond.

"Is there time?"

"If we're fast."

He led her down another corridor and into a small communications closet. Normally it would be full of technicians, but given the chaos throughout the ship, it was empty. It would work.

He made the connection without thinking. He knew the coordinates well now. Rey trusted him to know this. Not that she hid it from him anymore. She didn't hide anything from him. She was an open book through the bond.

He patched them through and Rey spoke quickly, leaving a message for the General. As soon as she finished, he hit the sequences needed to scramble their tracks and returned the consoles to normal. Rey opened the door to the hallway and he joined her. They had a minute left to get to the shuttle.

* * *

On the planet below, the shuttle landed in a clearing not far from a forest. This world wasn't as lush as Takodana, but it wasn't a desert like Jakku.

It was a smaller world, not as modern and commercialized as many New Republic planets, but not like the old village on Jakku he'd destroyed. No, no it was somewhere in between. What mattered was the population.

Men. Women. Children. Enemies of the First Order.

Ren felt a knot in his stomach. He glanced over at Rey and he felt the fear of loss. If they failed, he'd lose her. He'd do anything to save her. He'd kill anyone in his way. He would find a way to protect Rey. He'd killed for her before. He could do it again.

"Ren," she said softly, reaching out for his hand.

Fear trembled across the bond. She didn't want to be alone. Not now. Not ever again.

He squeezed her hand before reaching for his saber. No mercy. No compassion. He was Kylo Ren. He belonged to the Dark Side. He was Snoke's weapon. He was a killer.

Ben Solo was dead. Ben Solo was weak.

Save Rey. He had to save Rey.

He ignited his saber.

* * *

The villagers were well armed and trained. None of that stopped her. After the first kill, she taped into the anger and the fear. She used the bond to feel for him. He was full of rage. He moved with a savage grace she couldn't help but watch.

Ren stayed close to her. It made her smile a bit as she lost herself in the feel of the weapon in her hand, the hum of the saber, and the Force. She felt alive surrounded by pain and death. She could see things before they happened. She knew where the next attack would be. The danger.

The Force filled her. It empowered her.

She slashed her saber clean across a man, eviscerating him. She spun around to catch another attacker, slicing through bone and muscle as her saberstaff slashed off the arm. The man howled in pain.

Rey grinned. Pain fueled her. She thrived on it. Hers. His. Others. The Dark Side. It filled her. It made her stronger.

She wasn't that scared and lonely girl left on Jakku anymore. No one could hurt her like this. No one could take her from Kylo Ren. No one would hurt her again. No one would get between them.

Safe. She would keep him safe. She couldn't lose him. She wouldn't be alone again.

She heard him call her name distantly.

Rey turned as he called again.

Pain shot up her arm. Severe, debilitating pain. Burning. She could smell burnt flesh. Her own.

"Rey!" he shouted again, his voice filled with fear. "REY!"

Another jolt. More pain. A blaster. Blaster bolt. It burned her other side and anger welled inside her.

With a scream, Rey fell to her knees, her saberstaff dropping to the ground, the blade extinguished. She threw out her other hand, trying to reach the threat, but Ren was already there. Ren ran his saber through the man's chest. The man with the blaster.

"Rey, Rey, Rey…" Ren wrapped an arm around her waist. She was numb. Her arm ached. Pain. So much pain. Burning, stinging, hurting.

He scooped her up and the pain swept her under.

* * *

Rey. She'd been lost in the moment, so lost in killing. He'd been too late and too weak to save her. Five blaster bolts all in quick succession. Her arm and hand took the worst of it. Her shoulder as well. Severe injuries.

He carried her gently in his arms back toward the shuttle, their sabers clipped to his side. He couldn't lose her. He had to protect her.

He no longer cared about the battle or the test. Or anything other than Rey. Protecting her. Saving her.

He had to get her away from the First Order. He was losing her to the Dark Side. He'd felt it. She'd lost control. And he hadn't seen the danger until it was too late. Until she was shot.

Phasma met him on the ramp. "Sir, the villagers—"

"Finish it. She needs help right now. Medical intervention."

"Our orders are—"

"I don't care about orders!" he snarled through the helmet. "Either kill me or get out of my way."

The chrome-plated captain took a step back.

He carried Rey onto the shuttle, her breath shallow. Her body in shock from the blasts. Her fear and the pain were making her stronger, but not strong enough. She wasn't fighting enough. She couldn't. She needed help.

He'd saved her before. He could do it again.

He laid her out on a bench in the shuttle and pressed his hands against two of the wounds. Two of the worst. He hadn't healed anyone in a long time. He hadn't even tried.

But it wasn't just anyone. This was Rey. His Rey. And he couldn't lose her. Not his Rey. Not like this. Not when he might be able to save her.

He focused on the Force. On what she should look like. Healed. Whole. Safe.

He watched as skin attempted to knit, to fix the worst of the wounds. He moved on to others, using his abilities, pushing them to save her. He needed to save her. To save his Rey.

" _Ben!"_

 _Kira, bright and shinning. Light. So much Light._

" _Ben, look!"_

He couldn't lose her. No matter what. Nothing else mattered. Not his Master. Not the First Order. Nothing and no one. Just Rey.

"Please, please…" he begged through the mask. He didn't want to waste time removing it. Time that would be better spent saving her.

"Don't leave me, Rey. Don't leave me."

 **Author's Notes:**

I'm hoping to have another chapter done soon, but my health is really declining. I'm working on seeing a specialist and trying another course and method of treatment, but that takes time and more medical tests. And the tests make me exhausted. I also may have to travel out of state for that. We'll see.

So at the moment, my best guess is I will update at least twice a week. I'm not sure what days that'll be since my shifts at work are changing. I'm on all days this week so that will either help or hurt my writing. Thank you for your patience and understanding with the slower updates. Thanks for all the reviews – they help inspire me to keep going and I need the motivation to combat the exhaustion!


	35. Chapter Thirty-four

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Thirty-four**

After a few bacta treatments, Rey was awake again. He stayed at her side throughout the procedures. He couldn't leave her. He wouldn't leave her. Not now. Not ever. She needed him.

"Ren?" Her voice was hoarse.

"I'm right here. I'm here."

"What happened?"

"You were shot."

She tried to sit up on the medical bay bed and he was there, supporting her, as she leaned on her weaker side. She flinched when he brushed a healing spot. "Did we…?"

"No. Your wounds were extensive."

"Snoke won't be happy."

"I don't care what he wants. You would've died. There's no mission more important than saving you."

She leaned into him and he held her. It felt good to have her in his arms again. The woman he loved. The person who mattered to him more than anyone else. His Rey.

No one would take her from him. He'd kill anyone in his way. He'd fight to the death for her. He would do anything to protect her. Even defy his Master. Even join the Resistance. Anything to save her.

"The Supreme Leader has summoned you both," a uniformed officer said, stepping into the medical bay.

"We will be there," he said, not letting go of Rey. "Leave now."

The male officer retreated quickly and the door whooshed closed behind him, leaving them alone.

"Ren," she said, her voice trembling.

"No one will tear us apart. No one." He tilted her face up to look at his. He'd taken his helmet off a few hours before. He didn't need it on when he was sitting at her bedside.

Those warm hazel eyes. He'd missed those eyes. He'd been so afraid she wouldn't wake up. So afraid that he'd lost her for good. His Rey. His Light.

"I can't lose you."

"You won't," he said with more confidence than he felt. His Master would be furious. They'd failed the test. Nevermind that Rey was injured, he'd still failed. They both had.

"Kylo…" Her hand touched his cheek, touched the scar she made. Even before she left a visible mark, she'd marked him. He'd always been hers. She'd always been his.

"No matter what, I won't lose you. You'll be safe. No matter what."

 _He tucked the sleeping padawan into his bed. Kira shifted a bit and he wrapped his overrobe over her small body. He watched her press her nose against the fabric and smile. He stood there a moment, listening to her breath and reassuring himself that she wouldn_ _'t wake. Not just yet._

 _He moved quickly in the dark. He knew his way around the Academy blindfolded. He_ _'d spent many a sleepless night exploring with the voice in his head. His friend. And his friend knew just how to protect the girl curled up in his bed. He had to protect Kira. She was everything._

 _He wanted her safe. So he had to eliminate the threat._

 _Another padawan, slightly older than his Kira, waited on the edges of the woods. Sana didn_ _'t seem to hear or sense his approach. It would only make it easier._

 _He threw his hand out, reaching for the power he had. The power that terrified his parents. The power that sent him to this place. A power that could save her._

 _He called on the Force, on the Dark Side, and it answered him. It did his will._

 _Sana let out a scream that pierced the night air as her spine snapped. As she cracked against the ground. As the rocks gave way and the ground seemed to swallow her whole. As a branch pierced her back._

 _She would never hurt anyone again._

 _Satisfied, he left the girl screaming for help, crying and begging, in the dirt. Someone would hear her eventually._

 _He had Kira to worry about. He didn_ _'t want her to wake up alone and afraid._

"How do you know?" she breathed.

"Because I won't accept anything less. And I won't stop fighting until you're safe. I will die for you, Rey. Anything to keep you safe."

"No, I can't… I don't want to be alone. I can't lose you."

"And I can't let anyone hurt you."

"Don't leave me."

"I love you, Rey."

He would do anything to save her. To protect her. Even from himself. He would save Rey. Somehow. Some way. He would save her from this fate—from his fate. From the Dark Side.

* * *

Her body was weak. Frail. The bacta treatments had closed the tears in her skin, in the muscle and tissue that lay underneath, but it was still sensitive. It still burned. She could see the marks, even though they were pink and healing, from the bolts. She counted the sick tapestry of scars on her skin. She'd seen scars like these on his body.

She wanted to stay in bed. To stay with him. She didn't want to see Snoke. She didn't want this. She wanted Ren.

She leaned into him, using him for support, her legs unsteady as they walked into the audience chamber. He kept an arm around her waist, strong and steady. Her protector. Her savior. Her lover. Her Kylo Ren.

He'd wrapped her up in his scarf after helping her change into a clean set of robes. The heavy fabric warmed her and relaxed her almost as much as the man at her side.

"Kylo Ren," the hologram before them said. "You and your apprentice have failed me. Your orders were to kill everyone."

"Yes, Master."

"And yet you abandoned your mission."

"She was hurt. If I hadn't—"

"The girl has made you weak, Kylo Ren. This compassion is unbecoming of any member of the First Order. Once again, you disappoint me. Once again, you have failed me."

"Supreme Leader, I beg—"

"Silence," Snoke said and Rey watched in horror as Ren fell to his knees, held there by an invisible hand. The mask hid his face from her, but she could feel pain through the bond.

"He did it for me!" she said, glaring up at the hologram, hate filling her veins. He was no better than Unkar. Using and abusing those who served him. "He did what he had to in order to save me!"

"Those were not my orders, girl." She opened her mouth to say more and found herself on her knees, shoved down beside him. "You should respect your Masters, scavenger."

She tried to speak but her jaw ached. She couldn't talk.

"Separate them," Snoke ordered and Rey saw men approach them from the shadows. Stormtroopers, led by Hux and the chrome-plated captain from their shuttle.

Binders closed on her wrists and she found herself yanked to her feet. She tried to protest; to fight. Her body refused to obey.

" _Rey, it's okay. He's too powerful. Don't fight it," Ren said in her head._

She turned her head to see him, hands bound as well. Instead of being helped to his feet, there were men holding him in place. A blaster rifle was aimed at his head.

" _Ren!"_

Pain. So much pain. It erupted in the bond and she saw his body tense.

Snoke. Snoke was hurting him.

She dug her nails into her palms and focused on her anger. On the boiling hatred for Snoke. And she screamed, "Stop it! Stop hurting him!"

The hologram turned his head to regard her and the pain increased. Stabbing. That's what it felt like. Being stabbed. It burned in his chest—in their chest. A saber.

 _A red lightsaber through her heart. His name on her lips._

Snoke was torturing him. Torturing them.

"NO!"

"The girl is the reason you are conflicted. She calls you back to the Light. The Light doesn't want you. They will never accept you. No one will. They only want her. Not you," Snoke said. "Only I accepted you. Only I encouraged you. I took you in. I trained you."

She could hear his labored breathing through the mask. He was trying so hard to be strong. To control the pain. To protect her.

Another wave rolled through the bond. Another bout of pain. In the stomach. She half expected to look down and see herself impaled.

"She makes you weak," Snoke continued and Ren was bent further to the floor, bowed over from a combination of pain and Snoke's powers. "She will be your undoing. Kill her."

Her heart leapt into her throat. _A lightsaber. Red. The blade through her chest. His name on her lips. His arms catching her as she collapsed. As she died._

" _I'll never hurt you," he said in her head. "Never."_

"No," he said through the mask. "She is not my weakness. She is my strength."

Pain, crushing, suffocating. She could barely breathe.

"Kill the girl, Kylo Ren."

The 'troopers pushed her to her knees. She was directly before him, but she couldn't see his face with the mask. She could almost touch him, but not. He was just out of reach.

More pain jolted through him. Through her. She gritted her teeth, trying not to scream. He was panting in her head. He was trying to stay calm.

"No," Ren hissed through the mask.

"General," Snoke said.

Rey heard a familiar sound. Ren's lightsaber. Then hot, burning pain. Her arm. Her shoulder. She couldn't help but cry out.

"Don't hurt her!" Ren shouted. "Hurt me! Kill me! Don't touch her!"

She panted, smelling her own burnt flesh. Hux held the blade against her arm, careful not to cut deep, but enough to hurt. Not to sever limbs. Not yet. He moved the saber further down, cutting again in another spot and she bit her lip to stifle a scream.

" _It's okay…" she whimpered in his head. "I'm okay."_

" _No, no… this isn't… no…"_

" _I'd rather they hurt me than hurt you."_

" _Rey…"_

"Supreme Leader, give me one last chance. One more chance to prove myself. For her. Please. If I fail, I will kill her. I will. Just, please…"

Hux paused, the saber hovering just above her leg now as he waited for further instructions from the hologram.

" _Just kill me. Save yourself," she said._

" _Never. I won't hurt you. I'll die first."_

The saber burned her thigh, deeper than the other wounds. She couldn't hold back the cry of pain or the tears. Not any longer.

"Rey! No!" Ren shouted and there was a blast of power. A blast that knocked Hux away and made the blinding pain stop. Ren. Full of fury and hate and fear.

She heard the whir of blasters prepared to fire.

"Stand down," Snoke said. He sounded impressed. "The girl is to be unharmed. Tag her and release her into the General's custody."

There was a sudden sharp pain behind her shoulder and a pneumatic hiss. She yelped.

Hux picked himself up from the floor, shooting a glance full of loathing toward Ren. He was still on his knees and full of rage. Full of fear.

"No! Ren! I won't… Ren!" she cried as the 'troopers held her still.

"Rey of Jakku, you will remain with the General until I command otherwise. Resist and Kylo Ren will suffer. There is to be no contact with him. Try and disobey and I will know."

There was another hiss and she saw a device inject something into Ren's arm.

" _Locators. Trackers. They'll know. Rey… I love you. I won't leave you. I'll be right here," he said sadly in her head._

She trembled, the tears falling from her eyes freely now. "Please, don't. He was just trying to protect me. Don't… don't punish him. Don't separate us."

"It has already been decided, scavenger," Snoke said curtly. "General."

Hux nodded and his hand clamped down on her arm, almost touching one of the burns as the binders were removed. "Come with me, Rey."

"Can I say good-bye? Please, Supreme Leader…" she begged of the hologram, not caring if it made her appear weak. She wanted Ren. She needed him.

"General," the hologram deferred.

She turned her attention to the uniformed man gripping her. "Please, Hux. I just want to say good-bye. I won't fight. Please…"

She fell to her knees before him, begging, pleading. She felt a rush of pleasure from him that made her ill. She blocked out Ren's voice, at his own begging, pleading with her not to, to let him go.

"You have a moment," Hux relented. "But I hold you to your promise to behave."

"I will."

He pulled her back to her feet and she paused a moment, waiting for a barely perceptible nod before running to Ren.

His hands had been released as well and he threw his helmet down before wrapping her in a tight embrace. She buried her face against his chest, listening to his heart, listening to it beat nice and strong, before tilting her head up toward his face.

Lips against lips. Full of passion and love and fear. Neither of them knew when they'd see the other again. Neither of them knew if they ever would. The pain didn't matter now. What mattered was this moment. This moment in his arms.

" _Mine."_

"I will see you again, Rey," he whispered. "Believe in it. Believe in us."

"I can't lose you. Not again."

"I'm right here. In your head," he kissed her forehead and swept a few loose strands of hair back. "I will never leave you. We'll find a way. I promise."

"Together?"

"Forever," he swore.

One last kiss. One final kiss. Then he was gone.

 **Author's Notes:**

Whew, this chapter practically flew out of my fingers between naps yesterday. I just had to polish it off today after work and voilà! I'm still sticking to my two updates a week plan (minimum) because I'm still mid-relapse and very tired.

So this story might be taking a very dark turn with their separation and with Hux's fixation on Rey. Thoughts and input would be appreciated! It's not set in stone and also things can be hinted out or implied versus graphic. Just putting it out there. And yes, the Resistance will come back into play soon.

Thanks for all the reviews and follows and also for reading and bearing with me and my health issues.


	36. Chapter Thirty-five

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Thirty-five**

" _Don't leave me," she begged through the bond._

" _I'm right here. I won't leave you. We'll get through this. I'm here, Rey. I love you. We'll find a way. I promise."_

She closed her eyes briefly, imaging him. Remembering how it felt to have his arms around her. How safe she felt. How warm it was, pressed up against him. She could feel his muscles ripple as he pulled her closer. How his breath felt against her neck. The little sigh of contentment he made.

" _Rey, my beautiful Rey. It will be okay. I promise."_

" _Just don't leave me. I can't lose you. I need you."_

" _Try not to fight. I don't want him to hurt you. Please, for me…?"_

Rey stumbled in the dimly-lit hallway and Hux snagged her arm over one of the burns. She hissed in pain and felt the worry from Ren immediately.

" _I'm okay. I'm okay."_

" _Rey…"_

" _Just talk to me. Please. Don't leave me."_

" _I'm right here. I'm right here. I'm not letting go. Never again."_

"Walk," Hux snapped, urging her forward as he yanked on her arm.

" _Ren, I'm afraid."_

" _I know. Don't be. I'm here no matter what. What can I do?"_

" _Tell me a story. A memory. Something. Anything."_

She tried to keep up with Hux. He walked in quick, confident strides. Military posture and position drilled into every fiber of his being. It was so different than Ren. Kylo had a tendency to stomp and clomp, his long legs eating up ground as he held his fists clenched at his sides.

Three Stormtroopers followed them, their blasters aimed at her back. She knew better than to fight. She was too injured for a battle. Besides, she didn't know where on the _Finalizer_ they were taking Ren. He could be anywhere on the massive star ship. She assumed he would be confined to their rooms. At the same time, she wasn't even sure where Hux was taking her.

" _When I first met you, I wanted to scare you far away. I didn't trust anyone. But you… you didn't know any boundaries. You didn't care that everyone else was afraid of me. You ignored it all. Do you remember why?"_

" _No… I remember being fascinated. You were so tall. Like a giant."_

" _You said I looked sad. You asked me why I was sad. If I missed my mother."_

A door whooshed open and Hux shoved her forward.

" _It sounds familiar."_

" _Then you tried to climb me like a tree."_ She could almost see the smile curving his lips beneath the mask.

She stepped into a suite of richly decorated rooms. It hardly looked like they were even on the _Finalizer_. Gone was metallic sterility that filled most of the ship. These were private rooms, personally decorated. Dark fabrics covered the furniture and everything seemed sharp. The entire room looked like a beautiful weapon. Sleek and elegant before it stabbed you in the back.

Hux pushed her toward a black nerf-hide-covered couch. "Sit," he ordered.

Two of the 'troopers remained outside in the hallway and one stood guard on the inside of the room. As if they could stop her. If she really wanted to, binders or no binders, saber or no saber, she could kill Hux before anyone blinked.

" _You looked like one. And your ears…"_

" _You were fascinated with them. I remember," he said in her head, sighing. "Rey…"_

" _Don't go."_

" _I won't. I'm right here."_

He fastened the binders around her wrists again. "Now, there are some ground rules. Break a rule or try and escape and it's Ren who will suffer. Do you understand?"

She nodded, her lips pressed into a hard line. She could still remember the pain from earlier. How helpless she was to save him. To help him. How she'd been frozen by Snoke. Powerless in the face of his pain. Powerless to save him. Never again.

"Good. You do not leave this room or go anywhere without my permission." His hand touched her shoulder, in a spot that ached. "This little beauty right here is linked to my comms and datapad. If you go outside of a predetermined radius, I will know. And Ren will pay dearly. I have his information as well. There is to be no contact between you unless either I or the Supreme Leader order it. No training sessions. No touching. No visits."

She tensed up at the very thought.

" _I'm right here, Rey. I'm here. No matter what they do, they can't take this away. We're bound, you and I."_

"Now, there will be… opportunities to earn such a privilege. Provided you behave and are a very good girl."

He sat on the couch beside her and his one hand was on her knee before slowly tracing up to touch the burn on her thigh. She tensed at his touch and let out a hiss when he pressed his thumb into the lightsaber burn.

" _Rey! Rey, say something… Rey…"_

She felt his panic. His fear. Rey bit her lip to keep from crying as Hux pressed down again, trying to get a reaction.

"I can be very generous with the right motivation," he said, his hand caressing the skin higher up. "Very generous."

" _Ren, I can't… I can't…"_

" _Ssh, I'm right here. I'm right here. Listen to me. Listen to my voice. You'll be okay. I'm right here. I'm here. I'm with you. You're not alone."_

"Hmm, don't want these to scar too badly. I'd hate for you to lose use of your arm." Hux glanced over at the 'trooper, who stepped away for a moment. "You do understand that it was necessary. You had to be punished."

"No, I didn't. You had no right!"

"Would you have rather died?"

"Yes!"

Crack!

Her head whipped to the side as his gloved hand collided with her cheek. "Ungrateful little scavenger." He griped her chin now, forcing her jaw closed. Pain bloomed across her face.

" _Rey… Rey, baby, talk to me. Rey…"_

" _Ren, please, it hurts. I can't… I can't."_

" _I know. I know. I'll kill him for hurting you. I will. Rey…"_

"If it was up to the Supreme Leader, if Ren hadn't refused, and if I hadn't intervened, you'd be dead now. Ren would be all alone. You don't want that, do you?'

She shook her head 'no' as best she could in his grip, tears welling in her eyes.

" _Rey, don't listen to him. Don't… I wasn't going to let anyone hurt you."_

" _I won't let them hurt you."_

"I thought not. If you're a good girl, he won't be hurt. If you fight me or disobey me, he will suffer. You don't want that. You don't want him to suffer, do you?"

She shook her head again.

The 'trooper returned with bacta patches and medical wrap. Hux let go of her chin and her head sagged forward.

" _Rey, I'm right here. I'm right here."_

He ripped her trousers further near the burn. She tensed. He took off his gloves and touched the mark, skin to skin. She dug the nails of her right hand into the fabric of the sofa, trying so hard not to react. To the pain and to his touch, a touch that felt so wrong. He had soft hands, unlike Ren's. Ren had callouses on his hands.

" _It's me, Rey. I'm taking care of you. Think of me. You need to be treated. Please…"_

" _But you're not…"_

" _I know, I know."_

" _Where are you, Ren? Where did they take you?"_

" _Our rooms. It feels wrong without you here. Haunted."_

She closed her eyes, trying to picture him. To see him in the rooms that belonged to them. Their home. Their soft bed. Dark, rumpled sheets and Ren, half-asleep and sprawled on his back as he played with her hair. Safe and warm. The lights turned low and barely there.

Lips touched the deep wound on her thigh and her entire body jolted of its own accord. Hux dug his thumb into the wound and a whimper escaped her lips.

"Be a good girl. Hold still."

"I can clean them myself."

"That's not an option." He slapped a patch down, smacking the burn, and she held back a scream.

" _I'm here, Rey, I'm here. I'm here. Squeeze my hand. I'm here."_

She grabbed the couch arm, pretending it was his hand. Pretending he was there. Anything that wasn't the horrific reality she was trapped in.

"The more you fight me, the more this will hurt," Hux said matter-of-factly.

"You don't need to do this. Please…"

"Hold still."

He grabbed her arm harshly. There were three distinct burns running up her right arm. One of them slashed through a scar from the blaster.

" _I'm here. I'm here. This isn't real, Rey. I'm here. Listen to me. Listen to me. The pain is only in your mind. It's not real. You're okay. You're safe. I'm here."_

" _I need you."_

" _I know, baby, I know."_

She could almost feel his hand on her cheek, where the skin still stung from the slap. She felt lips pressing a kiss to the inflamed skin and her body tensed. She knew Ren's lips. She knew every part of him. And this wasn't Ren. This wasn't his kiss.

Rey pushed at him with her bound hands. "Don't touch me! Don't touch me!" she cried. "Ren…"

"Ren can't save you. Only I can."

He thrust his hand into her hair and twisted, yanking her closer. She tried to push him away with her hands, tried to push against his chest, but he closed one hand around her neck and squeezed. Almost immediately, she saw stars.

" _Ren! REN!"_

Rey kicked her legs out reflexively, her lungs screaming for air. With his fist in her hair, Hux held her mostly paralyzed against his chest.

She could hear him screaming distantly in her head and hear his fists pounding against the door to their rooms. She could feel his fury. His fear.

" _Talk to me. Talk to me, I need to know you're okay. Rey! Rey!"_

" _I can't… I can't breathe…"_

His knuckles were torn and bones were shattered in his hands, but he kept pounding on the door. He kept trying to get to her. To save her.

Hot breath against her neck. Hux. "Fighting me only hurts you both. This would be much easier if you'd give in and behave. I don't want to hurt you."

The hand on her neck loosened a bit and she coughed, gasping for air.

" _Rey!"_

" _Kylo… it hurts…"_

" _I know, I know. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. This is my fault. This is all my fault, Rey."_

" _No, it's Snoke's. He did this."_

" _I'll kill them. I'll kill them both. For hurting you. I'll kill them."_

"Will you behave? Or do I hurt your lover? Hmm?"

His hand traced her chin and tilted her face toward him. She sucked in air, her body trembling.

" _Rey, no…"_

"Don't hurt him. Please… don't hurt him."

"What will you do for me then?"

"I'll… I'll behave."

"What else?" His hand curved around her neck, slowly going lower. Tracing the thick fabric around her shoulders.

" _Rey, no! Rey!" he screamed through the bond, his voice filled with panic and fear._

"I'll be good."

"How good?"

She lowered her head, her temples throbbing as Ren screamed through the bond, as he begged her not to.

Trembling, she pressed her lips to his pale cheek. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she held her eyes closed tight. As Ren screamed and raged.

Hux tilted her head and she was pressed lips to lips with him. Her skin crawled, but all she could think about was Ren. About him being hurt. She had the power to spare him pain. She loved him too much to let him suffer.

" _Rey…" It was a whisper filled with pain._

"Very good," Hux said, his hand stroking her loose hair. A chill ran down her spine. She hated this man. She hated his touch. He made her ill.

Rey went to pull away from him and he gripped her hair tight. "Ahh ahh, did I say you could move?"

"Please…"

"Not yet." He took her arm and ripped off the sleeve of her tunic. She cringed at the sound of fabric splitting.

" _Rey…"_

" _I'm sorry…"_

His touch was almost gentle this time as he covered the burns with bacta. He wound some cloth around her arm, holding the patches secure. He was careful not to pull it too tight. It seemed very much at odds with his earlier behavior. She stayed as still as possible even though every fiber of her body screamed to run or fight. Anything but staying put.

He pressed a kiss to the outside of the bandage and her skin crawled again. It felt so wrong.

" _Kylo…"_

" _I'm here. I'm here."_

He sounded tired. Drained. She felt the same.

"You need to rest," Hux muttered. "C'mon. Get up."

She followed him reluctantly deeper into the suite. He opened an interior door that revealed a rather opulent bedroom. The bed was nearly twice the size of the large one she shared with Ren. The bedding in here was a crimson red like blood. The fabric had a sheen to it. The lights were dim and the room seemed dark. Almost evil. Like the man before her.

The door closed behind them, trapping her in this room. Trapping her with him. She glanced back at the exit, feeling a pain in her chest. Each step took her further away from him.

" _I'm here…"_

" _Don't leave me. Please don't leave me."_

" _I won't."_

He sat down on the bed and motioned for her to join him. She shook her head. She didn't want to be anywhere near him. Not now and not ever. She wanted Ren.

" _I'm here."_

Warm. Safe. Together. She could picture them, tucked up together and feel his heart beating in time to her own. His hand in her hair as he held her. How she let one hand trace the scars on his body. How right it felt to be with him. To be near him.

Her heart ached and her fingers touched the hem of the scarf. His scarf.

"You need rest," Hux said.

She shook her head and found a spot on the floor, the duracrete cold and hard against her aching body but she didn't care. She didn't want anything to do with him. The bed might be big but it wasn't big enough.

His boots rang on the floor as he approached her. He crouched down beside her and tugged on the scarf encircling her neck. "What is this, hmm?"

"Don't… don't take it," she pleaded.

"It's his, isn't it?"

She nodded.

Hux gripped the fabric, bunching it up in his fist.

Rey put her bound hands up, her hands on his chest. "Please, don't. Don't… It's cold… Don't…"

He loosened his grip a bit, listening to her.

"Please, it's cold. Hux, don't…"

His hand drifted down, resting on her lower back. She tensed immediately. She wanted to push him away. She wanted to scream.

" _Rey… It's okay. Let him take it. It's not worth it."_

"It's warm in my bed."

She shook her head. "I… I'd rather sleep here."

He started to pull on the heavy fabric again and she panicked.

"No, please, no… don't… don't…" She gripped the scarf tightly. "Please…"

"Kiss me. Like you mean it."

She trembled. "What?"

"I want you to kiss me, Rey. Kiss me like you mean it. Like I'm him. Do it and I'll let you keep that rag tonight."

" _Let it go. It's not worth it."_

"Oh… okay…"

She closed her eyes, picturing Ren. Her hand traced the scar on his face. The narrow slash marring his handsome features. His dark eyes staring into hers. The man she loved with everything. A man she should hate. A man she should fear. But a man who was once a boy. An innocent boy forced to the Dark Side.

Hesitant at first, she touched his lips. After a groan from him, she deepened the kiss, imagining Ren. His hands on her hips as he pulled her closer. His touch, warm and gentle. Protective. His hands in her hair. His thumbs stroking her cheeks. His lips against hers. The passion. The lust. The unquenchable need.

" _Rey…"_

She broke away from Hux and he stared at her with a sick grin. "Well, well, no wonder he is so protective of you. You've earned it." He pulled on the scarf. "This time. Behave or I will make you watch it burn."

She nodded, skimming her fingers across the ragged hem. "I understand. Thank you."

"Good. Now rest."

Rey curled up tightly on the floor, doing her best to arrange the scarf around her almost like a blanket. The dark fabric still smelled of Ren. It soothed her. It was almost like having him lying there beside her.

" _I'm here. Sleep. I'm here."_

" _Don't go."_

" _I won't. Close your eyes, Rey."_

" _I'm scared."_

" _Don't be. I'll watch over you. Close your eyes. Relax."_

She shifted on the hard floor, clinging to the scarf. To the bond in her head, to the voice singing to her. Ren. Singing their song.

Against her will, she felt herself drifting. Her body was exhausted. She needed rest. She did.

" _Ren…"_

" _I love you, Rey. Sleep, sweetheart. I'm right here. I won't leave you."_

" _I love… you…"_

And with that, Rey fell into an uneasy sleep on the floor of her captor's room, Ren still singing in her head.

 **Author's Notes:**

Darker and darker we go… We'll get a glimpse inside Ren's head next chapter. My outline is a bit in shambles at the moment but we will see the Resistance again in a few chapters.

Just a shout out to my helpers. They've both been a big help for several chapters now. DORK DOG thanks for helping me look ahead, answer my silly SW questions, and for letting me bounce ideas and pieces off you. And thanks to Megan D1 for helping me plot and scheme for the last few chapters! It really helps having someone to bounce ideas off and to show pieces in progress too. Plus having two other POVs besides my own is very helpful.

Thank you again for reading, following, and reviewing. The ride isn't over yet, but it's getting bumpy!

well wishing - Thank you! I'm so glad you're enjoying this story. Depending on the day, writing is the best thing for me health wise. At the same time, it can crash and mess with my productivity. It's a roller coaster and thank you for your patience! I actually got a bit ahead this week so I might have some more chapters to post than usual!


	37. Chapter Thirty-six

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Thirty-six**

Their bed felt too big. Too empty without Rey. He'd barely slept. He missed the comforting weight of her body curled against his. Her loose hair sometimes tickled his skin, but he missed it. He missed the little sounds she made in her sleep. Sometimes she would let out a little snore or even a snort. She liked to burrow her head against him.

Her lithe body was warm against his. Like the Light that burned inside her. He couldn't be curled up with her and not remember the little padawan who climbed into his bed when she was afraid. The little girl who trusted him to protect her. His Rey.

He felt her start to stir through the bond. He sat up in their bed, the dark sheets empty and cold without her. _"Rey…"_

" _Ren!" she sounded tired yet relieved. "Oh, Ren…"_

" _Did you get any sleep?"_

" _No. Not really."_

Cold. Sore. She'd slept on the floor. His Rey, his beautiful Rey, shaking and in pain. She wrapped the scarf around herself tighter and he could feel the binders cutting into her wrists, tearing the delicate skin.

He wanted to hurt Hux. Knock his teeth in to start. Crush the bones in his hands. Make him stop breathing. Then let him breathe only to stop it again. Over and over. He'd make him suffer for them. Watch him choke on his own teeth. Then maybe he would end his suffering. Maybe.

" _Ren?"_

" _I'm here, sweetheart," he said softly, the hate dying down a bit at her voice. At her presence._

" _Did you sleep?"_

He scrubbed his hand across his face. _"Not really. I miss you."_

" _I need you. I can't… I can't do this. I'm scared."_

He closed his eyes, feeling her fear and her pain. It physically hurt him to feel her suffering. He was trained to focus through pain. To use it as strength. Her pain was his undoing. He never wanted her to hurt. Never. He wanted to save her. Protect her.

" _I know. I know. I'm right here. I won't leave you. I swear on my life. I'll find a way to get to you. I'll find a way to save you. Trust me."_

He felt her relax a bit and felt some tension leave his own body as a result. He wanted to hold her in his arms. To keep her tucked against him and safe from harm. Safe from Hux.

His Rey.

" _Don't leave me. Please don't leave me."_

" _Never. I'm right here. I'm here."_

" _Ren—"_

" _Rey? Rey, baby, are you hurt?"_

He jumped off the bed, still completely dressed in his robes sans the mask. His mangled hands were bandaged and wrapped in bacta. But that didn't stop him. He was at the door and taping the pad. He'd been denied access to leave his quarters the day before. His saber had also been taken. Punishment.

But this time, the door opened, allowing him passage into the hallway. He clenched his fists, ignoring the pain shooting up his arms. Rey needed him. That was all that mattered.

" _Rey, I'm coming, baby. Hold on."_

She was in Hux's rooms. He'd recognized them through the bond. He could also sense her. With each step, the bond grew stronger, along with her unease.

" _Ren, don't! Don't!" she shouted through the bond._

" _Are you hurt? Did he hurt you?" I'll kill him. I'll kill him. I don't care. I'll kill him._

" _I…"_

" _Rey? Rey!"_

She was distracted and pained. He could sense that.

"… _Fine. I'm fine. Just tired."_

" _Rey…"_

Fear. For him. For his safety.

He stopped in his tracks, remembering Rey's screams. Remembering hearing her begging to save him. To stop the pain. Even when she was hurt, her first thought was still him. He couldn't let her be hurt.

" _I'm okay. I just miss you. I'm okay."_

" _You sure?"_

He could feel the uncertainty. The hesitation. A chill down her spine. She was upset and he wanted to pull her into his arms. He wanted to hold her close and soothe her fears away.

" _Kylo, please… stay with me."_

" _I'm right here. What can I do?"_

" _Get help. The General. Please. For me."_

He swallowed hard. He always had Rey with him for their contact. He hated seeing his mother. She wore the pain and hope on her face and it cut into him more than a saber. She always softened a bit around him. After all this time, after everything he'd done, she still cared.

" _Anything," he swore._

* * *

She took a deep breath from her spot in the middle of the floor. Hux sat beside her, his hand running down her back. She'd felt Kylo approaching with that determined stride of his. It was a hopeless errand that would only get them both hurt.

Rey couldn't stomach anymore of his pain. Not yet. Not now. Not ever if she could help it. Her own wounds ached and itched as they healed by degrees thanks to the bacta. Her skin still crawled at the memory of Hux dressing them.

He ran his hands across the bandages. "Hmm, how do you feel today?"

"Like I don't want to be here."

Hux frowned, shaking his head at her. "That's not what I asked." He dug his thumb into the wound on her thigh and she jumped.

Almost immediately she felt Ren tense. _"Rey?"_

" _Just moved wrong. I'm fine," she lied._

She didn't want him to know. She didn't want him to see this. She knew he would do something risky. Something stupid. She couldn't let him. Someone had to protect Ren from his own self-destructive impulses.

" _You sure?"_

" _Yes. I love you."_

She felt him sigh through the bond. She felt that flutter of happiness at her words. A simple comfort. It was all she had to give him now.

"You're talking to him, aren't you?" Hux demanded, pressing his thumb deeper, bringing tears to her eyes. Rey tried to close the edges of the bond and shut him out. She didn't want Ren to see this. To feel this.

"No…" she lied, her voice trembling nearly as much as her body.

"Yes, you are." He gripped the scarf, Ren's scarf, pulling her closer. "Lying to me is against the rules, Rey."

"But I'm not… not right now."

"But you were." He tsked at her, shaking his head. "And here I thought you might behave after a night spent on the floor. Hmm."

"Please… please, don't hurt him. Please."

He sighed deeply. "I don't know, Rey. You lied to me. You broke a rule. You deserve to be punished."

"Don't… I'm sorry. I didn't—it won't happen again."

He tilted her face toward him, making that tsking sound again. "I just don't believe you."

Her heart leapt into her throat as she imagined all kinds of horrible situations that ended with Ren in pain. And it was all because of her. Because she got caught in a lie. She couldn't let that happen.

She put a hand over his. "Please, Hux, let me make it up to you. I'm sorry."

"You can certainly try."

Her hands trembled in the binders as she slowly raised them. She touched his right cheek with her left hand, similar to how she'd touched Kylo Ren before. She wanted to strangle him with her bare hands.

But she thought of him, thought of him suffering because of her, and she knew not to risk it. She wouldn't risk Ren. Not like this.

" _Rey…" His voice was soft as it tried to push through._

" _I'm sorry. I have to do this. Forgive me, Ren. I love you. I can't let him hurt you."_

She kissed the general. As her lips pressed against his, she closed her eyes. A lone tear slipped down her cheek as she thought about Ren. She traced his face, traced the scar, with her hand. She poured love into the bond. Love for him, only him. Her Ren.

" _Rey…" His voice was breaking, much like her heart._

" _I'm so sorry, Ren."_

She dropped her hand, moving to break the kiss. A hand gripped her hair, pulling her closer. His lips pressed against hers harder, demanding.

Rey did her best to return the kiss, despite the growing disgust. She could hear Ren's uneven breathing through the bond. She could feel his anger and pain. He wanted to help her. He wanted to stop this. Guilt.

" _This is my fault," he said._

" _No, no… it's not. No…"_

Hux finally released her and she almost fell on her back scrambling to put distance between them. She gripped the hem of the cloak in her right hand, the heavy fabric still retaining a hint of Ren's scent. It was all she had of him. Her most prized possession.

"Hmm, not bad," Hux said, touching his lips with a grin.

Her stomach rolled. She was going to be ill.

" _I'm here," Ren said softly._

She could almost feel his arms around her. All the love and comfort through the bond. Protection.

" _It's okay. It's okay. I'm here."_

"You still have to be punished."

Before she could speak, there was a loud rip as Hux yanked the cloak from around her shoulders. Her bound hands flew up to grab the material. Ren's scarf. Her scarf. Torn and ruined. But still hers.

"No, please…"

He stood up, yanking the heavy fabric from her hands as she clawed at it in desperation. "You have to learn to respect your masters, Rey. I warned you about the consequences. Now I will have to burn this."

"NO! Please, Hux… I'm sorry, I didn't… it won't happen again, please…" She stayed on her knees before him. "Please forgive me."

" _Rey, let it go. It's okay," Ren pushed in her head. "It's just fabric. It's nothing."_

" _It's all I have of you."_

" _I'm still right here, baby. You won't lose me. It's okay."_

" _I can't. I can't. I need you. I'm so scared, Ren."_

"I tell you what. This time, I won't burn it. Next time you break a rule, I will. But you have to earn it back." He crushed the cloak in a fist.

She nodded. "How?"

He smirked at her. "I'm sure you'll think of something."

She shuddered at the implication and felt Ren bristle in her head.

For several long moments, he towered over her, Ren's cloak in one hand. Then he made a face. "You reek."

She didn't speak. After all she was covered in saber burns. Her clothes had a singed smell to them from burnt fabric and blistered skin. Of course she smelt.

Rey grimaced as he gripped her arm over the burn. "You don't need to keep me here. Please, let me stay with him. I'll behave."

"No. You had your chance before. My orders are to keep you apart."

"Don't. There's no need to. Please, I will work with you, just let me be with him."

"You're only making this worse for him. Every time you fight me or try and spin a deal, he suffers. If you're a good girl, I don't have a reason to punish him. So I suggest if you truly care about him, you stop asking these questions."

"When can I see him?"

"After you prove to me I can trust you. Not before."

She nodded slightly, tensing when his hand touched her lower back.

"This would be much easier if you would simply forget him, Rey. I don't want to hurt you. But I will." He squeezed her burned arm and she let out a sharp hiss.

"Now, I arranged for new clothes. Clean yourself up. Try anything and Ren will suffer. Understand?" He grabbed the binders, starting to unlock them.

"Yes," she said quietly, rubbing her raw wrists.

He guided her toward the refresher, his hand on her lower back. She wanted to scream or push him away. But she didn't. She was tired. She just wanted Ren.

" _I'm here. I know. I know. I'm so sorry. I'm going to get us out of here. I promise, Rey. I promise. No matter what it takes, I'm going to get you out of here."_

* * *

She scrubbed away his touch and her own blood in the powerful spray of the 'fresher. She found fresh bacta and bandages along with a clean uniform in the room before she'd climbed in.

She wound bandages up her arm to cover the healing lightsaber burns. Her thigh wasn't healing as well thanks to Hux's repeated abuse. He'd actually torn open the scabbed skin, allowing fresh blood to ooze out, with his thumb. She carefully bandaged it before pulling on the uniform.

These were the clothes of a First Order officer. Eerily enough, the uniform was her size. The pants weren't too long for her frame and the jacket wasn't over-large on her narrow shoulders. It was almost as if these clothes were made for her. There was even a pair of new boots, just her size, sitting with the clothes. They looked stiff and uncomfortable. Rey put her old boots back on instead. Ren had chosen these for her. She'd worn them for countless hours in training. No, there was no reason to let go of these boots, not like her ruined clothes.

If this were Jakku, she would've mended the rips and repaired them, but she didn't have access to any tools here or reason to. Not when she had a fresh set of clothes. The fabric was stiff and rough, not like the soft robes Kylo had made for her.

The woolen fabric of the jacket would keep her warm in the frigid starship, but it wasn't anything like the thick scarf that belonged to Ren. The scarf she'd worn almost everyday since she'd been taken from the Resistance.

Her hand touched her collar, where the fabric usually lay, and she sighed heavily.

" _Ren?" she reached out to him, her heart aching._

" _Hey, are you okay?"_

" _I miss you."_

" _Where's Hux?"_

" _I don't know, but I think I can get out."_

" _Rey—"_

" _Meet me? We can steal a ship and get out of here. I can fly. We can run. Ren…"_

" _Are you sure?"_

" _I can't stay here. We have to try."_

" _I'm coming. Hurry, we won't have much time. I love you, Rey."_

" _I love you."_

She left the refresher and re-entered the bedroom. It was empty save for a lone Stormtrooper. She didn't see any sign of Hux. Perhaps he'd gone off.

With a flick of her hand, he crashed into the wall. Rey raced over and grabbed his blaster. It never hurt to have a weapon.

She fired at the control panel and the door opened into the main suite.

She reached out with the Force, sending another guard flying into a wall. He hit the floor hard, out cold like the one in the bedroom. Rey hurried across the room, the blaster held tight as she hurried toward the door. She aimed at the control box, her finger on the trigger when a fist struck her in the mouth seemingly out of nowhere.

Rey stumbled, the pistol skidding across the duracrete floor, her cheek on fire and immediately Ren was in her head, calling her name.

She struggled to respond as a hand gripped her arm, wrenching it out of joint. She let out a sharp cry just before a pair of binders closed on her wrist.

" _Rey!"_

A kick to the back of her knees had her on the ground, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Ren! Ren!" she screamed outloud.

The binders clinked close and another jerk on her injured arm had her cry out again.

"Did you really think you could escape? Hmm?" Hux breathed into her ear. He twisted her arm and she heard a bone crack. Rey screamed.

" _Rey! I'm coming, baby, I'm coming, hold on!"_

" _It's a trap, Ren, no… don't… it's a trap!"_

There was a commotion on the other side of the door. Through the thick durasteel, she couldn't hear it, but she had a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach that Ren was behind it.

Hux hauled her back to her feet. He put one arm around her waist and held a blaster to her temple with the other. "I warned you about disobeying. What happens when you break rules, scavenger?"

"Don't hurt him. Please."

"Oh, he's going to suffer. I've been very forgiving thus far. Now it's time for you to learn."

She struggled against him and he pressed the blaster harder to her head.

The door shuddered and creaked before it was seemingly torn in half to reveal Ren. There was no mask to hide his rage. Even without the bond, she could feel it rolling off him as he stalked into the room, his dark eyes hard.

Hux yanked her backward, keeping the blaster aimed at her head.

"Ren!" she called, tears flowing freely down her cheeks now at the sight of him.

"Get away from her," he growled, raising a gloved hand.

Hux moved the blaster lower and pressed it against her leg. He pulled the trigger and Rey screamed as a bolt tore through her skin, burning her right thigh almost like the saber had. It had been pressed to the side and grazed her instead of tearing through her leg. She wobbled and Hux held her tight.

"Rey!" Ren cried out, his eyes flashing. His hand started to shake. He wanted to kill him. Rey could feel it.

"Come any closer, Ren, and the next one won't miss," Hux warned.

She struggled a bit and the blaster barrel pressed against her stomach. Ren stood still.

"Get away from her, Hux. Let her go now and I'll make your death painless."

"You have no power here. Not anymore. The girl here is a prisoner of the First Order. I can do whatever I please with her," Hux said and she could almost feel him grinning as he ran his hand across her waist, keeping her pressed against him.

A tear rolled down her cheek as she trembled. "Please, don't hurt Kylo. Don't. This is my fault. I tried to escape. Please…"

"You should've thought of the consequences before," he said, dragging the blaster up her side and back to her head. "Now you have two choices, Rey."

" _I'm here, baby. I'm here. Look at me."_

She stifled a sob and looked at him. At the quiet fury surrounding him. He'd come to save her. He was right there, almost close enough to touch. Her Ren.

"Don't hurt him," she said. "Don't hurt him…"

"I have to hurt him. You disobeyed." Hux put a hand around her neck, squeezing a bit. She let out a strangled whimper and heard leather creak as Ren clenched his fists.

"Please…" she begged.

"You decide his punishment."

"Punish me."

A squad of Stormtroopers appeared in the hallway, their rifles all aimed at Ren. He flexed his hands a bit and she knew he was contemplating how many he could kill.

" _Ren, please, no…"_

" _I can save us."_

" _No more killing. Ren, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…"_

" _This is not your fault. None of this. I will find a way to get you out of here. I swear. Even if it kills me, I will get you away from him."_

" _I'm so tired."_

" _I know. I know."_

He didn't fight as the 'troopers put him in binders. He didn't resist. He just stared at her and she felt her heart breaking. He had a chance to escape. And he didn't. He stayed for her. Now he was going to suffer because of her. Because of something she did.

"There are two choices, Rey. Option one: a very painful session with our interrogator droid. Option two: thirty lightsaber burns."

Her stomach dropped. She could remember the vivid pain of her own burns. She'd seen the scars on Ren's body. He'd been tortured before. He'd been burned before. He was no stranger to pain.

"No, please, no, don't do this! Don't hurt him!"

A baton pressed against his back and forced Ren to his knees. His face twitched a bit and she felt the rush of pain through the bond.

"If I choose, it will be double," Hux said.

"Hurt me instead. Don't hurt him. Hurt me," she whimpered, her eyes locked on him. "Don't hurt him, please."

"Rey, it's okay. I can take it," he said.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"Choose. Which one is it, Rey?" Hux demanded, moving his blaster to press against the new burn on her leg.

Thirty burns could kill or maim him. Her body ached from the four she had and they were minor compared to what Ren would suffer. She knew Hux would do his best to hurt him. It was too risky.

"I'm sorry, Ren. I'm sorry," she whispered, looking down at her feet. "The first option."

 **Author's Notes:**

Another painful chapter for both Rey and Ren. Sorry to say it's going to get worse before it gets better. I'm about mid-way through the next chapter which I hope to post on Monday after work. I've got a busy weekend with my best friend – the one who took me to TFA and started this – planned since he's only in town for a few days (he's Navy and stationed far away and very rarely gets leave) so I'll probably come home and crash Sunday instead of writing.

Thanks again for all the reviews! They warm my heart and help shape where this story goes. I do take anonymous reviews and respond to them in the next chapter. There's also excerpts on my Tumblr – you don't need an account to view them. That's tmcarper . tumblr . com


	38. Chapter Thirty-seven

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Thirty-seven**

He went through the motions to initiate a connection to the Resistance without much thought. It was second-nature now. It still felt wrong without Rey at his side.

A hologram appeared shortly after he entered the codes to connect directly to her. His mother looked up.

"Ben! What are… are you hurt?"

He flinched at the name. "They took Rey from me. General Hux is keeping her in his quarters. She's injured, badly. I don't know how much time we have."

"Oh, Ben… what can I do? Where are you?"

He took a breath to gather himself. "Attacking the _Finalizer_ would be suicide. We need to get off this ship."

He had to save her. He had to save Rey. He didn't care how. He needed to get her away from the First Order. His mother and his uncle could protect her. They could hide her. Save her from the Dark Side.

"How?"

"Leak information. If there's a rebel base, there's a good chance we'll be sent there. I need to get Rey out of here. She needs to be protected."

From Hux. From Snoke. From him.

"We will save you both."

He shook his head at the hologram. "No, save Rey. No matter what, she comes first. Save her. Save Rey. Don't worry about me. Just promise me, you'll save her."

She was all that mattered. Saving her would atone for his sins. For the people he killed. He'd saved her before. He had to save her again. For good. Even if it killed him.

"Ben…"

"Promise me that you'll save her. I don't care what happens to me, but I can't let her be hurt. I can't let Snoke hurt her. I won't let her be like me. You have to save her. Please."

His mother nodded vigorously. "I'll save you both. Ben…"

"Save Rey. Save her. No matter what. Promise me. Please."

"I will. I promise, Ben. We'll save her. We'll save you both."

"I have to go. We'll speak soon." He ended the conversation with a few keystrokes and scrambled the message.

* * *

"Please, you don't have to do this. I'll behave. Don't hurt him," Rey begged as Hux led her into a control room filled with monitors. On a viewscreen she could see Ren waiting in a small prison cell, his head down and his hands still in binders. He seemed almost calm. So calm it terrified her.

How many times had he been subjected to this? How many times had Snoke ordered him hurt? How many times did he suffer? And why?

" _It's okay, kid. Don't worry about me," he said in her head._

She barely choked back a sob.

Hux pushed her down into a chair with his hands on her shoulders. She barely bit back a scream as he jolted her injured arm. "You had a chance to behave. I warned you several times. Now you have to face the consequences."

A sinister looking droid entered Ren's cell on the screen. He didn't even bother to look up.

"That is the IT-000, scavenger. The Empire used similar interrogator droids. This one however is much more… refined. Painful. It is often used to loosen up prisoners before Ren riffles through their minds. I suggested we use one on you originally and I was overruled," Hux said.

A large needle appeared first and injected Ren with some kind of fluid. She could read the pain on his face and feel it within the bond.

She could feel the heavy weight of the binders on his wrists. Every sensation felt heightened. On edge almost.

" _Rey… don't… don't…"_

" _I won't leave you," she promised._

"You don't have to do this. You can let him go," she said, not looking away from the viewscreen. Not even as tears threatened to obscure her vision.

The cell was small and dark. Dank. It looked too tiny for someone of Ren's height. He was almost hunched over on the narrow bench in the center of the square room. He didn't try to fight or run. He simply waited.

Hux kept his hands on either shoulder, applying pressure occasionally to remind her to stay seated in the chair. Other crew members loitered nearby and a few stared at the screen showing Ren. The control room was well-lit and filled with all manner of electrical devices. There were monitors showing views of all the prison cells on the ship. Most were empty. Rey didn't care about the others right now. She couldn't. She only had eyes for Ren and a knot in her stomach.

She trembled as the droid began to work. She wanted to turn away from the screen.

He fought to hold still and keep the pain inside. She could feel him trying to mute the bond between them. To protect her.

" _It's okay… it's okay… let me in," she said. "I'm here, Ren. Please…"_

" _No, don't… I don't…"_

" _This is my fault."_

" _No, it's not. I'm not strong enough to protect you. I'm sorry."_

" _No, don't be. I love you, Ren. I love you."_

" _Rey…"_

The barrier between them lessened and a sharp, stabbing pain hit her. She gasped outloud in shock and Hux dug his fingers into her shoulders to hold her down. She took several deep breaths to calm herself and deal with the pain.

She tensed as another wave of pain hit through the bond. Tears welled up in her eyes as she watched him on screen. As a needle stabbed into his side and she felt it in her own.

" _Ren!"_

" _It's okay. I'm okay. It's okay."_

It wasn't okay. None of this was. Rey knew that. Ren was suffering because of her. Because she tried to escape without knowing if she could. She should be in there. This should be her. Not him.

" _Rey, I love you. I love you."_

And just like that, she couldn't feel him. The bond between them was faint, like a tiny thread. She pushed against it, trying to reach him. To feel him. To talk to him. To feel anything. Even if it was unbearable plan.

It was like part of her no longer existed. It was more than losing a limb. It was almost like part of her soul was gone. It hurt.

* * *

Pain. Sharp, unrelenting. Torture.

Leia Organa sat up in her bed with a start, her heart pounding, and her skin broken out in a cold sweat. "Ben. Oh, Ben…" she breathed.

Her son was in pain. Her only child. He needed help. She had to find him.

She pulled a robe on and hurried down the hall to another room. She knocked at the door and it opened almost instantly to reveal her wide-eyed brother. He, too, looked as startled as she felt.

"Ben," was all she could say.

Luke nodded, ushering her inside. "I feel it, too. The pain. He's strong, Leia. So very strong."

"We have to help him. And her. Rey. If we can feel this… she must be in as much pain as he is."

"They're both in terrible pain," he admitted.

"He spoke to me earlier. He was alone. They've been separated. General Hux had done something to Rey. Injured her. He wanted us to save her. My son's last words to me were for me to save her. To save Rey. No matter the cost."

Her brother pulled her into his arms. "We'll save her. We'll find Rey."

Neither of them mentioned saving Ben.

* * *

"Ren!" Rey cried.

Hux gripped her shoulders tighter. "Quiet."

She held back a sob. She could see the pain written across his face. The tension in his jaw as he tried to hold it back. As he tried to keep from crying out.

A tear slid down her cheek and she trembled in the chair. Hux's hands drifted down her shoulders to her upper arms and she jumped when he touched the injury he caused. He made a tsking sound and she did her best not to move despite the flare of pain.

The droid continued on the monitor and the pain became more pronounced in his body and on his face. She saw him cringing and biting back screams. The bond between them remained closed with only muted thoughts of extreme pain escaping.

He was trying so hard to be strong for her and it broke her heart. She wanted to run to him and hold him. To take away his pain. To save him.

"Please… stop…" Rey whispered.

Hux's hands ran across her collarbone and neck. "No. Be quiet."

"Please, it's enough. I won't try and escape. I promise. Just make it stop."

He leaned closer to her, his breath hot against her neck and sending shivers down her spine. "It's too late for empty promises."

On the screen, Ren let out a cry of pain, the first verbal sound he'd made. Rey tensed, blinking away hot tears. "It's not. I swear. Please, Hux, please…"

He sighed and she shuddered. "I don't think you have anything to offer."

Rey closed her eyes a moment to gather her strength. It killed her to do this, to even think about it, but not as much as Kylo's pain killed her. She had to try.

She turned her head and kissed him on the lips. She kissed him hard, almost as if it were Ren she was kissing. Ren, whose lips pressed back.

A hand tangled in her messy hair, her usual buns falling out, as he tugged her closer. She could barely breathe.

Then another pained cry from Ren over the monitor and she tried to pull away. A sharp yank on her hair kept her close. Tears fell down her cheeks with abandon. She didn't care if she showed weakness. She didn't care about anything other than the man she loved. A man who right now was being tortured because of her.

"Please, make it stop. Please…"

He stroked her hair. "No."

Ren shouted in pain and she shuddered. "Please…" she begged.

Hux shook his head. "No."

She closed her eyes when Ren's entire body shook from some type of electric shock. She could hear him panting from exhaustion; his breath shaky and uneven. He couldn't take much more pain. She knew it.

"Please, I'll do anything you want. Just make it stop. Please…"

"Anything?" he repeated. One of his hands touched her leg, just above the new burn and she froze. She felt his breath on her neck and his lips against her cheek.

If she could save Ren from even the smallest measure of pain, it would be worth it. No matter what. She couldn't watch him like this anymore. Helpless and unable to save him. She had to do something. This was all her fault. He was in there, taking torture that should've been hers.

"Anything," she said softly. "Just make it stop, please. Stop hurting him."

A flash of pain through the bond. It was almost comforting.

" _Rey, no…" Ren begged, weak and tired._

" _I have to. I'm so sorry, Ren…"_

" _Rey… don't…"_

Hux kissed her neck, brushing her tangled hair away from the skin. "You'll obey me. Do anything I ask."

"Yes," she said in a shaky voice.

"No matter what. Disobey and he will suffer double. Relax…"

She sniffled. "Please, no more. No more… don't hurt him."

"You're so beautiful," he breathed into her ear, his gloved hand wiping a tear from her cheek as she shook in the chair, doing her best to hold still. "Relax."

"I can't…" Ren screamed again and she jolted in the chair, feeling the same agony through the bond. He was still begging her not to.

He stroked her cheek. "You can make it all stop. Or I can make it worse. Your choice, Rey."

" _Rey, no… Rey…"_

" _I love you. No matter what happens, I love you."_

" _Rey!"_

She took a shaky breath and nodded. "I will do anything. Just make it stop. Stop hurting him."

"You'll be a good girl?"

Rey nodded.

"Misbehave and he's right back in that cell. And it will be for twice as long."

"I understand."

He squeezed her upper thigh and she winced. "That's my girl."

Ren shouted in pain again, his words incoherent. The sound broke her heart.

"I won't fight you. I'll do anything you want. Just please, make it stop…" she begged.

He smiled at her. "Stop the droid," he called in a loud voice.

Rey sagged in the chair in relief as she saw the droid withdraw from the cell after a moment, leaving an exhausted and bloody Ren sunk on the bench. He was breathing heavily and shaking.

Hux kissed her lips and she didn't fight him even as tears slid down her cheeks. All she could think about in that moment was Ren. And all the pain. She wanted to see him. To know that he was okay.

" _Rey…"_

" _I'm here, I'm here…"_

Pain washed over her, making her body ache as she lost sense of what was her pain and what was his. It didn't matter—she felt whole again. The bond was wide open once more.

" _Ren, I'm sorry. I'm sorry…"_

" _Don't… do… this…"_

" _I can't watch them hurt you anymore. I can't. I'm sorry, I can't. I love you. I love you too much to watch you suffer."_

" _Don't, baby, don't… not worth it…"_

Her heart ached at his words as Hux helped her stand. _"No, don't say that. I love you. I'd do anything for you. I love you. I love you. It's always been you."_

"Come," Hux ordered.

She wobbled a bit on her legs. "Can I see him?"

"No. Come."

Rey glanced at the screen again, staring at him. Hurt. He needed her. She wanted to be there. To hold him. To tell him everything would be okay, even if it was a lie. He needed her.

She wanted to beg and plead. To demand a few moments with him.

"Do we have a deal?" Hux asked, staring at her.

She stared at the screen, tears falling once more. "Yes… just, can you at least send a medidroid? Please?"

"If you behave, I'll send two and painkillers," he said.

"Do you promise?"

Hux nodded. "Now, come with me."

With one last look at the screen, she followed the General out of the control room. Each step took her further away from the man she loved. It physically hurt to leave him.

" _Rey…"_

" _I'm going to get you help. Just hold on. Stay with me. Fight. I need you," she said through the bond._

" _Let me go…"_

" _Never."_

" _If I die…"_

" _I won't let you. Stay with me. I love you. Fight for me, Ren. Fight. Don't leave me."_

" _Trying…"_

She focused on a simple memory of happier times. Her, curled against his chest, his hands in her hair. A soft, warm bed. Sated. Happy. Safe.

" _Rey," he breathed._

" _I love you. Hold on for me. Don't leave me."_

" _I… won't."_

 **Author's Notes:**

I had very mixed feelings about doing this to Rey. Very mixed. I tried and tried to think of another way to get her out of this situation and for her to save Ren from torture but it seemed the only way. It's part of what took me so long to update (I'm almost three chapters ahead of what I've posted at this point) and it break my heart as much as I'm sure it upsets you as readers.

Hux sees an opportunity to hurt Ren by having Rey. He's become obsessed with her mostly because Ren loves her. It's not about sex. Not really. It's about power.

If I post the actual scene (still debating it, like I said this has been a really tough decision to make - especially for me given my own past and history with abuse) I will post a warning at the top of the chapter and it will be completely skippable. The only reason I'm even considering posting it is because of how Ren uses the bond to comfort her.

That said, the next few chapters are darker but there is going to be some lighter stuff ahead as we get closer and closer to a reunion with the Resistance.

I totally understand if you hate me for my decisions and for what's happening to Rey. I do. I just honestly couldn't see another way out for her and Ren. It still breaks my heart completely as I'm sure it does yours.

Lleblanc3 \- Thank you! It's much darker in ways I never planned but it seems to fit the story the best.


	39. Chapter Thirty-eight

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Thirty-eight**

The walk back to Hux's rooms seemed too long and too short at the same time. With her heart in her throat, she entered through the destroyed door to the main rooms. Stormtroopers stood guard around the entrance. She tried not to look at them as Hux guided her to the bedroom.

" _Rey, don't…" Ren begged through the bond, weary and pained._

" _I love you."_

He closed the door to the main area by using the pad. It had been replaced already. They were locked in his bedroom. Her entire body trembled.

"Get on the bed," he ordered.

Rey carefully climbed on the bed, trying to baby her injured arm as she found herself near the middle of the massive bed. At least four people could fit in this bed comfortably. It was insane. Ren could lay sideways and neither his head nor his feet would hang off the end.

" _I'm here," he said quietly. "I'm right here."_

" _Don't leave me."_

" _I won't. I promise, Rey. I'm here. Talk to me, baby."_

The knot in her stomach tightened as Hux approached the bed. He peeled off his gloves one finger at a time as he stared down at her. She swallowed hard, her body still trembling as she waited for orders, feeling more vulnerable than she could ever remember.

"Jacket," he said.

Wincing, she slid her wounded arm out of the woolen material first. She kept her mangled arm close to her chest as she shrugged out of it. The tunic underneath was stained with her blood.

"Top," he said as he pulled on her boots, taking them off one by one.

Wincing in pain, Rey slowly pulled the tunic over her head, her broken arm causing her to bit her lip. A band covered her breasts still but her breathing changed all the same.

" _It's okay. Talk to me, baby. Talk to me."_

" _I'm afraid. Don't leave me."_

" _I'm here. I'm with you. I'm right here."_

She could almost feel his hand on her cheek. So gentle and comforting. Her Ren.

"Pants."

She tensed. Hux was still mostly dressed. Only now was he unbuttoning his own jacket, leaving her mostly naked as he stood there fully clothed. He had all the power. The power over her. The power to hurt Kylo. She had no choice. She could save him. Protect him.

She fumbled one-handed to undo the fastener and couldn't pull the material over her hips. Hux stared at her as he took off his jacket. "Pants," he repeated.

"I can't."

"Can't or won't?"

" _Rey. It's okay. I'm here. I'm here."_

"I… will you help me?"

With a smirk, he yanked the black trousers over her hips and down her legs, his hands tracing her skin as he removed them. She lay there on the bed in only her undergarments. Only Kylo Ren had seen her like this before. Only Ren had seen her stripped completely bare.

She shook as Hux knelt on the bed between her knees. He worked on his shirt as he stared at her. "Take it off," he ordered.

Rey fumbled to undo the band around her chest. She didn't want to do this. She wanted it to be over already. Why was he making her undress like this? Why couldn't he just take her already and be done with it?

" _Talk to me, baby. Talk to me."_

" _I can't… I can't…"_

" _Did you know you wrinkle your nose when you're really happy?"_

" _What?"_

" _It's like a twitch. You do it at night a lot. When we're curled up, I'll feel it. You do it when you put on my scarf. You press it to your nose and it twitches."_

Her heart hurt at the mention of the scarf. She could still hear the sharp rip of fabric.

" _It smells like you. It's like you're with me."_

" _I'm always with you, Rey. Always. But that little twitch, it's one of the things I love about you."_

" _Tell me more."_

She felt him force her legs apart as he ripped her undergarment away. She shook, trying not to close them. Trying not to run. To fight, even as every part of her screamed to do something, anything. She was frozen in place. Helpless. Unable to escape.

Ren. If she tried anything, he'd be hurt further. He'd suffer more and she couldn't let that happen. She loved him. He was all she had. She loved him with all her heart.

" _Stay with me," he soothed. "You used to pull my ears when I carried you. Do you remember that?"_

" _A bit."_

" _You told me that you thought that's how you steered. You'd tug me in the direction you wanted to go. It was better than when you used to pull my hair."_

" _It was so short then," she said softly, seeing him in her mind, hazy but there. A younger version in tan robes, his dark hair cropped short except for a braid. Ben._

Hux removed his shirt and kissed her neck, his hands cupping and squeezing her breasts. She whimpered in pain.

" _I'm here, Rey. I'm here. Come here."_

She curled up into his voice. To a safe place in her mind where Ren was there, holding her in his arms. Where he stroked her hair and she could listen to his heartbeat. Safe. Warm.

" _You're like a furnace, my little ray of sunshine," he muttered. "I always knew when you climbed into bed with me. I never cared. It always felt like home with you. When you're with me, I'm at peace."_

" _Ren…"_

"Be a good girl," Hux snapped, his hand squeezing her neck. "Or I hurt him."

She whimpered. Afraid. Of what he would do to her. To Ren. Could she really trust him not to harm Ren further? Could she trust him at all? Or would he turn on them again?

Kill. Hurt. Maim.

Or else he would hurt them. He would hurt Ren. Her Ren.

He forced her legs apart wider and she reached for her anger. Her fear. The pain. Ren. She had to protect Ren. She couldn't lose him. Ren. She had to save him. He was in so much pain.

She looked at her good hand and she saw it moving. Felt the Force flowing from her. Felt it do her will. To protect him. To save them.

He flew across the room, landing with a crash. Clutching her wounded arm to her chest, Rey sat up on the bed, shaking.

"You stupid girl, he'll pay for that," Hux growled, stalking toward her.

Ren. He would hurt Ren.

"No!"

She reached for the Force to throw him back again, but he was on her grabbing at her throat. Rey hit at him with her good arm as her survival instincts kicked in. She struggled trying to drive her knee into his groin. To get him to stop.

Hux wrapped two hands around her throat. "You stupid scavenger... All you had to do was behave. Submit. It was so simple. But no, you take after your master, don't you?"

She writhed under him, her hips bucking to unseat him, her nails clawing his face hard enough to draw blood, as he throttled her. Rey couldn't breathe. She couldn't.

Ren screamed her name in her head and she felt for the thread of power. The Force.

Ren. She had to save him. Save them both.

Hux snarled at her, slamming her head down against the bed as her nails drew blood again, this time down his neck. "I'll make him watch what I do to you. I'll make him watch you scream. Then maybe I'll let him die."

 _"You won't hurt us!"_

With a last gasp, she threw her hand up and the Force obeyed. It seized him by the throat. Now his hands loosened around her neck as he clawed at his own. At the invisible hands that tightened around his throat, choking him.

Tears streaked down her cheeks as she watched the life go out of Hux's eyes. As his body collapsed on hers, pinning her down to the bed. She let the darkness take hold. Let it soothe her.

" _Rey? Rey?!"_

" _Ren… I need you. I need you…"_

" _Are you okay? Are you hurt?"_

" _I don't… He's dead. He's dead. I… I killed him."_

" _I'm coming. I'm coming, Rey. I'm coming."_

* * *

Rey's distress. Her anger. Her fear. He could feel it all. He let it power him, even in his weakened state. He'd been through worse. He was trained for this. Taught to overcome injuries and pain. To let the Dark Side in. To compensate for the pain. To use it. Pain was power.

He fell back on those teachings as he got to his feet. His pain was nothing compared to hers. She needed him. His Rey needed him.

He clenched his fists and the door before him, the door keeping him trapped, bent to his will. The Force tore it apart and he stepped through the durasteel and into a corridor. Immediately, two 'troopers rounded on him, blaster rifles aimed at him. With a quick flick of his hand, they flew into walls, crashing down into motionless heaps.

Ren moved through the ship with a single-minded determination. Rey. He had to get to her. Nothing else mattered. No one else mattered. She needed him.

He heard alarms going off throughout the ship. More 'troopers would be searching for him. Let them come. He'd simply kill them all.

His blood coated the controls of the turbo lift as he moved through the ship from the detention level. He tried not to stare at the crimson streaks. He needed medical attention eventually, but Rey, Rey came first.

Ren could taste his own blood in his mouth. The copper tang. He pushed the pain down, buried it deep, and thought of her. And in that moment, all he could see was Kira, her small hand tugging on his robes as she tried to get his attention.

He stumbled off the lift and into the hallway. The alarms up here were silent, but not for long. As if there would be any doubting his destination. As if there wasn't a tracker implanted in his wrist. Chipped, like a creature. A prisoner.

Another 'trooper spotted him. Before the man could speak he snapped his neck with a quick motion. He stepped around the body and through the door he'd destroyed earlier.

Darkness crackled inside him, his body humming with power, as he faced a control panel. This time, he bent the panel to his will and the door slid open.

Inside, curled up in blood red sheets, her body trembling, was Rey. Her mangled arm was tucked close to her chest. Her eyes, those beautiful hazel eyes, were wet with tears. She was trapped under the body of Hux. The general was naked and sprawled across her.

His hand twitched at his side and he missed his saber. He wanted to give Hux a taste of the pain he rightfully deserved. Now it was too late for that.

"Ren?" her voice, so sad and scared, called.

With one push of the Force, the general's body flew across the room and into a wall. His neck snapped with a satisfying crack.

"I'm here. I'm here," he said, climbing onto the bed with her. She tried to sit up, holding her arm close. It was clear that every movement hurt her. "Let me see your arm, sweetheart."

She eyed him carefully and he saw a hint of the feral creature she could be. An animal instinct told her to protect her injured arm. Even from him.

 _A crack and Rey_ _'s scream. He'd felt the pain the moment Hux snapped her arm. It was the extra push he needed to rip the door in half. The Dark Side sang to him that moment, promising the power he needed to save her._

He put his hand on her arm gently and he closed his eyes.

" _Ben."_

 _Kira, tears in her eyes. So much pain. Pleading._

 _He took her mangled arm in his hands and concentrated. Shaping, mending, fixing. He could see her, whole and happy, in his mind. Her arm straight, not crooked in the middle the way it was now. Perfect. Whole. Like the girl before him._

" _Ben!" she whimpered. Her body curled against him as the bone knitted. He held her still, murmuring to her, one hand holding her steady as his other hand stayed on the break._

Rey yelped and he felt her body jolt. "I know, I know," he said, stroking her hair with one hand as he focused on healing her. "I'm sorry."

Hazel eyes looked up at him and he felt his heart break just a bit at her suffering. Pain filled the bond. Her pain. His anguish.

He kissed her cheek and felt the last of the break snap into place, stronger than before. Healed. Perfect.

He tore the sheet free and wrapped her up in it. Rey didn't protest. He felt stronger with her in his arms. Steady. She slung both arms around his neck as he scooped her up.

"You're safe now. I've got you," he promised, kissing her cheek gently. "He won't hurt you ever again."

" _Mine."_

Ren tightened his grip on the precious bundle in his arms and walked out. His stride wasn't as strong or purposeful as usual, but he wasn't about to put her down. Not until he absolutely had to.

He carried her back into their rooms and straight into the refresher. He set her down on the floor for a moment as he went to start the water.

"Ren?" her voice was hoarse.

"Just a minute, we'll get you all cleaned up. Then we'll rest, okay?" He undid his belt and slipped off his overcoat. They were both exhausted but Rey… she was beyond that. She needed sleep. He couldn't leave her alone under the spray.

Ren finished stripping down and he helped her to her feet, leaving the sheet in a tangled mess on the floor. Her legs shook as he helped her into the shower. She leaned against his chest and he kissed her forehead.

He tried not to look at the marks on her body. At the damage Hux inflicted. The burns on her thighs. Her arms. He could see bruises forming on her skin already. That bastard hadn't suffered nearly enough. Not for what he'd done or for what he'd planned to do.

He buried the surge of hatred deep inside. Rey needed him now. She needed him to be there to help her. To support her. His Rey. He would take her pain away. He would help her forget.

She didn't say much, but she did flinch at his touch occasionally. He carried her back to their bed wrapped in a towel, her hair still wet from the spray.

Her hands reached out, touching the fresh wounds on his body. "You're hurt…"

"It's nothing."

She turned onto her side, her eyes and the bond filled with concern. Worry. Over him. "Let me."

"You need to rest."

"You're bleeding."

"It's nothing." He kissed her cheek, his hand on her face. His Rey. Safe. Whole.

Nothing else mattered. Not in this moment.

 **Author's Notes:**

So thanks to a comment by a reviewer, I found a way out for Rey! It's certainly not home free for them (you'll see in the next chapter) but this is not a rape scene. Elements of it remain for sure, but now we finally get a happier turn.

I do hope to have another chapter up over the weekend. I'm having to tweak the outline and toss a few chapters, but it's all good.


	40. Chapter Thirty-nine

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Thirty-nine**

She could see the blood oozing from his side. From several places, actually. Rey touched one of the wounds, her fingers wet with his blood. She didn't know how to help him. Not how to heal. Not like he did for her.

Rey thought about the supplies in the refresher.

"Stay here," she said to him, padding across the room still wrapped in the towel.

She dropped the damp towel in the bathroom and yanked on his bloody tunic. She didn't care. It felt good to have clothes on again, even if it was only his shirt.

Rey grabbed fresh bacta patches and painkillers.

He was laid back on their bed wearing only a loose pair of pants. Ren was unnaturally pale, as if all the blood had been drained from his face.

His hand reached up to stroke her face as she climbed up beside him with supplies. She stared down at him a moment as his hand drifted to her throat.

"He hurt you."

"It's nothing," she said.

"Rey..." His hand stroked her bruised throat as she sat beside him and tended to his wounds. She applied several bacta patches to the various wounds on his chest while he recovered the burns on her thighs and arm.

Of course, Ren wouldn't apply a patch without first kissing the wound. He stroked the patches after sticking them on, whereas she took a more practical approach to covering the wounds.

"Yes?"

"We won't have long till they come. I just want you to know I love you."

"I'm not losing you." She applied a final patch and reached for the pain killers. She handed him one as she took her own.

"Rey—"

"They'll have to kill me first." She kissed his lips before putting her head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her as they fell into their usual spots in bed. Wrapped around each other.

"I love you, Rey."

She made a happy sound, listening to his heart. It felt good and right to be back with him. In his arms. Safe. Warm. Love. Ren. Her Ren.

The door to their rooms opened with a whoosh as several stormtroopers filed in all with their blasters aimed at them. Rey turned her head, not moving from her spot on his chest. Not moving away from him.

"Hands up. You're under arrest," a 'trooper captain said.

"No. We're not." Ren stroked her hair. "We aren't moving."

"You will cooperate."

"Hux is dead. He assaulted my apprentice. We are not leaving this room," Ren said, his voice eerily calm.

She could feel him using the Force, subtly, in an attempt to sway their minds. To will them away with suggestion.

"You will cooperate or we will kill the girl."

A blaster changed from stun to kill, the sound echoing in the room. Rey glanced up from Ren's chest, her hand twitching, aching to call the Force. To hurt those who stood opposed to them. To hurt them before they hurt her or him.

He sat up in a rush, pushing her behind his back. Rey wanted to protest but she felt him through the bond, urging her to please, please stay put.

 _She watched him move through the forms, a blue lightsaber in his hands. She was mesmerized by the ease with which he moved. How he exercised control over the weapon. How he occasionally twirled it in a lazy arc before turning the motion into a swing._

 _He practiced for close to an hour before he noticed her. Immediately, Ben powered off the saber and turned to her._

 _"Kid, what are you doing?"_

 _"Watching."_

 _He motioned for her to join him and she scrambled to reach him. He placed the hilt in her hands. "Careful, Kira, it can slice through anything..."_

 _He showed her how to power on the blade. How to cut through the air._

 _"Ben!" A loud voice shouted. Their Master._

 _Instantly, he powered off the saber and swept her behind him. She hid behind his robes._

 _"Yes, Uncle Luke?"_

 _"Your mother sent another holo. You should return her messages."_

 _"I will."_

 _"Practicing again?" Master Luke asked as he approached. She made herself smaller behind Ben._

 _"Yeah, it's different than the practice ones. The weight. The power."_

 _Luke nodded. "Have you seen Kira? She seems to have disappeared again."_

 _"Not since earlier."_

 _"Hmm. If you do..."_

 _"I will bring her back."_

 _Luke nodded and turned away._

The memory made her smile despite the situation.

"You will do no such thing," Ren snarled. The calm edge was beginning to disappear.

She put her hand on his side to calm him. She felt a rush of warmth through the bond. Love.

"Stand down, Ren. She's a traitor. She murdered General Hux," the captain said.

"You will not touch her."

She pressed her head against his back. Her Ren. Her fierce protector.

"She violated—"

"You will not touch her," he ordered and she felt the Force behind his words.

The 'troopers all took a step back, then looked a bit confused.

Rey kissed the side of his neck. She was tired. So tired. She just wanted to sleep. In their bed, with Ren's warm body under hers, his heart beating under her head. That's all she wanted.

" _I know. I want that too."_

She smiled. Sometimes it was felt odd to know there had once been a time where they didn't have the bond between them. It seemed like the bond had always been there. That they'd always been connected.

" _I love you."_

A chrome-plated 'trooper appeared behind the already gathered ranks. "Stand down," the newcomer ordered.

The captain turned. "Captain, we were told to bring them both to the detention level."

"You have new orders directly from the Supreme Leader. They are to be unharmed."

"But the General—"

"I am your General now and you will obey my orders, Captain," Phasma snapped. "Return to your posts."

The stormtroopers reluctantly filed out, leaving just the woman who called herself General and the two of them huddled together on their bed. Rey shifted to sit beside Ren, resting her head on his shoulder instead of hiding behind him.

"The Supreme Leader has requested your presence. He will decide your fate," the 'trooper said. "I will escort you."

"Give us a moment to dress," Ren said, his arm around her waist, his thumb stroking her hip through the fabric of his tunic.

"I will be right outside."

Phasma stepped out and the door closed between them. He moved first, pulling her onto his lap and pressing his lips against hers. A deep kiss filled with love and passion and need.

"I won't lose you, Rey," he swore.

And she believed it. He would stop at nothing to protect her. He'd proved it time and again. She knew he would die to save her. To protect her. But she didn't want that. She didn't want to lose him.

She stroked his cheek. "I don't want to be alone again."

"You'll never be lonely again. I promise."

His forehead pressed against hers and she nodded slightly. She had faith in him. In them. In the Force.

* * *

Rey still wore his tunic, blood and all, with a pair of clean pants and boots. Her neck looked bare without his scarf and wrong with the bruises from Hux's hands. If the bastard weren't already dead, he'd be tempted to kill him again.

He'd redressed into a clean set of clothes and belted his overcoat in place. He left the mask behind. He didn't need it today. With Rey's hand in his, they'd followed Phasma to the audience chamber where a hologram awaited them.

"General Phasma informed me that your apprentice killed General Hux," Snoke said without preamble.

Ren found himself nodding in agreement. "Yes… after he assaulted her."

"Assaulted how?"

"He tried to—"

"He tried to kill me first," Rey said. "He hurt Ren and forced me into a bargain. Then he grew violent with me. Tried to kill me. I was only defending myself," She let her hand linger near her throat, near the bruises. They were the least of the marks left behind by Hux.

Snoke nodded, listening to her. "And you believed killing him to be the best course of action?"

"It was self-defense!" Ren shouted and she squeezed his hand.

"Silence, Kylo Ren! Let the girl speak for herself."

Rey took a breath. "I let the Dark Side control me. My powers made the decision for me. But I don't regret it. If you have to punish me, so be it. But don't hurt Ren because of me. I'm the one who killed Hux. Ren only escaped to help me."

"Yes, yes… Kylo Ren was punished earlier for a transgression you made, was he not?" Snoke inquired, clearly deep in thought.

"Yes, Supreme Leader. He was tortured on Hux's orders because I attempted to escape."

"And why did you attempt to run, girl?"

"I was afraid of being taken away from my master," she admitted. "I was afraid of what would happen to us. We were separated and I couldn't… I can't be without him. I don't want to be without him."

"The bond between you, between master and apprentice, it is strong. Unnaturally strong." The hologram tapped his fingers on the armrest of his throne. "Yes, yes… very strong. I can feel it. How it affects you both. Drives you both. You share much through the bond."

Ren squeezed her hand and she felt the stirrings of a pleasant memory. Safe. Warm. Ren. Them, together and happy. Her, curled up on his chest in the narrow bed at the Academy, while he stroked her hair and sang.

"Yes, Supreme Leader."

"The General… he was overzealous in his punishment of Kylo Ren. You will still be punished for his death. You are to work with General Phasma during the day. You will report to her in two days' time and do whatever tasks she asks of you. Kylo Ren will report to training tomorrow at dawn. You will be separated during the day to learn how to control this bond. Use it. Embrace it. When indicated, you will train with him. During training you are to treat each other as sparring partners. No whispered conversations. No touching. You will be opponents or partners as the training calls for it. At night, you will both be in Kylo Ren's quarters. Do you understand my judgment?"

Rey felt a lump in her throat. Separation. Even during the day—it was still separation. The idea of it hurt.

 _"I'll still be in your head. Don't worry."_

 _"It's not the same."_

 _"We're going to be fine."_

His hand stroked hers and she relaxed a bit. "Yes, I understand."

"The consequences of disobeying will be decided by General Phasma with my guidance. You would do well to behave, girl."

"Yes, Supreme Leader."

"Good. You may leave. Your weapons will be returned to you in the morning. You once again have access to the rest of the ship."

"Thank you."

The holo blinked out, leaving them in near darkness.

* * *

Dawn would be upon them soon.

Back in their room, Rey helped him undress down to his loose pants he usually slept in. He no longer covered his scars at night. He just slept with his chest bare and she slept in one of his shirts. Simple.

He pulled her into the bed, kissing her cheek as she curled up beside him.

Rey kissed a few of the marks on his chest as she snuggled into her spot above his heart. He sighed as she put her arms around him loosely, her legs tangled with his.

He threaded a hand into her hair and stroked the damp strands as she closed her eyes.

Safe. Warm. Love.

That's all it took for Rey to fall into a deep sleep wrapped in his arms. She couldn't think about the morning or their coming separation.

 **Author's Notes:**

I probably would've had this up sooner but I went to see _Civil War_ with a friend and it was Mother's Day in the US of A, so I had to contend with wrapping a gift and wrangling ferns. Very exciting life I lead.

We get to have a bit of Reylo for a bit but don't get too comfortable, guys. They aren't home safe yet!

Thanks again for continuing to read and review. The next chapter should be longer and mostly fluffy.


	41. Chapter Forty

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Forty**

He woke in degrees to her kissing him. His Rey. Her lips trailed down his neck to his chest.

"Rey…"

"Wake up…"

"Why?"

"It's nearly dawn," she said, her head pressing into his shoulder as she snuggled closer.

Dawn. Separation.

"Stars, Rey. I'm sorry…"

"Don't be." She kissed his neck. "It's fine."

He groaned, pulling her closer. He didn't want this moment to end. His Rey. Right here and with him. He never wanted her to leave. He would be perfectly happy staying in bed with her for the rest of their days.

She looked at him with those innocent eyes and he came undone. This girl could knock him off balance with just a look. Just a touch. So simple. She had all the control. All the power.

He turned, flipping her onto her back in the bed. She didn't make a sound as she opened her legs and locked her arms around his neck. She craned her head up to kiss his lips.

He could feel her need through the bond. She wanted to forget Hux. And he wanted to help her forget. His beautiful scavenger. His Rey. His love.

"Ren…"

He kissed her neck, kissed those ugly bruises left by Hux's hands. From when the other man tried to kill her. She whimpered a bit and he felt her body rock against him.

He pressed his body against hers carefully and Rey let out a moan as she dug her fingers into his hair.

"More…" she begged.

He ground himself against her and he saw her shiver with pleasure. He could feel it through the bond. She wanted more. She wanted him. Rey needed him.

Ren kissed this girl, this beautiful, strong girl, who loved him. Who trusted him. His Rey. His scavenger.

He pushed his tunic up over her hips and dragged down her undergarments. She made a little mewling sound.

Her hips bucked a bit as he pulled her down the bed from the wall. He kissed the flat planes of her stomach before finding the burns on her thighs. He felt his insides roll at the memory of Hux using his saber to inflict those marks. To torture her.

"Oh, Ren… Ren…" she moaned, her hands in his hair.

He peered up from between her legs, kissing the inside of her thigh. "Hmm?"

"I need you."

Lips pressed to lips, he shucked off his pants and slipped inside her slowly. Rey lifted her hips to meet him, her body begging for more. She dug her fingers into his back, pulling him closer.

They found an easy, slow rhythm. He stroked her cheek with his thumb.

Rey moaned, her eyes closing.

They didn't need words. He could tell through the bond what she liked. He could feel the little flushes of pleasure and the tension building up inside her. It could be disorienting at times, but he wouldn't trade it. He loved the connection to his Rey.

She locked her legs around him, pulling him deeper inside as she rocked her hips. He groaned into her neck.

" _Mine."_

His world titled as Rey shifted them, straddling him now. A smile curved his lips as his hands held her hips. Only Rey could take charge so seamlessly. He liked it.

He watched her face and felt her bliss as she found her release. He felt her body relax and he held her steady as she slumped onto his chest. His Rey.

He came not long after she did, kissing her over and over again. His Rey. He didn't deserve her. He didn't deserve her love. Her trust.

"Ren…" she whispered into his chest.

He stroked her hair. "Yes?"

"Don't go."

"I have to."

"Don't."

He kissed her forehead. "C'mere, baby."

She hooked her arms around his neck as he sat up. He put his arms under her butt and she locked her legs around his waist.

He carried her into the refresher and turned on the water, Rey still in his arms. "I don't want to leave you either."

She rested her head on his shoulder as he stepped under the spray. Her lips found his neck, kissing and sucking the skin there. "Don't."

"You should be resting."

"I don't care. I should be with you."

"You are." He pressed her back against the wall. "Stars, Rey, I'd keep you with me all day if I could. We'd never leave this room. I love you with all that I have. It kills me to be apart."

"Then I suggest you make the most of what time we've got left." Her hips rocked into him.

"Rey…"

Then he felt it through the bond. What she wanted him to do to her. His Rey, how she wanted him. She craved him.

"Careful, baby, it's slippery."

"I trust you."

Rey kissed him deeply, her back arching as he shifted her a bit against the cold title. She moaned as he pushed into her again, filling her.

"Ren…" she breathed against his neck, sending a chill down his spine.

It felt so right, being with her. Two halves of a whole. Dark and Light.

He didn't know what he'd do if he ever lost her. He prayed he'd never find out.

* * *

Rey could barely keep her eyes open as he helped her out of the shower on shaking legs. Her body was a live wire full of sensation and pleasure. Sensory overload. But it felt good.

She leaned on Ren as he helped her dry off.

"Oh, Rey…" he breathed, lifting her up again. She tucked her head against his shoulder, her arms around his neck and her legs wrapped around his waist.

He set her down in the middle of their rumpled sheets. She looked up at him, her fingers in his dark hair. "Ren… don't go…"

He tugged a tunic over her head and helped her put her arms in the sleeves. "I have to."

She locked her arms around his neck. "Don't."

"Rey, I want nothing more than to stay here with you. To stay wrapped up in bed all day. You know that." He kissed her cheek. "I love you."

"Don't leave me."

"I'm in your head, baby. I'm not leaving you. I promise. Nothing is going to happen. This door will get sealed behind me. No one else will be able to come in. Just me. Oh, that reminds me… stay right there."

She groaned as he unhooked her arms. "Ren…"

A door opened and then closed a moment later. She struggled to sit up, her limbs loose and relaxed. Ren was back in her eye line carrying an object she recognized. She'd crafted it from her own two hands and spare parts.

"My staff? Where did you…?"

"Ahch-To. When I came there, you had already fled. I found it where you lived. I've had it ever since."

She took it, turning the staff over and over in her hand. It felt good to be armed again. She'd defended herself time and again with her staff back on Jakku. She could do it again.

"Rey?"

"You should take it with you. For defense. You need it more than me." She held out her staff.

"I feel better if you have it." He kissed her forehead and pulled up the sheets and blankets around her. "You need to rest. Heal."

"So do you."

"I'll be fine. I want you to sleep. For me."

She nodded, her eyelids heavy again. She kept one hand gripped around the staff. "Don't leave…"

"Sleep," he breathed, stroking her cheek. His hand was warm, as was their bed. Warm and safe. Soft.

"Ben," she breathed as her eyes closed.

* * *

" _Ben…"_

 _Her back arched as he held her hips. They moved together as one. Two bodies, one soul. Entwined._

 _He bent his head down, capturing her lips in a kiss. Love, so much love. Adored._

" _Ben, oh… Ben!"_

 _She clenched around him, her nails digging into his back as sheer bliss hit. Waves rolled through her. Pleasure. Ben._

 _He followed her, leaning his forehead against hers as he cried out her name like a prayer. As he pulled her into his arms, her head against his chest._

 _She stayed there for several long moments before a cry grabbed her attention._

" _Rey…"_

" _It's okay. You rest." She kissed his cheek before pulling a dark robe on. "I'll be right back."_

 _Rey padded barefoot to another door and stepped into an adjoining chamber._

 _And he was before her, wounded and bleeding. He looked up at her with those haunted eyes. A red saber was in her hand. Unfamiliar and humming._

 _A voice in her head said to kill him._

" _Get out of my head!" she screamed, closing her eyes._

 _She spun around and there was a figure in dark robes holding a baby. She couldn't see their face. The child fussed, upset._

 _A song. A song she knew well. The song that Ben sang to her. A song he learned from his mother. The baby quieted some and the voice—it was her own._

 _Rey moved closer and heard herself scream in anguish as a pair of hands grabbed the child from her arms. Another pair held her back as she screamed._

 _And the child, the child wailed. The cry pierced through her and she felt her heart breaking._

" _No! No!"_

"Rey! Rey!"

Hands shook her shoulders. She reached for her staff as a reflex, nearly clocking him in the head. He reached out with the Force to block the blow.

"Rey? Rey, I'm here. What's wrong?'

She lowered the staff and blinked. "Ren?"

"You were screaming. What happened?" He reached out to touch her face, to wipe dampness from her cheeks. Tears she hadn't even known she'd shed.

"Is this real? Are you really here?"

He nodded. "Of course. Rey…"

She threw her arms around him, her face pressed into his overcoat. "Don't leave me… I'm afraid."

"Don't be."

"Did you see it?"

His hand stroked her hair. "The dreams?"

"Yes."

"Pieces. But that won't happen. None of that will happen. I won't let it."

"A child..." she whispered into his clothes. "Our child. Someone… takes our child. And I can't…"

His arms tightened. "I'll die before it happens. No one will hurt you again. No one will ever hurt our child. Not as long as I still draw breath. I swear it."

"Ren…"

"I'll kill anyone who tries."

"I can't… a child? We…"

"Ssh, it's just a dream, Rey. Just a dream. I'm here and it's okay. No one is going to hurt you. There's no child. It's just us." He kissed the top of her head. "It's a dream."

She nodded, rubbing her head against his chest. No matter his reassurances, the dream still felt real. It felt almost as real as their memories or the visions she had when she first picked up a saber. Too real.

But she believed him all the same. Ren would protect her. He would protect them. Should it happen. Should she end up pregnant. She trusted him with her life.

* * *

A child with Rey? Was it possible? Could they really have a future together? A life? Maybe even one away from the First Order?

He didn't want their child to grow up on the run from the First Order. Snoke would never allow a Force-sensitive child to be raised outside of his influence. Especially not their child. No, Snoke would twist their child—shape them into a force of darkness—into what Snoke wanted him to be. A child born of light and dark with two Force-sensitives parents… their child would be extremely powerful.

Ren knew this. He knew what Snoke would do. He also knew Snoke would separate them from each other and the child if he deemed it necessary. Ren couldn't allow that to happen.

He had to make Rey disappear. He had to ensure her safety. He had to prevent her dreams.

She would hate him for this. But she would be alive to hate him. It was worth the risk.

He just needed to get Rey safely to his mother. Then he would die. He could try and kill his Master. He would likely fail. But if he died, they couldn't use him against her. Snoke would. It was why Ren couldn't leave with her. He could never leave the First Order. Not alive. Not while Snoke lived. It would never be safe.

He was a weapon and one that could destroy her. Hux proved that with his torture. Rey would do anything to protect him. She would come running back to save him. He couldn't let that happen. Not to Rey.

* * *

Curled up in his arms, she slept. Her sleep was fragmented and fitful, which was unusual when she was with him. Ren chased away the demons in her head. He soothed her.

But not tonight. She wasn't afraid of tomorrow or of Phasma. After all, she had survived Hux.

No, she was afraid of a future that might never come. A future where she might kill the man she loved. A future where their child was taken from them.

" _Come back!"_

No, her child, their child, would never suffer the way she had. She would never abandon her child. Never. No one would separate them.

"Rey?" he murmured, his voice thick with sleep.

"Yes?"

"We're going to get away from here, I promise. We'll go to the Resistance. We'll be safe. No one will separate us. I swear it."

"What if—"

He shushed her, stroking her hair. "A child would be a blessing. I will never let Snoke near our baby. You'll both be safe."

She snuggled in closer to him, reveling in the warmth and the strength he eluded. Her Ren. Her opposite. Her match. Her other half.

Warmth. Love. Safe.

" _Ben!"_

 _Small hands tugging at his robes chased away the darkness in his mind._

" _Master Ben!"_

 _He couldn't help but smile as he looked down at Kira. She was the one bright spot in his life at the Academy. Remarkably fearless and equally strong in the Force, she was a rare creature among the padawans._

" _Don't you have lessons?"_

" _You're sad. Don't be sad, Ben."_

" _I'm not sad, Kira. Not when you're here."_

 _She grinned up at him. "Then I won't ever leave, Master. Don't be sad."_

" _I won't be sad," he promised. He would continue to fight the growing darkness, the sickness inside him, for her. For Kira, he would fight. He'd crawl through lava for her. He would do anything just to see her toothy grin._

She kissed his cheek and he hugged her tighter. Rey felt her eyes flutter as sleep settled in and pulled her under.

* * *

He went to stroke her hair on reflex only to feel sheets under his hand, not Rey. Ren sat up quickly, his eyes darting through the mostly dark room. The door to the 'fresher was open, filling the room with some light.

He climbed out of their bed and padded on bare feet into the 'fresher. Rey looked up, in the middle of dressing in her black robes. "Did I wake you?" she asked.

"It's fine. Did you get any sleep?"

She nodded. "A bit."

"It's okay to be afraid."

"I can't lose you."

"You won't."

 _A red lightsaber. The hilt in his hand. Her blood on his skin. His name on her lips._

"Ren?"

"I think I can have us off this ship within a month. I just need some time to regain trust. To make sure we can get off ship. Do you think…?"

"Whatever it takes," she said firmly.

He could feel the fear. The fear of losing him. Of being alone. Of having a child, only to be torn apart. No, he would protect her. Protect them.

Rey might already be with child. He didn't know. He wasn't sure he wanted to. It was information Snoke would want. Information that could harm Rey if the wrong person learned of it.

No, they were better off not knowing.

"I love you, Rey."

"I wish you didn't have to go… that we didn't have to be apart."

He touched her cheek. "One day we won't. Every day brings us closer to a future where it's just us. Somewhere safe. Away from the First Order. Trust me."

She nodded, leaning into his touch. She kissed his palm. "I know. I trust you."

He smiled at her. She was Light and pure and good. His Rey. Breath-taking. Just like she'd always been. She would stay that way. He'd make sure of it.

* * *

Leia looked up from her console when she felt her brother's presence. Luke put a hand on her shoulder after he reached her. She leaned into him.

"Have you felt anything?" she asked. "From Ben or Rey?"

"No, it's quiet. Very quiet. I don't feel the distress or the pain."

"I didn't feel him die. Did you...?"

"No, you would've felt it. They're still alive."

"There's been no communications from them. I'm afraid, Luke. I'm afraid of what's happened to my son. Of what might happen."

"We'll find them. Poe's squadron is preparing a surveillance run near the _Finalizer_ to see what they might pick up. The best people in the Resistance are on it."

"And what do they know about Ben?"

Luke pulled her closer, his arms providing comfort. Comfort she could only get from her brother now that her husband was dead and her son missing. Luke was the only family she had left.

"Ben Solo is a prisoner of the First Order. That's all they know. They know it's a priority to rescue him and Rey. I did not think it important to say who he was."

"Thank you," she said, leaning into the embrace. She had been outed before, as Vader's daughter, and she wasn't prepared to face the backlash for her son. She didn't want anyone to hurt him either. She knew in her heart that her Ben was there, not the man called Kylo Ren. Her son might hide behind a mask, but he was still Ben Solo. Misguided and troubled, perhaps, but he was still alive.

And he loved the girl. Rey. A kind-hearted scavenger from Jakku who was more than she appeared to be. Her past intertwined with Ben's already and Leia knew in her heart their future would as well. Perhaps the future of the galaxy rested on them, as it once had on the shoulders of herself, Luke, and Han.

Rey had saved her son. She would never be able to repay the girl for bringing back Ben. She'd noticed in the holos more and more flashes of the boy, not the fierce man he'd become. She could feel the Light growing inside him.

 _"Mama!"_

 _Her son buried his face in her robes as soon as she entered the room. He only came up to her knees. He looked so much like his father already. Just what she needed-another scoundrel in her life._

 _"Oh, Ben, I missed you, too."_

 _She bent down to scoop up the dark-haired boy. His ears stuck out too far from his head, but he'd grown into them more over the years. He would continue to do so. He'd be a heartbreaker, like Han, one day. She just prayed it would be a long time in the future._

 _It was hard enough to go from leading a rebellion to helping with a fledgling government while raising a young son. She wasn't ready to be a grandmother, too._

 _But she wouldn't trade it for anything else. Not when she had her son in her arms. She could hear Han in the other room, arguing with Chewie. No, this was home. The closest to a home she had since Alderaan fell. She snuggled her son tighter in her arms and Ben squirmed a bit._

 _Leia smiled. So innocent, her son. He would have the life she'd always hoped for. Peace. No Empire threatening action. It was what she'd been fighting for ever since she was a teenager. And she could continue to fight for it, if only for her son to grow up safely in the galaxy. She would do anything for her little boy._

"Ben made me promise to save Rey, no matter what happened to him," she said softly.

Luke looked surprised. "He did?"

"He loves her, Luke. She's going to bring him back to the Light. I know it."

"Or she'll push him back to the Dark. If something were to happen to her… I fear Ben would be consumed by the Dark for good."

"We have to save them both. We have to find a way."

"All we can do is try. Leia, he might not be the Ben you remember…"

She nodded. "I know."

The boy she remembered adored his father. She'd never thought that her request to bring home their son would end in Han's death—at the hands of Ben. She'd known he could die. She'd known the risks. She just never anticipated that Ben would be the one to cast the fatal blow.

Her son might not be the boy she remembered, but he was still her son. He was still Ben. And she would find a way to save him and the girl.

 **Author's Notes:**

Whew, this chapter turned into a bit of a beast. I don't think I'll get another up unless it's on Sunday – deep cleaning my bedroom/office this weekend and it's a disaster area. I kid you not. Not Hoarders worthy, but cluttered and mostly on the floor. I started redoing my desks and stopped midway. Yeah, not good. Anyways, that's eating up my writing time. I'm also dealing with exhaustion after getting double blood work this week and back-to-back meetings. So bear with me on the updates. I do hope to get three chapters next week. I do.

We're not going to see the Resistance just yet – we've got a little double-agent work for Reylo before I can get them planet-side. The Resistance isn't going to attack the _Finalizer_. It would be suicide. Plus, I've got an important battle scene up my sleeves.

Thanks for sticking with me and this story! I imagine we're within about ten chapters of the end… maybe more, probably not less… but don't quote me on that. I just want to thank my helpers again – you keep me on track and scheming and this story is much better for it – DORK DOG and MeganD1. You two rock!

Mara – Sorry to hear that – I'm getting away from the torture part which should help with the repetition. We're probably going to have some time jumps to get us back to dealing with the Resistance which will shake things up. Thanks for reading and also for the review!


	42. Chapter Forty-one

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Forty-one**

The main command center was full of people, all in various uniforms to designate their rank and post, none of which Rey understood, working at consoles, datapads, and alongside each other. It was a controlled chaos that functioned with a surprising efficacy. Everyone understood their role except for Rey. She had no more idea what she would do for Phasma than she once had in regards to Hux.

Just thinking about the former general made her queasy. The last time she'd been in this area of the ship, she'd killed 'troopers because Hux had arranged an attack on Ren. An attack that ended badly for them both.

She wanted Ren. She wanted to be curled up in his arms, safe and sound, in their bed. Not working with a stranger doing who knew what. She was sick of other people deciding her fate.

The chrome-plated woman barely turned her head to acknowledge her. "Try and keep up," the mechanized voice said through the helmet. "We have a lot to do today."

"I will do my best… General," Rey said respectfully.

"Good. Ship reports are already in and everything appears to be in working order. I have two inspections lined up this morning for squads. You will accompany me. Then, time permitting, you have a training session scheduled. You'll be sparring with one of my men. Come along."

Phasma was already leaving the room, forcing Rey to jog to catch up. Being around Ren and the crew of the _Finalizer_ had a tendency to make her feel small despite her height. Especially Ren.

" _Hey, relax. It's okay."_

She smiled a bit at his reassuring voice in her head.

" _What are you doing right now?"_

" _Getting ready to stop some blaster bolts. You?"_

" _Chasing Phasma around the ship. Something about inspections?"_

"' _Trooper inspections, probably. Phasma is tough. Expects a lot of her troops. It'll be interesting, I'm sure. You have your saber?"_

Her hand touched the hilt as she followed Phasma. _"Yes."_

" _Good. You shouldn't need it, but just in case…"_

" _What about you?"_

 _She could hear his saber crackling as he powered it on._ _"Don't worry about me, Rey."_

" _I always worry."_

" _You'll be fine. We both will be. And I'm always here."_

Rey relaxed further as they descended in a turbo-lift to a lower level of the _Finalizer_. She barely noticed where they were going. She was very much inside her head, or perhaps his head—she had a hard time knowing where she ended and he began. There was a well-trod path between them. A bond that ran both ways.

" _Be careful."_

" _You too."_

" _Always."_

She felt his focus shift. He wasn't alone anymore. She let the intensity of their connection dwindle. If anything bad happened, she'd feel it. The stronger the feeling, the easier it traveled without either one of them trying.

They could push thoughts, feelings, and memories with ease. Those usually required some thought. Others slipped through without any warning. The bond worked in mysterious ways, but Rey didn't mind. Not anymore. She liked the connection. She didn't feel as alone.

"Follow me. Try and keep up. Also, you are here strictly in an observatory role. You do not speak to or address the 'troopers. You will not interfere. Are the rules clear?" Phasma asked as they approached a set of locked doors.

"Yes, ma'am."

The 'trooper paused, tilted her helmeted head at her oddly. "You may address me as General or sir."

"Yes, ma—sir."

There was a quick nod and Phasma went to open the door with a quick code. Rey tried to obverse the code out of curiosity, but she couldn't quite see the key pad.

The door whooshed open and Phasma strode in. Rey followed on the newly-promoted general's heels. She stuck close, her hand either touching or brushing her saber for peace of mind. Reassurance. She had no qualms about using the blade to defend herself. Not anymore.

Not since Hux.

If she'd had a saber, she'd have run it through him. As it was, she knew she should fear the weapon. After all, she'd had Ren's used against her. Against them both. But it wasn't the weapon to blame, but rather the hand of the man who wielded it. General Hux was to blame.

And Hux was now deceased. He could never hurt either of them again.

Row after row of gleaming white armor greeted them. The stormtroopers were arranged in squads, each unit carefully aligned. Perfection. They all looked identical in the moment. A cohesive unit.

Mechanical. Inhuman.

Killers.

 _A red saber, blood on her hands. Tears in her eyes as she touched the scared cheek one final time, those dark eyes already devoid of life._

 _The man she loved gone. Dead. Finished at her own hand._

 _His blood on her skin. On her blade. Dead. Gone._

 _A child screaming to match the pain she felt inside. The torment that threatened to pull her down._

Rey gripped the hilt of her saber tight enough that her hand went numb. She wouldn't let that happen. She wouldn't kill him. Never. She loved him too much. She'd fight for him. Always and forever.

Beside her, Phasma issued orders and the few dozen squads awaiting inspection followed her commands without hesitation. Without any sign of humanity or individuality. They might as well all be droids.

An army made up of stolen innocence. Children, most stolen from their families, and trained and forged into deadly weapons. Adults who didn't hesitate to kill.

Like Finn.

She watched as Phasma put them through their paces, the 'troopers never faltering as she drilled them. Honed as sharp as a knife edge. Perfect. Second-nature.

They were deadly perfection. Precision.

She knew in her heart that the Resistance was no match for them. No, they would be crushed in a battle. There would be immense losses. She knew they could kill many 'troopers between the two of them, but it would be hard to kill them all and save the Resistance fighters.

It hurt to know people would die. They'd die because of them. Because they needed to be sacrificed as a distraction for their escape.

Rey felt anger rising through herself. These men and women, these 'troopers, were mostly stolen from their families. Brainwashed and forced to fight for the First Order. The Resistance chose this fight. The 'troopers didn't.

Finn hadn't. He'd been forced to fight for a cause he didn't believe in. He nearly died for it.

Slashed by Ren protecting her.

Pain coiled inside her stomach. It hurt to think about the past. About her friends. About what Ren did. About what they would both do to escape. What they had to do.

" _You okay?"_

She relaxed at his voice. He sounded distracted and she could feel him moving, whirring to face an opponent, as he reached out to her through the bond.

" _Yeah, yeah, I'm okay. Just lost in thought."_

She felt a surge of power as he reached for the Force and stopped a bolt in mid-air. She could barely suppress a smile.

" _I'll right here if you need me," he said._

" _I know."_

She felt him retreat, but knew he was still right there. At the first hint of trouble or torment, he'd be back. They were well attuned to each other. Almost too in sync to function apart. She'd been able to clearly see and feel what he did, even in that brief moment.

The bond between them was only growing stronger.

It scared her more than it should.

She'd be alone for too long. Now she relied too heavily on the bond between them. It was how she ended up with Hux and fighting for her life. She put herself in a terrible position time and again because she needed Ren. Even if it was just his stupid scarf, a material possession that was frankly probably replaceable, she fought to hang onto it.

If they were ever truly separated… it scared her to imagine how she'd react. How she'd fall apart.

He was her weakness and her strength.

She felt something, something buried, something he didn't want her to know. Something painful. Something she wouldn't like. A secret. He wanted to protect her. But from what?

"Follow me," Phasma's voice jolted her, pulling her away from her prying.

She did her best to keep up with the new general. She tried not to think of him and whatever it was he might be hiding from her. She had a job to do.

"When stormtroopers don't perform up to expectations, we conduct reconditioning," Phasma explained as they went into a different corridor. "The process is… unpleasant."

Rey tensed. She could feel the pain, the anguish from others. It practically filled the walls and the air. She felt dizzy.

"How many?" she asked, trying to focus.

"About one out of every hundred or so undergoes reconditioning at some point. It's necessary to ensure loyalty to the First Order." The chrome 'trooper turned to face her. "Anyone who might be torn in their loyalties is subjected to it."

A chill rushed down her spine. The threat was there. A threat to both her and Ren.

"How long does the process take?"

"Anywhere from a matter of hours to days. It depends on the subject."

She felt a surge of protective energy. Ren.

" _It won't happen. She won't touch you. No one will. I promise you, Rey. Neither of us will be reconditioned. I won't lose you. We're going to get out of here. I promise."_

His words should've reassured her, but they didn't. She knew they were playing a dangerous game. A game that if they lost would ruin them.

* * *

"Ben!"

His mother looked exhausted. He could see dark circles underneath her eyes even on the shakey holo connection. Worry lanced through him. She looked old, not as vibrant or defiant as he remembered. She looked fragile; breakable. Human.

"Mother," he said stiffly, the endearment seeming to stick in his throat.

"Are you alright? We haven't heard from you and we felt... There was a terrible pain in the Force. I thought... I thought I'd lost you."

"I'm... we're alive. No permanent damage. Rey... Rey was attacked. Hux tried to kill her."

"Ben, oh... Ben—"

He could see the pain on her face. And it hurt more than it should.

"We're alive. But it's getting too dangerous for her. I need to get her out of here. I need to get her safe. I can't—I won't lose her."

His mother nodded. "Anything you need. All you have to do is ask."

"You won't be able to sneak on board. It's too risky. However, we've been gathering information for you. You can target bases. Strongholds. Sooner or later, they have to let us off the ship. When that happens, I need to make sure Rey gets away. I have to—she has to get away. I need your help. I need to get her hidden. Where no one will find her."

"What about you?" Leia Organa stared at him with those tired eyes and he felt a pain in his chest.

"I don't trust myself. Snoke is in my head. He'll use me to hurt her. To find her. I can't risk it. I hope... I hope you understand, mother."

"Ben, we can find another way..."

"There isn't. If there was, I would. I have to save her. Protect her. I can't..."

"Ben."

He looked at his mother. At this woman who despite all the hardships in her life, despite all the pain and the loss, still cared about him. Who should hate him for what he'd done. But she didn't. She still cared about him. She still loved him.

"I think Rey might be pregnant. I can't... I can't risk my child. I'm sorry, but it's the only way. I have to save them. I hope you understand. I love her. I love her and I can't... I can't let her do this. I can't."

"We'll save you both, Ben. We'll find a way. Just have faith. Have hope."

He shook his head. "Hope is a lie."

"No, it's not. I have hope. You should too. Don't let the darkness consume you. There is always light. We will save you both. I love you, Ben. I will see you again. I know it."

He ended the call abruptly as tears threatened to roll down his cheeks. Tears for the future he wouldn't have. A future with Rey that was terribly out of reach. A future where their child grew up safe and loved.

A future where he saw his mother one last time. A future that could never exist.

He had to follow through with his plan. It was the only way to ensure Rey's safety. To protect her and their unborn child. A child who he couldn't allow to become Snoke's weapon.

He would sacrifice himself for them both. It was the only way.

* * *

Mentally and physically drained, Kylo Ren collapsed on the bed they shared fully dressed. Their rooms were empty. He couldn't sense her presence. It was just as well. He didn't want her to see him like this.

He didn't want her to know. He couldn't let her know. She would try to stop him. His Rey would get herself killed trying to save him.

He knew how that would end. It would end with her blood on his hands and his lightsaber through her beating heart. It would end with Rey dead and him trapped on the Dark Side. Snoke would win.

Ren didn't want to lose her. He didn't want to leave her. He just didn't see another way. He didn't see a future together. Not while the First Order existed.

They would never be safe. And Snoke… Snoke…

 _In his head, pushing him. He saw his hand, but he didn_ _'t feel it. He couldn't stop it. He wasn't in control._

 _She screamed and her neck snapped with a loud crack._

He blinked away tears at the barely remembered nightmare. Or vision. He wasn't sure what to call them. He knew of course that Force visions were possible. He'd had them before.

He'd had them even as a kid.

Ren wasn't sure how many were nightmares his mind created and how many were true visions. He couldn't tell them apart anymore. All he knew was he caused her death. His hands killed her. In so many ways. Even if they were together long enough to have a child, he always killed her. He'd seen her die so many times. And always, he was the weapon of her destruction. He killed her.

The woman he loved. And he killed her. He couldn't save her. He always failed to save her.

He couldn't fail her. He had to die. He had to save her. To protect her. Protect their child.

He knew in his heart there would be a child before he died. He wouldn't live long enough to hold his own son or daughter. He would die protecting Rey and their unborn child. It was his destiny. It was the only way.

 **Author's Notes:**

Whew, what a heavy chapter. We're drawing closer to a confrontation with the Resistance, I promise. It just takes time. They have to earn back trust and also Leia needs to get some shit done to get the First Order to bring in their best people.

This week was nuts personally and I barely had two seconds to write. I do hope next week will be better and I do hope to get another chapter up, probably on Sunday. I spent most of last weekend doing a deep cleaning of my room that continued into Tuesday. Plus it was my dad's birthday, so yeah… busy, busy week.


	43. Chapter Forty-two

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Forty-two**

The door opened with a whoosh and Rey shuffled into their rooms. The lights were turned down low, but not too low to keep her from spying Ren lying in bed. He looked almost dead.

"Ren?" she called quietly.

"Hmm?" he mumbled, sleepily.

She crawled onto the bed beside him after kicking off her boots. She placed her head over his heart, snuggling in against his chest. His arms wrapped around her, one hand deftly undoing her buns while the other hung around her waist.

"I missed you."

"Missed you, too." He pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

She sighed, relaxing against him. Everything was right in the world when she lay in his arms. Her Ren. Her love. Her everything. There was nowhere else she'd rather be. And no one she'd rather be with.

"Stay with me."

"As long as I can."

"Where did you go today?" she asked softly. "You were quiet."

"Busy. Training. I was trying to focus." He stroked her now-loose hair and she burrowed her head deeper into his robes. She took a deep breath and relaxed. There was something about his scent that both comforted and relaxed her. Her Ren.

"Can you… don't push me out, please. I don't like it."

"I'll try not to. I'm sorry. How was it with Phasma?"

"We spent most of the day doing 'troopers inspections."

She closed her eyes, leaning into his hand as he continued to stroke her hair. She'd missed his touch. He still wore his gloves, but she didn't care. She didn't care about the layers between them. He was there with her and that's all that mattered.

"How was it?"

"Good, for the most part. But…"

"Hmm? But what?" he asked.

"She mentioned reconditioning."

The hand in her hair stilled. "She did?"

"She showed me where it happens. It was awful. All the pain… I could almost hear their screams. Kylo…"

"She threatened you."

"Threatened _us_. She thinks we're traitors."

"We are," he said softly. "And I don't care. It won't happen. I'm going to get you far away from here."

She let her hand stroke the scar on his face. "I won't lose you."

"Never. I'm always with you, Rey. Always. Nothing will ever change that."

Rey nodded, rubbing her head against him. "Stay."

He kissed her hair. "I wouldn't dream of leaving you, baby. You're stuck with me."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

* * *

"No! No!"

The binders held her still—kept her trapped on the interrogation bench. Strapped down.

Rey struggled to pull free, to reach the Force, to do something—anything—but lie there, helpless. To watch as her son screamed.

He was still so small. Barely two months old. He wailed and tears wet her cheeks.

"No! No! Don't take him! No, stop!"

The man holding her son turned to her. "It's too late, Rey. You had your chance. You chose him."

Hux grinned at her and she screamed louder.

"Rey! Rey! Rey!"

Strong arms wound around her, holding her. She trembled and sobbed against Ren's chest, wetting the thick fabric. They'd both fallen asleep in their clothes.

"What did you see?" he asked softly.

"Hux.. He took our child. Our son," she whispered.

He rubbed her back. "He's dead. He can't hurt us."

"It felt so real."

"It was a dream. A nightmare. I won't let anyone hurt you. Or our child."

"Ren, I'm afraid."

"I know." He kissed her hair. "I know."

"What if I'm pregnant? What then? What if Snoke-"

"Ssh." He held her tighter. "It won't happen. I'll get us out of here. Soon we'll be with the Resistance."

"What about Snoke? He'll find you."

"We'll find a way. Ssh. Go back to sleep. I'm here. I won't let anyone hurt you. It's going to be okay."

Despite her unease, she curled up against him. They weren't strong enough to defeat Snoke. Not yet.

There was no way the Supreme Leader would let them go. Not without a fight. Plus there were tracker clips to deal with. The one in her shoulder would be difficult to remove. He could remove the one in his hand with relative ease.

They wouldn't be free as long as Snoke lived.

Together, they would have to find a way to kill the Supreme Leader. But first, they had to locate him.

* * *

Training kept him distracted.

He liked it. The physicality. The challenge.

His saber was almost an extension of his arm. Of his will. He could almost see the blows before they came. The Force was with him. It enhanced his natural abilities.

He needed the release. He needed to let out the darkness and the tension. The fear for Rey's safety. For their child.

Part of him knew that she wasn't already pregnant, she would be soon. Rey would carry his child. Their child. One who would be as powerful, if not more so, than its parents. A child he needed to protect from his master.

Snoke would kill him in favor of corrupting his child. He couldn't allow that to happen. The part of him that was still Ben Solo wouldn't allow his child to be hurt the way he was. To grow up on the Dark Side would corrupt and twist their child. And Rey, he couldn't let her lose their baby. She'd be devastated.

He had to save her. To save them.

Ren parried the attacking Knight's swings, twirling his saber as needed, while reaching out with the Force to push away the other two 'troopers who were sparring with them. He relished the challenge of multiple attackers. He loved the crackle and buzz of his own saber. The thrill of a fight. Of winning.

He let the Dark Side in. He let it consume him. He let it power him. He would kill to protect her. To protect them both. His Rey. His child. Boy or girl, it didn't matter. He would make sure they lived. He would save them from Snoke.

No one had been there to save him. To protect him from the voice in his head. No one other than Rey ever managed to keep Snoke from him.

But Snoke hated Rey. At the first chance, he knew his master would eliminate her. Kill her and take their child. He knew it. He'd seen it. Many times, many ways.

And if he lived, it would be his hand that killed her. His hand that took her life. His Rey. Dead. Their child a prisoner raised in hate and anger. Manipulated and abused.

A child who would never know love or its parents. A child strong in the Force. A child with the woman he loved more than his life. His Rey. His child.

Ren knew his options were limited. He had to protect them. And he would die to do so. To save them. So his child wouldn't grow up the way he had. His child would grow up loved and protected by Rey and the Resistance. Rey would teach their child how to use the Force, the way he'd once taught her.

He just had to find a way to get rid of Snoke. To keep him from chasing Rey. He just didn't know how.

He blocked a blow aimed at his head, ducking and pushing his attacker back with the Force. Sweat dripped into his eyes, but he never felt so alive. So unstoppable. His muscles ached, but it was good. He called on the Dark Side and delivered a devastating slash with his lightsaber that cut through the 'trooper's armor. He stopped just short of slashing through muscle and bone. There would be a burn bisecting the flesh, but he hadn't driven it deep enough to kill. He'd pulled back.

He didn't need Phasma or Snoke hissing at him for killing off 'troopers. There would be plenty of time for that later.

* * *

The Resistance had collected more data on the First Order in the past two weeks than in the last year. Leia spent most of her time pouring over the data. More than once she'd fallen asleep at the console or on her datapad. The amount of information—good, credible information—astounded her.

There was no doubt in her mind that her son was working with them. Ben wanted to come home. He had no loyalty to the First Order. Not anymore.

She suspected that loyalty died the first time they hurt Rey. She hadn't see the girl when Ben called, not since before he told her she'd been attacked. When he contacted her, it was a quick, clipped message, or just a data transmission.

Her son loved Rey. She knew it deep in her bones. He was doing this for her. To give her a future.

She could still see how his face used to light up when he mentioned Kira back when he'd been at the Academy. His entire demeanor went from grumpy and sullen to happy. He had a little smile on his face when he talked about her.

Rey made him happy. Rey called to the Light still hiding in her son. And losing her would destroy him, like losing her mother destroyed her father. The death of Padme pushed Anakin to the Dark Side. He became Darth Vader, believing his wife and unborn child dead.

While Leia didn't agree with or necessarily understand her father's choices, she understood the temptation of the Dark Side. How even the best people could be driven by loss and pain.

She'd lost her son to the Darkness once before. If there was even a slight chance to bring him home, she would take it.

"General!"

She glanced up from the data to see Poe Dameron approaching in his flight suit. His hair was mussed from the helmet under his arm.

"Poe, what's wrong?"

"I just did a run near the _Finalizer_. They're on the move. I intercepted some transmissions I think you'll want to hear."

BB-8 rolled up from behind his master, beeping furiously. The orange and white droid flicked on his projector and a figure clicked into place.

He sat almost on a throne. She knew in her heart that this was the power behind the First Order. This was the Supreme Leader.

He was speaking to someone she couldn't see. She didn't care as she tried to focus on Snoke's words. On the man who had stolen her vulnerable son from her. Who had pushed him to kill Han. To kill who knew how many others.

"What of the scavenger and Kylo Ren?" the hologram asked.

There was a pause and she couldn't hear the response. The transmission seemed to include the incoming hologram only.

"The bond is still too strong between them. It is time to eliminate the girl. I sense the Light in him. It grows. He is too valuable an asset."

Another long pause.

"Attack the Resistance. Send them to the ground. Alert the Knights. The scavenger is to die in battle. Keep Kylo Ren secured. I only need one of them. She is expendable."

The transmission blinked out and Leia felt a pain in her heart. She knew what it was like to lose people she loved. She'd lost almost everyone she loved thanks to the Empire and the ensuing wars.

She never wanted her son to know her pain. She had to protect him from this. From the pain.

She knew from Luke that Ben and Rey were connected strongly through the Force. Bound. To be separated caused extreme distress. If one of them died, the other…

The outcome was too horrific to imagine.

"I need you to ready the fighters. We're going to war with the First Order. I want everyone ready to leave at a moment's notice."

"General—"

"We will save them both, Poe. Rey and my son. We will save them both."

 **Author's Notes:**

We're getting closer and closer to an encounter with the Resistance. It's going to be bloody.

I've been getting lots of questions about whether Rey is pregnant or not. I promise it will be addressed. Both Ren and Rey are terrified to know for sure. And being with the First Order, going to the Med Bay means it would most likely get back to Snoke, and that's something neither of them wants.


	44. Chapter Forty-three

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Forty-three**

Rey was beginning to know her way around the ship fairly well. Phasma liked to check on things first hand and spent most of the day moving from area to area, often dropping by training rooms to check on the progress of different 'trooper squads. She took a hands-on approach to her role as General, which Rey admired.

It also meant she had greater access to the ship at large.

And there was the slight perk of passing the training rooms used by Ren and the Knights. Sometimes she got to peek in and watch him work, savage and graceful at the same time, even if just for a moment or two.

They were forbidden from contact during the day. It seemed like a stupid and arbitrary restriction, but she didn't push it. It wasn't worth it since she got to spend the night wrapped up in his arms instead of trapped in a cell alone.

She turned a corner, trailing Phasma as they passed through the training area.

She'd felt him before she saw him and it sent a shiver through her spine. She wanted so badly to call out to him, to touch him, or to kiss him. Anything.

Ren was in the hallway speaking with a Knight. His back was to the center of the hallway.

As they passed by, Phasma merely nodding in greeting and Rey slowed down. She reached out with her left hand and her fingertips brushed against his gloves.

" _Rey…"_

Warmth and love flooded the bond, nearly bringing tears to her eyes at the quick, millisecond touch, a simple touch that meant so much.

" _I miss you."_

" _You know if we—"_

" _We won't."_

She wanted to stay. To be with him.

" _Rey, you know what Snoke'll do… I can't see you hurt."_

" _You won't."_

" _Don't risk it."_

" _I won't. I just couldn't resist."_

Instead, Rey forced herself to keep walking as if she'd hadn't even seen him. As if she hadn't just stolen a touch from the man she loved.

* * *

Poe returned to his quarters to gather supplies. BB-8 stayed with him. He didn't bother to change out of his flight suit as he packed extra clothes and tools in a bag.

"Poe! I heard the base is on high alert—"

He looked up to see Finn. He smiled at the ex-'trooper. "Yeah, I got a lead on Rey. She's in danger."

"What kind of danger?"

He could see the worry on the younger man's face. They'd become close while running from the First Order. He used to envy the friendship between Rey and Finn, but he knew now it was just Finn's nature to care deeply for those around him. He also knew that Rey was no threat to what existed between them.

"The Supreme Leader ordered her death. The next time they touch the ground, Rey is going to die. We're going to battle against the First Order."

"Where? I'm coming with you."

Poe nodded. "Of course. We're all just getting ready. We leave as soon as we know a destination. It won't be long. I can feel it."

"Rey… we have to save her."

He clasped his hand on his shoulder. "We will. You and I… Leia wants us there. She gave me orders. We're to bring back Rey and Ben."

"Ben?"

"You knew him as Kylo Ren. We both did."

"We're bringing back Kylo Ren?" Finn looked disgusted.

"For Rey. He's renounced the Dark Side. I don't agree with it, either, but those are our orders. We're the only ones who know that he is Ben."

"Ben who?"

"Ben Solo," Poe said quietly. "Leia Organa's son."

He watched the confusion settle in. "He killed Han Solo!"

Poe nodded. "He's been missing for almost fifteen years. He was taken by the Dark Side. No one knows what happened to him."

"He tortured you. He tortured Rey—"

"I know, Finn. Believe me, I know," he said quietly.

He could still remember Ben Solo. A skittish, dark-haired boy who tended to keep to himself. Well, when he was much younger, he played with the rest of them. It was only as he grew older that Ben began to withdraw from the group.

There weren't many children on the Resistance bases. They were a close-knit group. Or they had been.

And one day, Ben left on a ship and he never came back. He heard the rumors of course—he'd been nearly twenty then—that Ben died. Everyone knew something terrible happened to the Jedi. He'd heard that Ben was there, but no one said what actually happened to him.

All he knew was that there hadn't been a trace of his childhood friend in that interrogation room after Jakku. Whatever happened to Ben twisted him. But he'd seen the holos. Leia had shown him. The man standing beside Rey looked like the boy he remembered, not that monster that haunted his dreams.

He'd listened to a recording of Ben begging them to save Rey. That was the Ben he knew. The one he grew up with. That was the man Leia asked them to save.

"You're serious about this. About helping _him_!" Finn snapped.

"I'm doing what's best for the Resistance and Rey. She wants this. She asked for asylum for them both. And can you imagine what he knows? With his help, we have a real shot at destroying the First Order! A real chance at victory!"

Finn shook his head. "This is wrong. Poe… what he's done…"

"I'm asking you to help me. To help Rey. To help Leia. Please…"

He saw the other man soften. Then nod after a long moment, he said, softly, "For Rey."

"Good man." He patted his back. "Pack up. We have to be ready to leave at a moment's notice. It could mean the difference between life and death for all of us."

* * *

He'd seen a message beep in on his commlink and scarcely believed it. It was a risky move—a bold one.

Ren excused himself from training, ordering the Knights to take a break. He hurried away from the training area to an empty communications room and patched in to a secure feed. Almost immediately, his mother popped up. Leia appeared alert and worried.

"Ben, good…"

"What's wrong?"

"We intercepted a communication. There's been a threat made. It's Rey, Ben. Snoke means to have her killed. I'm so sorry."

He took a step back, his helmet masking his face. "What?"

"He's given an order to have her eliminated in battle. It will be soon. I've gathered several troops. We're ready to launch. All we need is coordinates. I've enlisted Poe Dameron and Finn. Their mission is to get Rey to safety."

He inclined his head in a nod. "Thank you."

"Ben, I want you on that transport as well. Come home."

"I can't. I won't risk her safety."

"Ben—"

"I'm sorry, but I can't. It has to be this way. I'm sorry, mom. Please, take care of her for me."

"Ben!"

He ended the transmission, feeling a tear threaten to fall. He had to stay the course. He had to protect her. Sentiment was weakness. He had to be strong. He had to save Rey.

She wouldn't be safe while he lived.

* * *

He wore the mask.

Rey entered the training room with her saberstaff in hand about a week into their forced separation. She wanted to run to him. To pull him into her arms. To feel his heart beat against her head. She wanted to touch him.

But she knew the rules. Touching him, kissing him—it was forbidden during the day.

Ren gripped his own saber, the hilt nothing more than an extension of his hand. She loved to watch him fight. To see him move with a grace that seemed so at odds with his tall frame. He was strong and quick on his feet. And his saber—it was part of him.

She missed their training sessions.

"We'll go until first blood," he said, his voice sounding wrong to her through the mask. She could feel his dark eyes on her even though she couldn't see them. "Rey, with me. Show no mercy. On my count."

He held up his hand, slowly lowering his fingers into a fist as she moved near him. She understood his terse directions. This was a rehearsal of sorts. For too long they'd sparred against each other. Now it was time for them to work together against others. As a team.

She gripped her staff in two hands, ready to ignite the twin blades.

His hand turned into a fist and she pressed the buttons. She heard Ren's saber power on beside her; heard the familiar crackle of the blade.

Across the room, two men, also masked, approached. She knew they were Knights of Ren. That's all she needed to know.

They carried sabers as well, which surprised her. But she assumed that was the point. Surprise.

She moved into a ready stance, her feet firmly planted, and her staff held across her body.

" _Are you relaxed?"_

" _What?" she shot back across the bond._

" _Meditate, Rey. Feel what they're going to do before it happens. Use the Force. You can sense it. I know you can."_

Meditation had always been her weakness. Something that he knew all too well. She always ditched meditation to see him. Sometimes they meditated together.

" _You can do this. Open your senses."_

She felt an urge to zap him with her saber out of annoyance, but decided to save it for later. There was plenty of time for revenge later tonight when they were alone.

Saber met saber and Rey spun to block an incoming swing. She parried, keeping the man at bay. He was stronger and she could feel the power behind his swings. He could—and would—overpower her.

Well, she would just have to fight dirty then.

She reached for the Force, using it against her opponent, pushing him off balance before he could swing at her. She swung her saber at him, aiming low to trip him. Both of the Knights were near his height, which left them towering over her. They were bigger and stronger, but she was faster.

The Knight attacking her grunted, narrowly side-stepping her swing. She twirled the staff and brought it up to block a strike aimed at her head.

" _Sense it before, Rey!"_

" _I know how to fight!" she snapped back over the bond._

Her attacker's blows were heavy, making her arms quake and shake with the effort required to block. She tried her best to remain calm and to use the Force to see ahead. To see the next moves, like Ren pushed her to do. But she couldn't. She was too clouded with anger.

Moving in a vicious fashion, she went on the offensive, nearly connecting with her opponent's flesh a few times. She couldn't see the face beneath the helmet—in fact, she was the only one in the room with a bare face. Gritting her teeth, Rey moved in a frenzy of steps, reaching for the Force, this time attempting to freeze the other man's saber.

The red blade faltered for a moment then narrowly missed the edge of her robes. Rey stepped back quickly and to the side, angry at the miscalculation. She reached again for the Force, freezing the blade in mid-air.

And it stayed, almost stuck, as the Knight tugged on it.

She felt a rush of pride from Ren as he turned to look at her work. She beamed at him. The apprentice showing off to her proud Master.

Then a slash and he faltered. She smelled burning cloth and sizzling flesh as a saber struck Ren's right arm.

Rey lunged at the Knight who dared to hurt him. Rage clouded her mind and the bond and it was second nature to defend him. Her Ren. Her love. Her Master.

"Stop," Ren called, his voice wobbly even through the mask. He lowered his saber and went to lift his mask. "Rey, stop!"

She had her saber almost across the man's neck when she felt her body freeze. _"Rey, no, not yet…" he called in her mind._

A feral, animalistic part of her wanted to growl back at him.

" _You're hurt. He hurt you. He should die."_

" _Rey, no, no… I'm okay. Look at me. Put your saber down."_

She deactivated her blades, fury still pumping through her veins. If either man made a move toward Ren, she'd run her saber through their chest without a second thought. She would defend him. No one would separate them. No one would hurt him.

" _Rey…"_

He held his mask in his hand, pain in his eyes. She could see the deep slash across his arm. The one he used for his lightsaber. It reminded her of the one she inflicted on him.

Without a thought, she was reaching out to touch his face, his cheek, her thumb grazing the scar she made with a gentle caress before she looked at the new wound.

She felt a flash of calm across the bond at her touch. It soothed him.

Rey tore the fabric of his sleeve further and felt her stomach tilt at the sight. She could see more than skin burned. The saber had cut into muscle and tendon.

"Ren…" she breathed, her hand on his injured arm. "It's…"

"I know."

"We need… you need bacta. Now."

"You're not going anywhere," Phasma's cold voice said.

Rey spun around to see the 'trooper, her back to Ren's chest. She reached for her saber, prepared to defend him. To defend them.

"Lower your weapon, scavenger."

"No." Her finger hovered over the button.

"If you do not comply, I will put you in binders."

"I'd like to see you try!" Rey spat.

"No!" Ren snapped, his voice crackling with pain. "No, we'll listen. Don't… she's just protecting me."

"She violated the Supreme Leader's rules. You will have to be punished."

" _Rey…" he said through the bond. "Please, don't fight."_

" _You're hurt… you need me…"_

" _I need you safe. Don't fight. You'll only make it worse."_

She looked at him, at the pain written on his face, and the mangled mess of his arm. She lowered her saber and stepped forward.

"Ren needs help. I'll come with you just… make sure he gets treatment," Rey said quietly.

"Of course. Come, girl. FN-7289, escort Master Ren to the med bay for bacta treatments. The rest of you are dismissed," Phasma ordered.

She glanced over her shoulder to see him again, afraid of what would happen. She'd broken the rules, she knew. Stupid rules. But she wouldn't let him suffer in her place. Not again.

Rey shivered at the memory of Hux's hands on her skin. His lips. His hands wrapped around her neck.

" _Rey, Rey, sssh, baby. It's okay. I'm right here with you, no matter what. It's going to be okay. Just don't fight, please? For me?"_

" _I love you."_

" _I know, sweetheart. I know."_

 **Author's Notes:**

Insane, insane week with meetings and a program. Major IT issues basically fried my brain before I spent an hour doing Minecraft with twelve munchkins.

I was not trained to break down twenty laptops and eight tables on my own, but I pulled it off in an hour this morning before our A/C broke again. Whew. This is should be a required LATI class or something… at the very least, it counts as a workout, right? Okay, enough stories from the library life…

I have a long weekend for once! Yay! I do hope to update again tomorrow, I do. And then probably again on Monday. I've written part of the upcoming battle and some stuff further out, so I'm focusing on filling in the gaps. But we will see the Resistance soon. I promise.

Rey will face Snoke in the next chapter and be punished. At this point, she's unaware of the threat to her life.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


	45. Chapter Forty-four

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Forty-four**

The chamber was dark, like most of the _Finalizer_. It was funny how after all this time spent away from Jakku she'd become accustomed to the dim interior, sleek surfaces, and general bleak surroundings. But there was a hint of malevolence in this chamber.

And it was Snoke.

The hologram was already seated when she entered. He looked impatient.

"It has barely been a week and already you have violated the rules. What do you have to say for yourself, scavenger, before I pass judgment?"

"I was only looking after my Master. He was hurt—"

"That's enough."

Rey clenched her jaw, scowling. She'd barely said two words in her own defense. Her blood boiled.

" _Rey…" he sounded hazy. Drugged._

" _Ren!"_

" _It's okay. It's okay… relax."_

"Since you seem unable to follow basic commands and restrain yourself, you will be kept isolated for thirty hours. No contact with anyone. No food, only drink. Should you disobey again, you will be separated from Kylo Ren for a week. Go now."

She stood there, stunned. Thirty hours? Alone? Because she touched her injured lover?

" _Rey, I'm here. It's okay…"_

" _No, it's not! He… he's trying to separate us. I—"_

" _If you react, he wins. He wants an excuse to extend the punishment. Don't let him win. It's okay. We'll be together soon."_

" _I can't… I don't think I can do this."_

Her chest felt tight as she followed Phasma wordlessly to the detention level. She knew she should be grateful to not be in binders and to still have a saber, but Rey knew it wasn't mercy. It was calculated. She was still powerless. They would keep them apart long and possibly deny him the medical attention he desperately needed.

" _Don't worry about me. I'm fine. The bacta itches."_

" _Of course I'm worried about you! You could've lost your arm!"_

" _But I didn't."_

" _What happened?"_

" _I lost my focus. I allowed myself to be distracted. It won't happen again."_

" _This was my fault, wasn't it?"_

She stepped into the tiny, dark cell. Her prison for the next thirty hours. Phasma held out her hand and Rey reluctantly handed over the saberstaff. Without a word, the general left her locked in the small space.

" _Rey…"_

" _It was, wasn't it?"_

She could feel him sigh through the bond. He was tired. They both were. She crossed her arms. _"I didn't mean—"_

" _I know. Don't worry about it. I'm working on a plan. We won't be here much longer."_

" _What are you talking about?"_

" _The Resistance is planning an attack on a First Order base. Snoke will have to send us in. It'll be our chance for escape. We'll be with the Resistance. Your friends are coming."_

" _Finn?"_

" _Yes."_ She could feel a hint of revulsion at his name. She didn't know if that was due to their friendly nature or to Finn's deflection from the First Order.

" _I love you, Ben. Don't worry."_

" _Why do you keep calling me Ben?"_

Rey sat down on the narrow bunk. _"It's your name."_

" _Sometimes you call me Ren. Sometimes Ben."_

" _Ben suits you more now. You remind me of the boy now, not the monster. You don't scare me anymore."_

She could swear she felt a smile curling his lips. _"That so?"_

She nodded, smiling back. _"Yeah, you aren't so scary without your mask, Ben."_

" _If I were you, I'd be afraid of me."_

" _You'd never hurt me."_

His voice seemed to change and lose the playful edge. _"I have. I could. I could never live with myself if I hurt you again. I don't know if I'm strong enough to do what has to be done…"_

" _Ben?"_

She saw it then. A memory. Her younger self, hurled against a tree as he fought to stop it. To stop himself. Snoke, in his head, laughing at him. Rey felt sick to her stomach.

" _You're stronger now, Ben. You're stronger than him. We're stronger together. You'd never hurt me. I trust you. I love you."_

" _You're not safe with me."_

" _Of course I am."_

" _If you stay with me, I'll be the death of you. We've both seen it."_

She frowned. _"Ssh, it's the sedatives talking. We're going to be fine. Do you hear me? This is temporary. A setback. You're not going to lose me or hurt me. Never. No matter what. I love you. Do you hear me? I love you."_

" _Don't leave me," he said softly._

" _I won't," she promised, curling up on her bed. Without meaning to, she started to sing in her head as she felt him weaken. As the medication, bacta, and stress pulled him under._

* * *

Rey barely slept that night. The narrow cot was basic, but no worse than how she'd slept in Jakku. No, it wasn't the accommodations that kept her awake. It was the lack of heat—most importantly, body heat—and the lack of him. She hadn't realized how soothing it was, being curled up against him, his heart beating under her head, until she didn't have him there.

Being trapped with Hux was different. She'd been terribly afraid for his safety then. She also chose to sleep on the floor. She declined the warmth of a bed. Plus, Ren had been conscious enough to talk to her. The drugs in his system affected the bond. She could barely feel him.

She lay awake most of the night, staring at various spots on the wall, the floor, and the ceiling in turn. When she did sleep, she woke in a cold sweat, visions of him hurt, dead, or dying filling her mind.

Through the bond, she felt him stir after dawn. She sighed out loud and sat up on the narrow bed.

" _Hey," he called softly._

" _Ben… how's your arm?"_

" _Stiff. But it looks better. Did you sleep?"_

" _No."_

" _Baby, you need sleep. It'll make the time go faster."_

" _I can't. When I try… all I see is you. And I… I hurt you. It's different every time, but I hurt you. I kill you."_

She could feel the sadness from him. The worry.

" _Rey, ssh, don't worry. It's a dream. A nightmare. It's not real."_

" _What if it is? What if—?"_

" _It won't happen."_

" _How do you know?"_

" _Because in my dreams, I'm the one to kill you."_

" _How?"_

" _Different ways, but it's always my hands. My hands kill you. Rey… I won't let it happen. I won't let you die. Trust me."_

" _Are yours dreams, too?"_

" _I think so."_

" _What if they're real?"_

" _We'll face it together._

Rey smiled a bit. _"Promise?"_

" _I swear."_

" _I miss you, Ben."_

" _Rey, my Rey…"_

She tucked her legs close to her chest. _"How much longer do we have?"_

" _About twenty or so hours left. Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here with you."_

" _When are we leaving here?"_

" _Soon. My mother is going to launch an attack. I'll speak to her later today."_

" _Is that a good idea?"_

" _It's the best one I have. Snoke will have no choice but to send us."_

" _Why?"_

" _Because of the location. Don't worry, Rey, don't worry."_

" _I don't want more people hurt because of me."_

" _We have to destroy the First Order. We'll save lots of lives. Trust me."_

" _I always trust you."_

" _Sleep, baby. I'm here. I'm with you."_

She laid down on the bed, her legs curled up. It felt weird without him there. She didn't like it. She didn't want to.

But she heard his voice in her head. Heard him singing to her and she couldn't help but fall asleep.

* * *

He felt her settle through the bond. He could feel her even breathing. She was asleep now. She needed the sleep.

He sat up, testing his healing arm. It was stiff but mostly healed. Bacta really was wonderful. A droid scurried over and checked the wound. Fresh patches were applied and he was released.

Ren still felt weak, but he knew that was the blood loss speaking. Once he had Rey back in his arms again, it wouldn't matter. He'd sleep much better with her beside him.

In the meantime, he made his way to a communications room. He punched in the familiar codes and waited for his mother to pick up. He almost looked forward to seeing her face now. It was strange in a way.

Leia Organa would save her. He believed his mother would protect Rey like she was her own—even more so. Because he asked. Because he loved Rey.

Rey would be safe with the Resistance. With her friends.

"Ben!" his mother called and he felt the delight in her voice.

" _Mama!"_

 _He let go of his father_ _'s hand and ran across the polished floors to his mother. She turned away from her assistant and smiled at him. Leia bent down in her regal outfit, her hair artfully plaited._

 _Ben ran to her and wrapped his arms around her neck. She scooped him up and held him tight._

" _Oh, Ben… what a nice surprise."_

"Hello, mother."

"How are you? How's Rey? Are you both okay?"

"She's fine. There was an accident in training, but I'm fine. It's time to get us out of here."

"Are you sure?"

"Snoke wants her dead. He'll jump at an excuse to make that happen. Plus I have a high value target. He won't want to risk the data falling into your hands. He'll send us. I know it."

"Ben, about what you said before—"

"I can't come with you. If I stay, I will kill her. Snoke will use me to kill her. I can't live with that. I won't."

"Ben, don't—"

"I'm sorry. For everything. For dad. Just… take care of Rey. Keep her safe. Please."

"Of course, Ben. Anything. Please, come home. Come with her."

"I can't. I hope you understand one day."

He attached the data for the target. Once the file uploaded, he looked up at his mother one last time. "I love you, mom. Good-bye."

* * *

Rey ran into his arms as soon as the door to her cell opened. He pulled her close, letting her bury her face against his robes. Ben folded his arms around her, one hand in her messy hair.

"Ben..." she sobbed into his chest.

He rubbed her back. "I'm here, Rey. I'm here."

He could feel her body trembling. His Rey. But she was safe. And they were together again. Ren hated the feeling of loss that plagued him during their separation. He hated knowing that soon she would be all alone. Breaking the bond would hurt her. His death would hurt her. But it was the only chance he had to save her. The only way out.

"I missed you," she breathed.

"I know. I missed you, too."

He felt...something. He wasn't entirely sure what it was, but it was entwined with Rey, with her energy. He reached through the Force, trying to understand and he saw it. He saw it and his heart sank.

Rey... His Rey. She was pregnant.

He needed to get her out of there. He needed to get her off this ship now. He had to protect her and their child. A child he would never meet. He was glad in that moment he'd already set it in motion with his mother. He couldn't afford to wait much longer. Not for Rey's sake.

He pulled her tighter, tears threatening to fall. She couldn't know. He couldn't tell her. It was too risky.

All he could do was get her to the Resistance. Fast. She would be safe there. His child would be safe.

She wouldn't be alone. She'd have a child. A piece of him and a piece of her. He just wished he could meet their baby. He wished there was a way.

"Ben? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he lied, his voice breaking. "Nothing at all. I just missed you."

"You promise?"

"Always." He took her hand. "Ready to go?"

She nodded, leaning into him as they walked. "Next time, I'm going to kill them all."

"I believe you."

He also knew he'd do anything to ensure there was no next time. He would get Rey safe. He would keep them both safe. The woman he loved and the child he'd never know. He would protect them both. The way he wasn't.

Ren understood his father now. He knew why Han stepped onto the bridge. Han knew he would die. He knew and he still stepped out there.

Han wanted to save him. If giving his life brought Ben back to the light, then it was worth it. That's why his father made the ultimate sacrifice. To give him a chance. A chance to come back.

Saving Rey was his chance to atone for his sins.

And he would gladly give his life to save her.

 **Author's Notes:**

We're going to battle in the next chapter! Hold on to your hats, folks!

Sorry for the lack of updates this weekend. It ended up being super busy and crazy—all day at a dance recital on Saturday, then a movie and shopping with a friend out of town on Sunday, and errands today.

I'm gonna try and plan out the next few chapters today so I can make the most of my time this week. It's the start of the month so I'm in meetings most of the week and traveling. I hope to post again on Wednesday.

Until then, how do you like that bombshell?


	46. Chapter Forty-five

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Forty-five**

He found himself summoned two days later. He left Rey sleeping in the early morning hours, tucked in bed. The chrono would go off before she was due to meet Phasma.

"Kylo Ren," Snoke said.

"Yes, Master?"

"There has been sightings of Resistance fighters nearing our base on Felucia. It's imperative that they be stopped. I'm deploying you and the Knights."

He tried to look surprised about the news. "And my apprentice?"

"The scavenger will go with you. You will lead the attack against the Resistance. You will ensure they do not get any information that could be used against us. Kill any who oppose you. Burn the base to the ground if you must. Do not let them retrieve any information."

"Yes, sir."

"Do not disappoint me, Kylo Ren."

He bowed again to his master before the hologram blinked out. As soon as it did, he exited the chamber. Phasma was just outside the room.

"Sir, the ships are ready to go at a moment's notice. I have assembled our best troops."

"Good. Gather the Knights. I will get Rey."

"She should report to me."

"She is my apprentice, Phasma. She will stay by my side," he hissed. "I'll see you in the launch bay in ten minutes."

He strode past her without another word and headed back to their chambers. This would be the last time they were together in his rooms. The last time Rey would be on the _Finalizer_. The last battle together.

She turned over in the bed after he returned.

"Ben?"

"It's time to go, Rey."

"Go where?"

"To battle. Snoke is sending us against the Resistance. It's time."

* * *

 _Felucia_

Chaos, pure chaos.

The transport set them down just outside the raging battle near the base on Felucia. Rey could already tell that it was a bloodbath. She could only hope that their salvation was out there somewhere.

Ren squeezed her hand as they stepped onto the ground, reassuring her that it was. He had spoken to his mother. Finn was here, somewhere. They just had to find him.

Night was rapidly approaching. They would make their escape in the dark. It would be their best chance.

Death rippled through the Force and made her sick to her stomach. So much senseless loss. So much pain.

She ignited her saberstaff, the hum and glow soothing. She looked to her side to see Ren, with his mask firmly in place and his saber in hand, the red blade humming and crackling. He looked imposing and deadly. The Knights weren't far off from them—they had arrived on a separate transport.

A squad of 'troopers led by Phasma flanked them. They were part escort and part death squad. They both knew what had to happen in order to escape. The lives they would need to take.

They strode into battle against the Resistance, carefully pulling their punches when possible. Maiming, but not killing if it could be helped. With a Force push in the right way, they put their would-be victims to sleep, leaving them in heaps that appeared dead, while they were simply unconscious.

Blaster bolts danced around them as the dark of night began to roll in. Their sabers lit up the field around them, helping them adjust to the coming night.

Then, from behind, a bolt grazed her arm. Rey cried out in shock and instantly felt Ren's worry through the bond. He was about ten yards ahead of her.

She turned to see one of the Knights stalking toward her. He shot at her again and she deflected it with her saber. She brought her staff into a defensive position as her attacker traded blaster for a saber of his own.

Several of the Knights carried sabers of their own, but most rarely used them. She knew Ren had been training them with the sabers lately. She was almost glad for it.

She blocked a blow, parrying back. She let him swing at her, driving her back.

Rey saw a blade coming toward her back and side-stepped, narrowly missing another saber aimed at her spine. She spun to her side carefully, using the Force to blast one of the Knights off balance while she blocked the other's attack. Her arms shook from the force necessary to block the bigger men.

She stumbled over a rock and fell, crashing into the dirt. A third Knight raised a heavy weapon over his head, intent on bringing it down on her. Rey stumbled to call the Force, but she needn't have worried.

A red saber cut through the man's chest and he slumped to his knees before her. A masked figure with fury in his bones stood there, his saber buzzing and crackling. Ren.

He spun to block an attack on them both as she called her saberstaff back to her hand. She felt him move through the Force, felt him fighting almost at her side as she took on another Knight. Four of the Knights had rounded on them. The stormtrooper squad that acted as an escort had conveniently disappeared. She knew then it was a trap. She knew in her heart this was a trap meant to kill them.

The First Order knew what they planned to do. Snoke wouldn't risk losing his two best weapons. No, they were to die in the crossfire. She was meant to die.

" _Don't think about it, Rey. Fight! We just need to hold on a little bit longer. Our ride isn't far off. We can do this. Don't give up," Ren called through the bond._

" _How far?"_

" _Just over that ridge. I'm going to draw them away."_

" _No, Ren—"_

" _You need to make it, Rey. You have to get out of here. Snoke wants you dead. You have to get away from here. Away from me."_

She saw it then, the plan in his head. He meant to die here, on this battlefield, to save her. Ren never planned to leave with her. She could see the whispered conversations with his mother. The schemes he'd tried to keep hidden from her. It was all laid bare to her.

She stopped for a moment and a saber slashed her arm, cutting through cloth and skin with ease. Rey screamed in pain and shock and fear.

" _Rey! Get out of here! Go!"_

" _No! I'm not leaving you! Not again!"_

She'd lost him before. She'd wasted so many years alone on Jakku, waiting for someone to come for her. Her family. He was her family. She didn't want to be that scared, lonely girl again. Not again. Not when she could fight.

Just because she could survive on her own didn't mean she wanted to. This was her Ben. Her protector. Her savior. Her lover. Her everything.

She tightened her grip on her saber, lunging at the Knight closest to her. Slashing and hacking at him with a wild grace she learned from her Master. From Ren. And she wasn't about to lose him. She needed him.

" _Rey, go!"_

" _No!"_

Rey slashed her saber across the man's neck. His head tumbled to the ground and she turned to see the gleaming white of a 'trooper. Reinforcements had arrived. And not theirs.

She threw back the closest 'trooper and flicked away blaster bolts, blocking others with her lightsaber. Ren was to her back and she could hear his saber.

" _Rey, you need to go. I'll hold them off."_

" _I'm not leaving you!"_

" _You have to!"_

" _No!"_

She killed two 'troopers in one strike, her blood boiling. Anger and fear powered her. She gave in to her darker impulses. She would kill to protect him. She wasn't going to leave him to die. Not alone. They'd go down together or flee together.

" _Do it for the baby, Rey. Our baby."_

" _Baby?"_

She flicked a bolt back that struck a 'trooper in the chest.

" _Rey, you're pregnant."_

She stopped for a moment, a brief moment. Could it be true? Could she really be carrying a child? She felt through the Force, felt what Ren had felt, what he had known… felt the stirring low inside her. A child. Ren's child. Her child. A baby.

" _How… how long…?"_

" _A week. Rey, you have to go. For our baby. You have to leave now. Please…"_

" _No! Don't make me… BEN!"_

She saw him across the way and threw her hand out, but she was a second too late to stop the bolt that struck him in the shoulder. He stumbled, off balance, and she felt the shock of pain through the bond.

" _GO!"_

She turned, fighting with a renewed fury.

"BEN, LOOK OUT!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, her saber locked with another as one soared through the air toward him.

She watched him pivot, but it was a moment too late. Agony tore through the bond.

His left hand dropped to the ground. Gone. He spun his saber with his good hand and killed the Knight who'd taken his hand.

"Run!" he panted, his mask turned toward her.

"Not without you!" she called back. _"I'm not leaving you, Ben Solo. Never."_

She could feel the flutter at her use of his real name. His birth name.

" _You will come with me. We will raise this baby together. Don't leave me… you promised you'd never leave me…"_

" _I'm sorry, Rey…"_

He struggled against a wave of 'troopers that drove them further apart. Her body jolted as he was stung again by a blaster. He was faltering and she knew it. He'd accepted his fate.

" _No! You can't do this! Don't do this!"_

She slashed through another 'trooper. Another obstacle. She was close to the rendezvous point. She could leave. She should leave for their child's sake. But she wouldn't. She could save him. They could leave together.

" _Rey, go! Leave now!"_

Two figures approached with blaster rifles. She could feel through the Force their identities. Friends. The Resistance.

It was Finn and Poe.

"Save him! Save Ben!" she shouted toward her friends, hacking through another opponent as she blocked bolts. She couldn't get to him. They were too far apart.

She heard Finn calling her name. He sounded so far away.

"Save Ben!"

" _Rey, go! Go now!"_

" _Not without you!"_

She felt the bolt strike his chest. She felt him falter, his eyes wide in surprise.

"BEN!"

An arm locked around her neck and a warm muzzle of a blaster touched her spine, burning through her robes. Rey froze, afraid to move her staff. The bolt would either paralyze her or kill her. Either way, it would most likely kill the child. His child. She couldn't risk it.

"Fight and you die, scavenger," Phasma's modified voice said near her ear.

She deactivated her saber, surrendering. _"Ben, go… you need to go…"_

" _Rey," he sounded weak, hurt._

" _Please…"_

She could see Poe helping him up, Finn defending them both. They were so close, yet so far.

"Rey!" Ben called and his voice almost broke her.

The blaster prodded against her spine, forcing her away from him. Away from the battle.

She reached for the Force, then felt a jolt up her spine.

* * *

"Rey!"

He saw her freeze up. Saw Phasma and he could feel it, he could feel the hot press of the blaster against her spine. Her fear for their child. She was helpless and this was his fault.

"We have to go. We have to go," Finn, the ex-'trooper, hissed at him as he fired a blaster rifle to provide them with cover. "Now!"

"Not without her. Rey!"

"There's no time," his companion said. The pilot. Poe.

He wanted to pull free—to fight them off and get to her. But he couldn't. He could barely walk.

"We have to save her."

"There's no time," Finn said. "We have to retreat now."

"Rey—"

"She wouldn't want you to die. C'mon…"

Then he saw her go still, felt the pain lance up her back. "REY!" he screamed, watching as she started to fall. He saw her eyes close, but he could feel her still. Alive. Stunned.

"We need to go!" Finn yanked him hard on his left side and he stumbled after him, his eyes still on Rey's limp body.

"No!"

"I'm sorry about this."

Crack!

His head pounded and he felt himself stumble as his world spun into darkness, with her name still on his lips.

 **Author's Notes:**

Uh oh, trouble!

I do plan on getting another chapter up on Friday – this is just a hell week for me at work. I'm in the middle of three back-to-back meetings all over the county plus my regular work plus the start of the month (I wrote a monthly schedule in five minutes as I was walking out the door for a meeting today, that's how bad it's been).

And then I wasted five hours trying to get my Bluetooth speaker to work with my laptop. I won in the end. And made a TFA/Kylo Ren GIF that's on my tumblr (look for tmcarper) and is sorta for work…

Just want to thank my helpers again – DORK DOG and MeganD1215. Both are writing their own TFA fics and I suggest you check them out! They each have original characters. MeganD1215's follows Kylo Ren's sister ("Claire Meets Her Destiny" is first in a series!) while DORK DOG's "Beastly" follows a Resistance fighter who has a past with Kylo Ren and Poe.

Neither is Reylo but they're both fun!

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


	47. Chapter Forty-six

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Forty-six**

 _Resistance Base - Corellia_

Groggy, he blinked open his eyes to harsh lights. Pain lanced up his left arm and he looked down to see a bandaged stump where his hand had once been. His hand.

But nothing hurt as much as the pain in his heart.

"Rey," he called on cracked, dry lips.

A woman came to his side, but he didn't recognize her. "You need to rest. Your body needs time to heal."

"Rey…"

"I'm sorry about your friend," the woman said and he felt a warmth in his veins. Drugs. He was being drugged.

"Rey… I have to…"

He tried to swing his legs over the edge of the cot, but he couldn't. His limbs felt weighted, almost as if someone had dropped a fighter plane on them. He couldn't move. He had no control over his own body.

"You need to rest. You've lost a lot of blood."

"Rey…" he whispered.

"I'm sorry."

His eyes rolled back in his head and the drugs tugged him back into the blackness. The void.

* * *

 _The Finalizer_

She hit the cold duracrete floor with her knees, her bound hands barely keeping her from crashing her face into it. She went to get to her feet, but she felt the pressure holding her down, bowing her body into a kneeling position.

Rey longed to force her head up, but she was too exhausted to fight further. Her body and her heart ached. For him.

She could still see him, blood staining his dark robes as he screamed for her. His hand gone. The sheer anguish on his face as they were separated.

The pain through the bond.

And most of all, his startling revelations. About both of them.

She was numb. He hurt still, but was drugged. She could feel the sedatives working through his bloodstream. They dulled the bond almost as badly as the distance between them.

Rey closed off the edges of the bond to dampen the connection between them. He needed rest. It was the best she could do at the moment.

To protect him. To protect them.

The pressure holding her down eased a bit. Rey lifted her head to see the figure of Snoke scowling down at her.

"Kylo Ren has been taken by the Resistance. I know of your plan to escape. There is no escape from the First Order. There is no escape from me."

She nearly bit her tongue holding back all the words and insults she wanted to hurl at the disfigured male before her. She settled for, "You won't hurt him."

"No, but I will make you forget him."

She stiffened at the pleasure in his voice. Snoke was oddly excited at the prospect. Too excited. It was almost like he'd been planning for this eventuality.

"General Phasma, you are to oversee the girl's reconditioning. She will be made to learn her place and her loyalty will be to me. Remove all traces of Kylo Ren."

"Yes, sir," came the mechanical voice behind her. Her captor. The one who tore her away from him and threatened her life. Threatened her child with a blaster.

She hissed a vile insult at him in Huttese. Almost immediately, she felt the air around her throat close in an approximation of a fist as it choked her. As he used the Force against her.

Rey tried to control her breathing and her panic, doing her best to appear unmoved by the crushing pressure of the Force. It wouldn't do her any good to show weakness before him.

"Do not test me, scavenger, or I will do more than recondition you. You forget that he is mine. He has always been mine."

She could see it in her head.

 _Ben, turning the hilt of his saber in his hand. She heard the crackling as it ignited. Then the burning pain as the saber ran through his chest._

 _As he killed himself with tears in his eyes._

She fought to hold back her own tears. This was what he'd been afraid of. He'd been afraid of Snoke's influence. Snoke was in his head. He had power over Ben. Power he would use to destroy them both.

She didn't want to be without him. Not even temporarily. Even without her memories, she knew part of herself would ache. She would feel the loss of him, even if she didn't consciously know who she missed.

All those years on Jakku, she'd thought she missed her family. In reality, she needed him. Ben. And she wasn't going to lose him without a fight. Especially not now. Not when she carried his child. Their child. Her child would know its father.

Somehow, someway, she would get back to him. And she wasn't going to stop until she succeeded.

" _Don't hurt her, please…"_

" _The girl is your weakness. You do not need her."_

" _She's innocent!"_

" _You will sever your ties to the girl or she will suffer," the voice hissed in his head, claws tightening._

 _An image of a young girl, Kira, her neck snapped by the Force._

" _One way or another, you will lose her."_

Rey broke from his hold in her mind. From these images, Ben's memories she assumed, of what Snoke had done in the past. Of his power over him. A reminder of how helpless they both were.

Of what awaited her. Soon, she wouldn't even remember him. Would he still remember her?

" _I'm sorry," she whispered, reopening the bond. "I love you."_

* * *

She didn't struggle as Phasma escorted her to the block for reconditioning. She felt the aura of pain and fear again which gave her chills. She hated this place already.

" _Rey?" his voice was weak, drugged._

A single tear rolled down her cheek. _"Ben."_

" _What's happening? Rey?"_

" _I'm so sorry."_

" _No, ssh, no… it should be me. You were supposed to be safe. This is my fault. You weren't supposed to be here. You were supposed to be safe. Where no one could hurt you. I failed."_

" _Ben, no, no… I need you. Alive."_

" _I can't…"_

" _I need you. Don't leave me. Don't leave us."_

" _Where are you?"_

She was strapped to an interrogation chair. Rey tried to relax. For the baby's sake. Their baby.

" _On the ship. I'm in reconditioning. I'm scared, Ben. For you. For the baby—"_

" _Ssh, it's going to be okay. I'm here. I won't leave you. You just need to focus on me. I'll be right here the entire time. Stay with me, baby."_

" _Ben… will it hurt?"_

" _Yes, but I'm here. Let me take the pain away. Let me in."_

She lowered the walls in her mind to him. She let him in all the way and it felt good. Safe. Warm. Ben. He'd protect her. He'd save her. Save them.

" _Find us, Ben. No matter what. Find us. Protect our baby. You have to kill Snoke. You have to."_

" _I will. I promise. I'm going to find you. I'm going to save you both."_

" _Keep fighting for us, please… I need you to fight for us."_

" _I promise, Rey. I won't… I was weak."_

" _I love you. No matter what. I love you."_

" _Rey…"_

She could feel the love through the bond. He loved her. He loved their child already. What he'd done—what he'd planned—had been born out of a misguided attempt at love. At protection.

The first wave of pain hit and she gritted her teeth. _"Ben."_

" _I'm here. I'm here."_

" _How long…?"_

" _An hour, at least. I'm sorry. This… this should be me."_

" _Not your fault."_

" _If anything happens to you or the baby—"_

" _We won't. I just—"_ Another jolt nearly tore her from him. _"Ben, I love you. If this… if I do forget, know that. Know I loved you."_

" _I won't let you forget. I lost you once, Rey. I'm not going to lose you again."_

Tears wet her cheeks as he started to sing and the pain through her head increased. As they tore her memories from her. Stripped her bare of her identity. Of her past. Of her loyalty.

She belonged to them. To the First Order. A killer. A machine. A human made into a weapon. Born and trained to hunt down and kill the Resistance.

 **Author's Notes:**

There's no canon information that I could find on what reconditioning actually entails or how it works so I'm kinda playing by ear here. Since they have a bond, unlike the 'troopers it's usually used on, Rey has Ben to cling to. But, yes, she will still lose things. The process still works to an extent. Just how much, we'll see soon.


	48. Chapter Forty-seven

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Forty-seven**

She sagged against the restraints as they unbuckled her. Her body felt heavy. Exhausted. Drained.

There was a voice in her head. One that was full of comfort.

" _Rey? Baby?"_

Rey. Her name was Rey. She knew that. And the voice… Ben. That was Ben. And he was full of love. Love for her.

" _Ben."_ Even his name was comforting. It relaxed her, to hear him, to feel him. He'd been there with her. Throughout the pain. She'd clung to him throughout. He'd sung to her. She liked that song. Whatever it was.

" _Rey, it's okay now. I'm still here. I won't leave you."_

" _Where… where are you?"_

" _I'm with the Resistance. Don't worry, I'll find you soon. I'll find you and the baby."_

" _Baby?"_

As the stormtroopers dragged her from the bench and down the hallway, her legs not really working right, she thought she felt something low in her stomach. Something? Someone? She wasn't sure. Her head hurt. It was scrambled. Blank. Scratched.

" _Yes, Rey. Our baby."_

Theirs. The voice. Ben. Her Ben. Her… love? She loved him. But the name felt odd on her lips and in her head. Wrong.

" _Kylo Ren. You used to call me Ren."_

" _Ren?"_

" _My real name is Ben Solo. Do you remember?"_

" _No… it's fuzzy. I just… you protect me. You love me. Why?"_

" _I don't know… I just… I love everything about you. Your strength. Your beauty. I've always loved you, Rey. I will never stop loving you. I'm going to save you."_

" _From what?"_

" _Snoke."_

She could feel it through the bond. The hatred. Snoke. Snoke hurt them. Snoke did this. He separated them.

Battle. There was a battle. She could see it now. See herself fighting, screaming his name. Screaming for him, for someone to save him.

Blood on his robes. His hand, gone. And he shouted for her, fear in his veins, when he saw a blaster to her back. As they were torn apart.

Rey blinked away tears. _"Ben…"_

" _I'm right here. It's okay. You should sleep. You've been through a lot. Think about the baby."_

Baby. She glanced down at her flat stomach as she sunk onto a cot. The door to her cell closed and the lights blinked out, leaving her in the dark. She pulled the scratchy blankets up and put a hand on her stomach.

" _Our baby…"_

" _Yes, ours. I love you and our baby, Rey. So much."_

She could feel it through the bond; the love and the warmth. So much. He wasn't lying—he truly did care about them. He loved them. And she… she loved him.

Right?

" _Very much. Now, sleep."_

She curled up as best she could on the narrow cot. She could see a large bed with dark sheets. Two bodies entwined.

She felt him smile. _"That's right. That was our room. Our bed. You and me. I love you, Rey."_

She could feel the love through the bond and the concern. And an undercurrent of pain. He'd been badly injured. The battle was recent.

" _Don't worry about me. Just rest."_

" _I don't know if I can."_

This room, this cell, felt wrong. Cold. Sterile. Nothing like their room. Home. Home was wherever he was. She'd been alone before, she knew that. She was used to it.

But Ben… she slept curled against him. She liked to listen to his heartbeat. It soothed her. It felt like home. Safe. Warm. Loved. Her Ben.

" _I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. I'm with you no matter what. We'll get through this. I'll find you."_

" _Promise?"_

" _Always."_

She nodded, rubbing her face against the scratchy blanket as she fell asleep, her body and mind exhausted.

* * *

 _Resistance Base - Corellia_

He felt her drift off and relaxed a bit. Sharing her pain through the bond was exhausting, but he wasn't about to leave her alone. This was his fault after all. She was supposed to be safe with the Resistance. Not captured and held prisoner by the very people they were trying to escape. Not reconditioned. Not his Rey.

He sat up in the narrow bed and glanced down at his bandaged left wrist. The stump had been cleaned and treated with bacta. He'd been told that technicians were working on a mechanical hand for him. Not that he cared that much—he'd been considering cutting his hand off to remove the embedded tracker himself. Nothing bothered him as much as Rey's torture did.

The hospital gown hid the worst of his scars. He'd seen the surprise in the eyes of the medical techs when they'd examined him. He wasn't sure what lies his mother had told, but he wasn't in binders. Not that he had two hands to bind.

"Ben."

He glanced to his right and saw her. His mother. She looked smaller in person than he remembered. Older, too. He couldn't help but smile at her a bit.

"Mom."

Leia, dressed in an undecorated uniform, still retained the dignified and royal air he remembered as a child. The last princess of Alderaan. Regal and elegant even when not in a gown. She approached his bed with a sad smile.

"Oh, Ben, it's so good to see you again." She put her hand on top of his one and he tried not to flinch at her touch. It still felt strange to have human contact, especially aside from Rey.

"What happened to saving her?"

He watched her smile fall. "I'm sorry, Ben. I never… I'm so sorry. We'll find her. We'll find her and we'll save her. I promise."

"She's in danger."

"I know. I know." She clasped his hand. "We're tracking their movements."

"Rey… they reconditioned her."

He saw the horrified look on his mother's face and knew she'd heard rumors of the First Order's methods. She may have even seen the results of their work firsthand.

"Ben, I—I don't know what to say. Is she…?"

"She's resting now. She's strong."

"How do you…?"

"We're bound. The Force. Didn't Uncle Luke tell you?"

His mother shook her head. "A bit, but I didn't really understand it."

"We're in each other's heads. We can share thoughts, feelings, memories—anything. Everything. We feel each other's pain. We speak to each other. To shut each other out hurts. It's like losing part of yourself. I couldn't leave her alone."

"I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Help me save her."

Leia nodded. "Rey… she means a lot to you. You were going to die for her, weren't you?"

"To save her. I'd do anything to protect her. I will."

"We'll get her back, Ben."

"Soon. The sooner the better."

"Why the hurry? If she's been reconditioned—"

"She's carrying my child," he said quietly.

Leia's eyes widened. "Ben… oh…"

"I sensed it before… I told her just before we were separated. She knows now. It's early. It's Snoke…"

He saw his mother's face go dark. This was the mother and the general, not the diplomat before him. This was the woman who helped bring down the Empire.

"That bastard won't touch your child, Ben. I swear it. He will never take another child from this family. Never."

She touched his cheek, providing comfort the way only a mother could. His mother. It had been too long since he'd seen his mother in person. Since she'd been there. Since she'd tried to help him.

He believed her. He knew how fierce Leia Organa could be. She held her own against senators and his father. She was a force of nature, much like Rey. Except she shunned the Force.

"Ben…"

"Mom."

He put his arms around her, pulling her close and he let himself cry into her shoulder the way he hadn't since he was a child. Since before he was sent away.

"I know we failed you, Ben. All of us. We knew and did nothing. I let Luke take you away from us. And we lost you. We should have protected you from all this... From Snoke..."

"I forgive you. But I need to save her. I can't let Snoke hurt my child. I'll die first."

For the first time, he understood his father. He understood why Han trusted him on the bridge. He understood why in his last moments, his father showed affection, not hatred. It was love, unconditional love, that a father had for their child. A willingness to do anything to protect them. To save them. Even from themselves. Even in vain.

He would do anything necessary and kill anyone in his way to save them. His Rey and his child.

His mother understood.

"I can't spare many people. Even fewer will volunteer to follow you. But I do know a pair that will do anything for that girl."

"The 'trooper?"

His mother smiled. "His name is Finn. Now, Poe will be a harder sell. He still doesn't trust you."

He ignored the sting. They had been great friends once, him and Poe. They were close in age and born into the Resistance. They had been inseparable until he was sent away. Once they ended up on opposite sides of the war, he did his best to forget his enemy was once his friend. He was sure Poe did the same.

"He will for her."

His mother nodded in agreement. "I will make arrangements. In the meantime..."

"Rest. Yeah."

"Reassure her, son. She needs you now. Tell her it will be alright. Give her hope."

* * *

 _The Finalizer_

The audience chamber was dimly lit as usual.

"What of the scavenger girl?" the towering hologram demanded.

Phasma tried not to sigh. Her least favorite part of her promotion was dealing with the head of the First Order and his often inane orders. "It appears the reconditioning worked. She has not asked about Ren. She is being compliant. She will be placed in her quarters in a few hours."

"Good, good. Any complications?"

"Just one." Phasma paused. "The medical exam revealed an anomaly. The scavenger is pregnant."

"Pregnant?" Snoke leaned back, thinking. "Is it Kylo Ren's child?"

"I assume as much. I don't know for sure. I can have further tests run…"

He nodded. "Good, good. You will bring the girl to me within the month. Healthy. Tell her about the child. She is to be protected. That child is mine."

"Supreme Leader, if she asks about the father, what do we tell her?"

"Tell her he was killed by the Resistance. Yes… turn her against them. Her destiny will be to kill Kylo Ren. I can see it now… the apprentice will kill the master. Yes."

Phasma nodded. "As you wish."

"I need her alive until that child is born. Keep that child safe. I will raise it on the Dark Side. It will be more powerful than the scavenger or Kylo Ren."

"Yes, sir."

 **Author's Notes:**

The upside of separating Rey and Ben is family reunion time! Ben will see his uncle soon and we'll have more of the bond as well.

Uh oh, Snoke knows… uh oh…

Thanks for reading and reviewing! I hope to update again on Saturday.


	49. Chapter Forty-eight

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Forty-Eight**

The mechanical hand was a work of art, really, but he still missed his real hand. It was strange to know he'd never again really feel Rey with that hand. It wouldn't be the same.

Ben clenched and unclenched his fist, watching the joints move. The techs had offered him a glove to cover the metal finish with. He just stared at the new hand, watching it. Adjusting to it.

It gave him something to do while Rey slept. Something to focus on despite the immense loss.

He felt a tremor through the Force. A presence he hadn't felt in over fifteen years.

His old master.

Luke Skywalker, in Jedi robes and with a gray beard, stood at the end of his bed. His uncle looked shabby and unkept. He looked old, like his mother had become. Aged. Was it because of him? Or because of the galaxy?

"Ben," the old man said softly.

He clenched his fist again.

 _The look of betrayal. Of shock._

 _Sad, blue eyes._ _"Because I know what you'll become. The Dark is growing in you."_

"Ben," his uncle repeated, a bit firmer.

"Skywalker." It felt wrong to call him uncle. To call him Master. Those were titles of respect. Respect was earned. He had no respect for the coward that was his uncle. His blood.

Not after what he did to Rey. Abandoning her on Jakku. Separating them for fifteen years. Letting him believe her dead. No, he had no respect left for his uncle.

"How's the hand?"

He flexed his fingers again. "I'll adjust. Like Rey did."

His uncle sighed, sitting down in a chair near the end of the bed. "I deserve that. I know."

"She was a child! A child. And you… what you did? You left her on that hellhole. Alone. Did you ever think about what that does to a person? What might've happened to her? What…" Ben felt the rage stirring inside, the anger he'd been holding onto for so many years. His hands were both fists, the knuckles on his right hand turning white.

"I thought it was the safest place for her."

"You wanted her away from me. You never once thought about what it might do to us. To her."

"I failed you, Ben. I failed her, too. The future is a slippery thing. I thought by separating you, I could prevent it. Now the Force has proven me wrong. It's bound you to each other. An unbreakable bond."

"What you did… it pushed me to the Dark. She was the only thing keeping me in the Light. The one bright light. She was my only chance."

"I know that now," Luke said solemnly. "I'd feared the Dark would take hold of her. The two of you were always drawn to each other. Close. Too close."

"We belong together."

"Ben, I thought I was protecting you both. I thought it was for the best. I truly did."

"You've been saying that for seventeen years. Why did you try to keep us apart? We were happy together."

"I promised an old friend that I would look after her."

Ben narrowed his eyes, biting back the words he wanted to say involving protection and Jakku. His uncle had a twisted sense of safety for a young child. She'd have been better off being raised by nerfs.

"Who?'

"A Jedi named Obi-Wan Kenobi. I knew him as Old Ben."

A shiver ran down his spine at the name. He'd heard stories growing up, of course he had, of Master Kenobi. One of the last Jedi and a friend of his mother's family. The man responsible for his parents meeting. A general who survived Order 66. The man who trained Anakin Skywalker.

"He's dead. He died before I was born."

His uncle nodded. "Yes, but he lives on through the Force. I've spoken to him throughout the years. He told me a great secret seventeen years ago. A dangerous secret. About the girl."

"Rey?"

"She is your opposite, Ben. Born from the Dark, as you were born to the Light. It always surprised me how much Light she had. How naturally it came to her."

"Her parents? They were Dark Side?"

"Her mother, Ben. Her mother, like yours, was Force-sensitive. Untrained, but raised by the Empire. Surrounded by the Dark. Her father came from the Light, but he had no affinity for the Force."

"Was?"

"Her parents were killed not long after I brought her to the Academy."

"Who were they?"

His uncle paused for a moment. "Her father was the only child of Obi-Wan Kenobi. He was kept secret for his safety and lived with his mother not far from his father on Tatoonie. We grew up together. He was a few years younger than I was. Jinn was his name. Jinn Kenobi, though I knew him simply by Jinn."

"Jinn," he repeated to himself. Rey's father. "And her mother?"

"Her mother was a lot like her. Very self-sufficient, Reyna."

"Reyna?"

All this time he'd assumed Rey named herself based on his nickname. His ray of sunshine. But part of her, a small piece of her, remembered her mother. At least, she had before…

"Reyna Kenobi. She named her daughter Kira. Kira Kenobi. It broke Reyna's heart to give up her daughter. But they knew it was safer for her. She'd already shown signs of Force-sensitivity. Her parents trusted me to protect her. Her grandfather asked me to."

Ben's head spun.

"You said her mother was Dark?"

"Reyna was born on the Dark Side. The daughter of a very powerful Sith."

 _A blackened corpse. Lightening arching from Rey_ _'s fingers. Force lightening._

"The Emperor?" he whispered, barely remembered stories from his childhood flooding his mind.

"Sheev Palpatine, yes. Reyna was fathered by Darth Sidious."

And Reyna bore his Rey. His opposite. Born to the Dark and filled with the Light, while he was born to the Light and filled with the Dark.

"That's… that's what you were afraid of? Why you didn't want us together? You thought I'd lead her to the Dark because she already had it in her blood?"

"Yes, Ben."

"Why didn't you just tell me? Why keep it secret?"

"To protect you both. It's a burden carrying a legacy like that. You already struggled with the Light. I didn't want you to carry hers as well."

"I would've. I would've protected her. I never…"

"I was wrong, Ben. I know that now. Your mother and I underestimated Snoke's power. I didn't trust you enough. I thought pushing you away and pushing you two apart would prevent this, but I was wrong."

He barely held back a scoff.

"Now Snoke has Rey."

His uncle nodded. "Leia told me. About the child."

He felt a sharp pain in his heart at the thought of his child. Rey's child. An innocent child. One who would be corrupted in ways far worse than he had. Because he failed to protect them.

"I have to get them back. I won't let him hurt her. Hurt my child. I can't… I'll die first."

"That won't happen."

"You have no idea what he's capable of!" Ben hissed. "You have no idea what it's like to have him in your head. Clawing at your skull."

He raked his good hand against his scalp.

"Ben…"

"You don't know what it feels like to wonder if you're in control. If you'll hurt the people you love. I can't… I won't let that happen to her."

"We'll get her back."

" _Ben?" her sleepy voice was in his head and he felt the worry._

" _It's okay… I didn't mean to wake you. Go back to sleep."_

" _Are you hurt?"_

" _No. No. I'm just worried about you."_

" _You sure?"_

" _I'm sure. Rest. It's okay."_

" _I'm not tired now."_

"Are you talking to her?" his uncle asked.

He nodded.

"We'll finish this later. Reassure her."

Luke held his hand out for a moment as he stood up, as if he might touch him on the shoulder, but the last Jedi didn't. He pulled away and left him with his thoughts and the bond. With Rey.

" _Ben?"_

" _I'm here."_

" _What was that song you sang earlier? It's pretty."_

" _My mom used to sing it to me when I was a kid. I used to sing it to you when you had nightmares."_

" _How long have I known you?"_

" _Since you were three."_

" _How old am I now?"_

" _Twenty," he said._

" _That's a long time."_

He smiled a bit. _"Yeah, yeah it is."_

" _And you love me."_

" _Yes, Rey. I love you with everything I have. I love you so much that it hurts."_

" _Then why don't I remember you?"_

" _They took it from you. All your memories."_

" _Why?"_

" _To turn you against me. Against our…friends."_

" _Who are they?"_

" _The First Order took you captive, Rey. They tore us apart. They want to destroy the galaxy and anyone who disagrees with them. We're working with the Resistance, the true government."_

" _Why didn't they torture me for information?"_

" _I don't know."_

" _Where do I find you?"_

" _I don't know exactly where I am. I'm going to come for you, Rey. I'm going to bring you home. I swear."_

" _I trust you."_

* * *

 _The Finalizer_

She liked the voice in her head a lot. Ben was warm and safe and he loved her. He kept her company. She liked that.

Rey sat up on her cot. Her body was sore and her muscled stiff from lack of use. She rolled her neck a bit and her shoulders, trying to loosen up. She wanted to move, to rage, to fight. She wanted to be with him.

A fluttering in her belly, low, caught her attention. She placed a hand over her abdomen, low, where she could feel… something. Something strange and wondrous inside her.

" _Our baby…" Ben supplied through the bond and she felt a rush of love and affection._

She rubbed her stomach. A baby. A child. Hers. She loved it already. Boy or girl, she loved this child. She'd do anything to protect her baby. To get to Ben.

Rey sighed. She had to find a way out. A way to him. Her Ben.

" _Mine."_

The door to her cell opened. She straightened up immediately, her hands at her sides. She'd fight if she had to. No one was going to harm their child.

A figure in chrome armor stood before her, carrying a blaster. The modulated voice sounded vaguely female. "Follow me."

Rey hesitated for a long moment before following the woman. Ben was there, in her head, reassuring her.

" _That's Phasma. She won't hurt you without a reason. She follows orders, I promise. If they wanted you dead, you'd be dead already. It's going to be okay."_

She wanted to ask questions, but held her tongue.

Through a short ride in a turbo lift and winding halls, she followed the 'trooper. She wanted to run, but she knew she'd get lost in the maze. She was tired, too. Hungry. She was in no shape to run. Not just yet. Soon. Soon, she'd be ready. She'd find a way out.

They stopped in front of a door. Phasma tapped in a code and the door opened revealing a set of rooms. A bedroom. Dark sheets.

 _Tangled together. His heart strong under her head. Her arm around his waist._

 _Her fists in the sheets, clenching, as she gasped. As he kissed her, moving inside her. Together._

 _Ben._

"Your rooms, Rey. Until further notice, you're restricted here. Droids will leave you meals. There should be snacks as well. If you require anything else, use the commlink."

The 'trooper turned to go.

"Wait… is there someone else? Do I share these rooms?"

The other woman paused. "Not anymore. He was killed by the Resistance."

The door closed, trapping her inside.

 **Author's Notes:**

Sorry for the delay. It's been an emotionally draining week. Last weekend, one of my relatives suffered a stroke. She seemed to be recovering, but we found out late Thursday that she'd passed away on Wednesday. My mom was very close to her and we were working on logistics of flying across the US for the funeral.

At the same time, one of the dogs I watch was diagnosed with advanced intestinal cancer on Thursday after collapsing on Wednesday. My co-worker was in the doggy ER with him and went to several tests and vets before they got the diagnosis. She was crying on the phone with me between appointments. It was too late to help him, so they took him home for one last night before taking him to the vet on Friday to be put to sleep.

Needless to say, writing has been pretty much the last thing on my mind. I'm still pretty drained so I don't know when the next chapter will be up. Thanks for understanding.


	50. Chapter Forty-nine

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Forty-nine**

She felt a pang in her heart. Dead. Someone, the man she shared this room with, someone she loved, was dead. Killed.

Was he the father of her child?

" _I'm right here. I'm not dead, Rey. I'm here."_

She calmed a bit at his voice. _"Ben?"_

" _I'm not dead. But these… these were our rooms."_

Rey laid down in the middle of the bed. The room was mostly bare, no decorations. The bed was enormous. And soft. She stretched her sore limbs.

" _They were?"_

" _Yes," he said softly, sadly._

 _She could see it now, a memory. His memory._

 _Her, lying on the sheets, a too-big black tunic covering her body. She was curled toward him, her eyes closed. He ran his fingers through her hair, watching her sleep. She snuggled closer, her head now on his bare chest._

 _He liked to watch her sleep._

Rey turned on her side, curling up. She traced her hand over the left side of the bed. His side. She knew that without asking. Just like she knew he sometimes liked to sleep sideways and he got hot at night, but she got cold and he still let her tuck up next to him.

" _Rey?"_

She crossed the room to the wardrobe. She yanked it open and her heart fell. The only clothes in there were hers. A mixture of uniforms and black robes. Nothing of his.

She pulled open drawers and cabinets. Nothing. No sign that he'd ever been there. Just her belongings. Or what she assumed was hers. The room was mostly sterile. Not homey at all.

" _Rey?"_

" _Where is everything?"_

" _They must've cleaned it out. I'm sorry."_

There was something… something in particular she needed. She felt naked without it. Her hand clutched around her neck. What was she missing? What was important?

" _There's a panel. They might've missed it…"_

She could see it in his mind and she found it under the bed. She accessed it with an ease that was almost second nature. Rey reached her hand into the dark space and felt fabric.

She pulled on it and heavy, dark cloth came into view. She held the tattered fabric, running her fingers across it. It felt familiar. She pressed her nose to it and the scent relaxed her.

It had faded but it was comforting all the same. This was Ben's. It was torn and worn, but it was his.

Rey slung it over her shoulders like a shawl. She reached back into the hiding spot and grabbed a small box.

Still kneeling on the floor, she lifted the lid.

A curled and faded photograph was inside the box. There were two people in it. One was tall with dark hair and eyes. He looked stiff. Lost. A girl was beside him and she smiled. They wore similar tan robes. The girl barely came up to his knees.

" _Is that…?"_

" _Us. Yes."_

Rey set the picture down and found two other mementos. A lock of dark braided hair—Ben's hair—and a tarnished necklace. The chain wasn't broken. A oval-shaped locket hung on the chain.

She got the latch to open and paused. Inside were two tiny pictures. On one side was a dashing man in a leather jacket with a devil-may-care grin. On the other was a dark-haired woman in white, her hair intricately braided and a young boy on her lap. A boy with dark hair and eyes. Ben.

" _My parents," he said softly. "Leia Organa and Han Solo."_

She traced their outlines with her fingertip. She lingered on Ben. He had big ears; too big for his face.

Without thinking, Rey closed the locket and slipped the chain around her neck. She tucked it under her tunic. She held the other photo in her hand. The photograph of them together.

They looked so young. And he looked so sad.

" _Ben?"_

" _Yes, baby?"_

" _What happened? Why aren't you here with me?"_

" _We tried to escape. You were attacked. We were separated in the fighting. I… was hurt. They saved me, but not you. I'm sorry, so sorry…"_

She could almost feel the hot blaster at her back. Her child. Their child. He'd told her about the child. He'd told her then.

Before he lost his hand.

" _How do I get out of here?"_

" _You need to rest. It's too risky."_

" _And if I stay? You said they tried to kill me."_

" _Snoke won't let them kill you. Not with me gone. He needs your power. Our power. He won't let anyone hurt you. You're locked up for your own protection, I promise."_

" _What about you?"_

" _I'm safe with friends. We're going to come to you, Rey. I'm going to come for you."_

She climbed under the covers of the bed, the photograph in one hand, her other hand holding the tattered cloth around her neck. _"I will get away from here. I'll find you."_

" _I know. But you need rest first. Get your strength back. For the baby. Think about the baby."_

" _I will see you soon, Ben."_

" _I love you. Sleep."_

* * *

 _Resistance Base - Corellia_

He knew he should still be resting, but he was going crazy trapped in bed. He needed to do something—anything—besides lay around like an invalid. Rey needed him. She wasn't safe on the _Finalizer_. She wouldn't be safe there as long as Snoke lived. As long as the Knights did his bidding, she wouldn't be safe. Rey was in danger. He knew it deep in his bones.

Ben dressed himself slowly in the loose tunic and pants that had been left near his bed. His old boots were tucked in a corner as well. The clothes he'd worn as Kylo Ren were long gone. Destroyed, he imagined. Not that he carried. No, he was more concerned about Rey and their child.

His new hand still felt odd. He didn't hate it, but he wasn't fond of it either.

Thoughts of Rey propelled him forward. Still weak from his injuries, he almost shuffled as he walked. No one tried to stop him from leaving the med bay. Not that he would have listened anyway.

He remembered the layout from his childhood. His mother's main residence had been on Hosnian Prime, but they'd gone to other bases in the past. His mother had never stopped supporting the cause. Not even with the New Republic in power. She'd known about the rise of the First Order long before it became a valid threat.

Ben never cared about the politics. It bored him. No, he was concerned with the Force and ships and weapons. He loved his mother dearly, always had, but he'd always been more interested in what his father was doing. Of course, he butted heads with Han more than once.

The more he used the Force, the more distant his father became.

Ben knew he wouldn't do that to his own child. To Rey's child. His child would grow up love and encouraged. Most importantly, they would be safe from Snoke. Unlike him.

He could almost picture his son. A curious boy with his mother's eyes. Sweet and kind like her.

Ben could see it.

 _A dark-haired boy hiding behind his mother_ _'s legs while Rey laughed. Her hair was longer now, past her shoulders, and she wore a gray tunic with darker pants. Her stomach was gently rounded already._

 _He could sense his child_ _'s impatience already. His daughter liked to kick Rey when he was near. He loved that little peanut already. His son, however, was skeptical at the very idea of a sibling, let alone a girl._

" _Dad!"_

 _He peeked out from behind Rey and flew into motion—colliding into Ben_ _'s legs. He grimaced at the impact but stroked his son's unruly hair all the same._

" _Are you taking care of mom?"_

 _The head bobbed._

 _Ben smiled._ _"I think Temmin is looking for you. Do you want to go to Uncle Finn's and play?"_

" _Yes! Can I? Can I, please?"_

 _Rey_ _'s eyes peered up at him from his son's face. He never could say no to her. He certainly couldn't say no to his son._

" _Of course." He swung the boy onto his back, like he'd once carried Rey. "Hang on, Han."_

 _Rey smiled up at him._ _"Where are my two men sneaking off to?"_

" _Uncle Finn's!" Han proudly declared, his arms wrapped around Ben's neck. Thankfully his son wasn't as amused by his ears as his mother had been._

" _Oh? Am I invited?"_

" _No! No girls allowed!"_

 _Ben laughed at his son_ _'s proclamation. "Sorry, Rey. We'll be back later. Love you."_

 _He kissed her cheek as Han squirmed, going,_ _"Ewwwwwww…" in his ear._

He stepped into a control room and felt all the eyes turn toward him. Ben wished for his mask. He wasn't used to the attention. Not like this. Not when he was vulnerable. Practically naked without his robes and saber, he felt helpless. A child again. Little Ben Solo who hid behind his mother's skirts.

"Ben," his mother called brightly, coming toward him. "Everyone, this is my son, Ben. It's okay, you're safe here."

He frowned at his mother's voice. She was treating him like a skittish nerf.

Then he knew, thanks to the Force, what exactly she'd done. She'd covered up his crimes. She'd made him a prisoner of the First Order. She'd kept him separate from Kylo Ren. Very few people on base would know the truth and they all respected his mother enough to keep it quiet.

His new hand clenched and unclenched at his side as he stepped further into the room. "Mom… can we talk?"

"Of course." Leia dismissed the others with a wave and came to his side. "What is it? Why are you out of bed?"

"We need to save Rey. She's not safe there."

"I know. We're working on—"

"I have to kill Snoke."

She paused a moment. "Ben, you're in no shape—"

"If I don't, he'll hurt Rey. He'll hurt my son. I can't… you don't know what he's capable of. What he'll do to them. I swore to never let that happen to anyone else. To anyone I loved. I have to stop him."

"You're too weak to help anyone just yet."

"I know. I know, mom, but you don't know what it's like. She's scared and hurting and I can't…"

" _Ben?" her sleepy voice cut in._

His mother put a hand on his shoulder gently. "Ben? Are you…?"

" _Go back to sleep. I'm okay… just worried about you."_

" _I can't sleep. It hurts."_

" _What hurts?"_

" _Everything."_

"Ben? Ben?" A hand shook his arm. His mother. Leia was staring up at him, her face lined with worry and fear. "Ben?"

"It's Rey…" he breathed.

His mother guided him to a chair and he sank into it without as much as a thought. It was instinct. Reactive.

"Is she…?"

"Hurting…"

" _What hurts? Tell me."_

" _Sore. Muscles. My stomach. The baby…"_

" _What about the baby, Rey? What? Are you okay?"_

" _Upset. He's upset. It hurts."_

" _The baby's upset?"_

" _Yes."_

"Ben? Is Rey hurt?"

He shook his head. "Scared. The baby… is upset."

"Tell her to stay calm. To relax. If she's upset, the baby will pick up on it. She needs to stay calm."

" _Rey? Rey, sweetie, you have to stay calm. For the baby. If you're calm, the baby will be calm. Can you do that?"_

" _Are you okay, Ben?"_

" _I'm fine as long as you are. And the baby. Are you okay? Are you in pain?"_

" _No… it's better. He likes your voice, Ben. He's calm."_

His heart swelled. His son. Could he really be having a boy? Could he really have a future with Rey? With his children? Where he would get to see them grow up? Was it possible?

He closed his eyes for a moment. _"I miss you both. I'm going to find a way to you. Just hang in there."_

" _I'll find you, Ben."_

" _Rey—"_

" _I won't let anyone hurt our baby. I won't wait here to die. I'll find a way to you."_

" _Be careful."_

" _I will be."_

"Ben?" his mother's voice was soft.

"They're okay. The baby settled down. Rey… she's trying to find a way to escape. She… she's strong."

"I know."

"I need my saber."

"You're in no shape to fight."

"I will be. Trust me."

"Leia, he has to be there. I've seen it," his uncle said.

He glanced up at the last Jedi, not having sensed his approach. The old man had gotten stealthy.

"Be where?" he asked.

"Snoke. I have seen it, Ben. It's the three of you. Rey, Snoke, and yourself. I've seen it end many ways."

 _A redsaber through a chest. Someone_ _'s dying breath. His? Hers?_

"I have to be there."

"Rest first, Ben. Heal. Or you'll not be strong enough to save her from the Dark Side."

"You've seen it, too."

"Yes," Luke said softly. "I have seen you kill her. I have also seen her kill you. The future is uncertain, Ben. Know that."

He nodded. He would save Rey. He would save his child. Some way. He would save them.

 **Author's Notes:**

Sorry for the delay in updates – it was an insane week for me travel-wise, then I was up throwing up the past three nights. I've been jotting things down in my notebook so hopefully that'll help me with updates. I'm out of town the second half of the week, so that will either help or hurt my updates.

Thank you for continuing to read and review! You guys rock! Feel free to follow me on Tumblr for excerpts and status updates tmcarper


	51. Chapter Fifty

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Fifty**

Rey curled up, the fabric pressed to her nose. She breathed in, tying to memorize the scent she assumed was Ben. It soothed her despite striking her as very male.

Her hands clutched the cloth and felt the ragged, torn edges.

She could hear the sound as it tore. She could feel pain, like a fist to her gut, as it ripped. Loss. It was so acute. She heard herself screaming.

There was a knot in her stomach. Pain. A pang of fear filled her. The baby.

Ben was in her head, full of concern. _"Rey? Are you hurt?"_

" _I don't think so… I had a memory."_

" _You did?"_

" _The scarf. I heard it rip. I heard myself scream. It hurt, Ben. Why would it hurt?"_

" _I don't know."_

" _Was it yours? The scarf?"_

" _Until I gave it to you, yes. I used to wear it every day. You needed it more."_

" _It's torn."_

" _I know."_

" _What happened? Why did I scream?"_

" _It's not important. Are you okay? Is the baby…?"_

She put a hand low on her stomach. The baby had settled back down already, alleviating the queasy sensation she had. She moved her hand in a circle, almost stroking her stomach. Soothing the tiny miracle growing inside her. " _He_ _'s fine."_

" _Good. I was scared for you both."_

" _We're fine. I'm just… shook up, I guess. I wasn't expecting it."_

" _I'm sorry, Rey. I wish I could be there."_

" _You will be. I'll find you."_

" _I have to go. Rest."_

" _I will."_

He was gone and she felt his loss immediately. It was like a piece of her had been torn asunder. She missed Ben. She wanted him back.

The door to their rooms—in her head it was still _theirs_ —whooshed open, revealing the chrome-plated stormtrooper. She held a blaster rifle, but it wasn't aimed at Rey. She imagined the 'trooper felt naked without a weapon. It seemed to be an extension of her arm.

 _A red saber, crackling and buzzing, as it twirled in a lazy arc. An extension of the wielder. Of him._

Just like that, the flash was gone.

"Rey, the Supreme Leader has requested your presence. Come with me."

Slowly, she let the scarf fall from her shoulders and onto the bed. She could feel the 'trooper's eyes on the fabric even through the helmet. Neither of them said a word.

Rey followed the 'trooper, resisting the urge to look back at the bed or the scarf, as she entered the dim hallway. She tried to learn the route they were taking from their rooms, but there were lots of twists and turns and a turbo lift involved. Nothing was marked or labeled. Trying to escape would be foolish at this point.

She stepped into the dim chamber, her eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness. She felt a dark presence. Something evil and malicious.

Her stomach clenched on instinct, her child sensing the threat as well. So strong already. Strong with… the Force. Yes, the Force. It surrounded her. Surrounded everything.

She had it. Her child had it. Did Ben?

She knew… she knew without asking that he did. They both did. They were both strong; powerful. Their child shared it. Their child had the potential to be just as strong as them. Perhaps even stronger.

Rey barely resisted the urge to touch her stomach. To soothe her child. So small and innocent. She would protect him.

" _Rey? It's okay. I love you."_

" _Ben?"_

" _I can't stay. I can't. Just know I love you. Don't let him inside your head. You're stronger than him. I love you."_

" _Ben? Don't go!"_

But it was too late, she couldn't feel him. And it hurt.

She wanted to scream for him. To make him come back. To have him explain.

A figure came into view. A hologram. Large and scarred. A figure cloaked in darkness and pain.

 _A young boy knelt before him, trembling in pain. Blood dripped onto the duracrete floor. The boy_ _'s blood._

She shook the terrifying image out of her head as she knelt on the cold duracrete. She wanted to defy this man—she hated him deep inside her bones, but she didn't know why—but knew it wasn't wise. For her child's sake, she'd kneel.

"Rise, Rey. Come closer, girl."

She listened to him. The Supreme Leader—that's what the 'trooper had called him.

"Good, good. It seems your reconditioning went well. I assume General Phasma has spoken to you about your duties?"

"A bit."

"Well, you are my apprentice. I have high expectations for you. And your child."

She covered her stomach on instinct. As if she could shield him from prying eyes. From this monster.

" _You're a monster!"_

"Yes, I know about the child. You are about eight weeks along, I suspect."

Her child stirred, antsy. She closed her eyes for a moment, willing her baby to calm down. She had to protect her child. She had to get to Ben. She had to get away from this monster.

"And the father?" she asked, sounding braver than she felt.

"Dead. Killed by the Resistance in battle several days ago."

A shock ran through her again as he echoed Phasma's words from earlier. Dead. Ben was dead.

This time, there was no voice in her head to protest. No Ben.

"His name was Bren Hux. Do you remember him?"

Rey shook her head. That name meant nothing to her. Nothing. She wanted to ask about Ben, but knew she couldn't. She wasn't going to say his name. Not to this monster.

"He was a general. A good man," Phasma said. "Murdered in cold blood."

"How long ago?"

"A few days. You were reconditioned to deal with the loss of him. You were inconsolable. For the sake of the child, you agreed to have your memory erased. Do you remember?" the hologram asked.

She shook her head, still holding a hand over her stomach. "No, I don't… I don't remember anything except my name."

"General Phasma will fill you in on the important parts. I will have you relocated to my base of operations shortly. That way you'll have a safe place to give birth to the child. Somewhere away from the Resistance."

"Thank you," she said, softly.

Ben wasn't real. The man she loved wasn't real. Not that it mattered since he was dead. Killed by the Resistance. Killed protecting her? Ben was a figment of her imagination.. A lie she told herself to not be alone. A lie to give her hope.

Hope was the lie.

She belonged here. She belonged with the First Order.

The Resistance would fall. She'd make sure of it. Her child would be safe. The father had been a high-ranking general. Bren. Not Ben. Bren. Bren Hux.

There was no Ben. There never had been any Ben.

It was a lie. A beautiful lie that she told herself. A dream. A myth.

He wasn't real. Ben wasn't real.

* * *

On the walk back to her room, Rey thought about him. About Bren Hux. The man she loved. The man she lost.

Bren. He was sweet. Warm. She liked to listen to his heart. She felt safe with him.

He loved her. He did. Would he have loved their child, too? Would he have been a good father?

She liked to call him Ren. A nickname. Her Ren. He was possessive. Liked to say "mine". She liked it. Being his. He loved her. So much. He protected her. She loved him. Her Ren. Bren. Bren Hux. He died for her. Did he know about the child yet? Their child?

Ben—he was jealous. A friend, maybe? Someone trying to mess with her head while she was vulnerable? Who? And why?

How?

Rey was confused and unsure. She just knew there was a dark-haired figure she loved. He had scars. She could see them; feel them under her fingers. One long slash in particular, but she wasn't sure where. She knew she loved him. She just didn't know where he was. What his name was. If he were dead or alive. She just knew how she felt about him.

The door closed behind Phasma, leaving her all alone inside the room. The empty, dark room. A room with no personal belongings aside from the scarf, locket, and photo she'd found secreted.

Rey sat on the edge of the bed, clutching the locket through her shirt.

So alone.

Ben wasn't real. The voice in her head was imaginary. There was no rescue coming for her. She didn't even know if she wanted to be rescued. Certainly not by the Resistance. Not by the people who killed Bren.

The name felt slightly off; wrong on her tongue. Bren. It didn't roll easily.

She wanted to say the name that haunted her dreams. Not the voice in her head. No... they were very different. No, it was a man. Cloaked in black. Dark eyes. Dark hair. Haunted and possessed. Gloves, leather gloves, on his large hands. He was gentle. Sweet. He loved her.

She felt pleasure. So much. He knew how to touch her. How to move. He knew how to manipulate her body just right. How to make her scream.

"Ren..." she breathed and felt her stomach flutter. "Ren."

His name was Ren. She loved Ren. Was it a nickname for Bren? She wasn't sure. She wasn't sure about anything, really. She just knew she loved a man named Ren. A kind, sweet man. He loved her. He did.

She rubbed her stomach, soothing her anxious child. It was weird, knowing his father was dead. Killed. Killed protecting her. Protecting them. She could hear him screaming at her to run, to flee.

His voice sounded like Ben.

" _Rey?"_

He was back. The voice in her head was back. Ben. But how?

" _What are you doing here?"_

" _I didn't want Snoke to see me. Are you okay? Did he hurt you?"_

" _Get out of my head! You're not real!"_

" _Rey…" he sounded hurt. "That's not…"_

" _Please leave me. Go away…"_

" _No." The voice was firm. "I won't go. I love you, Rey. I'm not leaving. I'm going to find you. I'm going to save you. I love you. I love you."_

" _You're not real. You're not real."_

" _I'm very real, Rey. I love you. Snoke lied to you. I'm right here."_

She closed her eyes, feeling the love and worry all mixed together. She wanted to believe him. She did. But she couldn't…

" _What did he tell you?"_

" _Bren Hux is dead. I don't know a 'Ben'."_

She felt a sudden flash of outrage at the name. A flare of anger and hatred. _"Is that what he told you?"_

" _Bren Hux was killed by the Resistance. My child's father is dead."_

" _Hux… he's not—Rey, he's not the father. And he wasn't killed by the Resistance._ _ **You**_ _killed him. You killed Hux when he attacked you. He—you didn_ _'t love him. Snoke lied."_

" _Then who are you?" she demanded, more confused now than ever before._

" _You first knew me as Ben. When we were kids."_

" _Then?"_

" _Kylo Ren was my name."_

Ren. Ben was Ren. They were one and the same.

" _No… you're not… you can't be…"_

" _Rey, Rey, baby, it's me. I know you're confused. I know… But I'm real. I'm Ren and Ben. You liked calling me Ben more. I thought it would be easier. I'm sorry…"_

" _So who was Bren Hux?"_

There was anger from him again. A flash of rage. But not at her—it was directed at Bren.

She found herself in his head, picking out memories associated with the name.

A no-nonsense ginger man in uniform. Sneering and at odds with Ben—Ren? Obsessed with her. Watching her. Hurting Ben while she screamed and begged for him to stop. Then her. He hurt—

" _No!"_ Ben all but threw her out of his head. _"Rey, baby, no… you don't want to know. You don't…"_

" _Why? What did he do?"_

" _All that matters now is he's dead. He can't ever hurt you again. Okay? You're safe from Hux."_

She felt herself nodding in agreement, even though she didn't quite believe or trust him.

" _Rey? You should rest. Okay? I'll talk to you later."_

" _I will."_

 **Author's Notes:**

So sorry for the delay! I've been really ill and so most of last week I was in no shape to write. I couldn't think straight—lack of food and sleep—so this chapter wouldn't have been very coherent.

I will respond to all reviews from last chapter tomorrow. I wanted to get this up before bed. So sorry again for the delays. I hope to update again by/on Monday.


	52. Chapter Fifty-one

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Fifty-one**

 _Resistance Base - Corellia_

"Ben?"

With bleary eyes, he glanced up from the datapad in his hands. His mother stood in the opening to his room. He hadn't even heard the door open.

"Yes?" His voice was rough from lack of use.

"Have you slept at all?"

Ben shook his head. "No… I have to figure this out. I have to get to her."

"Ben, you're no use to her like this. You need to rest. You suffered traumatic injuries and your body needs time to heal—"

"If it was Dad… you'd do the same thing."

His mother sighed, a big, deep sigh. "It took almost a year to rescue your father from Jabba. I did have to rest. I had to sleep. I had to eat. I had to survive. It hurts. I know. But you can't help Rey or your child like this."

"I don't have a year. Snoke will kill her once the baby is born. I know it. I know him."

Leia sat next to him on the narrow bed. "Rushing in without a plan won't help her or the baby. You need to rest and heal. Let us worry about planning for a bit. The _Finalizer_ is no place for a rescue. You've told me that before."

"She's pushing me out. I'm afraid, Mom. I'm afraid I'll lose her."

"I know. I know."

She wrapped her arms around him and Ben found himself hunched up and in his mother's arms again. He felt like a little boy again. He'd missed this. He'd missed her. He'd missed his home.

"We are going to save her. I promise," Leia soothed, stroking his hair. "The best thing you can do for Rey right now is take care of yourself and rest."

"But—"

"Ssh, rest. We will get her back."

He glanced up at her. "I missed you, Mom."

"I missed you, too, Ben. We never should've sent you away."

He swallowed hard, years of hurt and pain washing over him. "If you hadn't, I might not have ever met her. There's so many things I wish I could change, but not that. Not Rey."

Leia smiled at him. "Get some rest. I'll let you know if anything changes."

He nodded, letting go of her and lying down on the narrow bed. The sheets were scratchy compared to the bed he shared with Rey and the mattress thin, but he didn't care in the moment. He was too tired to care anymore.

* * *

 _The Finalizer_

She shifted on the bed, trying to find the right spot. Her stomach curved under her loose gown, her growing child stirring as well. She rubbed her stomach gently, soothing the upset little peanut growing inside.

The bed dipped as he crawled under the covers beside her.

She felt his hand cover hers. He kissed her stomach and she smiled, her free hand stroking his short hair.

The dim lighting caught the red in his hair. He glanced up to grin at her. "Rey..."

"What?"

He shifted, lying beside her. "Nothing. How's the baby?"

"Restless. She's growing so fast."

"Just like her brother. I just got him to sleep. Took four stories tonight."

"Oh?"

"The scavenger and the officer is still his favorite."

Rey smiled. "Bren..."

"Yes?"

"Nothing. I'm just so happy."

He kissed her deeply, pressing her further into the luxurious bed. Her legs parted to allow him closer when his com link buzzed.

Bren growled, reaching over to grab it, still in full uniform minus the top two buttons of his jacket.

"Yes?" he said into the com, his irritation evident.

"General, the Supreme Leader requests your presence immediately. It concerns the new weapon."

"I'll be right there." He clicked the com off. "I'm so sorry, baby, I'll be back as soon as I can."

He kissed her again and she groaned, tugging on his jacket, trying to keep him close. He was warm.

"Make him wait."

"I can't. You know that. I'll be back before you know it."

She groaned in frustration as he pulled the covers up, tucking her in with a quick kiss to the cheek and another to her stomach.

Rey drifted, her eyes heavy.

The bed dipped again and she felt a warm body tuck up against her. She sighed happily, rolling toward him. "Bren," she breathed.

A hand stroked her cheek. Caressed it. She leaned into the touch as his other hand found her stomach. Her daughter kicked eagerly.

His breath was hot on the back of her neck. She leaned back against him, kissing one of his hands. He groaned softly and she smiled a bit, turning on her back to look up at him.

Only it wasn't Bren. It was a dark-haired man in black robes. A long scar bisected his face.

She gasped, tensing. One hand covered her belly protectively.

"It's okay. I won't hurt you."

She shook her head, wanting to scream. She couldn't help but tremble. Where was Bren?

"Please… don't hurt my baby…"

"Ssh, Rey, like I would hurt my child?" He put a hand out to touch her stomach and she shrank back.

"What did you do to him?"

"Hux? He's fine. I just had to see you. You're so beautiful. My Rey."

"I'm not yours… don't touch me!" She slapped his hand away as he tried to stroke her cheek.

He raised a hand as if he might hit her. She curled up slightly, waiting for a hit that never came. He laughed instead, grabbing her wrists. "Oh, my sweet Rey, I do love it when you fight…"

She screamed against his mouth as he pressed his lips to hers. Tears streamed down her cheeks. He brushed them away with his thumb, still holding her firmly, both wrists now in one hand. She trembled, her only thoughts for the child growing inside her and her young son asleep in another room.

"Oh, Rey…" he breathed. "My beautiful, sweet Rey. And our child. I hope she looks like you. I think she will."

She bolted upright in the bed, panting. Beside her, a body stirred.

"What's wrong?" he asked, sitting up slowly.

"Nothing… nothing. Just a bad dream," she said, still trembling.

He kissed her forehead. "You sure you're okay?"

Rey nodded, her heart racing and her child stirring, upset and anxious. "I'm sure, Bren."

He pulled her close, a hand resting low on her stomach. "How's my baby?"

"He's settling down. He likes you."

"A he? It's a boy?" His face lit up.

Rey smiled. "Yes, we're having a boy. You have a son, Bren. And he's so strong already."

"A boy," he marveled, caressing the bump. "A baby boy. Rey… I…"

"I know." She touched his cheek. "We're going to have a boy."

He kissed her full on the lips, pinning her down with his body. She moaned, kissing back with vigor, wanting—no, needing—more. He gripped her wrists with his hands, holding her down.

She felt her body tense, the memory of Ben heavy. "Let go! Get off! Get off!" she shrieked, kicking and twisting and squirming, her chest tight.

Bren let go immediately, retreating to his side of the bed as she huddled up, her legs pulled toward her chest, protecting her baby. She trembled, her breath coming in little pants.

"Rey? Baby? What did I do?"

He reached out a hand to touch her arm and she shrank away. "Don't…"

"Rey? What did I do?"

"Don't touch me. Don't touch me."

"Baby…"

"Please," she whimpered. "Don't."

"Was it your nightmare? Did I hurt you? I'll never hurt you. Baby, talk to me."

"Bren, don't."

She pulled away further, retreating almost to the edge of the bed. She could still feel Ben on her. His hands. His lips. It made her queasy.

"Rey? What did I do?"

"It wasn't you."

"Then who? Who hurt you?"

"It doesn't matter." She couldn't look at him. Not like this. Not when she felt so wrong. Dirty. Confused. She couldn't. He was too good to her.

"Just tell me," he pressed.

"It was Ben," she said softly.

"Ben?" he repeated.

"Yeah… dark hair… robes?" _Eyes that pierce through your soul…_

"That Ben? Snoke's errand boy?"

Rey nodded.

"I won't let him near you. Not ever. I promise."

"But—"

He took her hand gently, kissing her wrist. She fought the urge to pull away from him. "Ben won't come near you. I promise. I'll kill him if he tries to. I love you, Rey. And I love our baby already."

"I love you, too, Bren."

He slowly pulled her back into his arms and she let him. He was warm and comforting. She felt safe. At home almost. Nothing bad could happen to her while she was with him. Bren would protect her and their child.

Rey closed her eyes, slowly letting sleep pull her back under.

* * *

 _Resistance Base – Corellia_

His eyes flew open at the pain and distress. Rey.

He pushed against the bond, trying to get her attention. Trying to relax her. To make sure she was alright.

" _Rey?"_

 _She bristled. "Go away!"_

" _What happened? What's wrong?"_

" _Get out of my head!"_

He could sense her confusion. Her fear. For herself. For their baby. For… Bren?

" _What did he do?"_

" _Him? It's what_ _ **you**_ _did! You… you're lying to me… always lying to me."_

" _I never lied to you. Rey, please…"_

" _Go away… leave us…"_

She had her arms around her stomach. Protecting their child. He could see it—feel it. She was so scared for their child. She was running on instinct now—instinct telling her to protect her child. Even from him. Somehow she thought he was a threat.

" _Please, just tell me if you're hurt."_

" _Don't speak to me! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"_

It was like a shove. She almost pushed him away. Threw him out.

Stunned, Ben sat up in his bed, rubbing his head. It hurt. His temples throbbed. What had happened to his Rey? Why was she pushing him away? What had she seen? Why was she afraid of him?

It had to be Snoke. Snoke had done something. He knew it.

He had to kill Snoke. And soon. To protect his Rey and their child. He had to kill his Master.

 **Author's Notes:**

It's one co-worker's last week of work and I spent most of the weekend out running errands, so I'm a bit behind on the writing front. I'm also going away again for a week – pup sitting again – so I have to pack Friday night/Saturday morning, get settled, etc. Fingers crossed that my health doesn't decline again… I should have a new chapter up by Sunday night.

I'm working on getting a new medication but it's a time-consuming and likely expensive process to get it.

Thanks for being patient with me and my increasingly erratic updates. You guys rock!


	53. Chapter Fifty-two

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Fifty-two**

It wouldn't be easy to kill Snoke. His Master was good at insulating himself and moving around. He didn't stay in one place for too long. Narrowing down his location would take time and effort—he wasn't sure how much he had of either.

Snoke wouldn't be easily lured. Not even the promise of finding a high-valued Resistance location would be enough of a target to persuade Snoke to make an appearance. Not after what had happened. No, the only thing that would lure Snoke was likely Rey… Rey and his child.

He couldn't wait that long. Perhaps if he offered himself… perhaps Snoke would want vengeance.

There was a knock outside his room. "Come in!" he yelled, still lost in thought. In logistics. He had to find a way to get her back before it was too late. Before he lost them both.

The door whooshed open with a hiss, revealing two men in Resistance uniforms. He recognized them both—the pilot and the traitor. Poe and Finn. Rey's friends and his saviors.

He stepped back, allowing them in. "What can I do for you?" he asked, trying to keep his voice even.

"Rey… do you know where she is?" Finn demanded.

"She's on the _Finalizer_. In our rooms."

He saw something flicker over the former Stormtrooper's face. Jealousy? Worry? No… disgust.

"What did you do to her? Huh? How'd you convince her to protect you?"

Poe put a hand on his arm. "We're not here to fight. We want to help you rescue her. She means a lot to people here. We want to help."

Ben nodded. "Good, I… it won't be easy to save her. Snoke won't want to let go of her. And the _Finalizer_ … attacking it would be suicidal. We could try to infiltrate—"

"What about Hux and Phasma?" Finn asked.

"Hux is dead," he snapped. "It's been a few weeks since."

"What happened?"

"Rey killed him. He deserved it."

"Rey?" Finn looked shocked. "What did you do to her?"

"She had no choice. He attacked her first. She was only defending herself."

"Where were you? I thought you were protecting her?"

Poe put a steadying hand on Finn's arm again, almost restraining him. "Let him talk."

"Why should I? He's part of the First Order. He's a killer! And now Rey… she's out there and he's here!"

"Maybe because I care about her… I care about her more than myself. You weren't supposed to save me. You were meant to save _her_!" Ben snarled. "Of course, I should've known better than to trust a traitor."

Finn lunged at him, breaking free from Poe's hold. The ex-'trooper tackled him to the floor, his fist catching Ben in the jaw. He didn't even try to block it. Not at first. Finn deserved a free hit. He could hear Poe yelling at him to stop, but there was no stopping him.

Ben did his best to half-heartedly block hits. He deserved this. Punishment for failing Rey. Failing their child. He deserved it. He'd planned to die to protect her and he'd fucked that up royally.

Poe managed to separate them, leaving Ben on the floor, his nose and lip bloody and his tunic torn. Finn continued to struggle, cursing, as Poe held him back.

He sat up slowly.

"You should be dead! You… she's the better person. We should've let you die," Finn spat.

"Finn, listen to yourself! That's not what Rey wanted. You heard her. She told us to save him. Rey _wanted_ us to help him. Now, can I let you go or are you gonna punch him again?" Poe said, still holding him back.

"I make no promises."

Poe released him and Finn straightened his clothes. Ben slowly got up and sat on the bed. He clicked his jaw back into place. "I wish Rey was here, too. You were supposed to save her. I was supposed to die," he said quietly.

"Why didn't you?"

"Because… we got separated. And Rey… she couldn't… that blaster. She was meant to be on the transport. We never expected the attack… for the Knights to turn on us like that. To turn on her." He looked down at the floor, seeing specks of his own blood. "I did this to save her. And I failed."

"Ben… we… we will save Rey. Somehow, we will save her. Trust me." Poe sat down next to him. "Have I ever lied to you before?"

He didn't answer. At least, not right away. "Not today," is all he said.

Poe nodded. Finn glared at him from near the doorway. He still looked pissed. "Why did Rey want us to help you?"

"Because I love her and she loves me," he said softly. "And I will do anything to save her."

"Well, getting onto the _Finalizer_ won't be easy. Do you have any people you trust there?" Poe asked, forever planning ahead.

"No, only Rey. I can't trust anyone else. And there's a problem… with the bond. Rey… she isn't herself. She was reconditioned."

He watched the horror flash across their faces. Finn looked visibly ill. He knew as well as Ben did what reconditioning was. What it did to people. How it destroyed them. He would understand.

"Does she remember anything?" Finn asked softly.

"Flashes. Her name," he recounted sadly. "She doesn't remember me. Not really. She thinks I'm fake… a voice in her head."

"Then how are we supposed to save her?"

"I'm not sure. Not yet. But we don't have much time."

"How much time do we have?" Poe asked.

"Only a few months, maybe less."

"Why months?"

"Rey… Rey is pregnant. Snoke will want the child. Our child."

Both men looked stunned. Poe seemed to recover first, nodding in understanding. Finn, however, was far from calm.

"She's pregnant? And you _LEFT_ her?!"

Poe put a hand in the center of Finn's chest. "Buddy, look at me… fighting him won't help Rey. We need to work together."

"If she dies… I'll kill you myself," Finn promised.

Ben nodded. "If anything happens to her, you won't have to. I'll kill myself if I fail her. If I fail them."

Finn hmphed at the suggestion but it seemed to placate him for the moment. "So what was your plan?"

"We have to get her off that ship. Or we have to get on. How would you like to steal a TIE fighter?"

"Been there, crashed that," Poe said. "Plus there's only room for two in a TIE."

"Shuttle then. I know the access codes," Ben suggested, blood still trickling down his chin from his split lip. The pain was minor, more of an annoyance than anything. It reminded him that he was alive; that this was real. That Rey, his Rey, was in danger.

Poe grinned. "What class were you thinking?"

* * *

 _The Finalizer_

Trembling, Rey held her stomach. Her baby stirred, upset as well. Upset because she was hurting. Her distress directly affected her child.

She closed her eyes, trying to slow her breathing and calm down. Not for herself. No, for the child. For this precious gift she had. A reminder that she wasn't alone. A life she'd made with a man she barely remembered. A man stolen from her by the Resistance. Killed.

Bren Hux. The child's father. A general. A good man.

Ben, the voice in her head, wasn't a good man. She wasn't sure how much of what she'd seen was based in memories, but she knew she couldn't trust him. He would try to manipulate her. He was a danger to her child.

Her son. She could sense the energy. A little boy. Bren's son.

Tears streaked down her cheeks as she caressed her stomach, feeling her child, her son, move. He squirmed almost, even as she felt her body relax. Her child was still upset. Fussing almost. She frowned, rubbing circles over the small bump, at a loss for what else to do.

She felt a pushing in her mind. Ben. She went to push him out, to shove him again, but her child twisted excitedly.

Rey paused, letting the barriers down just a bit. Her son settled down as soon as Ben called her name. She might not trust the voice in her head, but her baby did. Her baby liked his voice. Why? Surely her son would want his father—

" _Rey… I am his father. He's ours. Bren Hux isn't the man you loved. I was. Snoke is manipulating you for your powers. To get to our son. I know you don't trust me, but trust our child. All I want is to protect you both. Trust your instincts."_

" _How do I know you're not lying?"_

" _Trust in the Force. Trust in him. Our son knows."_

Her baby kicked happily, twisting in her stomach. He liked the voice. He really did. He seemed to be acknowledging him. She rubbed her stomach again and he calmed down, settling a bit.

" _I don't think I can."_

A sharp kick caused her to grab her side.

" _Rey? You okay?"_

The baby settled down again, a sensation of happiness flooding her. Her son wanted the voice, wanted Ben, to stay. He liked him.

" _Can you just talk to me? He likes your voice."_

" _He does?"_ She could almost picture the smile on his face, the way it almost ran into the scar that slashed his face. A scar her fingers knew well. She'd run her fingertips, her lips, and her tongue up and down the mark more than once. It was a ghost of a memory—a feeling almost.

" _He does."_

He started to sing and she felt her baby relax even further. She, too, felt the tension start to leave her body. She could feel weights pulling at her eyes. His voice was soothing. It had always been soothing. This song, their song—

 _A strong heartbeat under her ear, a hand stroking her hair. A voice, the tone slightly different than the one currently in her head, but it was the same song. Their song._

 _She sighed happily and rubbed her head against his chest again, drifting off._

Rey couldn't help it. She let her exhaustion drag her back down into the darkness as Ben continued to sing to her.

* * *

Rey dressed in robes she found in the wardrobe. Dark robes, but made of a soft, thick fabric that would keep her warm on the ship. Comfortable. Without thinking, she did her hair in three buns. It was second nature for her.

The door to her rooms opened, revealing General Phasma in her gleaming chrome armor, with a trusty blaster rifle in hand. The foreboding commander was expressionless due to her chrome helmet covering her face.

"You are to be transferred off ship."

Rey froze. "What? Why?"

"Supreme Leader Snoke demands it. It is for your safety and the child's."

Rey rubbed her stomach thoughtfully. "How soon?"

"Within a week."

"Where are we going?"

"It's safer if you don't know."

She frowned, rubbing her stomach in circles. She didn't like the idea much at all. It seemed risky. Dangerous. She wanted to know more. Lots more. For her son's sake. For his safety. He was the most important thing in her life and she would do anything to protect him. Even go against the Supreme Leader.

"Can you tell me more about Bren? Did you know him well?"

"I did," Phasma said. "I knew him for many years. We served together for nearly a decade. He was a good man—a brilliant strategist and an impassioned speaker. His death was a great loss for the First Order."

"I'm sorry for your loss."

"He would've been a great father. If only that traitor hadn't killed him." Phasma's voice was bitter and filled with hatred.

"Traitor?" Rey asked.

"Ben Solo," the general spat. "Rebel scum. He's the reason Bren is dead. The son of Leia Organa. Resistance Royalty. He pretended to join our cause but he betrayed us—he betrayed Bren. Killed him."

Rey was stunned. Ben was real? He worked for the other side?

"Ben Solo… did I know him?"

"He worked with Bren. You knew him. Devious son of a bitch. Lied to us all—he tried to befriend you. Even though everyone knew about you and Bren."

Rey nodded, her head swimming. "What else can you tell me about him?"

"About Ben Solo?"

"Yes."

Phasma shook her head. "We were all surprised by him. He started off a good man and loyal to the cause. He did a lot of work for us and with Bren. They worked together a lot. That all changed once you arrived."

"Me? What did I do?"

"Both Ben and Bren were infatuated with you. You chose Bren. Ben didn't take it well. He refused to believe it, even when you became pregnant. He never stopped harassing you."

"What did he do?" Rey asked. It didn't sound like the man in her head. He seemed sweet.

"Bren tried to keep you two apart as best he could. He even talked to the Supreme Leader about reassigning either him or Ben. Snoke refused his request. I think it made Ben angrier. Bren told me that one time he found Ben trying to force himself on you. He stopped it and threw him out, but Ben… he was furious. Two days later, Bren was dead and Ben had turned on us."

She felt a bit ill at the very idea of the image in her head. It was fuzzy, but she could feel hands on her wrists. A body pinning hers down as she fought. A hand around her throat, choking her.

"I don't mean to upset you," the general said in a softer tone. "You asked about him… I though the truth would be the best."

"Thank you for that," Rey said, trying to hold back the tears. "Did Ben… did he ever hurt me before?"

"A few times. Bren told me about it. It was difficult because you were sparring partners. He claimed the injuries were from training."

She could feel her back pressed against a wall, a hard body before her. They were both panting. Hands on her hips. Her arms around his neck. But she couldn't see a face. She didn't feel fear. She felt desire.

"Training?"

"You and Ben were the only Force-sensitives on the ship. He was teaching you how to use it. He was the only one qualified."

The Force. She remembered something about it. A mysterious energy around everything. A power she was able to use and manipulate. She could remember lightning arching from her fingertips.

"Without Ben, who will teach me?"

"The Supreme Leader himself will oversee your training now. I imagine most of it will wait until after your child is born."

Rey ran her hand across her stomach. "Thank you for telling me about them."

"Anytime," Phasma said with a curt nod as she headed for the door.

She sank back down on the bed as the door closed. Her head throbbed from the new information and the flashes she'd felt. Memories? Visions? She wasn't sure.

Rey played with the locket around her neck, glancing at the pictures inside. The little boy could only be Ben—Bren had red hair and the boy in the picture didn't. His hair was so dark it was almost black. She just wasn't sure where she fell in the triangle between the two men—Ben and Bren. A traitor to the Order and a dead general. One of these men fathered her son. She just wasn't sure which one.

If Bren truly was a great man, who was Ben to her? Why were these things hidden in her room? Were they illicit lovers? Was Ben really the father? Where was he then? Why had he left her?

She laid down on the bed, still turning the locket over and over in her hands. She could feel him in her mind, pushing against the wall she'd erected to protect herself. Rey knew he would answer her questions—she just didn't know if she could trust what he said.

She didn't know if she could trust _anyone_.

Dropping the locket to dangle from the chain around her neck, Rey instead caressed her growing stomach. Her son. The most precious and important thing in her life.

Against her better judgment, she lowered her wall and let him in. She could almost feel his relief at being allowed to speak. To feel her. He missed her—she could feel it.

" _Rey…" The way he said her name sent a shiver down her spine._

" _Who are you to me? How did we meet?"_

" _I love you. You were my apprentice. But before that… I knew you… we knew each other as children. You were three when I first met you. We spent two years together before we were separated. I was told you died. We've been together again for several months."_

" _Why don't I remember you?"_

" _There's a barrier in your mind that my uncle created when you were five. The reconditioning on top of that… I'm not sure what to do. I don't know how to help you. And it scares me," he said, his voice tinged with sadness._

She gripped the locket tightly. _"So you and me… we were together? Did Bren know?"_

" _Bren wasn't your husband or boyfriend or whatever lie they told you. You weren't with him. You weren't together. We were. Hux had an obsession with you. And he hurt us both to punish you. Rey, it was always us. You and me, kid."_

She frowned at the nickname. It felt familiar, falling from his lips. It was affectionate as well.

" _Why would they lie?"_

" _To turn you against me. Snoke wanted you dead until he found out about our child. There's no doubt in my mind that once our baby is born he will kill you. I can't let that happen. I'm working on a plan to save you."_

" _They're going to move me. Soon. Phasma told me."_

" _To where?"_

" _I don't know," she admitted._

" _I'm going to find you. No matter what… I will find you. I will save you and our child."_

" _Our son."_

 _She could feel him smiling. "Our son. Oh, Rey… I want nothing more than to be there with you right now. To hold you. I miss you."_

" _Ben…" she breathed and the name felt right on her lips._

" _I'm going to find you. No matter what happens, I'm going to find you. I won't let Snoke hurt our son. I won't. I'll die first."_

" _Ben, no…"_ She felt a twisting in her stomach. _"I can't lose you. Please… be careful. I don't know what I'd do without you. Our son needs you. Promise me."_

" _Rey—"_

" _Promise me you'll come back to me. That you'll be careful."_

 _He was quiet for a long moment. "I will try. I miss you, baby."_

" _Come back to me, Ben. Find us."_

" _I love you both so much."_

" _Our son misses you."_ She could feel it. He liked the feeling of Ben in her head. He liked his father's voice. It soothed him. It soothed them both.

" _I love you, Rey. I will find you. I swear."_

" _I trust you, Ben. I do."_

 _She felt him relax through the bond. "I love you. I love you so much. Just rest. You need your strength. I'll be right here. I won't leave you."_

" _I'm not tired. Not really."_

" _Did you eat?"_

She smiled at his concerned voice. _"I suppose I should get a snack."_

" _Rey, they're calling me. I'm still here. If you reach out, I'll be right back. I just need to concentrate, okay? But I'm still here."_

" _It's fine. Go."_

She felt him retreat a bit, but sure enough, she could still sense him there, in her head. She knew that any extreme emotions would bring him right back. It was funny what she knew. She didn't consciously remember how, but she knew little oddities. She knew a bit about this bond between them.

A Force bond. Impossible to sever. To lose it, to lose _him_ , would be like losing part of herself. Death would break the bond but it would also destroy the survivor. She didn't know how she knew that, she just did.

She found herself rubbing her stomach and reaching out to sense her child. He seemed calmer with Ben there, even though he wasn't actively speaking to them. Her son trusted Ben. He trusted his father. And she trusted his instincts more than her own at the moment. Especially with how her head throbbed.

 **Author's Notes:**

So sorry for the delay! Those of you who follow me on Tumblr ( tmcarper) already know this, but things have been crazy with my job, traveling, and health. I also hit a bit of a roadblock with the outline, but I think I'm starting to iron it out.

I'll probably only be posting once a week for a while. If I'm lucky, I might get two posts a week some weeks. At least until we get through the summer.

Big thank you to my helper, MeganD1215. I've been pestering her with story questions and snippets for ages. In return, she bothers me with her own stories.

Lily – Thank you so much!

Dylan – Sorry to hear that. Thanks for reading.


	54. Chapter Fifty-three

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Fifty-three**

She wrapped the tattered and torn cloak around her shoulders, the material rubbing against her cheek as she lay on her side in the bed. She rested one hand on the curve of her stomach. Her son moved in response. She could feel him through the Force. So intelligent and curious already.

Rey wasn't sure she ever wanted children—she couldn't remember—but with her son moving around in her stomach, she couldn't imagine _not_ having him. Even when being pregnant made her extremely ill, she wouldn't have changed anything. She had been told that the sickness was normal and temporary. She didn't mind the nausea as Ben was there to soothe her when it happened. He was there most of the time now.

She tried not to think about her impending transfer. Rey was already concerned about potentially losing contact with Ben. Or forgetting him again. Or anything else that might happen to her growing son. She was afraid for him more than for her own safety. Ben's son. Her son. She would protect their child.

" _I have a plan to get you, Rey," Ben said._

" _How? I don't even know where I am."_

" _I can feel you through the Force. I can see you almost like a bright, shining beacon of light. I can find you."_

She smiled at the thought. _"When will you come?"_

" _Soon. Tomorrow, I hope. Some of your friends are helping me. We're going to get you. I'll find you. Okay, Rey? I'll find you."_

" _I believe you, Ben. I believe you."_ Her son shifted. She rubbed her stomach. _"He believes you, too. He misses you."_

" _I miss you both."_

" _How will I know it's you… when you come?"_ Her memories of him were still hazy. She kept trying to remember him, but it was mostly foggy glimpses of a dark-haired man in black robes. She could remember the feel of leather gloves against her skin. The clank of a helmet as it hit a table. The sound of his heart beating beneath her head.

" _The Force," he said. "That's how you'll know, baby. Our son will help."_

She felt a warm rush. Their son. Theirs. Hers and Ben's. Her family. She had a family.

" _Rey… I found out more about your family. About your parents."_

" _You did?"_

" _I'll tell you all about them soon."_

" _You will? You promise?"_

" _I swear, Rey."_ She could almost feel his large hand stroking her cheek. He was warm. Safe. He loved her. So much. She could feel it.

And he loved their son fiercely. He would protect them both. She closed her eyes, revealing in the bond between them.

 _A young girl pulled on his robes, drawing his attention. He stared down at her. She didn't blink or flinch under his stare._

" _Hi, Ben."_

" _Kira… don't you have lessons?"_

 _She shrugged her thin shoulders, her robes still loose. She was the smallest of all the padawans. "It's boring. I missed you."_

 _He sighed heavily. "Okay, kid. But just for a bit."_

 _She scrambled up him like an animal, clinging tightly, as she hung around his neck. He helped her get situated on his shoulder. She griped his hair in her fists._

" _Go, Ben!"_

Rey held her stomach. It was her. This was a memory of her. One of Ben's memories of them, back when they were kids. She was younger and smaller but her hair was in the same buns her fingers knew by heart.

" _I'll help you remember, Rey. I promise."_

She smiled. _"I love you, Ben."_

" _Rey—"_

The connection between them fizzled out, like a static-filled comm. She could barely feel him at all, the bond dull. She screamed against the wall between them, panic filling her. Her son stirred and she tried to breathe.

Had something happened to Ben? Was he hurt? What if he were dying?

" _You will come to me, apprentice. It is time," a male voice, not Ben's, hissed in her head._

She put a hand on the side of her head, wincing in pain. This wasn't like her bond with Ben. Not at all. This hurt, like someone was forcing thoughts into her head. It throbbed and her son was very upset.

"Time?" she asked outloud.

" _Collect your things. You will come to me. For the child's sake."_

Snoke. This was Snoke. The hologram. He was in her head. How…?

The Force. It was the Force.

"Yes… Master," she said. The word sickened her. Snoke sickened her. She wanted Ben. But she couldn't hear him. She couldn't find him.

She rubbed her stomach, trying to reassure her child. No matter what, she would protect this precious life inside her. She'd die to protect her child. She'd kill anyone who tried to harm him. Even the mysterious man who claimed to be her master.

She would find a way to Ben. She would keep their son safe. No one would hurt their child, not like how they'd been hurt.

* * *

 _Resistance Base – Corellia_

Ben stretched his limbs as he stood up. He nearly dropped the datapad on his lap. He'd been working on studying schematics for multiple ships, including the _Finalizer_ , and also the transport ship that Poe and Finn had stolen. He wasn't sleeping much. Not with his worries about Rey and their baby.

He liked having the bond again and feeling her near him. He knew she was far off from him, but with the bond, she could be anywhere in the galaxy and he'd feel her. That's how powerful it was.

And his son. He was amazed at his son. He already knew his son was Force-sensitive. He could feel it.

Rey would be a good mother. He knew it. Her instincts to protect their son were ingrained. He loved seeing the protective, feral side of his Rey. The woman he loved. The woman carrying his child.

It had been two weeks since he last saw her in the flesh. Two weeks. It was driving him crazy not seeing her. Not touching her. Not being there to comfort her and feel his child grow. He was missing so much.

" _Ben? Ben?"_

" _I'm here… what's wrong?"_

" _Snoke… he's summoned me. Ben… I'm scared."_

" _I'm right here. I'm here. It's okay."_

" _Where are you? Are you coming?"_

He felt his heart breaking. _"Rey, it's okay. It's okay… you have time. You have to relax. For the baby."_

" _I can't…"_

Ben closed his eyes. _"Rey, sweetie, listen to my voice. You need to rest. Okay? I'm going to sing to you. I want you to lay down. Can you do that for me?"_

" _I'm scared."_

" _I know. I know. I need you to relax."_

He started to sing their song and he felt Rey relax in degrees. She was still upset, but he could feel their child relaxing. He could feel them both starting to drift.

" _Ben…" Rey whispered as she fell asleep._

* * *

She stared at the man before her. A threat to her master and her child. It was her duty to eliminate the threat.

She thumbed on the lightsaber at her side, the blade igniting to reveal a deep red color, like fresh blood. No one would harm her child. No one.

He, too, turned on his saber. The blade was red as well, only his had vents making a crossguard, and his made a crackling sound compared to the steady hum of hers. He held it in a defensive position.

"Rey, I don't want to fight you. Come with me. Let's go…" He held out his free hand.

"No! Stop lying!"

She lunged at him and he tried to block her strike. Over and over, she swung at him and he did his best to deflect her blows. She nearly got him twice, but he was quick on his feet despite his tall frame. Rey had slowed down a bit, her balance not as good thanks to the child growing inside her.

"Rey, please…"

"I won't let you take my child!"

She struck at him again and he faltered, allowing her to singe his robes. She could smell the burnt cloth and seared flesh.

"Rey, it's me. It's Ben—you don't have to do this. Snoke is lying to you! He's the one trying to take your child. To take _our_ child."

"You lie!" she snarled.

He extinguished his saber. "I won't fight you. Rey… you can kill me if you have to. I love you. I love our baby. I want you to be safe. If killing me does that—then go ahead, kill me. I won't stop you."

The dark-haired man knelt before her, his eyes focused solely on her. She paused, still holding her humming saber. What was he doing? Why wouldn't he fight her?

" _Kill him. He lies. He will kill you and take the child. Kill him…" a voice pressed in her head; her master's voice._

Arms shaking, she plunged the saber into his heart. He reached out, his hand grabbing her arm, her name on his lips as he took a last, gasping breath.

Rey bolted upright, gasping and panting, in the bed. Her heart raced and she felt her child stirring unhappily in her stomach. She put a hand over her belly, trying to soothe her anxious baby as she adjusted to the dark room.

Was it a dream? A nightmare?

" _Rey? Rey, baby?"_

Ben's voice was sleepy and disoriented. She sighed, relaxing more. _"I'm okay… I think. What was that?"_

" _A nightmare, I hope. But it might be a vision. Of the future. I usually only see flashes though. I never had one like that."_

" _How do we stop it?"_

" _The future is always in flux. I won't… you won't hurt me. And if you do… if you have to in order to protect our son, do it. If you have to, I want you to kill me, Rey."_

" _Ben, no!"_

" _Promise me, Rey. Promise me that if you have to, you will. Promise me you'll do whatever it takes to protect our son. Snoke is powerful."_

" _I can't… I won't kill you."_

" _He could turn me against you. Rey, he could push me to attack you. Promise me that you won't let me hurt you. Please…"_

Her heart ached at the very thought. At the idea of plunging a saber into his heart. He was a good man. He loved her. And he loved their son. How could she deprive her child of his father? How could she kill Ben?

" _Rey, promise me…"_

" _I can't. We'll find a way. I won't kill you. Ever. I know you won't hurt me. You won't hurt us. I love you, Ben. I won't kill you."_

" _Rey, you might have to. If I try to hurt you… or the baby…"_

" _You won't. I know you. You're a good man, Ben. And I love you. I won't kill you."_

" _If I try to harm you or our child, Rey… I want you to kill me. I want you to protect yourself and our baby. Promise me…"_

" _I can't kill you."_

" _If you have to, don't hesitate. Please… if I ever hurt you… it would kill me. Please… I couldn't live knowing I did that."_

" _I won't kill you. We'll find a way. But I won't do that. I won't."_

Before he could protest further, she blocked him. She couldn't kill him. Not even to save herself or their child. She couldn't kill him. She loved him. He loved her. She might not remember much about him, but she knew that. She knew how important he was to her. She wouldn't kill him. His blood wouldn't be on her hands.

"It's time."

Rey jolted awake to see Phasma in her gleaming armor standing over her. "What?"

"Wake up. It's time for you to leave. Dress quickly and pack. One bag. The rest will be provided for you."

She sat up. "What time is it?"

"You have five minutes. I will escort you to your new lodgings. Hurry."

The captain turned and swept out of the bedroom with a swish of her cape, leaving Rey rubbing her stomach uncertainly in her bed. Ben wouldn't have time to get to her. Not now. There was no way he was close enough to intercept her. There was no time.

" _Ben? Ben?!" she called through the bond._

 _It took a moment. She could sense how groggy he was. He'd been asleep as well. "Rey? What's wrong?"_

" _I'm being moved. Ben…"_

" _Where? Rey, where?"_

" _I don't know. I don't… I'm afraid I'll lose you. Ben..."_

" _Stay with me. I'm gonna find you."_ He sounded more alert now. More awake. Much more awake than she felt. She was stumbling to dress herself and tuck the locket under her shirt. She hated the stiff material of the uniform. She grabbed Ben's scarf and tucked it into a bag she'd found in the closet. It was one of the few important things she had. That and the locket. She left the picture of them in the hiding spot. It was too risky to bring.

As she swung the bag on her back, Phasma returned. "Are you ready?"

"Yes."

* * *

 _Resistance Base – Corellia_

Half-dressed, Ben sprinted through the hallways to the command center. He could feel his mother through the Force. She was there, pouring over more charts.

"Mom…"

She looked up as he ran into the room. "Ben? What's wrong?"

"Rey. They're moving her now. Taking her off the _Finalizer_. She's being taken to Snoke. I know it. We have to follow them. We have to find her."

"Ben, calm down."

"I can't. It's Rey… Snoke…"

She put her hands on his face. "Ben, ssh. We will get her back. But not like this. Not without a plan."

"You don't understand… Snoke… what he'll do to her… to the baby…" He couldn't think straight. He could hardly get a breath in.

 _A pain in his head. A constant ache. A voice. It told him to do things. Made suggestions and threats. It hurt. He tried to tell his mom. His dad. Even Uncle Luke. But no one believed him._

 _They sent him away. Sent him to train._

 _Snoke was the voice's name. It never left him, not until Kira. She drove him away. She brought him peace for the first time in a long time. Until the voice hurt her. The voice was too strong. And so he lost Kira. He lost her in the attack._

 _He belonged to Snoke. To the pain. To the darkness._

He couldn't let that happen to Rey. To their child. Snoke wouldn't harm his child. Not while he lived.

"We will find them. It's okay, Ben. Ben… look at me," his mother tried, but he pulled away. It was too late for comfort or for well-meaning platitudes.

"I can't… I can't…"

He ran. He ran. No one stopped him. No one. He could feel Rey through the bond, but she was fading. There was something… in the air. A drug. Rey was being drugged. He felt her slipping away as he flipped switches inside an X-wing. As he went through long buried motions learned at the hands of his father. As instinct took over.

"I'm coming, Rey. Hang on."

 **Author's Notes:**

Sorry for the delay! It's been hell at work lately. Thank you for continuing to read and review. Thank you 'guest' for your multiple reviews so far!


	55. Chapter Fifty-four

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Forty-four**

 _First Order Shuttle – Destination Unknown_

The double-bladed lightsaber felt perfect in her hands. Heavy and sturdy. With her weapon, she could protect her son. She would do her best to get to Ben, while in the meantime, she could defend her child.

She belted it at her side. It was good to be armed again.

She was still only an apprentice and much of her training would be on hold due to her pregnancy. At least, that's what she assumed. She had no reason to think otherwise. Snoke wouldn't risk her child's life. Not with Ben gone.

It would take days to travel from the _Finalizer_ to her new home. A temporary home, she assumed. One where Snoke resided.

Ben was anxious through the bond. He was doing his best to follow them—she could feel it—but he hadn't been beside the ship when she left. He would arrive a day or two after her—maybe more.

Rey slept a lot. Han moved around anxiously, clearly picking up on Ben's nerves. She did what she could to soothe her boys, but carrying another person took a toll on her body and her stamina. Her body was changing before her eyes now; her stomach distended and rounded with Han which affected her balance even when she simply tried to stretch her limbs.

Luckily, there seemed to be no shortage of food on the shuttle tearing her away from Ben. She ate and slept. She talked to Ben. Sometimes she went through half-remembered forms with her lightsaber. It varied. The hours and days blended together. She lost all track of time. Space was vast and even with hyperspace travel, it could take days or weeks to reach some parts of the galaxy.

When they finally landed, Rey felt ill.

It felt strange and wrong to be back on a planet after spending so much time in space. Rey felt disoriented and nauseous—which she was assured would pass in time—making her wish like hell to still be on the _Finalizer_. The starship felt like home now, even without Ben for physical company. He rarely left her head, which delighted her growing child. He was excitable when Ben was in her head.

She rubbed her growing stomach. "I know, I miss him, too," she assured the little bump. _Their_ son. Hers and Ben's.

With each passing day, she remembered more about him. Little things, sometimes little more than a flash or a sensation, but they were memories. Many of them were of herself as a little girl. A lot of them were seen through his eyes. She felt closer to him and more like herself.

Her Ben. The man who used to be known as Kylo Ren. Who loved her. He wanted to find her. To find their child. To protect them both.

She trusted him. She believed in him. In the Force. He'd find his way to her. She'd help him. They'd be reunited soon. They would be together. Be a family. They would raise their son together.

" _Rey…" he called her name in an almost musical way._

 _Their son twisted happily in her stomach and she smiled. "Ben."_

" _You okay?"_

" _Just nauseous."_

" _Where are you, baby?"_

" _Well, it's fairly dark here. Warm, but not oppressively hot. I slept most of the flight. I'm sorry."_

" _It's okay. I felt you sleeping. I know approximately how long you were out. Of course, with hyperspace—"_

" _Ben."_

" _I know." She heard him sigh loudly. "I'm sorry, I'm just scared. I can't lose you."_

" _You won't. You'll find us. I believe in you."_

" _Rey…"_

" _It's fine. We're both fine. I'm just a bit disoriented."_

" _I know… it's hard to adjust to space travel. You'll get used to it eventually. I don't know if you remember, but you're one hell of a good pilot."_

" _I am?"_

" _You are. You know a lot about ships, too. I'll tell you all about it one day. We have a ship here at the base just for you. She's a special ship and needs lots of work, but I know you're one to do it."_

Her heart warmed at the mention of a future. A future where they were together and safe. _"Does this ship have a name?'_

" _Yeah, the_ Millennium Falcon _."_

" _The one that made the Kessel run in fourteen parsecs?"_

" _Twelve." She heard him laugh. "And, yes, it's the same ship. You've flown it before."_

" _I have?"_

She didn't remember it. She had heard stories of Han Solo and his legendary ship—most kids near spaceports had, especially on a lawless hunk of sand like Jakku—but to think that she'd flown it? That it was waiting for _her_? It seemed impossible.

" _Finn can tell you more about it. I wasn't… I wasn't there for that."_

" _Where were you?"_

" _On the_ Finalizer _. I was hunting a droid. It's a long story, Rey. And I promise, I will tell you everything. I will. And what I don't know, I'll help you figure it out."_

She felt a warmth in her chest. _"I believe you."_

" _I'm going to find you. Soon. I promise."_

Rey rubbed her stomach, feeling her child stir and stretch. He was growing fast, her son. A check-up the other day had pegged him at fifteen weeks. The original timeline they'd assumed was wrong. Rey wasn't sure how long she'd been with the First Order, or with Ben, or how fast time had gone. All she knew was that she was a third of the way to holding her son. Ben's son.

" _I know."_

" _Rest, Rey. For our son. Rest. I'll find you. Don't worry."_

" _I'm not."_

" _Good. I love you."_

He went quiet and she followed her chrome-plated escort to her new rooms. She held her stomach as she walked, wincing at the sharp pain in her side. Rey grit her teeth, rubbing her rounded belly where Han was. He shifted uneasily and she hissed.

Something was wrong. She wasn't sure what, but it hurt.

A fear built inside her… a fear that she might lose her child. She'd already grown attached to the growing baby. To her son. To Ben's son.

Rey clutched her stomach as pain rolled through her. She cried out and felt wetness seep between her legs. What followed was a flurry of activity and droids and pain as she was taken to a med bay, scanners run over her belly, all while people and more droids communicated around her and about her. Through it all, she heard Ben in her head, heard him calling for her. She felt the fear flowing through the bond. For her. For their child.

Pain. So much pain. She screamed again, clutching her stomach—her son. She couldn't lose her son.

" _Rey, what's wrong? Rey?"_

" _The baby… I think I'm losing him. Ben, I think I'm losing our son."_

" _Ssh, baby, it's okay. I'm here. I'm here."_ She could almost feel him kissing her neck and holding her hand. Her Ben. Her sweet Ben.

She whimpered, the pain dulled now by drugs. She could still feel her anxious baby moving about. Still alive. For now.

" _Stay with me, Rey. Stay with me. I'm here,"_ Ben said and she curled into the warmth of his voice.

Hours later, Rey emerged from a drugged haze to see a chromed 'trooper before her. Phasma. The woman turned to her.

"You gave us a scare. Rest now… your child is safe."

"What… happened?"

"There was a complication. It has been resolved. You did lose some blood. The child is fine."

She nodded faintly, rubbing her growing stomach. There was a slight stirring in response. "He is? My son is all right?"

"Perfectly healthy. He should continue to be well. You'll be halfway soon."

"But he's fine?"

"You both are. Rest and reduced stress is what is best for you both. Bed rest for at least a week, maybe more."

"Thank you… for saving us."

Phasma jerked her head curtly. That's how Rey knew her 'rescue' was more out of duty than any compassion the woman had for her. "Rest. I'll check on you later. The droids will monitor your vitals."

Rey nodded slowly, her hands still touching her belly. She could feel Han shifting. It soothed her, almost as much as Ben in her head. She could feel him there, just out of reach. The connection between them was dulled, most likely from the medication in her system. Even Han felt sluggish compared to his usual energetic movements.

" _Ben? We're okay… Ben?"_

It was hazy. Foggy. She couldn't feel his response. She didn't even know if he'd heard her. And Han, Han was tired. They both were.

She let her exhaustion settle in and carry her back into the blackness, her hands resting protectively on her stomach. Over her child. The piece of Ben she carried.

* * *

 _Stolen X-Wing – Destination Unknown_

Ben barely slept. When he started to slump at the controls, he'd set the auto-pilot, but his sleep wasn't deep. It was full of nightmares. Fears for Rey. For their child.

Being apart from them already pained him. There was an ache in his chest meant for her and his child. He loved their son already. He could feel him move in Rey, feel the excitement when Ben popped through the bond. His son. So intelligent already. A fighter just like his mother.

When he felt Rey's pain and Han's distress, it broke him. He pushed the ship harder, putting every bit of power into the engines. Into reaching them. His family. His Rey. His son. His everything. He was still too far away. He could feel it through the bond. The invisible thread pulling him along; guiding his every decision.

His family. He had to get to them. He had to save them. They were in danger because of him.

He screamed for her in his mind, trying to find out what was wrong, but she was pulling away from him. She was losing her hold on the present. He felt her collapse.

It was quiet then.

Ben sat at the controls of his stolen ship, his breathing ragged, as he waited for something—anything—that would tell him their fate. Rey. His son. He was completely powerless. He'd never felt this weak before. Not in a long time.

Time slowed for him.

" _I think I'm losing him…"_

His heart broke as he tried to soothe her. He wanted to be there. He wanted to hold her. To be there for her; for their son. Even if he couldn't do anything, he wanted to be with her. He didn't want her to be alone. Not now. Not like this.

Silence again.

Then he heard her voice, so worn and exhausted, but alive. _"Ben…"_

Before he could respond, she faded out again.

Snoke. It had to be his Master's handiwork. His Master was near her. He was interfering now.

He could still feel her. He could still follow the bond.

Ben braced himself as he charted the last of the course. A course that would lead him right into hell. One that would bring him face-to-face with his Master. He knew now where Snoke was hiding. He'd been to this rock before. He'd learned many things there.

None of that mattered. Not now. What mattered was saving her. Saving their innocent son.

Ben Solo closed his eyes before pushing the lever and jumping into hyperspace for what might very well be the last time.

 **Author's Notes:**

I haven't been writing – I'll be honest. Work went overboard and I unplugged for a week in mid-August while I was housesitting in the country – which ended tragically when the special chicken (more of the family pet than some dogs) was killed on the last morning. I have two co-workers about to undergo surgery and have prolonged absences requiring more preparation on my part. I have four storytimes to plan for in addition to the six or so NaNo events, four more Minecraft sessions, and a Facebook 101 for adults. My head is still spinning. (My day job is as a public librarian, BTW… and I spent most of last week copying and collating papers for a meeting when I wasn't putting together shelving units – anything boys can I do, I can do in high heels and a skirt.)

Plus my laptop decided to freak out, so I spent the majority of last week rebooting it back to out of the box state… Windows 10 doesn't like to let you just go back a hair. It took four hours for it to restore. FOUR. Then my desktop thought it would be funny to not turn on anymore… It's been insane lately in my personal life.

So check in on my tumblr for updates about progress and excerpts. (I'm tmcarper over there.) I haven't forgotten about you guys, I promise. I'm just overwhelmed. I'll respond to reviews tomorrow – I just wanted to get this up ASAP.


	56. Chapter Fifty-five

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Fifty-five**

 _First Order Base_

Reckless. Impulsive.

Just like his father.

They had always been more alike than Han Solo wanted to admit. Because Ben shared the Skywalker curse of Force-sensitivity—in his father's mind, not his—he liked to say Ben took after Leia or even his Uncle Luke. Han would laugh nervously but he didn't like the comparison to his only son, especially as he grew older.

As they grew apart. Too much alike and too different at the same time. Always apart—Ben with Luke and Han off chasing who knew what. His mother certainly didn't know. He remembered Leia crying at night when she thought he was long asleep. As if he couldn't feel her pain.

Ben learned to shut out the intense emotions of others around him. He learned to close himself off. It took practice.

But he could never escape his family. His bloodline. So here he was, chasing after Rey blindly and willingly, into a trap he knew would leave one or both of them dead. He knew escape was a long shot. A false hope.

Snoke manipulated him because of the Skywalker bloodline. He was a descendant of Darth Vader, once a Jedi named Anakin Skywalker, and the only heir to the bloodline. His uncle never married and if there was a woman in his life, it would be a surprise to Ben. Luke lived like a monk; focused on the Force more than anything. A hermit even before his self-imposed exile. Now Rey carried the next generation of Skywalker. Han. Strong in the Force like his parents and heir to a cursed legacy. One that made his unborn son a target.

Han wouldn't suffer the way he had. He'd die to protect him and Rey.

Sirens went off around him as he approached the base. He didn't care. He could feel his old Master through the Force. Feel the pleasure coursing off the old man. Snoke had his son. He had Rey. Now he would have him. All three of his pawns.

He strode down the ramp with his head held high. He wasn't about to show weakness to his master. Not when Rey needed him. Not when his son needed him. He wasn't about to lose his family.

A dozen Stormtroopers greeted him with blaster rifles pointed at his heart.

Ben raised his bare hands slowly and sank to his knees in a gesture of surrender. He could sense Rey. She wasn't far from him. He would always find her. He could follow the invisible thread binding them together. The bond.

" _Ben?"_ _Her voice weak and sacred. Tired._

" _I'm here. I'm here, sweetheart. Hold on."_

He ignored all the dreams and warnings. All the visions. Her death. His death. He didn't care right now. She could skewer him with a saber and he wouldn't care. Not as long as her and Han were both safe.

Binders clamped on his hands before he was allowed to stand. He didn't fight. He couldn't risk their lives. He felt the fear and distress through the bond.

"Take me to my Master," he ordered in a commanding tone. One reminiscent of his masked voice.

They half dragged him to a nearby chamber and shoved him to his knees. He remained, doing his best to calm the rage inside. To slow his breathing and the pounding of his heart. To control himself. Center. Clear his mind. He was too emotional and that was dangerous to his family's survival. To his son.

He couldn't be like his mother. He couldn't be diplomatic or angry. He had to be like his father. Cool under pressure. Without a care.

A scoundrel.

Ben gathered his wits and focus, only to lose his grip the moment they entered. His master in dark robes, a clawed hand on the shoulder of the woman he loved. Rey, shaking and terrified.

"Rey," he whispered hoarsely, not really believing his eyes. So close and so far from him.

She was a vision to him with her delicate hands hovering protectively over her stomach. Over their unborn son. Fierce and protective, his scavenger. He loved her. Right now he wanted to run to her and hold her close in his arms. To promise that everything would be all right, even if it was a blatant lie.

He saw her lips move as she formed what should be his name, but she was gripped by a sudden pain and double over, clutching her stomach. Their son.

He lunged toward her but he was held back by the Force. Trapped and unable to move. Unable to help her.

"Rey!" There was panic in his voice now. Fear flowed through his veins. His Rey, his love. She was hurting and he couldn't reach her.

Snoke. His master was the one holding him back. He should've known that snake of a human was behind this. Snoke would hurt the person he held most dear and precious to him. His Rey. His son. Both of whom he wasn't ready to live without. Not now. Not ever.

"Rey! I'm here. I'm here. Look at me, look at me…"

Those hazel eyes he knew so well, filled with pain though they were, looked up at him as she clutched her stomach. Her face, once sun-kissed, was eerily pale and devoid of all color. She looked half-dead.

"Ben…" It came out a bare whimper.

He remembered their earlier conversation. Han. She'd nearly lost their son once already. Han was sensitive to her distress. Their shared distress.

"Look at me. Look at me. It's okay. I'm here."

The 'troopers escorting him hauled him several steps back as he tried to pull closer. Rey let out another harsh cry, sinking to the floor in pain.

"Rey! Rey… sweetheart, it's going to be fine. It's going to be okay. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here with you. I'm always with you. Rey… Always."

"Ben, it hurts… so much..."

"I know. I know." He looked at her eyes and saw the tears falling down her cheeks. He wanted to take it all away. "I'm here. Let me in, Rey. Let me in."

He felt a rush of pain flood his system as Rey opened the bond between them fully. It was Han. It was Han's distress. Their son was upset and scared and he wanted Ben. He wanted to get to him and it was hurting Rey.

"Master, please… the child. He's in distress. She's going to lose him."

Snoke made a dismissive motion with his hand and the 'troopers hauled him further back. Rey wailed in pain, contractions squeezing her lower abdomen. He saw the blood trickle onto the floor.

"Master! Please…"

He struggled against the men holding him back. Keeping him from his family. He wasn't going to sit back and watch them die. Not when he was here. Not when he was mere feet from them. He wasn't about to lose them both.

"I don't care about the girl, Kylo Ren."

"If she dies, so does my son! He's in distress. He wants me. Please, Master…"

A long pause punctured only by her uneven gasps. Her pain. The fear that swallowed them both through the bond.

"Let him go. Keep the binders on."

Ben didn't wait. He stumbled to sit beside her on the floor and pulled her into his lap. She sobbed onto his shoulder, her body trembling from pain and fear. He kissed her cheek. "I'm right here…"

Miraculously, Han settled and the severe cramping and pain running through Rey slowed. Her breathing began to even out, but his grip on her remained strong. He couldn't lose her. He couldn't lose them. Not now. Not like this. Not to Snoke.

"I'm right here. I won't let him hurt you. I promise. I'm not leaving you."

He felt a wave of joy from his worried child. Han had no idea that his distress could harm his mother. He had no idea of the pain he caused. He just wanted his parents together.

"Ben…"

"Rest. I've got you." He kissed her cheek and pulled her tighter in his arms even with the binders. He'd keep them on if it meant he could stay with her.

Above him, Snoke watched. "Very interesting… very interesting indeed. Prepare a room. Lock them inside. Keep the binders on Kylo Ren. Try and escape and I will make you watch your scavenger die."

He tightened his hold on her. "I won't. You won't touch her."

Snoke smiled, a sinister, slow smile on his crackled face. "We'll see, Kylo Ren. We'll see."

He didn't care. He didn't care what his Master did to him as long as Rey and Han survived. He just had to keep them alive long enough for a rescue or for them to escape. He wasn't going to lose his family to a madman.

Not when he could stop it.

 **Author's Notes:**

This was a difficult chapter to write. It's a real turning point in the story and I've been going through a lot with work and health-wise. I recently had surgery and it caused a partial relapse. I'm recovering, but it's slow and painful. I won't know the next steps until later December, but it looks like the surgery uncovered some damage to the lining of my throat, but the steps meant to improve other things caused severe pain in my side.

I'm continuing to work at the moment so we'll see how things go.

I've got two other Reylo projects in the works so once I wrap up R&R… at least five more chapters to go… I'll start posting the AU I've been working on. The other is for round two of the Reylo Sin Anthology and I haven't even started it yet.

Thanks for your patience. I do hope to be past this roadblock soon and get this story wrapped up.


	57. Chapter Fifty-six

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Fifty-six**

Their room was more of a cell than a guest room. Empty and stark except for a bed and an attached refresher, it was cramped, cold, and grey. Rey curled her body against his, soaking up his warmth and also the sheer delight of the baby inside her. Han was overjoyed to have Ben back with them.

Her son would barely hold still in her stomach now that Ben was here. It didn't matter that his hands were clamped in binders. Not to Han. This was his father and he loved him. He wanted to be with Ben, even though it wasn't possible yet. Not for a few more months. Maybe longer. Her entire concept of time was a bit disrupted.

It was strange to finally see him in the flesh, this man she didn't fully remember, but who her body remembered. This man who her son loved and trusted. A man that she trusted as well. A voice from inside her head. It still seemed crazy really.

She traced the scar across his face tentatively. He flinched a bit, but didn't pull away from her touch. "Does it hurt?"

"The scar?"

She nodded as Han flipped in her stomach at Ben's voice.

"Sometimes. But not enough to really bother me, I guess. Do you remember it?"

 _A magnificent blue. Cool and hot at the same time, the blade radiating a deadly heat. It called to her. Sang to her. It knew about her. The truth about her._

 _Her hands on the hilt, surprised at the heft. At the sheer power of the weapon._

 _The sizzle as it cut across flesh. The charred stench that hung in the air._

"I did this, didn't I?"

He put his hand over hers. "We were enemies then. I hurt your friend. I went after you. You were only defending yourself. It was a long time ago. I forgive you, my Rey."

 _A red lightsaber. Blood. A scream._

Rey shut her eyes, her hands covering her stomach, covering Han.

"It won't happen. I could never hurt you."

"Not even to save our son?" she asked in a whisper.

"I will always choose you and Han, Rey. I won't let anything bad happen. Not to you. Not to our son."

" _It's okay. It's okay. I love you."_

 _His hand guiding hers, forcing her to make an impossible choice. His thumb over hers on the hilt as it flared to life—_

"No!" She pulled away from him on the bed. Han shifted uneasily and pain coursed through her abdomen.

"Rey, Snoke will never let us both live. He can't control all three of us. He only needs one of us. Probably neither of us… not if he takes Han."

She looked down at her rounding stomach, at the little miracle she carried. The life inside her. Han.

"No… he wouldn't…"

"He only needs you until Han is born, Rey. He needs us both to make sure Han lives to birth. That's what that show of power was earlier. It's why he kept us apart while you screamed. He was testing us, testing our son. He knows that without me, Han will be born early. He doesn't care that it would kill you. He only wants our boy. Our baby, Rey."

Rey looked back up at Ben, at the sadness in his eyes. She could feel the truth in his words, feel them wrap around her and Han. He wasn't lying. Not to her. He didn't lie to her. Her Ben didn't lie. Not about this. Not to protect Han. Their beautiful baby boy.

"What do we do?"

"If it's me or you, you kill me, Rey."

She could feel Han's response. It was agonizing. The pain from her unborn son at the thought—at the loss. She closed her eyes, trying to take a deep breath to cope with the pain. "No. I won't. We both live. Han needs both of us."

"Rey—"

"No! We're not talking about your death. Our son needs you. You're upsetting him and I… I barely even know you! We can't… I can't think about this right now. I need time. _We_ need time. If you can't just sit here with us, then I don't want you here."

His voice got soft, hurt. "Rey…"

"I want the Ben in my head. The one that sings us to sleep. Who comforts us. If you can't be him, I don't want you here."

"Oh, baby… I didn't… I didn't think…" He sat up on the bed, his bound wrists before him. He raised them in the air. "Baby, please, I'm sorry. Forgive me?"

She stared at him a long moment. He was vulnerable like this. Not because of the binders. Not because of the lack of weapons. It was the naked emotions on his face. In the air. In his voice. In the Force. The pain. The fear. The love.

Rey rubbed her stomach to soothe Han before stepping closer. She watched the hope flicker across his pale, freckled skin.

 _Hand in hand, his hand dwarfing hers. So safe._

She pulled his bound hands down over her head and neck, curling against his chest, her head pressed against his heart. She felt him sigh and tension flee his body.

She didn't know if she'd ever get used to how big he was. His tall body dwarfed hers, hanging precariously off the bed. But she felt loved in his arms. Protected. And Han, Han was wordlessly humming his joy through the Force.

This was her home. This was where she belonged.

* * *

 _Resistance Base – Corellia_

"He's gone."

Luke glanced from the datapad at his sister's voice. At the pain it carried.

"He went to her," he said softly. "To his child."

"I begged him to wait. We don't even know where he went!"

His twin looked older in that moment and more desperate than he'd ever seen her before. His strong sister, who weathered the loss of her planet and her husband, undone by the loss of her only child once again. Her Ben. She'd lost him again—and he knew she feared it was for good.

Ben's death would break her. It would break her heart. His sister, his only family, would never survive the death of her son. He knew it in his bones. Han's death had been the tipping point. Her heart could only take so much loss.

He wrapped his arms around her, crushing her to his chest. "Have faith in the Force. Ben is stronger than we know. So is Rey. Together, they are stronger. They're bound, Leia. Two halves of a whole. Light and dark. Together, they are balance. She's redeemed him. She's made him the son you loved—the one you lost. She gave him a second chance. He needs her. He needs to be with her right now."

She nodded her head against his robes and he felt the tears from her face soak into the homespun fabric. "I just want my son back."

"You will see him again. I know it. Ben will come home. They'll come home, Leia. Rey and Ben. They will come home. We will find them."

"How?"

"Find Snoke. Follow Ben's path. Find Snoke and we find them. Gather the pilots. We're going scouting."

* * *

 _Snoke's Chamber_

 _Two Weeks Later_

"The girl?" he demanded of the chrome-plated 'trooper kneeling at his feet.

"She is still easily upset. The baby is restless. If she goes more than a few feet from him, the baby causes her extreme pain. She's been bleeding off and on. I doubt she will survive the delivery."

"And what of Kylo Ren?"

"He is still in binders. The girl helps him. He's made no attempt to free himself or to escape. He's exceedingly protective of them. He won't run unless he can take them with him. He won't risk that child, Sir."

"Good, good. He is to remain in binders for the time being. I will reassess later. Report back to me in two days' time."

"Yes, Supreme Leader."

Snoke watched her leave, his fingernails clicking on the stone of his throne. Kylo Ren had become a disappointment. He had no place for a disloyal puppet. He'd seen what happened when they turned on their masters. He'd seen Vader turn on his Master because of his love for his son. He would not let Kylo Ren turn on him. He would kill the boy first.

He just had to get rid of the girl first. She would either push him back to the dark or return him to the light from whence he came. She was his weakness. Her and the baby she carried. The child who hummed with power already. A child that would be his. Who would bend to his will in a way the father never had.

That child belonged to him. The Skywalker blood flowed through his veins. He would control him. He would take the power. And he'd destroy the scattered remains of the Resistance.

* * *

He stroked her stomach with his good hand. His real hand.

Rey made a sound, part whimper and part pleasure. His son shifted happily and he could feel Han through the Bond reaching out and exclaiming his happiness. With each passing day, Rey's stomach rounded further and his son—their son—grew bigger and stronger. He liked to make his presence known.

She curled up closer, her head resting over his heart under his bound hands. He smiled down at her.

 _Kira, her fists clutching his tunic in her sleep, her head on his chest._

She still jumped around him, but it was clear she was warming up. Small touches, caresses. How she helped him. Her initial shyness had begun to wear off. Her memories were still slowly returning. She might never recover them fully. It was a known side effect of reconditioning.

"Ben?" her sleepy voice called.

"Yes?"

"Can you sing to me?"

"Sure."

He launched into their old song and felt her relax and drift off, Han subcoming to sleep as well, occasionally flailing in her womb, a small flutter in the Force. His unborn son.

He watched them. Ben would find a way to save them. To save his son.

" _Where's daddy?"_

 _Leia glanced down from the table piled high with papers. "Busy, Ben. Go play."_

" _But, mom—"_

" _Ben, go!"_

He stroked her stomach thoughtfully. A child needed both parents. He wanted his son to have both parents. He would settle for Han being far away from Snoke and his machinations.

Han Organa-Solo. Or Han Kenobi. It would be Rey's choice.

Rey would raise their son. He'd find a way to make that happen. Their little boy would grow up safe. Protected. Loved.

Her small hand covered his, protective of Han even in sleep. He listened to her steady breathing.

 _A dark-haired boy pulled at the hem of her tunic. "Mommy, please!"_

" _Just a minute, Han."_

" _Mommy, look!"_

 _An orange-and-white droid rolled across the lush greenery, beeping frantically, trailed by two men with smiles._

" _Oh, you're early!" She propped him on her hip so he could see them as the two men hugged her and Han._

" _Someone had to check on you," Poe said. "He looks more like his father every time I see him."_

 _Rey nodded sadly. "He does. He's so much like Ben."_

He pressed a kiss to the top of her head as she slept. Rey would protect Han. He knew it with every fiber of his being. She would protect Han with her dying breath. He just needed to get her away from Snoke. It would be suicidal, fighting his Master, but he wouldn't allow Snoke access to his son.

He just needed more time. Time for Han to grow. Time for Rey to regain her strength. Time to plan.

He would kill his Master. He just had to make sure his son and Rey survived.

 **Author's Notes:**

Yikes, I'm embarrassed at how long it's been since I updated. I'm still trying to figure out a few pesky details about the ending and how to get us there, plus lots of health and personal issues. It kinda killed my enthusiasm a bit—ended up in the hospital a few times, got super ill from a cold and upper respiratory infection so all I did was sleep for a week, and got my heart broken by a man who acted like a child. I am determined to finish this story up soon and begin sharing with you a Reylo AU I've been working on for several months. Thank you for continuing to follow R&R!


	58. Chapter Fifty-seven

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Fifty-seven**

 _A Few Weeks Later – Resistance Base_

Finn tore himself away from the console and ran toward the main strategy room, where the General and others usually congregated during the day. "General! General Leia!"

She turned, her hair pulled up into an elegant style that clashed with her military uniform, but only added to her regal bearing. "Yes, Finn?"

"I intercepted something… a transmission from the First Order."

"And?"

"They mention Ren… and a girl. It has to be them. It has to!"

"What about them? What did it say?"

"That the girl is carrying a child. She's almost lost it several times. That Snoke is preparing for the birth… but Rey, she… it's too early. It'd kill her!"

Leia nodded. "I know, I know. Trust in the Force. She's strong. Much stronger than we know. Don't give up hope yet. Never give up hope."

"But, General—"

"She's strong. And my son is with her. You said it mentioned Ren?"

"That he was captured. Tortured. But alive. With her."

"He will protect Rey and that child until the last breath leaves his body, Finn. You and I both know it. He won't allow Snoke or anyone else to harm her or his child. Trust in that. Now, where was that transmission coming from?"

* * *

 _Mustafar_

The binders had been removed from his wrists after they were relocated to their new home. It was very dangerous and hostile. Rey assumed that escape wouldn't be possible—either for her so close to term or for Ben to try—and that was why he'd been unlocked. Either way, she was grateful to finally have him unbound. To really feel his arms around her.

"How's our son?" he asked, his eyes warm and a hint of a smile on his lips as he knelt down to kiss and caress her stomach.

She felt Han stir in reply. "Happier now that you're here."

He pressed a kiss to her overlarge belly. "Daddy loves you, so much. Just as much as he loves Mommy."

She laughed a bit. "That tickles."

"You look beautiful."

"I feel like a Hutt."

Ben beamed at her. "No, you're beautiful, Rey. So incredibly beautiful. And our son… he's getting stronger every day. I can't wait to meet him."

"Well, at this rate, it'll be any day now." She rubbed her stomach.

"I hope not too soon. It's still so early."

She nodded, feeling Han move with delight. "So anxious. He must get that from you."

"From me?"

"Yes, you. You are so impatient."

He looked at her and smiled. "Either way, you need rest. Lots of rest. For you and Han."

"All we do is sleep."

"You need your strength. For you. For Han. This birth… it's going to be risky. I can't lose you, Rey. I can't."

Reluctantly, she let him guide her into the bed. It was nicer than the one in the cell had been, and large enough to accommodate Ben's tall frame without him curling into an odd ball. He tucked her in with the one warm blanket they had and stroked her cheek.

"Rest."

"Rest with me."

"Of course."

He climbed into bed with her and wrapped his arms around her. She felt Han settle down with her now that Ben was tucked around her. She felt her eyelids grow heavy.

"Ben?"

"Yes?"

"Will you talk to me? Help me sleep."

"Whatever you need, my love. I'll tell you about the _Falcon_. Yeah?"

She rubbed her head against his chest in agreement.

* * *

He loved these precious moments with his family. With Rey tucked close to him and Han shuffling around in her stomach. His growing son. The woman he loved. His family. All that mattered was Rey and Han. That's all that mattered to him.

Ben knew they were running out of time. He could sense that Han would be early. Their captivity was too stressful no matter how he tried to negate it. He could barely get Rey to rest now. Her food intake had decreased as well.

He could feel their distress. His child and his love. He knew. He knew it was only a matter of time. A matter of time before Han would be born and he'd lose Rey either in childbirth or shortly after. Snoke wouldn't allow them both to live.

He had to make a choice. His Rey or his son. He couldn't have them both. He couldn't. Unless he died.

But Rey wouldn't allow that. She would try to stop him. He had to find a way to get her and Han out of here. Off this hell hole. It was full of the Dark Side.

He didn't want his child exposed to it or to Snoke. Han deserved better. He deserved a life where he was loved, not one where he was a pawn to be used. Especially not by Snoke.

That bastard would never hurt his son. Never.

If he could get Rey to a ship, he could buy her time. Time for her to escape with Han. To live a full life somewhere safe. To raise their son. To keep him safe and loved. She could tell Han about him one day and about how his grandfather once stood on a bridge, offering to help his only son. How his grandfather gave his life to redeem Ben. And how Ben gave his own life to save his son and Rey.

Rey would hate him. He knew that. But he could see no other way. He had to buy her time to escape. If he didn't, Snoke would kill her once Han was born. She was disposable. A threat to Snoke's sinister plans for his son.

He kissed her neck, tucking her tighter against him, one hand resting on her stomach, where he could feel his son through the Force, safe and loved. Happy.

* * *

Phasma knelt down on the unforgiving floor on the throne room before the Supreme Leader. She stayed there until he said, "Rise."

She bowed her helmet-covered head as she drew to her full height. "Supreme Leader, the girl is due to deliver the child soon. She's begun to wither away."

"Hmm. And the child? Healthy?"

"The medics have said he's strong enough to survive birth anytime. The girl will continue to decline. Her body is giving up. I think the light is finally leaving her."

Snoke smiled, his lips curled up cruelly. "And with her, the last of the Jedi will fall. Kylo Ren will accept his destiny at my side or he will join her. The child is mine."

"Yes, Supreme Leader."

"Keep me informed, General."

"Yes, Sir." She bowed again, low to the floor, as she left the chamber.

 **Author's Notes:**

Boy has it been difficult wrapping up this story! It's been one thing after another with my health and work lately (good news: diagnosed with fibromyalgia and Ehlers Danlos Syndrome; bad news: both suck and I hurt a lot and also sprained my ankle stepping off a ladder a few weeks back...) but I think stuff is beginning to level out.

Unfortunately, my beloved dog passed away from cancer about two weeks ago, which killed my motivation. Right now, I think I'm writing to cope more than anything.

Thank you for hanging in there. I think I have another chapter mostly ready so I may even get that up tomorrow!

I think… about three, maybe four, chapters are left. I do hope to wrap up before the end of summer.


	59. Chapter Fifty-eight

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Fifty-eight**

 _Come to me, Kylo Ren…_

Head throbbing, Ben sat up in bed. Beside him, Rey twitched, one hand slung around the curve of her stomach. Protecting their son, even in her sleep. He smiled through the pain at his family.

She looked gaunt despite her swollen stomach. Pale and almost lifeless. Being trapped here was slowly killing her. Slowly killing his son. Han seemed to suck all the nourishment straight from her. He couldn't do much except watch her waste away.

She stirred, those thoughtful brown eyes of her hers piercing his. "Ben?"

"I'm okay, just… a nightmare."

The voice in his head. The voice that wanted his son. Wanted Han to suffer as he had.

"Snoke?" she guessed, her voice filled with sleep.

"It's okay, baby. I won't let him take you away from me."

He wrapped his arms around her stomach, one hand resting over hers, over their son, and kissed her cheek, her back to his chest.

"Han could be born any time now. It's still early—"

"Don't think like that. I won't let him hurt you. I won't let him touch our son. I swear. I'll die first."

"Ben—"

"I'm going to find a way to get you out of here. I promise."

 _Come to me, Kylo Ren, or suffer the consequences…_

He winced at the biting voice in his head. Rey tensed in his arms. "Ben? Is he…? He's hurting you, isn't he?"

"I'm fine," he choked.

 _You always could withstand pain. But can she?_

Rey cried out, holding her stomach. Immediately, Ben felt her panic through the bond and the sudden realization from Han that Rey was upset. That they were both upset.

"Stop hurting her, you bastard!"

 _Come to me. Now._

"Rey? Baby…"

She clutched his hand, screaming into his arm, curling toward him as best she could manage in her state. He felt it all. The pain. The anguish. The fear.

There was no fear for herself—for her life. It was only for him and Han.

"Rey, he's going to keep hurting you. I have to… I have to listen to him. Baby, please… fight. Be strong. You're so strong, my Rey. I love you. I love our son. Fight for me. For him."

He pulled her close in his arms, embracing her and kissing her as she screamed again. As Han writhed inside her.

"I love you. I'm sorry."

* * *

Pain. It seized her like a vise, wrapping around her midsection and around the frightened child inside her womb. She felt like she was being torn apart—from Ben leaving to Han's panic—all at once. Every fiber of Han screamed for Ben to stay. He wanted his father. He wanted Ben.

Rey fell to her knees on the floor as the door slid shut behind him, screaming in pain, as she clutched her stomach. Her son. Her beautiful son. He was in danger. He was early—too early. And she… she was too weak.

"Han, no… not now… sweetie, no…"

She cried out again in pain as another contraction slammed into her and stole her breath.

 _BEN! PLEASE!_

All she heard was silence. No sound. No response. She was alone in her head with only Han's panic to match her own. His cries for Ben. His longing. His fear. Fear of being abandoned.

Rey screamed again before the pain dragged her under.

* * *

He couldn't feel her. Or their son. He was alone in his thoughts, in his fears, in his darkest nightmare. He stood before his master, enthralled and utterly helpless. Helpless to save himself and his family. The two people he loved the most: Rey and their unborn son.

Ben saw the glee written on Snoke's scarred and marred face. He could almost feel it rolling off his master. The sheer joy in his suffering and in Rey's.

He'd been caught. Trapped. Helpless.

"The girl is dying, Kylo Ren. You have a choice before you… swear your loyalty to me and I will let you see your son. Refuse, and you will die."

Between himself and his master lay a saber. His saber. He knew that hilt better than his own body. He'd created it, molded it with his mind and his powers, and bonded with the blade. For nearly a decade, he had carried that lightsaber. For nearly a decade, he'd been a puppet for this monster.

And soon, too soon, Snoke would have his son. Their son. Rey's child.

Rey was in labor. Whatever Snoke had done to her had triggered labor. His absence would only increase the panic he'd felt from both mother and child. Rey would die giving birth. Her body was too weak.

"It is time for the Jedi to die, Kylo Ren. Stand with me, boy, and I will give you what you crave most. Power. Acceptance. Your child. A son to mold in your likeness. A son without the weakness of the light. An heir. Choose now, Kylo Ren."

He stared at the saber. At his salvation. Or his destruction.

He thought of her, his Rey. Of her strength. Of her love. Her sacrifice. He couldn't let her die for nothing. Not like this. Not without a fight.

 _BEN!_

Her voice, filled with pain, echoed in his head. Her voice, full of light and love and strength and fear and hope.

Ben stood up, his black robes moving with every step, the heavy fabric pulling at him. Weighing him down. Each step seemed an eternity.

He reached with a hand for the blade. Almost eagerly, the hilt flew into his right hand. He nearly caressed the cool metal. It had been weeks since he'd held his saber. It was still a part of him; a phantom limb, like the hand he'd lost in battle.

Power. He had some power. He could feel his master's excitement. He was expecting his apprentice to kneel. To bend to his will.

But Ben Solo would bow and scrape no longer. Not to the monster who threatened his son. Threatened his Rey. No more.

He thumbed on the blade and lashed out at Snoke.

 **Author's Notes:**

I'm gearing up for SDCC in a few days – I doubt I will get another chapter posted before then, but I'll try to do some writing while I'm gone.

Thanks for hanging in there!


	60. Chapter Fifty-nine

**Redemption & Ruin**

 **Chapter Fifty-nine**

His master seemed only half-surprised at his turn. It was almost lazy the way Snoke flicked the saber away from him. He could hear the heavy boots of his personal guard closing in. They were waiting on an order to slaughter Ben.

He knew it. He knew they would kill him on Snoke's order.

But Ben Solo had power in him. Power and fury and rage and a reason to fight. A reason to live. His son. His love. His family.

So he fought.

* * *

Panting, Rey held her stomach.

"Please, Han, please… I know—"

A scream tore from her lips as another contraction hit. Another desperate attempt by her son to escape. To find Ben.

"Baby, please… please, I'm scared too. I'm scared for him. But please, sweetheart, please… you have to help me. Help me, baby."

The pain died down a hair, as if her son were listening. Or at least curious, despite the panic and fear flooding her, the internal screams of a Force sensitive in pain. She stroked her overlarge stomach. It was still too soon for her son to be born. To live.

But Ben, their Ben, needed them.

"I know, I know. We need to help him. Can you be strong for me, baby? For daddy? Help me."

A twinge. A flutter. A little sense of calm.

She sighed, rubbing her stomach again as the overwhelming urgency faded. The struggle from her son to reach his father. To reach Ben.

"Okay, okay… let's go find him."

Hunched over and breathing heavily, Rey felt for the thread between them. The light that called to her. The part of her that was him. Her other half. Her Ben.

Inside, Han still twisted, trying to be helpful and urgent in his own way. But her son, this little miracle inside her, lent her strength. He gave her power. He helped her focus on finding Ben. On saving him. Saving them all.

The darkened chamber housed two figures surrounded by a sea of red-clad guards.

She knew the man in all-black well. Her Ben. Her heart sang and Han kicked in relief at seeing his father. Rey could feel the room humming with power. The Force. It flowed freely from him, bending to his will. Protecting him from the rage of his master.

But the twisted figure opposite him also oozed power. And darkness. Hatred.

A red saber cut through the air, narrowly missing her. Rey took a step back, wavering on her feet.

"Ben."

He turned and his eyes, his dark eyes that always betrayed him, looked right through her.

And he lunged toward her, blade extended.

* * *

"Ben!"

The name rang in his head. _Who is Ben? Who is she calling for?_

" _Kill her. Destroy her. Do it. Do it now! It is your destiny!" shouted a voice in his head, a voice filled with power._

He didn't seem to have control over his body as he moved toward her, lightsaber in hand. The red blade crackled and hummed. An extension of himself. And he was an extension of his master's will.

"Ben! No! No!" The woman screamed, a hand raised. Another hand curled around her stomach. A round, protruding stomach. Pregnant. He could sense the life force. The child.

Two more voices screaming in his head. It hurt; the intrusion. A woman; begging. A child; upset and anguished.

His blade cut toward them again and her hand stopped him, a force of power blocking him. Not just a force, but the Force. She was like him. Like his master.

" _Kill her!"_

He wasn't one to kill women and children. Especially defenseless ones.

But his master demanded it. And it hurt. His head throbbed.

* * *

Her heart hurt as the saber flashed at her. Blood red and in Ben's hand. Aimed at her.

"Ben, it's me. Rey. Ben…"

Another slash of the blade nearly caught her as she used the Force to bat it away. She could see the shriveled, disgusting humanoid behind him approximating a smile. He was in Ben's head. That's why she couldn't feel him. That's why she kept losing the thread.

A flash of pain as Han screamed in frustration and fear. She bent down a bit more, holding her stomach. _"Not now, baby, please. Please, Han…"_

She felt the saber coming for her and dodged it in a fluid motion despite her size. Han settled, still letting her know how scared he was. Scared for his father.

"Ben, look at me. It's me. It's Rey. And Han. We need you. Ben, please. This isn't you. He's controlling you. Fight it, Ben. Fight for us."

"Finish her! She lies!" Snoke cried from across the room.

Rey felt the rage fill her blood. She let it in. Let if fuel her. To protect herself and her son. To save them.

 _A red blade. Blood on his hand. Hers. Dead._

She focused on the hilt in his hand. A controlled blast of the Force sent it flying from his grip, but not before singeing his flesh. She felt a flash across the bond.

* * *

"Ben! Please! Listen to me!"

He glanced at his gloved hand. At the blood trickling from the burn. Fat drops of red blood hit the dark floor. His blood.

It burned through his blood. The pain of a saber burn. His saber.

He could see the hilt lying on the floor, the blade extinguished.

A shaky breath then, "Ben."

He turned, his hand falling to the side, his blood mixing into the black of his robes. His head throbbed still. "Rey?"

She moved closer, her hand on her stomach, covering their son. Han. Han was upset. Scared. Wanting him. Hurting his mother to get to him. He could see a burn on her cheek. A saber burn.

"Ben?"

"I'm here, Rey. It's me."

He felt his son's delight as she embraced him and also the pain coursing through her. Contractions. Labor. Rey needed medical attention and fast. He pulled her closer.

"Ben…" Wetness leaked through his surcoat. Rey's tears, he assumed.

"I'm here. Did I hurt you? Are you okay?"

"We're safe. We're safe," she murmured, her head pressed against his chest, her hands gripping the thick fabric. Clinging to him.

He closed his eyes a moment, holding her tight, feeling the lightness from her and their son. The relief. The acceptance.

Then sudden, horrible, blinding pain through his chest and a piercing scream from Rey.

* * *

The saber plunged through his back and chest, slashing a hole through the surcoat just beside her ear, melting a lock of hair. It thrummed and hummed at her.

Those eyes she knew so well, filled with pain, fear, and… relief? His gripping loosening as gravity tugged his body toward the floor.

Rey screamed in anguish and pain and heartache, echoing the sentiment of the anxious child in her womb. At the loss filling the bond. A void where Ben used to be.

Around her, stone cracked and crumbled. Before her, a red saber in hand, stood the creature responsible for all her pain and misery. For what happened to Ben. To Han Solo. To countless others over the years thanks to the machinations of the twisted shape before her. She refused to think of him as a man.

Han wailed inside her, kicking at her, wanting out. Wanting to release the pain. The fear. The hurt.

She heard the crackling before she saw it. Felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand at attention. The electricity in the room.

Snoke moved closer, the saber that belonged to Ben in his hand. It looked wrong there. So wrong. The blood red blade shone, humming with power.

"You are stronger than he was. But without him, you will belong to me, or you will die, Rey…" he swore, that odd smirk on his face. He reached a hand out and she felt the Force surge toward her. To hold her. Grip her. To steal her son away from her.

She thought of Ben, of his broken body lying feet away.

And that's when she felt the lightening arch from her fingers. The sizzle and crackle. The power. It filled her.

"You will not take my son!"

Han twisted in her belly, afraid. For her. For himself. Sad because of his father. But he wanted to help her. Protect her. Because it's what Ben would want.

She felt a sense of pride in her unborn son.

"I have no use for you. Your light is weakness. Your abilities are uncontrolled. It is why Luke Skywalker rejected you. Why your family abandoned you."

His words were poison, but she didn't hear them. All she cared about was her son's life. Ben was dead. Murdered. And she would avenge him. She would save their son. She would protect him from the monster that killed Ben.

"You won't take him!"

Snoke edged toward her, Ben's lightsaber in his hand, mocking her. Taunting her with his inability to save them. To save himself. To save them.

Force lightening sprang from her hands. "You won't hurt him! You won't touch him! I won't let you destroy him!"

It moved across the room, striking the guards first. Their weapons clattered uselessly against the throne room floor. Sparks surrounded them, lighting the room in hues of blue to clash with the red from the lightsaber.

Surrounded them with the dead and dying.

Han kicked in her stomach, urging her. Bolstering her power. Her fear. Her rage.

Snoke advanced. "You are weak, Rey. Too weak to protect yourself. Too weak to protect that child. He is mine, the same as his father."

"NO!"

Lightning struck him in the chest. That twisted smirk. It stared at her. At Han.

"This is for Han!" Another bolt. "For my friends!" A third blast at the crippled figure.

He faltered a bit, but still held the saber.

She looked at the body dressed in black on the floor. At Ben. Her love. Her son's father. A man she shared a bond with. A man who's loss pained her body and soul.

"And for Ben… for everything you did to him and planned to do to our son!"

Bolt after bolt hit the creature until he lay writhing and convulsing on the ground, his robes and flesh smoking. She didn't hear his screams. All she could see was Ben. Ben. Dead. Her Ben. Dead at his hands. Gone, before he could meet his son. Their son.

The emptiness and loneliness. She was more alone than before. Cut off from the bond they shared; cut off from him. Forever. Lost.

Pain. Anger. Fear. Hatred.

Every ounce of it fed her power, fed the Force, until she fell to her knees beside Ben's still body.

With the last of her strength, Rey pulled his head into her lap, breathing heavily. Her hand stroked his dark locks, his eyes closed forever.

"Ben… oh, Ben…"

Her heart hurt. It hurt. And her body. Her son. Han.

Still holding Ben's body, she collapsed, blood trickling down her legs.

 **Author's Notes:**

Sorry for the long wait. Lots of new medical issues popped up. I now have a wheelchair. So stylish. Anyways, since this has such a major cliffhanger, I wanted to wait and post until I had the rest of the story ready to go so I can post just a few days apart. Thanks for hanging in there!


	61. Chapter Sixty

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Chapter Sixty**

Even before he walked into the room, he could feel the voids. The countless deaths. The flood of the Dark Side. The hatred and fear. Through the haze, Luke Skywalker recognized a signature. His one-time padawan — Kira Kenobi.

The dark energy surrounding the room, the one responsible for the death and carnage, was her. Rey. She'd killed the guards and Snoke. But at a great personal cost.

He felt them entwined, Dark and Light, on the floor. His nephew, dead and still, and the woman he loved, bleeding and barely breathing. Between them was her stomach and the powerful Force signature of their son.

Luke felt the pain and the anguish from Rey. The tear in the Force. The loss of Ben and how it affected her and her unborn child.

He knelt down beside his nephew. He knew his sister could feel it — she could feel the death of her only child the same as she'd felt the death of her husband. The same as his mentor once felt the end of Alderaan.

As he'd seen, Rey brought Ben to his death. His love for the girl killed him. He redeemed himself by loving her, but it only served to ruin them both. Ben, dead, and Rey, dying. If the Force was with him, he might be able to save their son.

The only mercy in Ben's death was it was quick and relatively painless for the young man. He reached up to close the blank dark eyes when he felt a flutter of movement.

 _No, it cannot be_ _…_

A sudden breath. A heartbeat, hesitant and then stronger with each moment. Ben's heart.

And at the same time, he felt the Light leave Rey. Felt the Force abandon the girl and her child.

* * *

 _Unknown Transport - Med Bay_

His bare hand touched his chest, feeling the bacta patch covering it. Another scar to add to his collection.

Ben Solo sat up. "Rey?"

The room looked unfamiliar and sterile. But the bond... It was quiet. The last time he remembered the quiet, Rey had been reconditioned.

"Rey?!" Panic edged into his voice against his will.

He swung his legs over the edge of cot he lay on. Heart racing, he swayed a bit on his feet, his tunic and surcoat both missing. Not that he cared. Not when he needed Rey.

And their son.

"Son."

A door was open behind him and in the opening stood his mother, dressed in a uniform. Tired and regal all at once, her brown hair peppered with gray, coiled in a braid.

"Rey?" he repeated.

"My boy…"

Her arms enveloped him in a hug. It was meant to be comforting, he knew, but he couldn't focus. Not without Rey. Without Han. He couldn't lose them now.

"Rey? Where's Rey? My son?"

"Sweetie, there's been complications…"

"Rey? Where's Rey?"

"Ben," his mother said softly, touching his cheek, near the scar Rey gave them not long after they met. "She's unconscious. It's bad. The baby… She lost a lot of blood."

"I need to see her."

"I know. I know. There's something you should know. Ben, baby, Rey might not make it."

"The baby?"

"Sweetie, the saber pierced your heart. Rey brought you back somehow. But she… she's lost a lot of blood. And her will to fight. To live. I don't know if it's possible to save her. They're doing their best, but she might not want to live, Ben."

He shook his head. "No… not Rey… she'd never. Han needs her. _I_ need her."

"I know. Go to her. But, Ben, my son… just know you've both done your best. In case…"

"I won't lose her, mom. I won't."

Leia shot him a sad smile. His mother knew more than she said. He knew it. He knew Leia Organa better than most. He always had.

He ran down the hall for the main medical bay. For where he could feel the Force; feel the pain and anguish of mother and son. His son. His Rey. His life. His love.

She lay on a cold table, those hazel eyes he knew so well closed. Her hair hung damp with sweat around her face, the burn on her face scabbing over already. He could see the blood on her thighs. Monitors showed her weak heart rate.

"Rey… I'm here…"

He took her hand, standing beside the table as a doctor worked between Rey's legs, trying to stop the bleeding. Trying to save his son. He could feel the flutter from Han, almost a sleepy, drugged recognition of his voice. He smiled lightly.

"Baby, I'm here. Fight. Fight for me. For Han. We need you. Fight. Don't leave me, Rey. Please… I need you…"

He stroked her cheek, her hair, her hand. Kissed her cheek, her cold lips.

"Please don't leave me."

A loud scream stole his attention for a moment. "Would you like to meet your son?"

Torn, he nodded, letting go of her hand to take their wailing son. Small, angry, and red-faced. His eyes filled with the same intelligence as his mother. Those eyes found him and the cries quieted. He took his son in his arm, holding the small bundle close to his bandaged chest.

"Hi… it's me. Your daddy."

A gurgle.

"You're so beautiful. So small," Ben laughed, holding him closer. "Such a smart boy already, aren't you?"

Another little sound as his son wiggled in his arms, trying to find a warm spot. A safe spot.

"I know. I know."

Then, no sound. A flatline.

"Rey!" he screamed as his son shrieked in his arms.

* * *

 _Crait – Resistance Base_

 _Two Days Later_

His hand absently stroked his son's back as Han slept in his arms, his head tucked against Ben's beating heart. Just like his mother liked to sleep. Leia had tried to have a nurse take Han, even for a few minutes, but his son refused to be parted from him. He'd scream at the top of his little lungs and Ben would feel the panic and fear through the Force.

It was just easier to keep Han with him. Better for them both.

Everyone, except his mother of course, kept their distance. Even though he was no longer Kylo Ren and Snoke was gone—killed by Rey, he'd been told—people still preferred to give him a wide berth. Especially after what happened.

He groaned, stretching his legs one at a time before standing up. Han snuffled in his sleep, still burrowed close. Ben adjusted the blanket around him, to keep out the chill of the base. The chill of space. He seemed too small; too frail in his arms.

His son. Rey's son. A miracle.

He crossed to the viewscreen, taking a glance at the salt-covered landscape. Crait was a temporary stop. A safe place while they regrouped. While they finished off the remains of the First Order. Not that he even cared anymore.

The person he cared most about was lost to him.

* * *

 _A Week Later_

Her eyes opened first.

She could feel oxygen being pumped in; lines filled with liquids piercing her arms. A medical pod. Not just bacta. More extensive.

But she knew how to get herself out. The lid swung open on oiled hinges and she slowly sat up. A plain white tunic covered her. Her hands went to her stomach and her face fell when she felt it reduced to a barely rounded bump.

Tears pricked her eyes.

They were both gone. Her Ben and her son. She'd lost them both. Killing Snoke had cost her everything.

A heavy sigh rang in her ears.

Rey stood up, gripping the pod's frame, as she turned to face the source of the breath. There was a figure in dark fabric hunched in a chair, a bundle of blankets pressed close to his chest. Wobbling on unsteady legs, she moved closer.

 _No, it can_ _'t be…_

Dark, messy hair. Pale skin. A scar slashed across the cheek. A scar she knew well.

A snuffling sound from the bundle in his arms. An infant.

"Ben?"

A pair of eyes blinked open slowly. "Rey?"

"Ben?" she repeated, her voice rough.

He sat up straighter, holding the bundle tight. "Rey? Baby?"

"Are you real?"

"Of course. Of course, I'm real. I'm here. I'm here."

He put a warm arm around her and she leaned against his chest. She could feel his heart beating. Strong and steady. The way it should be.

"We're both here, baby."

She peered at the bundle in his arms. "Han?"

"Yeah. Our son. Do you want to hold him?"

She nodded against his chest. As soon as she sat down in his vacant chair, Ben transferred the blankets into her arms. He helped her prop up their son's head. A little nose twitched during the transition and as she pressed him close to her chest, those little eyes opened.

"Oh, hello there… hi."

And Rey could swear there was a smile on her son's face as she looked into his eyes for the first time.

* * *

 _A Month Later_

 _Naboo_

Rey held her son close to her chest as she stepped off the ship at the landing pad. Beside her, an arm around her waist, was Ben. Her Ben. Her family. Her love.

He guided her with those strong hands of his. He was quiet, as was their son, as she finally got her first real look at his grandmother's home planet.

"It's beautiful, Ben."

He looked at her. "Not nearly as beautiful as you."

She touched his cheek, her fingers tracing his scar. The sunlight caught the small band on her ring finger. He didn't seem to notice as he craned his head to kiss her hand.

"Ben…"

"I know."

She leaned her head against his shoulder as she stared off into the distance, wondering what the future would bring for them. A future free of Snoke. A future without the First Order. A future with them both. A future as a family.

 **Author** **'s Notes:**

All that's left is the epilogue. Even though I just experienced another loss in my life, I couldn't bring myself to have Ben or Rey live without each other.


	62. Epilogue

**Redemption and Ruin**

 **Epilogue**

 _Yavin IV_

 _Two Years Later_

From the doorway, Rey watched her two men sleep. No matter what rules she suggested, all Han had to do was look sad and they both caved. He had them wrapped around his chubby little fingers.

Her son slept in the middle of the large bed, his dark hair tangled and very much like his father's. In fact, father and son looked almost identical in sleep despite the size difference. She smiled at them again before padding to the kitchen area.

Their house was small, but it was home. Cozy.

She heated up some blue milk for Han before starting up caf for Ben. She knew the smell would wake him. It always did.

Rey reached for a mug, the Force gladly filling her wish.

When she first woke up after Han's birth, her connection to the Force was deadened. Severed almost by the amount of power she used to kill Snoke and save Ben.

It took weeks and then months to fully regain her control over the Force. It came back slowly. She still wasn't as powerful as she'd been before, but it was more than enough. She lived a quiet life now, a life she used to dream about back on Jakku. A family.

They'd wandered planet-to-planet in the beginning before finally settling down a few months ago. Ben, of course, wasn't used to being in one place, but she was.

Poe had told her stories of his childhood on Yavin. To her, it seemed like the perfect place to put down roots among the Resistance and Rebellion survivors. She felt safe here. She felt at home.

Footsteps, soft but heavy, grabbed her attention.

Hair tousled and his feet bare, Ben bent down to kiss her cheek before pouring himself caf into the waiting mug. "Morning, babe."

"Morning, Ben."

"Han's still sleeping. For the moment."

She smiled up at him warmly. "That reminds me, Poe should be coming by in a bit to pick him up for that playdate with Temmin."

"I forgot. Promised mom she'd—"

"I already told her. Don't worry." She pecked him on the cheek, having to rise onto her tip-toes to reach him. "She'll take him this weekend. Uncle Chewie will be for maintenance checks on the _Falcon._ I think Han will enjoy seeing him."

"If we're not careful, Uncle Chewie will have a little stowaway."

Rey laughed. "He'd make it one system before he'd miss us and you know it."

"At least I'll get to have you to myself for a few hours," he groaned, bending down to lean his head against hers, his breath tickling the hairs on her neck.

Her fingers stroked her husband's long hair. "Mhm, that sounds wonderful."

* * *

"Be nice for Uncle Poe and Uncle Finn, okay, kid?"

Han nodded enthusiastically as he hugged his father's leg. Ben ruffled his dark hair and their son let go. Despite having been undersized at birth, he was quickly catching up, and would likely be as tall as his father one day, if not taller.

"Mommy!"

Rey bent down and kissed each of his cheeks. "Have fun, sweetie."

He rushed off to Poe, who was just a few feet away with Temmin in his arms. The young boy had been a orphan from the war and they'd adopted him not long after she woke in the Medical Bay. BB-8 whistled and beeped in greeting before running a circle around Han as if he were herding the boy. Han squealed in delight and pulled on his antenna, eliciting a startled squeal from the droid.

Poe waved as they headed off, just a few houses over, where Finn waited, most likely baking a special treat for the boys.

As soon as Han was out of sight, Rey felt Ben seize her, an arm under her knees and one behind her back as he scooped her up. She squeaked in surprise, not unlike the startled droid had moments before.

Ben laughed as he carried her inside, using a hefty dose of the Force to close and lock the door.

"Ben Bail Organa-Solo, I swear to—"

He muffled her protests with his lips. Pressed against hers, she swallowed her argument in favor of his attention. She'd get him back later. She always did.

Ben carried her into their bedroom and set her down gently in the middle of the bed. Her hands curled into his tunic, tugging him down with her as her legs parted instinctively to make way for his larger body. He used his hands to slow the press of his weight against her and she moaned.

"You were saying, Mrs. Solo?"

She rolled her eyes up at him and his little smirk. He reminded her of his father in small ways. There was a hint of smuggler in him that grew every day. "You are terrible, I hope you know that."

"Our son is off playing with his friend. Do you know how rare it is for me to have you all to myself these days?"

Her husband, who she loved and hated in equal measure depending on the day, nibbled at her neck and pulled another moan from her lips.

"I take that as a yes?"

Rey threw a leg over him and twisted them so that he was on his back now. Ben huffed, his arms on either side of his head as she straddled his waist. "I don't know if my intentions are clear yet, Mr. Solo."

"Scavenger."

"Asshole."

Husband and wife stared at each other for a moment, their attempts at glares failing as she leaned down to kiss him.

"Next time," he breathed into her neck, "I'm on top, baby."

"In your dreams, Ben."

 **Author** **'s Notes:**

Thank you all so very much for hanging around for the end! I'm almost embarrassed at how long it took to write this story. You guys rock and I'd give you all hugs if I could. Special thanks to Megan for putting up with me and my crazy moments and freakouts about plotting and so on.

I've been kicking around ideas for an eventual sequel focusing on the Solo kids as young adults, but I should finish up some other projects first, like SCANDALOUS BEHAVIORS, a Reylo AU, and THE LOST PRINCESS, a Reylo-fied Anastasia.

If you haven't already, follow me here or on Tumblr ( tmcarper) to keep track of my writing and upcoming works. Much love!


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